How to help teen victims of sexual abuse (serious thread)

Timahani

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Sometimes God places people in your life for a reason. Sometimes, I am not sure what the reason is or how to effectively deal with it.:(:(:(:(

Good Afternoon :),

I am writing because I have some things to share that are on my heart. From the age of 15 years old I begin ministering in worship in the prisons, in drug rehabs etc. Now I am much older. I have noticed that the anointing on my life is to really help those who are brokenhearted. Currently, I am surrounded by young people and just recently, I have dealt with 5 young lady who have disclosed some serious stories of abuse. ( Don’t worry, these girls are getting help and the issues have been reported) For instance, One day, the young teenagers were given a slip to write about what they are thankful for. One of the girls, said that she was thankful for me because I was always nice to her and supported her. At the end of the note, she stated that she needed to talk to me. I thought it was about school or homework, and boom! Tears flooded down her face quickly and she disclosed some pretty disturbing information. With Teenage girls, they are very vocal and able to verbalize their actions.

The problem is with the Teenage boys. I normally become aware of their abusive history due to their inappropriate behaviors that come out of the “blue”. They usually do something stupid out of nowhere that sends me red flags ( I wrote about this a while back). For instance, I had a teenage kid who would always hang out and play video games with my teenage brother. I never interacted with him much. I was elated because finally my brother had someone to talk to his own age. I would just order pizza for the boys or cook for them. I never interacted with his friends. Our laundry mat was outside of our apartment. One day my brother left really quick to go check on the laundry leaving his friend in the house playing the video game. I was unaware because I was about to get in the shower and go out with my girls. To make short, the kid broke open the locked door . I was horrified ! Thank God I had a towel on. He then began to ask me for things that I have never heard a teenager ask an adult for. Later on, I sat him down and he got a very strong talking to. I wanted to know immediately, what he was thinking and why he thought that that was appropriate? I was beyond furious. Then he revealed to me where he had learned that from and what had happened to him, which was very sad and disturbing story. A matter of fact, the person who hurt him is now locked up in prison for life for the crime he committed against this now teenage child. I had no clues at all; however, now he has major issues with boundaries. We moved and I feel really bad because we had to cut off contact due to his behaviors. I mean we were cordial, but he could no longer be trusted in our home. Now some years have passed and I wonder: Did I make the right decision for my brother and I? Or was I wrong, and maybe we should have continued to support him?

I have had a very hard life and I am a survivor of abuse myself. I feel that the Lord has used my situation in childhood to help others. My spiritual questions are:

Based on the fact that many people feel comfortable with me and that they open up their hearts about some of their darkest moments….

Is this a gift, since it happens so often ( this last couple of months I have had 5 teenagers reveal their stories to me)?

Why would the Lord keep sending these young people across my path?

In terms of the male victims:
I understand referring them to counseling, and maybe a male christian role model; however, since I used to work in counseling many of the young males are afraid of the stigma of being labled as having “ displayed disturbing behaviors”. Many of the ones that I talk to refuse help because they are afraid of their loved ones finding out, getting reported to the authorities etc. Some teenagers become angry and feel abandoned because I have had to remain cordial, but somewhat distance as in the case with my brother's friend.

To make short, I understand “reporting duties” and so forth, but I don’t know how to deal with this from an emotional and social standpoint? I don’t understand how to behave after such an event? If you know someone you don’t want to run out on them because they disclosed in confidence something traumatic. :stress: I don’t know, I am just confused. I want to please the Lord, by being used to help, but I also want to be safe.

Do you have any advice?
 

LoricaLady

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I think it is great that you no longer have contact with that boy. I'm sorry for what he suffered but that doesn't make him a bit less dangerous and out of control. I would say to forget trying to help males who are victims of sexual abuse, or really any kind of abuse. If you have to do so because of you job, be courteous, maybe give them a book. They can soooo easily misinterpret your concern as being more than maternal and platonic. Their own barriers have been broken, so they may not even understand that others have them.

You can be frank with them and tell them that many don't think it is wise for males to get such counsel from females and that, you, yourself, have found that to be true.

I have noticed that in some Churches males counsel males and females counsel females. You can't help, or save the world, but you could get hurt and that wouldn't do you, or the perpetrator, any good whatsoever.
 
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Timahani

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Thank You Lorica Lady!!! I was so stressed out trying to do the RIGHT thing. You are so correct my concern is getting hurt. They have no boundaries and I am sure that above all God would want me to be safe. You offered some sound advice. I will heed to it! :wave:
 
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