How to handle a rude brother in law?

[Rescued One]

 

[brinny]

View attachment 214546

PREACH it sister!!!! Yer on a roll here!!!

Speak the truth!!!

Amen!!

 

[Rescued One]

Have you ever gotten into an argument in which your accuser decided to list every mistake you ever made even if it happened seven years ago?

 

[brinny]

Have you ever gotten into an argument in which your accuser decided to list every mistake you ever made even if it happened seven years ago? View attachment 214548

God help us!!

That is sooooooooo true!!!

 

[anna ~ grace]

So, to be blunt.... If he's an ill-tempered man from India, it's likely that when truly angry, and in private, that he either threatens to hurt her, or does, occasionally, hurt her. This is a cultural thing. It's culturally acceptable in many circles to berate, yell at, mock, threaten, curse, hit, or beat your wife, depending on how angry you tend to get.

Wives of difficult, angry, ill-tempered men can often get very defensive about their husbands and marriages. How into this do you really want to get? If you push this man, he might just push back, and depending on his temperament, it could possibly get unpleasant, or even physical.

I'm not saying that his behavior is ok. It's unkind, and your sister doesn't deserve to be spoken to like that. But if you approach this the wrong way, the guy could get angrier, your sister might just get defensive, and no one will appreciate your well-meaning attempts to help.

Respectfully, I would try to be pleasant with this man, and avoid confrontation. If you annoy him too much, he might just take it out on her later. That might sound kind of wimpy, but that's my advice.

 

[Rescued One]

God help us!!

That is sooooooooo true!!!

It actually happened to me, but definitely not with my husband. When I saw what was happening I decided to not argue, and that made my accuser angry (it wasn't my intention). The argument ended.

 

[Rescued One]

So, to be blunt.... If he's an ill-tempered man from India, it's likely that when truly angry, and in private, that he either threatens to hurt her, or does, occasionally, hurt her. This is a cultural thing. It's culturally acceptable in many circles to berate, yell at, mock, threaten, curse, hit, or beat your wife, depending on how angry you tend to get.

Wives of difficult, angry, ill-tempered men can often get very defensive about their husbands and marriages. How into this do you really want to get? If you push this man, he might just push back, and depending on his temperament, it could possibly get unpleasant, or even physical.

I'm not saying that his behavior is ok. It's unkind, and your sister doesn't deserve to be spoken to like that. But if you approach this the wrong way, the guy could get angrier, your sister might just get defensive, and no one will appreciate your well-meaning attempts to help.

Respectfully, I would try to be pleasant with this man, and avoid confrontation. If you annoy him too much, he might just take it out on her later. That might sound kind of wimpy, but that's my advice.

I believe you.

 

[brinny]

It actually happened to me, but definitely not with my husband. When I saw what was happening I decided to not argue, and that made my accuser angry (it wasn't my intention). The argument ended.

Stellar and wise survival-ism, sister.

 

[brinny]

ImAllLikeOkWaitWat, this came to mind. The title is "Rise Up". The lyrics are phenomenal, and i'm praying that the spirit of what the lyrics and song means inspires and encourages you (and your sister -at least for her unborn child's sake).

Praying

Lyrics:

Rise Up

You're broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can't find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I'll rise up
I'll rise like the day
I'll rise up
I'll rise unafraid
I'll rise up
And I'll do it a thousand times again
And I'll rise up
High like the waves
I'll rise up
In spite of the ache
I'll rise up
And I'll do it a thousands times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn't quiet
And it feels like it's getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we'll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
We'll take it to its feet
And move mountains
And I'll rise up
I'll rise like the day
I'll rise up
I'll rise unafraid
I'll rise up
And…

~written by Andra Day.

 

[SolomonVII]

Ahm, sounds like it its Thanksgiving time again in America.

Just hope the wine is good and plentiful, and if you are lucky his droning will be reduced to the sound of a buzzing of bees in your inner ears.

Trigger warning: This advise ought to never be followed by alcoholics.

 

[Apologetic_Warrior]

Some information used in analyzing the behavior of the ex-sister-in-law: Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)

"Treatments have not been well studied. Therapy is often difficult as people with the disorder frequently do not consider themselves to have a problem. About one percent of people are believed to be affected at some point in their life. It appears to occur more often in males than females and affects young people more than older people."

I am inclined to think it is not a common disorder, and affects males more, which is all the more why I found it a bit shocking at the time.

 

[brinny]

Ahm, sounds like it its Thanksgiving time again in America.

Just hope the wine is good and plentiful, and if you are lucky his droning will be reduced to the sound of a buzzing of bees in your inner ears.

Trigger warning: This advise ought to never be followed by alcoholics.

That was very wise and kind of you, sir, to add the "trigger warning".

 

[MournfulWatcher]

All I have to say is whatever you choose to do, keep your sister's well-being in mind. Even though you don't *think* he's being physically abusive to her because she says so, doesn't mean he isn't. She may not think that what he does to her physically, if he does do anything, is really abuse. You only see her a few times a year; that's a lot of time for her to hide any damage.

I would say really try to get connected with your sister if you aren't already, and see if there's anything worse going on, or get her to see that what's happening isn't okay and she and her husband need help. You can't control people's actions, of course, but you can certainly try to influence them.

 

[Rescued One]

ImAllLikeOkWaitWat, this came to mind. The title is "Rise Up". The lyrics are phenomenal, and i'm praying that the spirit of what the lyrics and song means inspires and encourages you (and your sister -at least for her unborn child's sake).

Praying

Lyrics:

Rise Up

You're broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can't find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I'll rise up
I'll rise like the day
I'll rise up
I'll rise unafraid
I'll rise up
And I'll do it a thousand times again
And I'll rise up
High like the waves
I'll rise up
In spite of the ache
I'll rise up
And I'll do it a thousands times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
When the silence isn't quiet
And it feels like it's getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we'll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
We'll take it to its feet
And move mountains
And I'll rise up
I'll rise like the day
I'll rise up
I'll rise unafraid
I'll rise up
And…

~written by Andra Day.

WOW!

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Respectfully, I would try to be pleasant with this man, and avoid confrontation.

I've pretty much just taken this approach. There is nothing I can do to change him and he isn't this way all of the time. We actually had a decent day together as a family after I let him know in a nonverbal way I wasn't happy with him. By just being short with my answers to anything he said he seemed to get the hint I was unhappy with him and was back to his nice self like the day they first visited. It's hard to really say who he really is, hes either nice and insightful or very irritable, and disrespectful. It's hard to deal with him because he gets pleasure out of getting a emotional response from you, and once he gets it then hes finally happy. After he started calling me stupid today(he does this when he doesn't agree with you) I just avoided him and any interaction I had to have with him was very short and he could tell I wasn't happy with him, only then did he change his tone and attitude. I just don't know why it takes that and we just can't be happy and peaceful for the few times a year we have to see each other.

 

[HARK!]

I have a brother in law who is in his early 30's and hes a pharmacist and he behaves like a child. He keeps calling me names like idiot and stupid and calls my sister who is his wife worse names. And treats her really bad and is just an overall miserable person. It would be easy for me to take physical action here and give him reasons to think twice before he calls one of us an idiot or stupid again but my sister would be upset if I did that. I want to resolve this in a nonphysical way. Whats the best course of action here and should I let him know things may become physical if he doesn't stop?

I would ask him to step outside, for a private conversation, and tell him quietly and calmly, once; that if he can not treat my home with respect; that he will be asked to leave; and that he will not be welcomed back.

 

[Emmy]

Dear I AM AL LIKE OK. IF your brother in Law treats you wrong, treat him as you would like to be treated.
you would LIKE TO BE TREATED. In Matthew 22: Jesus tells us: The first and great Commandment is: Love God with all thy hearts, with all thy souls, and with all thy minds. The second is like it. Treat thy neighbour as you would like to be treated. " God is Love, and God wants loving sons and daughters. ( our neighbour is all we know and all we meet) Jesus died that we might live. God wants loving sons and daughters, and love is very catching. We Love God with hearts, souls, and minds, and love our neighbour as we love ourselves. Treat them as we would love to be treated.
The Bible tells us: give up all selfish and unloving words and deeds. Love God and love our neighbour. Jesus died for us, let us now live For God and for our neighbour. Love is very catching and love will ALWAYS be the victor. Let us follow Jesus back to our Heavenly Father. Remember: God is Love and God wants loving sons and daughters. I say this with love and send greetings. From Emmy, your sister in Christ. Remember always. Satan and his followers run away from all love and compassion.

 

[Purity Clarity Parkes]

No one is born with a nasty attitude. It is a weed that anchors itself onto a human’s heart until Jesus sprays salt and weed-killer onto it.

Bad attitudes are often planted via humiliation and bad treatment.
If your brother-in-law is only mean to you and your sister, either a family issue is behind it or he has had a bad encounter with women.
I suggest you pray, and ask our Almighty Doctor for a bottle of contagious love and sympathy for yourself and your sister, with a few pills of transparency and kindness for your brother-in-law.
My prayers are with you.
Purity Clarity Parkes.

 

[Drifter Kybe Scythe Kane]

yes, i wonder what is the reason that he is acting the way he does, not that it is acceptable.

but it is always good to find out what is causing this if it is possible.

maybe he doubts himself in some parts of his life. maybe sometimes he wonders if he's ready to live up to certain self goals as a human being. who knows...maybe he feels a long way from home from certain things in his personal history.

 

[Kenny'sID]

I've pretty much just taken this approach. There is nothing I can do to change him and he isn't this way all of the time. We actually had a decent day together as a family after I let him know in a nonverbal way I wasn't happy with him. By just being short with my answers to anything he said he seemed to get the hint I was unhappy with him and was back to his nice self like the day they first visited. It's hard to really say who he really is, hes either nice and insightful or very irritable, and disrespectful. It's hard to deal with him because he gets pleasure out of getting a emotional response from you, and once he gets it then hes finally happy. After he started calling me stupid today(he does this when he doesn't agree with you) I just avoided him and any interaction I had to have with him was very short and he could tell I wasn't happy with him, only then did he change his tone and attitude. I just don't know why it takes that and we just can't be happy and peaceful for the few times a year we have to see each other.

Appears you are handling it well. Asking advice is a very good idea, but in the end, you are the one right there among it, and can best feel out the situation, something you seem to be doing just fine.

On the physical thing, clearly you are on the right track there as well, you'd rather avoid it. Thing is, we were built with a breaking point and for good reason. In my view that was God thinking, "They should only have to put up with so much, and though I will give them good sense to try their best to avoid it, once someone reaches a certain point with them, they won't be able to help themselves, like it or not they will defend".

But even I as read what I just said, I think, well, yes and no, it's a bit more complicated than just that, as in unknowns when tempers flare and who exactly the individuals are we are dealing with, another good reason to avoid it. Maybe that sense should only be used in life or death situations, and never anything like this, I honestly can't say.

Anyway, I went on a bit more than I intended on that, but thankfully, this doesn't sound like it would ever reach that point..

Those who want to get to the root of the problem are likely right. Maybe, if it hasn't already been suggested, simply ask him why he thinks he does what he does? Just that will tell him a whole lot, and might even get him thinking, on top of curbing the problem.