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Featured How to handle a rude brother in law?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by ImAllLikeOkWaitWat, Nov 25, 2017.

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  1. ImAllLikeOkWaitWat

    ImAllLikeOkWaitWat Everything starts with the man in the mirror

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    I have a brother in law who is in his early 30's and hes a pharmacist and he behaves like a child. He keeps calling me names like idiot and stupid and calls my sister who is his wife worse names. And treats her really bad and is just an overall miserable person. It would be easy for me to take physical action here and give him reasons to think twice before he calls one of us an idiot or stupid again but my sister would be upset if I did that. I want to resolve this in a nonphysical way. Whats the best course of action here and should I let him know things may become physical if he doesn't stop?
     
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  2. eleos1954

    eleos1954 Member Supporter

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    Perhaps ... Very, calmly, ask him if he loves you and your sister? If so, then why does he call you names and/or treat you badly? If he replies no he does not love you and your sister, then reply we love you even though you do not love us .... if that is truly the case.

    Look at the cross ..... Jesus .... more than words did He bare ... why? because he loved us.

    God Bless.
     
  3. HereIStand

    HereIStand Regular Member Supporter

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    My advice would be to try to avoid him. If you interact with him, things might escalate. If he's being verbally abusive to your sister, then he could be physically abusive also. Ask her. If yes, she needs to leave him.
     
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  4. Sabertooth

    Sabertooth Repartee Animal

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    That's a tough call. Is it just to you two? Women* generally? Other people generally?

    My approach would be to zero in on a root cause (if possible) and see if there is a response that would disarm him. But I really have too little information to go on.

    *Sorry. I assumed from your avatar that you were a lady. :sorry:
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2017
  5. Yoona86

    Yoona86 Newbie

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    why does he call you and your sister names? is he an alcoholic or have problem with alcohol or something like that.

    as far as letting him knows things could become physical are you certain you could win in a physical confrontation?
     
  6. Yoona86

    Yoona86 Newbie

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    yes, i wonder what is the reason that he is acting the way he does, not that it is acceptable.

    but it is always good to find out what is causing this if it is possible.
     
  7. eleos1954

    eleos1954 Member Supporter

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    Root Cause - Doesn't know the Lord.
     
  8. Basil the Great

    Basil the Great Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Well, it sounds like he is certainly verbally abusive. This does not always mean that a man is physically abusive as well, but it could well be a warning sign. A lot of guys stop at verbal, but I would say anyone who is physically abusive is probably also verbally abusive. Should you confront him? That is a tough question. Sometimes it helps the situation and sometimes it makes it worse. I would say that if he is not inclined to get physical, then it might help. I like the question about alcohol, because I interviewed women for 20+ years. All of them were either divorced or separated from their spouses or the fathers of their children born out-of-wedlock. Many told me that the man physically abused them and a large percentage of those told me that he was usually fine, until he drank alcohol.
     
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  9. ImAllLikeOkWaitWat

    ImAllLikeOkWaitWat Everything starts with the man in the mirror

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    I wouldn't call him an alcoholic but he does drink around 5 beers occasionally. He does like to get drunk but I don't know if hes an alcoholic. He knows I could win the physical confrontation which makes this frustrating because it's too easy to just do it and make things worse.
     
  10. Sabertooth

    Sabertooth Repartee Animal

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    Also, was he always like this with your sister, or was their distinct point in time where he changed toward her?
     
  11. ImAllLikeOkWaitWat

    ImAllLikeOkWaitWat Everything starts with the man in the mirror

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    He has an overall poor attitude towards everyone and everything. It's not just us, but I'm tired of hearing the things he says to my sister and to me as well. They do live a state away and are just visiting for thanksgiving so I don't have to see him very often. So I could easily just let this go as I have since they met 9 years ago but I feel like I need to do something. My sister won't leave this guy even if I did do something which is the problem.
     
  12. ImAllLikeOkWaitWat

    ImAllLikeOkWaitWat Everything starts with the man in the mirror

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    In the beginning of their relationship he was super nice, even to me then as things became more serious between them his nasty attitude finally showed itself. She still married him and now I have to deal with him during the holidays when they visit 3-4 times a year.
     
  13. brinny

    brinny everlovin' shiner of light in dark places Supporter

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    How long has he been verbally abusing you?
     
  14. ImAllLikeOkWaitWat

    ImAllLikeOkWaitWat Everything starts with the man in the mirror

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    He is from india and my wife says hes an atheist and doesn't believe in anything which surely doesn't help.
     
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  15. ImAllLikeOkWaitWat

    ImAllLikeOkWaitWat Everything starts with the man in the mirror

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    I don't know why he calls us names other than I think he feels he can get away with it. Thats why I feel I need to do something to let him know that is is not okay. Part of it is he has anger issues and this is just the way he talks.
     
  16. ImAllLikeOkWaitWat

    ImAllLikeOkWaitWat Everything starts with the man in the mirror

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    I could also add when he was a child growing up in india his father was verbally and physically abusive to him. He would hit him in the head if he got a math problem wrong for instance.
     
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  17. ImAllLikeOkWaitWat

    ImAllLikeOkWaitWat Everything starts with the man in the mirror

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    There was one physical incident that he did to my sister in front of my mom, but my sister says nothing has happened since and this was 3.5 years ago.
     
  18. brinny

    brinny everlovin' shiner of light in dark places Supporter

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    I thinks you hit da nail on da head.

    He DOES get away with it. This abusiveness gets progressively worse.
     
  19. ImAllLikeOkWaitWat

    ImAllLikeOkWaitWat Everything starts with the man in the mirror

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    He was nice to me when I spoke to him on the phone at first but the first day I met him he called me fat and was just overall rude. So he is just overall a nasty person. Him and my sister have been going out for 8-9 years. Married for about 5.
     
  20. ImAllLikeOkWaitWat

    ImAllLikeOkWaitWat Everything starts with the man in the mirror

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    Its really hard for me to do anything about it because I know my sister would be mad at me if I did something to make him think twice before he says something rude.
     
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