How to get my mom to stop doing this?

[Macchiato]

So one thing that bothered me a few days ago was when my daughter went up to my mom and everything was fine until my mom tried calling me.

My daughter is starting to speak so she'll emulate what she hears. She said lets call ( my name)

I told my mom i want my kids to call me mommy not by my name.

My mom simply ssid shes not saying that...

I feel theres no talking to my mom. I know i have to leave but i lost my job bc mh car broke down. This was the 3rd job i had.

Im just afraid of my kids not respecting me bc my parents dont.

 

[tturt]

Reward your children when they call you Mom. A big smile, hug, etc goes a long way. Of course, you're giving them affection often anyway but you can reinforce these certain behaviors. They learn about you as you learn about them.

One more thing - you don't have to reinforce them calling you Mom every time they do. Though in the beginning you'll want to be consistent and then move to intermittent reinforcing mode.

 

[Macchiato]

Reward your children when they call you Mom. A big smile, hug, etc goes a long way. Of course, you're giving them affection often anyway but you can reinforce these certain behaviors. They learn about you as you learn about them.

One more thing - you don't have to reinforce them calling you Mom every time they do. Though in the beginning you'll want to be consistent and then move to intermittent reinforcing mode.

Its just my mom is gonna be calling me by my name and my kids will hear that. Shes not going to stop so the kids will catch on.

So my mom will be just as consistent.

 

[Enilorac]

Set boundaries. Tell your mother how its going to be with your children. If she refuses to respect that boundary then tell her firmly that she will be limited in access to the children. At one point in my life, my mother was not permitted to see or talk with my children. I set a boundary that when she spoke about me it had to be respectful instead of whatever passed through her bitter, narcissistic mind. She refused and continued to bad-mouth me "don't listen to your mother, she's crazy" and worse. I informed her that as long as she continued to say these things to my children and undermine my role as their mother, that she would not be permitted contact with me or the children. She lost her marbles but I stuck to my guns. Funny thing is, they didn't miss her at all. Not a tear was shed at her funeral by any of us.

I am a grandma now. My grandchildren occasionally hope I'll override mom and dad with certain things. I don't. Its always "what did mom or dad say?". Even if we're having a "grandma" weekend, I reinforce to them that they must always respect their parents. I don't have to agree with what they're doing but I have no right to undermine them. IF I have something to say, I will bring it up with the parents, not the child.

 

[mama2one]

if you are the parent & spending time with your kids, it's what they hear from you that's important

you emphasize mommy!

"mommy" and you are going to eat lunch now
"mommy" will give you a bath now
"mommy" and baby will go for a stroller ride now

always say "mommy" when talking with your kids
they will call you mommy then

 

[Macchiato]

if you are the parent & spending time with your kids, it's what they hear from you that's important

you emphasize mommy!

"mommy" and you are going to eat lunch now
"mommy" will give you a bath now
"mommy" and baby will go for a stroller ride now

always say "mommy" when talking with your kids
they will call you mommy then

It will confuse them if they hear my mom calling me by my name and she tells them to do it as well. Also I do emphasize mommy. My mother just counteracts that.

 

[Enilorac]

It will confuse them if they hear my mom calling me by my name and she tells them to do it as well. Also I do emphasize mommy. My mother just counteracts that.

Boundaries. Tell your mother how it is going to be with your children. If she won't abide by it then she doesn't get to be around the children. You wouldn't let a harmful person around your children, so why let your mother who IS harmful. Do what you need to do to get on your own. If you continue to let your mother get away with this behavior, YOU will pay the price in the future. Your mother is teaching your children that you are not worthy of respect by openly defying your request. It will escalate.

 

[Macchiato]

Boundaries. Tell your mother how it is going to be with your children. If she won't abide by it then she doesn't get to be around the children. You wouldn't let a harmful person around your children, so why let your mother who IS harmful. Do what you need to do to get on your own. If you continue to let your mother get away with this behavior, YOU will pay the price in the future. Your mother is teaching your children that you are not worthy of respect by openly defying your request. It will escalate.

I'm not. I have confronted her but it's clear she nor my dad really respect me. My dad said something out the way towards my daughter just now and I had to nip it in the bud. I'll be moving some time by November and I think it's best to keep my distance. It's sad bc my kids love them. But seeing them every now and then is best.

 

[Enilorac]

I'm not. I have confronted her but it's clear she nor my dad really respect me. My dad said something out the way towards my daughter just now and I had to nip it in the bud. I'll be moving some time by November and I think it's best to keep my distance. It's sad bc my kids love them. But seeing them every now and then is best.

With people like that, you can confront them until the cows come home and they won't change. I would cut off contact completely once you move. Not even now and then. Surgical cut. They will call, text, call you vile names, threaten you and all sorts of things but stand firm. My mother never did learn. She went to extremes like calling CPS on me, all sorts of other insane things, telling her friends that I was a witch who cut her off with no reason. Fine, whatever. Do what YOU need to do, don't let them try to guilt you into not enforcing a boundary. Give them an inch, they'll take a mile.

 

[Macchiato]

With people like that, you can confront them until the cows come home and they won't change. I would cut off contact completely once you move. Not even now and then. Surgical cut. They will call, text, call you vile names, threaten you and all sorts of things but stand firm. My mother never did learn. She went to extremes like calling CPS on me, all sorts of other insane things, telling her friends that I was a witch who cut her off with no reason. Fine, whatever. Do what YOU need to do, don't let them try to guilt you into not enforcing a boundary. Give them an inch, they'll take a mile.

Yeah that's true. I have a friend with really abusive toxic parents they didn't care anything about respecting her. She had to actually leave to keep from being physically abused.

It's sad that it has to come to this.

 

[*LILAC]

I hope things get better after you move out. Although, when you think you've resolved one issue, another usually pops up. When your own parents disrespect you in front of your kids, it is reeeally hard to not go off on them.

 

[Macchiato]

I hope things get better after you move out. Although, when you think you've resolved one issue, another usually pops up. When your own parents disrespect you in front of your kids, it is reeeally hard to not go off on them.

Very hard. This situation is hard. I'm gonna pray to God abt it