How to get lost desires back

[pantingdeer]

I have many problems I have struggled with for a long time.

1. I feel very lonely. I don’t really have friends and so spend all my time alone. When I go to university I sit alone because nobody wants to work/be with me. I’m not a bad person, I just don’t really talk as I struggle socially.
2. I have lost nearly all my interests and so don’t seem to like anything anymore. God gave me a gift in mathematics and I used to enjoy mathematics but now I lost joy for it and don’t even know how to choose my modules for this semester at college since I don’t know what I like anymore. I have no idea what I want to do with my life so I’ve no idea how I’m meant to use and appreciate my talent. I also lost interest in cooking, meeting people.
3. I’m 20 yrs old now but when I was 16 I seemed to lose all my interest in women overnight. This destroyed my confidence (no exaggeration) as I no longer feel like a man anymore. I no longer feel strong attraction inside me for women that I would have previously really liked. Now I feel like an emotionless alien separate from everyone else. I feel embarrassed to be me and feel like I’ll never ever get my feelings back so that I can love a woman one day, get married and have a family. I always liked foreign women and today in college a lovely looking french girl asked to sit beside me. She is a nice looking girl who I would’ve been into before but now I feel like the connection in my brain in missing. I wish I was my former self and had the confidence to be myself. I wish I could not be shy and weird and have my attraction back so I could actually get to know this girl. Ive never had a girlfriend nor really ever had the interest to get one (mainly due to my attraction issue and my social weirdness)

I’ve battled these problems for a long time and I wish there was an end.
Another honourable mention is my chronic back pain.
I’ve had bad lower back pain for 2 years after a gym injury. I have spent a lot of money on physiotherapy to try and get better and nothing works for it. Please pray for my healing as God can heal me.

Thank you for reading this. Please though, don’t mention celibacy to me as I haven’t been called to it.

 

[Sketcher]

Do you have depression?

One of the symptoms is when you don't really enjoy anything anymore.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

On the POSITIVE SIDE, if the CREATOR has a woman in store for you, arranged since before the creation of the world,
and His Plan is for you to receive a wonderful 'perfect' wife well-suited for you,
when you are established and perhaps 40 years old,

that does not make you celibate, but a marriage orchestrated by Yahuweh the Creator is a glorious and wondrous event for the rest of your life to look forward to today, and to enjoy once it is time.

For healing, there are many avenues possible. We pray Yahuweh opens the door soon so you can find the one He Has Arranged.

 

[pantingdeer]

Do you have depression?

One of the symptoms is when you don't really enjoy anything anymore.

I don’t think so. It’s not like I think about how I want to kill my self everyday. I just feel empty and have to fake my smile and feeling all the time.

 

[pantingdeer]

On the POSITIVE SIDE, if the CREATOR has a woman in store for you, arranged since before the creation of the world,
and His Plan is for you to receive a wonderful 'perfect' wife well-suited for you,
when you are established and perhaps 40 years old,

that does not make you celibate, but a marriage orchestrated by Yahuweh the Creator is a glorious and wondrous event for the rest of your life to look forward to today, and to enjoy once it is time.

For healing, there are many avenues possible. We pray Yahuweh opens the door soon so you can find the one He Has Arranged.

Thank you for your thoughts and words brother.

 

[Sketcher]

I don’t think so. It’s not like I think about how I want to kill my self everyday. I just feel empty and have to fake my smile and feeling all the time.

Depression isn't always suicidal. If you're miserable all day, and can't enjoy anything, even a special event that aligns with your interests that you rationally should enjoy (for instance, for a hockey fan, going to a good hockey game), then you should consider more closely whether or not you have depression.

 

[pantingdeer]

Depression isn't always suicidal. If you're miserable all day, and can't enjoy anything, even a special event that aligns with your interests that you rationally should enjoy (for instance, for a hockey fan, going to a good hockey game), then you should consider more closely whether or not you have depression.

I wouldn’t say I’m miserable - just not happy. I still get excited if I watch a MotoGP race.

 

[com7fy8]

When I go to university I sit alone because nobody wants to work/be with me. I’m not a bad person, I just don’t really talk as I struggle socially.

There are different people, who see you differently.

There are people who do not know how to love; so they can look down on you. But even with their closest companions . . . they are missing out on love. So, you can invest in caring about people who look down on you . . . because they need Jesus so they can find out how to love.

Other people care about you and feel for you, but they don't know how to relate with you. So, they let you alone. Possibly, these are another kind of people who do not know how to love.

But > > > > >

asked to sit beside me.

She could be someone who does not know how to relate with you. Or, she likes quiet. And/or, she may be a Christian who knows how to share with you and she can help you. Love her, however things turn out. She and others and you all are unique, each to be discovered. But each of us does need how God wants to change us to find out how to love any and all people. We all need this major change > now, some have already gotten started > others need to get started.

Just because you look different than how others do things, this does not mean you are the only one who has problems inside yourself. And have hope for others, as well as yourself. God is able.

 

[com7fy8]

I have lost nearly all my interests

I used to enjoy mathematics but now I lost joy for it

I also lost interest in cooking, meeting people.

lost lost lost lost lost . . .

I have let go of everything and everyone so I can be with Jesus the way He wants. He did not have to arrange for things and people to be taken away. But now God is recycling, with more and better enjoyment of things, and better relating with people. This has come partly in combination with me growing to become maybe better able to handle things and relate with people.

So . . . it can work that God has you first grow and develop with Christ in this love, then discover how God has people and things ready for you

And, you never know . . . He can have a Christian girl come along to help you, and other people who know how to love can show up in God's plan. You do have God's attention And now He knows exactly what to do with you.

And, by the way, what you are thinking could be the prayer God is listening to.

But, of course, there are people who can act friendly but they have wrong motives. Someone might see you as an isolated target who can be conned. So, you need to be able to tell the difference, and be ready to forgive ones who want to use you; but . . . also . . . with really loving people, there is a reason why God's word says to relate "with longsuffering" > Ephesians 4:2, and to forgive "one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." (in Ephesians 4:31-32)

So, I don't want you to suspect any person who starts being nice to you, but be on top of things. Don't be like a desperate beggar. God has very fine love people to help you, but He wants you to become the same for others. You can get healed emotionally and in how you relate, but then is when you can feel for others who have problems . . . like yours, or like those of more socially active people who have not known how to love you.

"He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2)

So, God expects you to become able to love people and help ones who have problems. Oh yes, and there can be people, also, who are not knowingly trying to use you and con you, but they do not know what is right for themselves, never mind for you. But have compassion ready for people

 

[pantingdeer]

lost lost lost lost lost . . .

I have let go of everything and everyone so I can be with Jesus the way He wants. He did not have to arrange for things and people to be taken away. But now God is recycling, with more and better enjoyment of things, and better relating with people. This has come partly in combination with me growing to become maybe better able to handle things and relate with people.

So . . . it can work that God has you first grow and develop with Christ in this love, then discover how God has people and things ready for you

And, you never know . . . He can have a Christian girl come along to help you, and other people who know how to love can show up in God's plan. You do have God's attention And now He knows exactly what to do with you.

And, by the way, what you are thinking could be the prayer God is listening to.

But, of course, there are people who can act friendly but they have wrong motives. Someone might see you as an isolated target who can be conned. So, you need to be able to tell the difference, and be ready to forgive ones who want to use you; but . . . also . . . with really loving people, there is a reason why God's word says to relate "with longsuffering" > Ephesians 4:2, and to forgive "one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." (in Ephesians 4:31-32)

So, I don't want you to suspect any person who starts being nice to you, but be on top of things. Don't be like a desperate beggar. God has very fine love people to help you, but He wants you to become the same for others. You can get healed emotionally and in how you relate, but then is when you can feel for others who have problems . . . like yours, or like those of more socially active people who have not known how to love you.

"He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2)

So, God expects you to become able to love people and help ones who have problems. Oh yes, and there can be people, also, who are not knowingly trying to use you and con you, but they do not know what is right for themselves, never mind for you. But have compassion ready for people

So are you saying God is letting me suffer so I seek in his direction?
Also I am now a bit afraid of this girl. She is an exchange student so maybe doesn’t realise yet that I’m not one of the cool people.
How do you think she could be trying to con me and why do people want to con me?

 

[pantingdeer]

There are different people, who see you differently.

There are people who do not know how to love; so they can look down on you. But even with their closest companions . . . they are missing out on love. So, you can invest in caring about people who look down on you . . . because they need Jesus so they can find out how to love.

Other people care about you and feel for you, but they don't know how to relate with you. So, they let you alone. Possibly, these are another kind of people who do not know how to love.

But > > > > >
She could be someone who does not know how to relate with you. Or, she likes quiet. And/or, she may be a Christian who knows how to share with you and she can help you. Love her, however things turn out. She and others and you all are unique, each to be discovered. But each of us does need how God wants to change us to find out how to love any and all people. We all need this major change > now, some have already gotten started > others need to get started.

Just because you look different than how others do things, this does not mean you are the only one who has problems inside yourself. And have hope for others, as well as yourself. God is able.

I wish I could love her but I feel emptiness inside when that’s not how I would have felt before my loss of sexual attraction to women. I know that that’s not everything in a relationship but I can hardly be in a relationship when I feel no connection, not anything inside.

 

[com7fy8]

So are you saying God is letting me suffer so I seek in his direction?

No. But He does desire to give you His direction. And as we get more with God, we have strength in His love so there are things we do not suffer. We might still suffer physical things, however and whenever. But His grace and peace is almighty, including to cast out fear >

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18)

Also I am now a bit afraid of this girl. She is an exchange student so maybe doesn’t realise yet that I’m not one of the cool people.

Each person can be different. So . . . yes, she might be capable of turning out to be yet another snob. But it can be that a foreign student has learned a different way of socializing and she is kind and caring and therefore would not be looking for you to be cool. And, of course, just acting cool is getting you where, really? Certain foreign people are more family culture, so they do not try to blend in with in-crowds, but are ready to be good with anyone.

My opinion is she might want to be with someone who is quiet, so she is not distracted with keeping up with a crowd and maybe guys . . . or females . . . trying to use her while she is trying to study. So . . . then . . . I might be open for how you can be good for her by letting her just be with you, and not taking too much of her attention and time . . . in case she is hoping for a social refuge, of sorts.

But she is for you to discover. And I would say she might want to stay with someone more quiet. And do you have campus Christian ministry?? If she is not reaching you for that, you both might do well with sharing in a ministry thing.

How do you think she could be trying to con me and why do people want to con me?

There are different possibilities. And I would not start with suspecting every person you don't know.

But you should already know how there are different sorts of scammers on the Net. Such people can also operate right in churches and schools. And they can be scanning and profiling everyone; so this, I would say, is nothing new, does not need to be a big surprise.

Someone could try to use us for money, or immoral stuff, but someone might only want to isolate with us in order to avoid the peer pressure in-crowd people who are snobs. But when I find someone tries to hide and isolate with me, I advise him or her of how Jesus wants us to love any and all people, including the snobs, and have hope for any person, at all. And with this I do not let someone just hang with me for attention. But, I warn and advise, each of us needs to be strong in Jesus so we don't get hurt or keep on suffering, but we forgive plus we become strong enough so things and people can not have power over us > and I still need how God corrects and changes me to be stronger, and this with compassion and creativity for relating with people.

And I have people who I would say are good examples for me.

 

[com7fy8]

I wish I could love her but I feel emptiness inside when that’s not how I would have felt before my loss of sexual attraction to women. I know that that’s not everything in a relationship but I can hardly be in a relationship when I feel no connection, not anything inside.

I know a lady who is sensationally gorgeous and attractive, but one time I got an earful of how she could viciously chew out a service person on the phone. And I know that is not how Jesus has us talking to anyone. Plus, years ago I fell for a very enchanting woman, then found out she was not about love and marriage, and she and her roommate could claw at each other while tumbling around their apartment.

And even without such proof I would say that sexual attraction is not really getting to know how a lady is. Often, still, my eyes and imagination can get caught up with some female in the store or church; but it comes rather quickly to me, that I do not know how that person really is.

It is much more interesting and challenging and worthwhile to really get to know someone, and not only because of what she looks like. This lady could need someone who really is interested in her. But possibly she does not know how to handle a relationship > she even could have had a very hard and painful time with a guy in France, and she is escaping to here and you could let her just be able to be quiet with you. Or, she is engaged, back in France, and she needs a friend who won't be trying to fish her away from her fiancé.

Pray for God to have you really discover her, if she does get to spending time talking with you. Or, be kind enough to not try to dig out all her personal things.

But if love connects, now you have what you need for reproduction of children who know how to love. But if attraction is mainly for pleasure sensations, you can be not really loving her - - but you can be loving the feelings you get, and such can lead to . . . nothing.

But God's way of sexual attraction is we are attracted to the one who can help to reproduce and bring up children who are pleasing to God, first interested in pleasing Him, not first about pleasing themselves with sex, and they know how to love > therefore, God's way gets us attracted with someone who is the example we want for our children. Of course, yes, we want the person as our own companion, but while in Jesus we love as family with others and ones more mature than we are, who help us grow in Jesus and learn how to love in our marriage.

But in God's way of reproduction, we partner as an example for bringing up our children so they can know how to relate in love, so then they can do well in marriage.

So . . . then . . . my opinion based on this is that there is no real connection, I mean connection by God, if a person's attraction is only or mainly sexual. Only God can give us a real connection with people. And it will include people who are more like Jesus, than we are, not only with some one favorite who gives us what we want.

 

[Tolworth John]

Re what to do about your course modules, do talk to your tutor.
He can point out these areas where you are strong.

Choice modules that you canchieve something in.

Also talk to a councellor or to your doctor. Apathy is a sympton of depression.
Or talk to your minister.

Once you've sorted your mental state find some activity you enjoy, singing, dance, sport etc.

 

[mama2one]

I have lost nearly all my interests and so don’t seem to like anything anymore. I also lost interest in cooking, meeting people.
I wish I was my former self and had the confidence to be myself.

agree with others who have mentioned depression
please seek a Doctor & describe how you feel

 

[Albertine Retrouvee]

It sounds as if you are suffering from ANHEDONIA (Gk. "an-," not or none; "-hedonia," pleasure. That's the same Greek root as "hedonism" (living for pleasure). What is anhedonia? Anhedonia is feeling no pleasure in things that used to give us pleasure. I believe that happiness is love. From all your posts it seems that your life is lacking romantic love (Gk. "eros")--you don't have a girlfriend. In addition, it seems that your life is lacking friendship love (Gk. "philia")--you don't have a lot of friends. If you would like, you may private message me--I have overcome loneliness and I would be happy to share!

 

[pantingdeer]

It sounds as if you are suffering from ANHEDONIA (Gk. "an-," not or none; "-hedonia," pleasure. That's the same Greek root as "hedonism" (living for pleasure). What is anhedonia? Anhedonia is feeling no pleasure in things that used to give us pleasure. I believe that happiness is love. From all your posts it seems that your life is lacking romantic love (Gk. "eros")--you don't have a girlfriend. In addition, it seems that your life is lacking friendship love (Gk. "philia")--you don't have a lot of friends. If you would like, you may private message me--I have overcome loneliness and I would be happy to share!

That would be great thanks. I struggle a lot making friends and keeping them. I either get annoyed by people or they find me annoying.

 

[pantingdeer]

It sounds as if you are suffering from ANHEDONIA (Gk. "an-," not or none; "-hedonia," pleasure. That's the same Greek root as "hedonism" (living for pleasure). What is anhedonia? Anhedonia is feeling no pleasure in things that used to give us pleasure. I believe that happiness is love. From all your posts it seems that your life is lacking romantic love (Gk. "eros")--you don't have a girlfriend. In addition, it seems that your life is lacking friendship love (Gk. "philia")--you don't have a lot of friends. If you would like, you may private message me--I have overcome loneliness and I would be happy to share!

Wow Anhedonia reflects me very very much!!

 

[Albertine Retrouvee]

OK, Andrew, I am waiting to be private messaged by you!

Albertine Retrouvee
Sunday, October 27