How to get free of bitterness and negativity?

Servant68

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I grew up in a Christian home and was baptized at age 17. Been a Believer my entire life, but I have not lived a Godly life for many periods of that life.

I dated a number of attractive and non-Christian women that needed "fixing" as I was a co-dependent due to my biological father divorcing my mom when I was two. I had issues with rejection and for some reason picked women that were at high risk for cheating on me, and nearly every one I dated did.

My wife was the first Christian I dated and we got married after 5 months of dating and were married for 20 years, until she re-connected with a former boyfriend on Facebook and asked for a divorce.

At the time, she cited reasons for the divorce of her being tired of my negativity and that I was not full of joy and she didn't think I was really saved. But she said that I was a good man and did not really do anything bad; she just didn't love me anymore and didn't think I loved her.

We agreed to an amicable divorce after she refused my offer of a 6-month hiatus in which we would go to marriage counseling.

I ended up going to a Christian therapist on my own and he reassured me that I was indeed saved and that in reviewing correspondence from my wife concluded that she had a large part in damaging my self-esteem over the years due to her withholding of physical relations and touch and a very passive aggressive way of tearing me down.

My ex remarried two days after our divorce was finalized in November of 2013 and I found out about it from my daughter. It was crushing to realize that I had been cheated on again.

I started dating again about a year ago and have been on several dates and seen a couple of women that didn't work out.

My latest relationship lasted a few months but I ended it because I wasn't in love and despite her calling herself a Christian, she wanted to be intimate on the first date and I had been starved for affection for so long that I was unable to resist. But it just felt so wrong and it tainted the relationship. She did not think I had a negativity issue, however...

All that back story is to say that I realize that I have a lot of bitterness in my heart. About a year before my ex and I divorced, she mentioned the negativity and I realized that I would let all the negative stuff I noticed during the day build up and then unload it on her when I got home after work to purge myself of it.

I stopped doing that and have become very self-conscious of saying negative or complaining things to family and friends. I have a very cheerful and humorous disposition most of the time, but it feels like all the negativity I see around me gets absorbed and I have to purge it. If I don't consciously make a point to not say negative things, it will slip out and I feel guilty about it.

I pray every night for God to take away all my bitterness and anger. I pray for my heart to be filled with the Holy Spirit and to be full of joy and positive thoughts. I pray that I have forgiven those who have sinned against me and I plead with God to forgive me.

I give thanks for all of the gifts I have in my life and thank God for His grace and mercy and love.

But it just doesn't seem to sink in. I still feel myself getting angry and bitter rather easily and I still lose my temper on various online forums and flame people.

I just don't know what it will take for my heart to be changed and I don't think I should be with a good Christian woman while I'm still saddled with this bitterness.

I joined a Bible study from my church and have gone as much as my schedule allows, and I see all the joy and grace present in their lives but it makes me realize what I am missing.
 
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Goatee

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You are carrying your own individual cross. Firstly, offer up your sufferings to God.

There is no quick fix. I myself am going through some big issues in my life.

Stay true to God. Pray....

I not fussy on the black letterbox over your face on your Avatar. At least with my Avatar you can see what I look like! Lol
 
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NothingIsImpossible

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How to get rid of it? God. Is it easy? No. We all have various burdens we have in life. For some its bitterness or negativity. And sometimes we can't fully get free of some things. For example I am like 99.9% free of my swearing that I used to do alot. However I am not totally free of me judging people sometimes. I often catch myself and am like "Man that person is an idiot!", then I'll be like "Argh! Why did I think that! Stop judging <my name>! Lord forgive me and help me to get rid of the judging I do!".

I am thankful though because my mother who is almost 60 is super bitter, angry, hateful and judgemental (guess who I learned it from). She can't let things go much at all. Never goes to church, never prays, never reads her bible. She talks the talk at times but doesn't walk the walk. I see her and am thankful I have made it this far in my change to not be like her anymore.

Whatever the case is in life we just must pray, pray and pray about these issues. Maybe seek help on them. Stay strong, you can make it through this. Things may not improve 100% (or maybe they will), but rest assured God is with you and trying to help!
 
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eleos1954

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Continue in This

I pray every night for God to take away all my bitterness and anger. I pray for my heart to be filled with the Holy Spirit and to be full of joy and positive thoughts. I pray that I have forgiven those who have sinned against me and I plead with God to forgive me.
I give thanks for all of the gifts I have in my life and thank God for His grace and mercy and love.

Romans 12:12
Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times.

It will happen ... it takes time.

May the Lord bring peace to your heart.

Amen.

God Bless
 
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SkyWriting

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But it just doesn't seem to sink in. I still feel myself getting angry and bitter rather easily and I still lose my temper on various online forums and flame people.

Very likely you have not identified issues that remain unresolved. There might be problems from very early childhood that have shaped your experiences all your life. For example, my grandfather was very bitter and let down by society and health problems, and this surfaced in my father as bitterness toward all society in my father. Likely I have issues as well, but they are much easier to identify in others, so counseling is the key toward discovering the source of your bitterness.
 
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yeshuaslavejeff

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"Deeper Fellowship" is rare, and a lot that is needed is never conveyed on the internet (and cannot be). It is even rare to find good teachings faithful to Scripture about this, but might be the thing to look for - old classic sermons , like by Andrew Murray, or Spurgeon, or others who have passed on.
If someone finds them online or in hardback/ softback books, they are encouraging, instructive , edifying, convicting, and cleansing, God Permitting.
All the repentance and spiritual revelation needed might be found then, again God Permitting, without all the odd here and there random and anonymous things on internet sites. Always test everything by Scripture, always.
 
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Tom 1

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I grew up in a Christian home and was baptized at age 17. Been a Believer my entire life, but I have not lived a Godly life for many periods of that life.

I dated a number of attractive and non-Christian women that needed "fixing" as I was a co-dependent due to my biological father divorcing my mom when I was two. I had issues with rejection and for some reason picked women that were at high risk for cheating on me, and nearly every one I dated did.

My wife was the first Christian I dated and we got married after 5 months of dating and were married for 20 years, until she re-connected with a former boyfriend on Facebook and asked for a divorce.

At the time, she cited reasons for the divorce of her being tired of my negativity and that I was not full of joy and she didn't think I was really saved. But she said that I was a good man and did not really do anything bad; she just didn't love me anymore and didn't think I loved her.

We agreed to an amicable divorce after she refused my offer of a 6-month hiatus in which we would go to marriage counseling.

I ended up going to a Christian therapist on my own and he reassured me that I was indeed saved and that in reviewing correspondence from my wife concluded that she had a large part in damaging my self-esteem over the years due to her withholding of physical relations and touch and a very passive aggressive way of tearing me down.

My ex remarried two days after our divorce was finalized in November of 2013 and I found out about it from my daughter. It was crushing to realize that I had been cheated on again.

I started dating again about a year ago and have been on several dates and seen a couple of women that didn't work out.

My latest relationship lasted a few months but I ended it because I wasn't in love and despite her calling herself a Christian, she wanted to be intimate on the first date and I had been starved for affection for so long that I was unable to resist. But it just felt so wrong and it tainted the relationship. She did not think I had a negativity issue, however...

All that back story is to say that I realize that I have a lot of bitterness in my heart. About a year before my ex and I divorced, she mentioned the negativity and I realized that I would let all the negative stuff I noticed during the day build up and then unload it on her when I got home after work to purge myself of it.

I stopped doing that and have become very self-conscious of saying negative or complaining things to family and friends. I have a very cheerful and humorous disposition most of the time, but it feels like all the negativity I see around me gets absorbed and I have to purge it. If I don't consciously make a point to not say negative things, it will slip out and I feel guilty about it.

I pray every night for God to take away all my bitterness and anger. I pray for my heart to be filled with the Holy Spirit and to be full of joy and positive thoughts. I pray that I have forgiven those who have sinned against me and I plead with God to forgive me.

I give thanks for all of the gifts I have in my life and thank God for His grace and mercy and love.

But it just doesn't seem to sink in. I still feel myself getting angry and bitter rather easily and I still lose my temper on various online forums and flame people.

I just don't know what it will take for my heart to be changed and I don't think I should be with a good Christian woman while I'm still saddled with this bitterness.

I joined a Bible study from my church and have gone as much as my schedule allows, and I see all the joy and grace present in their lives but it makes me realize what I am missing.

I haven’t had time to read the other answers to your post, so forgive me if I’m repeating anything. It sounds like the bitterness you are describing has deep roots. That isn’t something that can just be ‘taken away’, good or bad, it’s part of who you are, rooted in your thinking and perspective on the world. God can however guide you through a process of change - I’m saying that from my own experience, of something not quite the same but similar. Keep praying about it, but pray (if you aren’t already) that God will guide you through a process of change. And be prepared for some challenges! Change is painful and difficult, and takes place only when we don’t have or at least it feels like we don’t have any other option but to change.
 
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Kenny'sID

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This might sound like pretty insignificant help, but it simply works.

"Seek and ye shall find"

Meaning our mind is always on what we are looking for, we begin to practice what we want to be, we keep seeking/looking even deeper to get even better, until one day, we see a difference.

"Practice makes perfect", another seemly overly simplistic fix, but it too simply works...the very reason it's often said. And it goes right along with seeking.

Then there's the one those things actually boil down to...

"Just do it"

There are things, due to free will, God won't interfere with, or "make" happen. That ball is in our court.
 
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yeshuaslavejeff

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Assuming all you tell us were the true basics with nothing major left out, your "Christian" wife has done you wrong.

Her bogus reasoning was to hide her selfishness.
Often a persons own words, their own testimony, says more about themselves (and it is firsthand), than about others. Pray a lot, for there is a lot to pray about that is important and remains unspoken.(indeed, cannot be spoken/posted)
 
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Jeshu

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It is in your painful negativity of your life that you still need to find Christ in your life, not that you as an individual would not be saved but would you be saved in your bitterness and negativity? Would you in Heaven still be bitter and negative or would such die forever?

So i found in my life that in all our different parts of self we need to get to know Christ in our own right. For me a loving kind person this has not been so hard but for me the angry bitter person that i have been this was much harder and took much longer.

i advise you to let Jesus' loving faithfulness restore your broken heart - bit by bit - or rather one by one - until of you in your broken heart have found His loving grace in your life there. As Scripture warns this takes patient endurance.

So if you have an issue that makes you feel bitter than take it to Jesus and let Him dismantle such a hot coal in your life and show you how to get diamonds out of them by letting satan apply the pressure and the heat letting go of you and all will be well in the end result and you will have become an even kinder man after such events have taken place in your heart and will reap a bounteous treasure from what is now often your misery.

For that is how it goes brother when we sin or when other people sin against us we get stuck with wrong - in this case their wrong keeps producing bad life in your life - this is why it is so important to go to Christ with it.

Please understand asking Jesus to take it away is not as effective as letting Him take it away. By this i mean we can often ask Jesus to take a sin or short coming away and then try hard not to be like that any more and so we struggle on for the rest of our lives, usually in vain. For that is not how it goes with Jesus, salvation follows a different pattern.

The trick is to let the negativity and bitterness come out openly - all of it - for how ever long it takes - the bible calls it a river of blood - but not to relish in or let it hurt us but to die being like that on our knees before Christ - time and again. See if we expose our deepest darkness to His light and then let His grace lift us up, and His love transforms and renew our minds, rather than trying so hard not to be like that, and then plead with Christ to safe us as we refuse to ever be that bitter or negative about others, ourselves or God again.

For example i know you feel bitter towards some of your partners for being unfaithful to you, but have you prayed for their salvation knowing they sinned like this to you and are in deep trouble? You know how much bad life their sin has caused in your life, you know how horrible their sin really is, while they all blame you most likely.

I know as a P.T.S.D suffer that when we find grace and forgiveness for our offenders we will also find grace and forgiveness in our heart where they have hurt us instead of bitterness, negativity and wrongs, that is how God's grace works.

All the best letting Jesus dismantle your bitterness and negativity be of very good courage Jesus loves to set you free from such burdens in our lives.

Peace and blessings.

(try and follow the pattern explained below as you work on each bitterness or negativity your carry in
the order Jesus brings them about, and see where the Living Word takes you.)



Ephesians 4:17-28
So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.

That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.


Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbour, for we are all members of one body. ‘In your anger do not sin’ do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.


Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
 
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NothingIsImpossible

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I should also add stay away from negative people/environments. Living with my parents, more so my mom, means everyone in the house can be affected by her actions. When shes mad, it can get us annoyed which then can make us negative. If we could afford it we would move because shes just so negative and its hard on us since it affects our moods too.
 
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Servant68

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I stopped listening to talk radio so much to try and avoid all of the bad political news and negativity. Turn the radio to a local Christian station when driving to work. Tried to stay away from some online forums where the negativity and personal attacks are off the charts.

I've even had to take time off from this site due to my faith and conservative views getting attacked so much. Ironic that the most hateful remarks I've had leveled at me on an online forum were on a Christian site.

I think it's just been more difficult to stay positive lately since the weather in this part of the world is so gloomy this time of year. And I was working a graveyard shift the past year and a half. With the shorter days and my schedule, I'd see daylight maybe two hours a day at most. And I haven't seen a sunny day for over a month.
 
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When we learn to deny ourselves and the lust of this world, He increases in us. And in Him there is no negativity or bitterness. It is as simple as that. This is a time to move closer to The Lord and He will move closer to you.
 
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And if you do this you will not need anything over your eyes for they will be full of Light. His Light. And when the enemy comes to replay what negativity that has already been spoken to you, just say no, and speak out load the promises that Jesus says we are in Him.
 
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