How to forgive and forget?

EtainSkirata

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Several months ago I stopped being friends with all my close friends. I was pretty close to two of them. I just keep feeling bitter and angry at them, even though the decision to get away from some of them was my choice (and the others stopped talking to me). I now have no close friends, no one I talk to regularly outside from family. And I'm just so angry and bitter. I've said I forgive them, but I keep circling back to anger. I just want to move on. And making new friends is hard because a) COVID and b) it's hard to find good people.
 

Pavel Mosko

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Actually I have a good sermon video on the subject. The speaker says he does not think it is possible to forgive and forget, nor is it Biblical. What we need to do rather is cancel the debt we think people owe us.

 
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crossnote

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1 Thessalonians 4:9 (KJV) But as touching brotherly love ye need not that I write unto you: for ye yourselves are taught of God to love one another.

Romans 5:5 (KJV) And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

Matthew 18:21-22 (NASB) Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus *said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.
 
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zippy2006

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Several months ago I stopped being friends with all my close friends. I was pretty close to two of them. I just keep feeling bitter and angry at them, even though the decision to get away from some of them was my choice (and the others stopped talking to me). I now have no close friends, no one I talk to regularly outside from family. And I'm just so angry and bitter. I've said I forgive them, but I keep circling back to anger. I just want to move on. And making new friends is hard because a) COVID and b) it's hard to find good people.

As Pavel said, I would not necessarily try to forget. Along with canceling the debt they owe you, you should also pray for them. Indeed, what do we do to people who owe us no debt? We love them. When there is a rut of hatred in your relationship with someone due to past transgression, that love needs to be nurtured in a particularly strong way. This means that praying for them should include what I've said before here:

Think back on someone you often judge:
  1. Thank God for them. For their existence, for creating them.
  2. Admire their strengths, the things they are good at. Thank God for these.
  3. Ask God to bless them and to give them a beautiful life.

True forgiveness is a process, but it is also a choice. In difficult cases it is an ongoing choice. The video Pavel posted is a good blend of Christian and secular wisdom on forgiveness. Begin the process, persist in the process, and God will come to your aid.
 
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Bobber

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Actually I have a good sermon video on the subject. The speaker says he does not think it is possible to forgive and forget, nor is it Biblical. What we need to do rather is cancel the debt we think people owe us.


I liked the video. Many positive things in it. I find even the feelings of forgiveness can come though and it's usually when I do this. Recognize that people aren't necessarily always acting by their own volition....but mankind each one individually are in a battle where there's powers beyond just the natural inspiring them and seeking to instill a thought in them to want to hurt you or do something unkind. In other words if people are merely puppets of the puppet master the devil it's easy to feel the feelings even of forgiveness towards the flesh and blood people.
 
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Bobber

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I've said I forgive them, but I keep circling back to anger. I just want to move on. And making new friends is hard because a) COVID and b) it's hard to find good people.

As I shared in my other post it might be encouraging to you if you practised seeing them in the reality of what takes place in the spirit realm. If they did you wrong consider it's the devil seeking to take your joy and get you fighting against flesh and blood. I think a good response is to understand who your real enemy is....the devil and his kingdom. Eph 6:10 We have a spiritual force we can lean on....The Joy of the Lord.......it's something we put on by faith. We say, you got to be kidding devil. You think anything you can do through men to make me hate them is going to work??? Don't think so!

And Almighty God, Lord if they've been walking in a carnal ,unkind, devilish way towards me then Lord I ask you to set them free from the deception and bondage they're in. Another thought....envision them becoming Christians and one day them maybe asking your forgiveness. Your response of course will be, "Look all of our sins are blotted out by the precious blood of Jesus. I look upon your sins as blotted out and removed the same as mine so you're justified in my sight....just as if you'd never sinned."
 
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eleos1954

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Several months ago I stopped being friends with all my close friends. I was pretty close to two of them. I just keep feeling bitter and angry at them, even though the decision to get away from some of them was my choice (and the others stopped talking to me). I now have no close friends, no one I talk to regularly outside from family. And I'm just so angry and bitter. I've said I forgive them, but I keep circling back to anger. I just want to move on. And making new friends is hard because a) COVID and b) it's hard to find good people.

You can forgive ... but not forget. However, if you don't truly forgive then you carry the burden of unforgiveness around it and can manifest itself negatively in many ways.

Ask the Lord to help you to forgive and also to take away your anger and to send good people your way. Foregiveness is just not saying "I forgive" .... it must come from the heart.

When you forgive from the heart .... you still remember but have a changed attitude/mind set about it.

Anger has no good whatsoever in it. It destroys.

Leaving old friends can be difficult sometimes ... finding new friends can take time.

Psalm 27

14Wait patiently for the LORD;
be strong and courageous.

May the Love of the Lord bring you peace in your mind and heart. Amen
 
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Mel62

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I used to be angry, sad, frustrated, etc. regarding my ex-wife. The negative emotions were killing me. My pastor told me to pray for my ex. Each day I prayed a good life (health, wealth, happiness, etc.) for my ex. It took some time but eventually I no longer have bitterness.

1. Each morning tell God what you are Thankful in your life. 2. Pray for everyone you love and the ones you don't. It will get better.
 
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Rugged Cross

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Over the years, I have come across this situation. My problem, if it is one, I forgive and put all heart into it if can. But I can seldom forget, I use it as warning to myself that things can go wrong for whatever reason. And sometimes we should ask "Was I the one in some way at fault?"
 
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Paul4JC

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Proper healing and forgiveness is best taken care of only at the cross. The healing balm of Calvary heals all our wounds of people who hurt us, and also mistakes we may have made. Proper application must be made. It's kept me from bitterness and anger many times in my life.

 
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