How to fix a marriage, patriarchy style

[bekkilyn]

***NOTE: You are in the Egalitarian Christians faith group. ***

Read this article today:

How to Fix a Marriage, Patriarchy Style

Apparently there is an epidemic of Christian wives divorcing and badly-advised Complimentarian men are completely baffled by it.

 

[solid_core]

***NOTE: You are in the Egalitarian Christians faith group. ***

Read this article today:

How to Fix a Marriage, Patriarchy Style

Apparently there is an epidemic of Christian wives divorcing and badly-advised Complimentarian men are completely baffled by it.

"Yay! You go, Bob’s wife! You are well rid of that ***. I hope you have a wonderful, amazing life."

What a terrible and sinful advice.

"But! There is good news! Bob, Joe, Fred, Dave, Paul, and John were all divorced by their wife last year."

Divorce is not a good news.

 

[Isilwen]

So glad that I am an egalitarian!

 

[dzheremi]

From the blog post:

Of course you should fix your side of what’s going wrong. However, you should also communicate, listen, etc. If it’s all about a blame game—all about exposing her sin—you’re doing it wrong.

This seems like very good and solid advice to me. The sentence following it, however:

Suddenly, Ken’s advice to these men to be kinder to their wives looks devious and manipulative. It’s all about a long game to make them look like the good guys, so that they can paint their wives as the bad guy.

...I'm not sure where that's coming from. What am I missing?

The rest of the guy's advice and the thing about putting his wife on an allowance and chastising her whenever she got angry seems objectively terrible. Is your wife a fellow partner in this marriage, or are you going to treat her like a sullen teenager you have to put under your thumb so that she learns how to behave better? Because the latter is only going to make it worse. Nobody wants to be treated like a child by their partner.

What a bunch of idiots. Makes me glad I'm not married (though I'm a man, so maybe I'm supposed to like this sort of thing? I don't).

 

[bekkilyn]

"Yay! You go, Bob’s wife! You are well rid of that ***. I hope you have a wonderful, amazing life."

What a terrible and sinful advice.

"But! There is good news! Bob, Joe, Fred, Dave, Paul, and John were all divorced by their wife last year."

Divorce is not a good news.

However, an abusive marriage is even worse news, so divorce would be good news by comparison. Obviously, it wasn't an ideal situation to begin with since a healthy marriage wouldn't have led to divorce in the first place.

 

[bekkilyn]

...I'm not sure where that's coming from. What am I missing?

It seemed to me to be a matter of motive. Rather than treating a person kindly as a matter of principle, because that's simply what loving people do, he would instead only be doing it in order to get something out of the other person, which is what would make it manipulative behavior.

What a bunch of idiots. Makes me glad I'm not married (though I'm a man, so maybe I'm supposed to like this sort of thing? I don't).

Amen! Every time my thoughts go in the direction of pursuing a relationship with anyone, a few seconds later I think, "Nope! Not even going to go there!"

 

[dzheremi]

It seemed to me to be a matter of motive. Rather than treating a person kindly as a matter of principle, because that's simply what loving people do, he would instead only be doing it in order to get something out of the other person, which is what would make it manipulative behavior.

I guess. It just seemed kind of jarring to have it come right after the other sentence. I suppose that's to be expected if the advice changes to something really bad suddenly, as she claims it did. (I didn't read the original article because I don't need or want that kind of advice.)

Amen! Every time my thoughts go in the direction of pursuing a relationship with anyone, a few seconds later I think, "Nope! Not even going to go there!"

I don't quite mean it like that. I'm not adverse to the idea of relationships, I just don't think I could be with someone who thought the way that these people apparently thought. If a woman came to me and said "I want you to treat me like your inferior, put me on an allowance, etc.", I wouldn't respond positively to that, because that's not what I want or think is healthy or loving.

 

[GaveMeJoy]

However, an abusive marriage is even worse news, so divorce would be good news by comparison. Obviously, it wasn't an ideal situation to begin with since a healthy marriage wouldn't have led to divorce in the first place.

Separation with a hope for reconciliation in situations of abuse is preferable to divorce in my opinion but it’s up to each persons interpretation of scripture and the lead of the holy spirit

 

[GaveMeJoy]

Amen! Every time my thoughts go in the direction of pursuing a relationship with anyone, a few seconds later I think, "Nope! Not even going to go there!"

bravo, to me this comment screams “I am spiritually mature and willing to sacrifice momentary or personal desires for obedience and serving Christ”

just so you know I am in similar situation and aspire to always have this mentality.

 

[thecolorsblend]

***NOTE: You are in the Egalitarian Christians faith group. ***

Read this article today:

How to Fix a Marriage, Patriarchy Style

Apparently there is an epidemic of Christian wives divorcing and badly-advised Complimentarian men are completely baffled by it.

Is that really breaking news for anybody? Women file for 70% of divorces so this shouldn't come as a big surprise.

 

[dzheremi]

Maybe I misread the thread, but I thought the point was not to highlight that women were filing the divorces, but that the advice given on how to save the marriages contains various blind spots and weaknesses that doom any attempt at reconciliation.

 

[GodsGrace101]

So glad that I am an egalitarian!

Could you please tell me what an Egalitarian is?
Thanks!

 

[GodsGrace101]

Is that really breaking news for anybody? Women file for 70% of divorces so this shouldn't come as a big surprise.

And is it any wonder?
Men are usually not even aware that there's a problem!
(just my opinion, but I'm sure I'm right).

 

[PloverWing]

Could you please tell me what an Egalitarian is?
Thanks!

The SOP for this forum defines it this way:

The Egalitarian Christians forum is a forum for discussion and fellowship for members who believe in Bibllcal equality between men and women. Some things about Egalitarians include:

• Belief that the Bible teaches the full equality of men and women in Creation and in Redemption
• Belief that both woman and man were created for full and equal partnership.
• Belief that man and woman were co-participants in the Fall
• Belief that husbands and wives are joint heirs together of the grace of life and that they are bound together in a relationship of mutual submission and responsibility
• Belief that both mothers and fathers are to exercise leadership in the nurture, training, discipline and teaching of their children

 

[GodsGrace101]

The SOP for this forum defines it this way:

The Egalitarian Christians forum is a forum for discussion and fellowship for members who believe in Bibllcal equality between men and women. Some things about Egalitarians include:

• Belief that the Bible teaches the full equality of men and women in Creation and in Redemption
• Belief that both woman and man were created for full and equal partnership.
• Belief that man and woman were co-participants in the Fall
• Belief that husbands and wives are joint heirs together of the grace of life and that they are bound together in a relationship of mutual submission and responsibility
• Belief that both mothers and fathers are to exercise leadership in the nurture, training, discipline and teaching of their children

This is so interesting!
To be honest, I don't agree with all and we won't get into why...
But I agree wholeheartedly with the beliefs about husbands and wives
and also re the leadership and nurturing of their children. I feel this is of utmost importance and we suffer much in our society because this is not practiced. (the worst being for the children).

Thanks for replying.

 

[Gregorikos]

I think the patriarchy is likely at the root of some or all of the divorces.

And nothing was said about any of Bob, Joe, Fred, Dave, Paul, or John having a inappropriate content problem. Statistically, 4 of those men do.

 

[GaveMeJoy]

I think the patriarchy is likely at the root of some or all of the divorces.

“all” Haha

 

[topher694]

There are some significant red flags in both articles. I don't think taking advice from either writers is very wise.

 

[Gregorikos]

“all” Haha

You're probably right. It clearly states the wives in question are in sin.

After all, what Satan desires is to get both spouses wallowing in the mud of sin together. When one spouse no longer will climb into sin as a reaction to the other, it places the other spouse in an awkward position of having their sin exposed clearly.

Isn't it implicit that the "sin" of the wives here is insubordination? It's the expectations of these husbands that sets the stage for failure. And none of that is addressed at all. (Because the Alexanders believe that's the way it should be.)

 

[Gregorikos]

There are some significant red flags in both articles. I don't think taking advice from either writers is very wise.

Oh, Lori Alexander is terrible. This is my first introduction to her husband. That he is this way doesn't surprise me.