How to encourage an associate pastor

[Itwill Beglorious]

We somewhat recently had a new senior/lead pastor come on board and he has been doing a lot of good things. The church is growing, and there is a new energy in the air. God is using this man.

However, as with most major changes, the change itself can be hard for some.

One of our associate pastors has been, for lack of a better term "de-motivated". I believe this is partially because this associate pastor was so close to the former senior pastor. He feels like nothing is going right (even though, a lot is going right). He has confided in a few of us that he pretty much dislikes everything since the new pastor has come on board. He still does his pastoral duties and obligations and is not openly a "Debbie downer" in public. But the whole conversation came up because when dealing with other staff, there has been some indication of an issue.

So my question is this. How do we help this good man? I know he loves God. I know what it feels like to have a problem where you cannot breath. You desperately crave air, but your lungs don't work. This good man seems to be experiencing this in his spiritual life and ministry. He has a good heart, I know this. He just seems to have lost his vision. He has no aspirations for what he wants to do in the church or how he wants to grow ministries. He just exists and that is about it. I think, due to his good heart, he still helps when asked, but never more than asked.

I know several of us try encouraging and building him up. We want him to succeed and I know he appreciates the kind words and such. But I would love some advice on motivating him and his young family. This guy has some great potential to be used by God if he could take these spiritual blinders off and see what is going on around him. How do we help him?

 

[Hazelelponi]

I'm just curious, had he been hoping for the position of lead Pastor?

 

[bekkilyn]

Is he leading any ministries at all in the church, or is he always just "helping" someone else? Maybe he needs a project to oversee. Has he done any sort of spiritual gifts assessment?

 

[Greg J.]

He has been presented with an opportunity from God. Consider Daniel who both God and the Kings he served thought extremely highly of. Daniel did his job to the best of his ability even though he was in service to immoral men. I can't imagine how he managed it. However, anyone choosing to be faithful to the one God has set over them will be blessed greatly by God. How the associate pastor treats his senior pastor is how God will treat him.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. (Colossians 3:23-24, 1984 NIV)

The Lord will probably bless the associate pastor in this life, as well. How we treat others gives us the kind of character that determines how we will be treated in the future. It's the associate pastor's choice. Obeying your master forges you into a master (sometimes painfully). It sounds like the associate pastor has expectations for how things should be, when in fact, we will be happier in the long-term accepting what the Lord grants. It is typical for the Lord to leave people on the low rungs until they have lost their natural self-focus and self-righteousness, which can take decades, but doesn't happen at all to some people because they keep seeking to satisfy their own will instead of God's or others'.

“Consider carefully what you hear,” he continued. “With the measure you use, it will be measured to you—and even more. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.” (Mark 4:24-25, 1984 NIV)

He should consider talking to his senior pastor about it after much prayer and trying to figure out what it is exactly that is keeping him unhappy and what exactly he needs to be happy.

 

[Tolworth John]

He has confided in a few of us that he pretty much dislikes everything since the new pastor has come on board.

I would suggest two things, that he has a heart to heart talk with the pastor. He needs to sort out his relationship with him and his view of what is happening.
If this does not resolve issues/clear the air then he should take a break from serving. Just doing what is asked is not good enough.
Let him sit in the congragation for a few months and see what is happening from there.

If he is still of the same frame of mind his best option if he still wants to serve would be to move.

 

[Itwill Beglorious]

I appreciate all the replies everyone. This is giving me things to think about. He has become a good friend and we serve together and it feels like my heart is being torn apart by this. I know this is just one person, but his family and my family are close.

Is he leading any ministries at all in the church, or is he always just "helping" someone else?

He is definitely leading. Although, more like "doing". He is in charge of at least one ministry area and his wife takes an important role in another.

I'm just curious, had he been hoping for the position of lead Pastor?

At one point I believe he did want to pursue that route. But now he says he does not want to anymore. I assume this is because he is just de-motivated and losing his passion.

I would suggest two things, that he has a heart to heart talk with the pastor. He needs to sort out his relationship with him and his view of what is happening.
If this does not resolve issues/clear the air then he should take a break from serving. Just doing what is asked is not good enough.

Yes, that might be what is needed. There have been some discussions, and there will probably be more. I like the idea of taking a few months off, perhaps that would help him refocus.

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I know these things happen. I have seen lots of pastors (at churches I have been a part of, or just friends who were in the ministry) get discouraged, pack up their bags, and go home. People go all out, serving everywhere, then burn out, and misalign their frustration toward the church and toward God.

My wife and I have become more and more mindful of this over the years and have tried to be proactive in building up others and also an advocate for "sharing the burden".

So many times, people looking in do not even see the half of what pastors are going through. It is kind of like that saying that you really don't want to see how sausages are made. There is a lot of drama that goes on in a growing church that can dishearten Christians who have chosen to enter the ministry.

It could just be the stress of everything. I know I get stressed about things that happen behind the scenes sometimes. When you are wading knee deep in various people's personal problems (because you are involved in the ministry) it can really wear on you. You learn a side of people that you trusted and you begin to question your association with them. At the same time, you really want them to get to that place that they have a deep and meaningful relationship with Jesus.

Maybe this pastor's issue is some of that pent up frustration because of the general overwhelmingness of the situation.

One thing is certain, I need to be praying for him more. I do sometimes, but not enough. He is my friend and needs God to pick him up and carry him at this point. Where I can be used by God in this task, I would also like to be ready for that.

 

[Hazelelponi]

I appreciate all the replies everyone. This is giving me things to think about.

At one point I believe he did want to pursue that route. But now he says he does not want to anymore. I assume this is because he is just de-motivated and losing his passion.



Yes, that might be what is needed. There have been some discussions, and there will probably be more. I like the idea of taking a few months off, perhaps that would help him refocus.

---

I know these things happen. I have seen lots of pastors (at churches I have been a part of, or just friends who were in the ministry) get discouraged, pack up their bags, and go home. People go all out, serving everywhere, then burn out, and misalign their frustration toward the church and toward God.

My wife and I have become more and more mindful of this over the years and have tried to be proactive in building up others and also an advocate for "sharing the burden".

So many times, people looking in do not even see the half of what pastors are going through. It is kind of like that saying that you really don't want to see how sausages are made. There is a lot of drama that goes on in a growing church that can dishearten Christians who have chosen to enter the ministry.

It could just be the stress of everything. I know I get stressed about things that happen behind the scenes sometimes. When you are wading knee deep in various people's personal problems (because you are involved in the ministry) it can really wear on you. You learn a side of people that you trusted and you begin to question your association with them. At the same time, you really want them to get to that place that they have a deep and meaningful relationship with Jesus.

Maybe this pastor's issue is some of that pent up frustration because of the general overwhelmingness of the situation.

One thing is certain, I need to be praying for him more. I do sometimes, but not enough. He is my friend and needs God to pick him up and carry him at this point. Where I can be used by God in this task, I would also like to be ready for that.

Something sounds like it's eating at him. Like you said it could be burn out - or it could be a sense of under appreciation.

In any place of business when a new manager comes in many people leave because its easy to become set in your ways; new ways are unfamiliar so they are often unwelcome - even if those ways may be better.

Some people weather through changes better than others, but this friend seems like his dissatisfaction is stemming from something surrounding the new pastor.

So is it change in general? Or is it something deeper..?

It may be a more difficult thing to figure out if not even he knows why. Breaks are nice in this regard - but I'd make sure that a break doesn't make him feel pushed out completely or under appreciated.

As to you, while I'm sure you pray for him often, this situation, while yours to deal with - may not be yours to solve. Put it in God's Hand... not your own. (Thought you needed the reminder)

 

[Itwill Beglorious]

It may be a more difficult thing to figure out if not even he knows why. Breaks are nice in this regard - but I'd make sure that a break doesn't make him feel pushed out completely or under appreciated.

As to you, while I'm sure you pray for him often, this situation, while yours to deal with - may not be yours to solve. Put it in God's Hand... not your own. (Thought you needed the reminder)

Thank you!

 

[carp614]

I once overheard a Sister relating the story of her foster children and the abuse they had suffered in graphic, graphic detail to our head pastor. In the reception hall. Right after church services. Sister had some issues understanding what should be spoken in public and what should not be... Anyway, the point is it made me realize how heavy the burden of ministry can be.

To me it looks similar to law enforcement. They see the very worst of humanity on a daily basis, and they suffer terribly for it. Very high divorce rates, serious stress related health problems and worse, a level of cynicism and emotional scarring most people don't appreciate. And this from a group of people who are both interested in serving their communities and are the type of people who run toward a fight, not away from it.

Surely, one called by God to minister to others would be prepared spiritually to meet sin with love and forgiveness. But that predisposition to Godly love may not sufficiently prepare a person to deal with the depths of human depravity and conflict that sin creates. We all have limits and shocks that can shake us to our foundations. Has he come to one of his limits without realizing it?

Different idea came to me: I once had an idea for raising funds to help families who were having difficulty making mortgage payments. I thought it up, worked through the details, and got really excited about what it could be. When I approached the church about it I was very gently told the idea was not on mission and not something the church would be interested in doing. I had not realized how much I had invested in the idea, nor had I considered the possibility that the idea would not be pursued. So when it was rejected I was utterly devastated for a time. I know now God was using this to put my focus back where it was supposed to be. But I didn't know that then. Maybe your AP is feeling like this? Maybe God is trying to help him change his direction?

 

[bekkilyn]

Another issue is that pastors get caught up so much with leading and discipling others that they often forget that they also need to *be* discipled. Even a pastor should have a pastor, somewhere, and not necessarily the one who is directly supervising him or her. If they've spent a long, long time working to meet everyone else's needs and not having their own needs met, especially spiritually, then burn-out and de-motivation are inevitable at some point. Pile on some disappointment along with too much change (for those who don't thrive on change) and it can be disastrous if something isn't done.

 

[Itwill Beglorious]

I once overheard a Sister relating the story of her foster children and the abuse they had suffered in graphic, graphic detail to our head pastor. In the reception hall. Right after church services. Sister had some issues understanding what should be spoken in public and what should not be... Anyway, the point is it made me realize how heavy the burden of ministry can be.

As an aside, the pain that people are going through is way worse than most people imagine. I sometimes feel sick to my stomach after helping others, knowing what they are dealing with. We all should strive to befriend people in church we never talk to. They need friendship, love, and support and usually will not go out and find it. You need to be active in going out to coffee with them, inviting them over, or generally being Christ's hands and feet. Think of Zacchaeus, he climbed the tree, but he never called out to Jesus. Jesus called out to him. People "climb the tree" and arrive in church, but we as members of the body, are often required to do the next step of calling them and fellowshipping with them.

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Pile on some disappointment along with too much change (for those who don't thrive on change) and it can be disastrous if something isn't done.

Yes, I think you all have some good insight into this. Now to find a way to help him discover this!