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Featured How to deal with family that has died?

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by Believer000, Dec 30, 2020.

  1. Believer000

    Believer000 New Member

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    How do you guys cope with family members that have died without Christ? It torments me mentally thinking about it
     
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  2. Albion

    Albion Facilitator

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    All you can do is trust in the mercifulness of God. We debate the nature of the afterlife quite a lot, but we are not given to know very much about that subject, nor did God intend in his holy word to inform us of every last thing that lies ahead. For that matter, we are not equipped, while we are in this life, to comprehend it even if we were given all that information.
     
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  3. xaris

    xaris Active Member

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    Did it torment you before they died?
    It did me.
    After they die, it's too late.
     
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  4. Arc F1

    Arc F1 Let the righteous man arise from slumber Supporter

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    We just have to live with it. It's just more burden to carry and another obstacle to overcome.
     
  5. FutureAndAHope

    FutureAndAHope Just me Supporter

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    The way I would deal with this is to say, we never know what can happen in those dying moments. I know many stories of people who have had what we call a NDE, or Near Death Experience, who have encountered God as they were in the process of dying. With no person to assist them, God himself has spoken to them and bought them salvation.

    Unfortunately, I also know of people who have had hell NDE's.

    But let's look at a scripture:

    Heb 6:10 For God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labour of love, which ye have shewed toward his name, in that ye have ministered to the saints, and do minister.

    Many people do minister to others, be it the love they show towards their family, or friends etc. God looks favourably on these things. He does not forget quickly the good others do. The bible tells us:

    Joh 14:23 Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.

    God is esentually love, if we show love to others God will come to us, and reveal His salvation to us. I believe there are some who may never have made the outward confession of faith, who may make it in those last moments. Now don't get me wrong, many will not. But each will be judged by the way they respoded to others, and their concience.

    Rom 2:14-16 For when the Gentiles, which have not the law, do by nature the things contained in the law, these, having not the law, are a law unto themselves: Which shew the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing witness, and their thoughts the mean while accusing or else excusing one another. In the day when God shall judge the secrets of men by Jesus Christ according to my gospel.

    I can't guarantee your family member has made it. But I do know God is not unjust, and will give every opportunity of repentance.
     
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  6. Monksailor

    Monksailor Adopted child of God. Supporter

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    I am sorry for your loss. We just lost someone last month.

    Consider the fact that there are those among us who call themselves Christians who prophesy and even drive out demons in the name of Christ, of whom one day our Lord and Savior will say "Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ' I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness!"" Matt 7:22-23 Berean Study Bible

    I dare say that we need to be more mindful of our own destiny. Taking the label of a Christian and doing good deeds is no guarantee. God looks at what NOONE else sees and what we do in secret; He judges the intentions and motives of our hearts. Even if the act appears good and holy it can easily be right from the pit of hell or purely of a legalistic nature, like the hypocritical Jewish Priests, the Pharisees, of Jesus' time or those relatives at Thanksgiving and Christmas, maybe us, who put on airs and/or act so benevolent and gracious to others while jabbing and twisting that knife in the back. We should use this time of mourning to also contemplate upon our own condition and relationship with Christ. I am.

    About it tearing you up; were you responsible to make the decision for them? NO. There are verses in the OT and NT clearly saying that each individual is exclusively responsible and accountable to God. Did you share the Gospel message with them and pray for them? If you did and they refused to believe and/or put it off, it is all on them. In fact, Romans 1, seems to say that one cannot give an excuse that they did not hear the Gospel message, as all creation around us speaks volumes about God, and it says there is no excuse. If you failed to share the Gospel with them, confess to the Lord, and move on and do better the next time. If you find yourself all torn up because of their absence in your life that is normal. Some people need a grievance counselor to work through their grieving. The grieving process is not a familiar thing, and most do not study about how to mourn the loss of a loved one. Pastors and counselors, in general, DO know this process and are trained to facilitate the process. W/O needed guidance through mourning one can get "stuck" in it or worse. I will pray for you.
     
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2020
  7. Basil the Great

    Basil the Great Well-Known Member Supporter

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    You do not know for certain that it is too late. Only God knows that for sure. Some believe that at the moment of death, God offers a last chance for salvation to those who are lost. Does the Bible support this? No, it does not. However, it also does not specifically rule out the possibility.
     
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  8. Basil the Great

    Basil the Great Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Besides entrusting them to the mercy of God, we should also pray for their souls. Why? God is outside of time and space, as we know it. Hence, it is possible that our prayers for them may still be used to assist them. We cannot know how much our prayers may be of benefit, but the earliest Christians believed in praying for the dead, so why not us in 2020 as well?
     
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  9. NBB

    NBB Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I had a grandma that died, when my mother talked about God with her, she just said, 'ah poor Jesus he was killed by them etc' or something like that, my mother could not enter her head with the gospel, one day she died, i always have a bit of a torment thinking about her and i'm desperate for the rest of my family that its still alive, i pray to God frequently about this, i really woulnd't want harm coming their way.
     
  10. Paul4JC

    Paul4JC It is for freedom that Christ has set us free

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    Christians make like people are put on a judgement coveter belt at death per Hebrews 9:27. Is that was it says? There is a huge grey area here. After does not convey when. It doesn't say immediately. There could be much time between death and judgement. God can still work the impossible. Pray for them. Even the rich man in hell was still alert. Maybe nothing can be done, but it's worth a try. Peace to you.
     
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2020
  11. disciple Clint

    disciple Clint Well-Known Member

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    Truly even if you had done everything possible to introduce them to the Gospel, it is still up to the Holy Spirit to extend the grace. Do not blame yourself for things you cannot change. Also you never know for certain that someone did not accept Jesus just prior to their death.
     
  12. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

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    Either you will see them in Heaven again, or you will not. Either way, you can't change the outcome now.
     
  13. Daniel Marsh

    Daniel Marsh Well-Known Member

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    Pray for their salvation even after they died. God see all of time at once.
    He can apply your prayers for them at the last hour of their life giving them the chance to repent.
     
  14. Loaves and Fishes

    Loaves and Fishes Member

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  15. Joined2krist

    Joined2krist Well-Known Member Staff Member Hands-on Trainee Supporter

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    You can still pray for the souls of the dead. Many babies who died could not profess Christ Lordship over their lives, many mentally challenged who have died couldn't do this as well, God/Jesus Christ would not send them to hell because He knows the hearts of human, He knows their peculiar situations, so if there's a chance that your prayers can be heard unbehalf of your dead relative, it's best you take it, let God decide what to do, the Bible says that "the prayer of the righteous is important to God, therefore, pray for their souls to be saved and believe that God will hear your prayers and show His mercy on them
     
  16. Loaves and Fishes

    Loaves and Fishes Member

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    You are receiving all kinds of advice that is not scriptural. If you really want to be sure you should take your advice from the Bible. God's word is sound and should be the only way to make your decisions on this matter. My only advice is to read and understand these and other scriptures related to this subject if you want to do what is right in God's eyes and remember all scripture is for edification and is inspired by God. 2 Timothy 3:16 and we must live by every word Matthew 4:4. This means the entire Bible.

    The word soul and spirit is used at least 1600 times in the Bible and never once are said to be immortal.Have a look at Genesis 3:19-22 where God is quite clear that we die and that man did not take from the tree of life and does not live forever-unless God allows it.You will see what I mean from the following scriptures. Genesis 2:17 where God says Adam will surely die if he eats from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil-and he did eat from it. Some other verses to look at are Ecclesiastes 3:19-20,Ecclesiastes 9:5-6 ,Ecclesiastes 12:7.In the book of Job 4:17 ,one of Job's friends asks ‘Can a mortal be more righteous than God? Can even a strong man be more pure than his Maker?" Obviously he knew man was mortal. In Job 14:12-15 it says
    12 so he lies down and does not rise;
    till the heavens are no more, people will not awake
    or be roused from their sleep.

    13 “If only you would hide me in the grave
    and conceal me till your anger has passed!
    If only you would set me a time
    and then remember me!
    14 If someone dies, will they live again?
    All the days of my hard service
    I will wait for my renewal to come.
    15 You will call and I will answer you;
    you will long for the creature your hands have made.

    Compare this with 2 Peter 3:9-10
    9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering(patient) toward us, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

    10 But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up.
    Job's renewal was the resurrection of the dead spoke of in Romans 2:6-7 "the righteous judgment of God, 6 will render to each one according to his deeds”: 7 eternal life to those who by patient continuance in doing good seek for glory, honor, and immortality;

    Revelation 20:12 says " 12 And I saw the dead,small and great, standing before God,and books were opened. And another book was opened, which is the Book of Life. And the dead were judged according to their works, by the things which were written in the books."
    This is the very important part that you must know.The books here in this scripture is the Greek Biblion from which the word Bible comes from. These are the books of the Bible which God will show to those in this resurrection to finally understand and know Christ.
    You see, God is a merciful God and does not want any of His children to perish but have eternal life.. John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."
    So this verse tells us that we can perish and we do not have eternal life until we come to God-John 5:39-40.
    Praying for our dead is not scriptural and will not help. In fact we are more prone to be influence by Satan and demonic spirits in thinking that the dead are there to hear us. Jesus said to pray for God's kingdom to come.Luke 11:2-5. This is the model prayer to use and is an outline to all your prayers.
    Rest assured that all who are dead and have never heard the name of Christ in all of history-cultures from all over the world-will have a chance to know and understand what Jesus came here for and to accept Him as savior at that time of resurrection and to be part of God's kingdom here on earth. Matthew 5:5. He surely is a loving and merciful God.
     
  17. xaris

    xaris Active Member

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    That's why I choose those bodies that hold God's Word over the Traditions of men.

    Example: Matthew 15:4-6 (KJV) For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death. But ye say, Whosoever shall say to his father or his mother, It is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; And honour not his father or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition.

    (besides, I don't believe this area is open for debate)
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2021
  18. Alv Vatzdal

    Alv Vatzdal Member

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    The torment you mention, I must assume come from your ideas of what the afterlife is like. I don't know a thing about the afterlife, only that God is good and if there's justice it won't be injustice in God, nor will God ever make any unjust act to His creation, least us all to us that is created in His image. I don't even know the purpose of this life, but I do know that not everything is as it seem with people, and those that seem to succeed and that gather wealth and live a joyful life are not one and the same as people that have been seeking God, nor is it one and the same as who they are to God, or who God are to them.

    So I really don't worry about family or friends now dead, I must assume that no matter what happen, then God love them more then me.
     
  19. Caleb1823

    Caleb1823 New Member

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    This is a hard one brother I know its gonna feel hard thru this life dealing with this fact, however the best thing you can do is pray and fast for the Lord and ask for his comfort and joy. It doesn't matter how hard life is you can always experience the Lords joy and peace thru prayer and fasting.
    t
    People fast as a way of worship to God and this is what helps with the more difficult stuff that a normal prayer cannot really do unless the prayer has extreme faith.

    Just pick something from your life you can fast from and ignore like Coffee, Junk Food, Secular Music, Video Games, Fast food. You get the point it can be anything you can offer up to the Lord for 1 week.

    Keep in prayer with God read his word, keep praying for peace comfort and joy, meditate on the Lords word and find some spiritual scriptural food for the soul. I know fasting is hard for a lot of folks but its worth it in the main run and helps you grow closer to God.

    When you get to heaven the Lord will help you so much to not think of dead family members in hell, there is no sadness or misery in heaven at all.

    I am sorry for what has happen to you, I feel the same way with my father as he isn't christian.

    I will pray for you my friend keep in peace as hard as it is, Pray Fast and Read.

    God bless you
     
  20. Job3315

    Job3315 Well-Known Member

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    This is just me, I am not saying I had some sort of revelation about it, but the Bible says that when Jesus died he went and peached in hell. I've also heard a known prophet say one time to make sure we are known in Heaven, Earth and in Hell, and I was taken to hell once to see something secret, so we, though Jesus, have some access to it. Maybe our spirits are preaching down there and we don't know it? Sometimes I think that people who died without Christ, will, somehow, still have a chance we don't know about or fully understand. Also, from my understanding, the more transformed we are on earth, the more aware we will be in Heaven. From my understanding, there will be people in Heaven who won't be able to enter the New Jerusalem, which makes me think, there will be some people who won't be fully aware of their capacity or identity in heaven (based on Revelations). But again, this is just theory. I rest in the reassurance that God made sure whoever died, had a chance to understand the gospel. If they didn't want to accept it, then I accept that was their decision.
     
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