How to deal with failures, more failures and the lack of faith?

[Ronald]

I am faced with a situation concerning my 37 year old step daughter. She was recently divorced, has four children who live with their father and now is living in her car due to failed ventures, evictions and basic unwillingness to work a 9-5.
She has always had her eyes on material things, always looking to become rich and never content or happy with life. She failed her kids in many ways, and husband because of selfishness. They divorced, she left her kids and pursued to go online to find a millionaire. She found some well to do men but was not quite up front about her life (having four kids). Needless to say, a couple of them fled when they found out. Another one (a famous chef) offered her a new life, a house ( pick any of these five cities and it's yours ... oh, I'd like to meet your kids too). But she saw he had a anger management problem and ended it. Another guy was too short. After a while, the online dating subsided and she decided to make the million herself.
As you must have seen on the internet, the marijuana business is booming in states where it is legal and much hype is going out on this new get-rich-quick path to glory. Well, she went for it. She disguised and presented it initially as a non-profit business that would help suffering people with chronic illnesses, a charity. Of course medical marijuana does help in certain cases - but now the motive in this business is money (and maybe it's always been). She would start a bakery and make pastries or muffins made with pot and give them to suffering people through dispensaries. That idea was for our consumption, just to get her mom to accept it - "Just want to help people mom!" Well, we didn't. The truth slowly materialized that is was just a get rich quick business. She could sell to dispensaries and make huge profits and within a year or two, millions. Well, she had nothing to start with, so she asked for investors, everyone including family. No one in our family had money to do that nor were we interested. So she finally found an old friend (more interested in her than the business), but he helped. She didn't care to start small and build, she had her head in the clouds, rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous, doing interviews and articles were written about her new rising business ( that had not sold a single cupcake yet). She wanted it fast, but did not want to do the hard work from the bottom and build up. So after one year, she has failed to produce ANY income at all, has suffered several evictions and now her friend just kicked her out. Oh, she just got baptized a few weeks ago, not having attended any church recently, nor has she given us any reason to believe that she has had a change of heart to turn away from this path, or has she revealed a new found love of the scriptures in any way. No, she thought, maybe if I get baptized, my life will change - God will bless me! We were wondering what her motivation was. That's it, get dipped and watch the blessings come? Well, if you are genuine about your relationship with God, He does reveal himself to you in many ways and it could be in the form of blessings - if your heart is right.
Anyways, now my wife is in tears about her daughter and wants to offer her a respite for awhile away from California in our home in Texas. I'm OK with that (partly) but, what would her purpose be to come here away from her kids other than just to lick her wounds and revamp a new plan? It just seems that all her life she has had her hands out to everyone for everything.
She wouldn't be willing to work a normal job, that's beneath her, small minded as she said. So what do you do with a person like this? She never listened to our counsel. I think maybe God has done this to her to get her attention, so we are at the precipice. Praying for guidance. Any thoughts?

 

[Rescued One]

That is SCARY! She has to help herself before she asks family for help. I think it could very well be a hoax --- given that I've tried to help relatives in the past.

 

[EzekielsWheels]

I first want to say I am very sorry for this situation you are in. As far as guidance this is difficult because she appears to have this habit of not putting in the work and other issues as well. My inclination based on what you've told me is to let her figure it out, thankfully there is someone to look after the kids.

 

[WESTOZZIE]

Hi Ronald,
you are thinking to let the consequences of her choices and heart idolatry take her down a peg or two, and maybe like the prodigal son when she has no one to help her and nothing to eat etc she will repent. Tough love....and your wife is more of a mercy person than you. Sounds like me and mine.
I have tasted tough love myself and we can be very stubborn beings...but God knows just how much we can take in order to change our mind about things.
Maybe...a month or two living in Uganda in a mud hut would help her?

 

[Soul-searching]

I am faced with a situation concerning my 37 year old step daughter. She was recently divorced, has four children who live with their father and now is living in her car due to failed ventures, evictions and basic unwillingness to work a 9-5.
She has always had her eyes on material things, always looking to become rich and never content or happy with life. She failed her kids in many ways, and husband because of selfishness. They divorced, she left her kids and pursued to go online to find a millionaire. She found some well to do men but was not quite up front about her life (having four kids). Needless to say, a couple of them fled when they found out. Another one (a famous chef) offered her a new life, a house ( pick any of these five cities and it's yours ... oh, I'd like to meet your kids too). But she saw he had a anger management problem and ended it. Another guy was too short. After a while, the online dating subsided and she decided to make the million herself.
As you must have seen on the internet, the marijuana business is booming in states where it is legal and much hype is going out on this new get-rich-quick path to glory. Well, she went for it. She disguised and presented it initially as a non-profit business that would help suffering people with chronic illnesses, a charity. Of course medical marijuana does help in certain cases - but now the motive in this business is money (and maybe it's always been). She would start a bakery and make pastries or muffins made with pot and give them to suffering people through dispensaries. That idea was for our consumption, just to get her mom to accept it - "Just want to help people mom!" Well, we didn't. The truth slowly materialized that is was just a get rich quick business. She could sell to dispensaries and make huge profits and within a year or two, millions. Well, she had nothing to start with, so she asked for investors, everyone including family. No one in our family had money to do that nor were we interested. So she finally found an old friend (more interested in her than the business), but he helped. She didn't care to start small and build, she had her head in the clouds, rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous, doing interviews and articles were written about her new rising business ( that had not sold a single cupcake yet). She wanted it fast, but did not want to do the hard work from the bottom and build up. So after one year, she has failed to produce ANY income at all, has suffered several evictions and now her friend just kicked her out. Oh, she just got baptized a few weeks ago, not having attended any church recently, nor has she given us any reason to believe that she has had a change of heart to turn away from this path, or has she revealed a new found love of the scriptures in any way. No, she thought, maybe if I get baptized, my life will change - God will bless me! We were wondering what her motivation was. That's it, get dipped and watch the blessings come? Well, if you are genuine about your relationship with God, He does reveal himself to you in many ways and it could be in the form of blessings - if your heart is right.
Anyways, now my wife is in tears about her daughter and wants to offer her a respite for awhile away from California in our home in Texas. I'm OK with that (partly) but, what would her purpose be to come here away from her kids other than just to lick her wounds and revamp a new plan? It just seems that all her life she has had her hands out to everyone for everything.
She wouldn't be willing to work a normal job, that's beneath her, small minded as she said. So what do you do with a person like this? She never listened to our counsel. I think maybe God has done this to her to get her attention, so we are at the precipice. Praying for guidance. Any thoughts?

i´m really sorry! What a mess. She does not sound mentally well, i´m sorry to say. She is 37, this is not normal behavior. Like the others say, she does not learn responsibility by you catering to her. I know that it will be hard on your wife, she might not be able to cut her off like that. A mothers love is endless. But she needs help, not help from you, but professionel help. Sometimes people need to sink before they open their eyes, and sometimes, no matter what, no matter how much they sink, they will still find a way to keep holding on to their lies and delusional thinking. It´s a sign of how sick they are, and i´m sorry you can´t do anything about it, unless she learn to open her eyes and look at reality. You taking her in, will only keep her in her delusionel mindset. She knows you are there for her, she does not have to do anything to change. That´s the sad part, she uses you, and you think you are doing a good deed, but all you are doing is making her worse. Let her take responsibility for herself, she got herself into this mess, let her learn that things have consequences.

 

[Ronald]

That is SCARY! She has to help herself before she asks family for help. I think it could very well be a hoax --- given that I've tried to help relatives in the past.

Hoax? I don't trust her, and I do believe she would say anything to get what she wants, but she knows we cannot give her financial support. She can stay for a couple weeks but then what? If she was willing to start a new life out here and leave this pursuit behind and get a 9-5, she could stay, but I think her head is in the clouds. She wants to jump to the top and bypass the hard work. Any business needs to start slow and build. But since the beginning, we did not believe this was God's purpose for her - she does though. Legalizing marijuana for recreational purposes is just part of the downfall of our country ... along with many other changes that have happened.

 

[Ronald]

I first want to say I am very sorry for this situation you are in. As far as guidance this is difficult because she appears to have this habit of not putting in the work and other issues as well. My inclination based on what you've told me is to let her figure it out, thankfully there is someone to look after the kids.

Thank you, I agree. I do think God is involved in her failures and is trying to really humble her and get her attention. Sometimes a person needs to be broken and stripped of everything before they truly come to God
Her pride is her enemy. My wife can't take it, she is in tears. I did say she needs to suffer a little. It turns out she didn't have to suffer one night in her car because my called a friend to let her crash at her place and she also about to buys plane ticket for to come here.

 

[Ronald]

Hi Ronald,
you are thinking to let the consequences of her choices and heart idolatry take her down a peg or two, and maybe like the prodigal son when she has no one to help her and nothing to eat etc she will repent. Tough love....and your wife is more of a mercy person than you. Sounds like me and mine.
I have tasted tough love myself and we can be very stubborn beings...but God knows just how much we can take in order to change our mind about things.
Maybe...a month or two living in Uganda in a mud hut would help her?

Right, the prodigal daughter needs to suffer and learn, be humbled and return with godly sorrow, confessing her sins. Then I will get the fatter calf and have a feast.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Thank you, I agree. I do think God is involved in her failures and is trying to really humble her and get her attention. Sometimes a person needs to be broken and stripped of everything before they truly come to God
Her pride is her enemy. My wife can't take it, she is in tears. I did say she needs to suffer a little. It turns out she didn't have to suffer one night in her car because my called a friend to let her crash at her place and she also about to buys plane ticket for to come here.

Could it also me that she suffers from some form of mental illness and needs some substantive Christian and psychological counseling? It might not simply be that she has a mild proclivity toward a lack of disciplined and misbehavior ... there might be more to it than that at work in her brain.

 

[Ronald]

Thank you all. I read this to my wife. She said you are all right.

i´m really sorry! What a mess. She does not sound mentally well, i´m sorry to say. She is 37, this is not normal behavior. Like the others say, she does not learn responsibility by you catering to her. I know that it will be hard on your wife, she might not be able to cut her off like that. A mothers love is endless. But she needs help, not help from you, but professionel help. Sometimes people need to sink before they open their eyes, and sometimes, no matter what, no matter how much they sink, they will still find a way to keep holding on to their lies and delusional thinking. It´s a sign of how sick they are, and i´m sorry you can´t do anything about it, unless she learn to open her eyes and look at reality. You taking her in, will only keep her in her delusionel mindset. She knows you are there for her, she does not have to do anything to change. That´s the sad part, she uses you, and you think you are doing a good deed, but all you are doing is making her worse. Let her take responsibility for herself, she got herself into this mess, let her learn that things have consequences.

I agree, it's just I can't say no to my wife. It's actually the first time I've seen her cry in 11 years. And since I don't have much of a relationship with her daughter, since I wasn't around when she was growing up, I have to just be a neutral peacekeeper. My wife said she wants to stay at her Grandma's instead - less criticism and more sympathy over there I guess. Her pride is evident. At least I can say she is not an alcoholic or drug addict ... but by now she probably smokes pot regularly. She says she needs it for medicinal purposes. Right, if you went to one of the dispensaries prior to 2018, you could claim any physical or mental suffering that would qualify you for a prescription - but now it's legal.
Thanks for you input.

 

[Ronald]

Could it also me that she suffers from some form of mental illness and needs some substantive Christian and psychological counseling? It might not simply be that she has a mild proclivity toward a lack of disciplined and misbehavior ... there might be more to it than that at work in her brain.

Could be. I think she needs professional help. Her biological father was a failure who sought for riches, wealthy women and sunk into a pit of despondency, drugs, etc and never came out of it. But I really don't think it's biological or chemical. You either love God or Mammon. So you'll tend to worship one or the other or yourself. Sin is not biological or chemical, not passed down that way, it's spiritual. People are spiritually blind and sick and in need of a doctor _ Dr. Jesus is only doctor they really need. But of course counseling by someone not emotionally involved or in the family is wise. I just don't think she thinks there is a problem with her. It's always someone else's fault. Her ex-husbands, the world. Someone once said that neurosis means "I am right and the world is wrong! And then psychosis means, "The world is right and I'm wrong."
The sin nature is rebelliousness toward God. It's odd though that she thinks she's doing God's work. People often try to justify ever deed, behavior or goal and try to convince the rest of us that God is with them on this!