How to deal with an abusive mother

[derpytia]

I've mentioned my troubles with my mother. She has anger issues, holds grudges (she's held a grudge against her mother-- who has been gone since before I was born-- for over 50 years, and a grudge against our evil neighbor for over 20) and is bitter, resentful, and doesn't care about the feelings of other people including myself, her own flesh and blood. She often physically hits me if I say or do something she doesn't like or I don't do something fast enough for her (like looking to see how cute the dog is being. That was today). She constantly belittles me, criticizes my appearance, invalidates my feelings. If I come to her about a problem I'm having she makes it about herself. She refuses to acknowledge that she has ever wronged anyone and accuses me of not loving her. She has gone to counseling but refused to do the work her therapist assigned her to help her with her issues and then blamed the therapist for not fixing her.

I have been experiencing feelings of anger and resentment for her treatment of me and others around her and I know it's wrong. I know she gave birth to me and raised me but I feel I shouldn't have to put up with this like some kind of martyr. I am so tired of being treated this way. I don't have enough money saved up to move out (I pay some of our bills since I'm living with her) and my job's policy doesn't grant transfers to people who are not students. I find it difficult to keep a Christian heart and attitude around her and praying for help doesn't seem to help me.

 

[disciple1]

I've mentioned my troubles with my mother. She has anger issues, holds grudges (she's held a grudge against her mother-- who has been gone since before I was born-- for over 50 years, and a grudge against our evil neighbor for over 20) and is bitter, resentful, and doesn't care about the feelings of other people including myself, her own flesh and blood. She often physically hits me if I say or do something she doesn't like or I don't do something fast enough for her (like looking to see how cute the dog is being. That was today). She constantly belittles me, criticizes my appearance, invalidates my feelings. If I come to her about a problem I'm having she makes it about herself. She refuses to acknowledge that she has ever wronged anyone and accuses me of not loving her. She has gone to counseling but refused to do the work her therapist assigned her to help her with her issues and then blamed the therapist for not fixing her.

I have been experiencing feelings of anger and resentment for her treatment of me and others around her and I know it's wrong. I know she gave birth to me and raised me but I feel I shouldn't have to put up with this like some kind of martyr. I am so tired of being treated this way. I don't have enough money saved up to move out (I pay some of our bills since I'm living with her) and my job's policy doesn't grant transfers to people who are not students. I find it difficult to keep a Christian heart and attitude around her and praying for help doesn't seem to help me.

I'd pray for yourself, strength to deal with her, or for you to find a way to move out.
Luke chapter 18 verse 1
Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.

 

[Bluerose31]

I've mentioned my troubles with my mother. She has anger issues, holds grudges (she's held a grudge against her mother-- who has been gone since before I was born-- for over 50 years, and a grudge against our evil neighbor for over 20) and is bitter, resentful, and doesn't care about the feelings of other people including myself, her own flesh and blood. She often physically hits me if I say or do something she doesn't like or I don't do something fast enough for her (like looking to see how cute the dog is being. That was today). She constantly belittles me, criticizes my appearance, invalidates my feelings. If I come to her about a problem I'm having she makes it about herself. She refuses to acknowledge that she has ever wronged anyone and accuses me of not loving her. She has gone to counseling but refused to do the work her therapist assigned her to help her with her issues and then blamed the therapist for not fixing her.

I have been experiencing feelings of anger and resentment for her treatment of me and others around her and I know it's wrong. I know she gave birth to me and raised me but I feel I shouldn't have to put up with this like some kind of martyr. I am so tired of being treated this way. I don't have enough money saved up to move out (I pay some of our bills since I'm living with her) and my job's policy doesn't grant transfers to people who are not students. I find it difficult to keep a Christian heart and attitude around her and praying for help doesn't seem to help me.

I am so sorry your mom treats you this way. She shouldn't. You are beautiful and important. Jesus loves you deeply.

 

[Roseonathorn]

Oh dear, remember that You are valuable. Your mother has so many problems.
Dear God I pray that Derpytia will find Your way in life, lead her in life to a home of her own so She can get some peace and quiet or some other arrangement even if it is far away for sometime if that is possible. I also pray that Derpytias mother will find You Lord so that She will finally find some peace, and get rid of the anger. I pray that the Holy Spirit will convince her that She needs to be cleansed from all bitterness, resentfulness and anger inside and filled with clean Holy spirit.
You know I think the best thing that happened in our family was the fact that I moved far away out of house at age 19 came home once a year or twice, little sister soon moved, and grumpy dad had only mom left to grump with. The Youngest was barely never home, always exercising and winning trophies, So during visits He better behaved, (at least half an hour) He got much better with age though. So You could check in on Your mom from time to time, and pray for her.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

I've mentioned my troubles with my mother. She has anger issues, holds grudges (she's held a grudge against her mother-- who has been gone since before I was born-- for over 50 years, and a grudge against our evil neighbor for over 20) and is bitter, resentful, and doesn't care about the feelings of other people including myself, her own flesh and blood. She often physically hits me if I say or do something she doesn't like or I don't do something fast enough for her (like looking to see how cute the dog is being. That was today). She constantly belittles me, criticizes my appearance, invalidates my feelings. If I come to her about a problem I'm having she makes it about herself. She refuses to acknowledge that she has ever wronged anyone and accuses me of not loving her. She has gone to counseling but refused to do the work her therapist assigned her to help her with her issues and then blamed the therapist for not fixing her.

I have been experiencing feelings of anger and resentment for her treatment of me and others around her and I know it's wrong. I know she gave birth to me and raised me but I feel I shouldn't have to put up with this like some kind of martyr. I am so tired of being treated this way. I don't have enough money saved up to move out (I pay some of our bills since I'm living with her) and my job's policy doesn't grant transfers to people who are not students. I find it difficult to keep a Christian heart and attitude around her and praying for help doesn't seem to help me.

Let it be known that you are seeking room and board asap...tap into all resources
that be available to you in the town/city that you live in.

 

[Tolworth John]

I have been experiencing feelings of anger and resentment for her treatment of me and others around her and I know it's wrong

Life must be very difficultfor you.
Anger about unfair or injust treatment is perfectly normal.
It is how you deal with that anger that matters.
If your Mother would listen to you, then you could discuss each issue with her.
As she is unlikely to take you seriously take each incident to God inprayer. Pour out your anger, and hurt to him.

Do all you can to remain on good terms with your mother as you will regret not being on good terms with her once she has gone.

 

[turkle]

If you make moving out a priority, you can do it. Save every penny you can, and look for a room mate situation or renting a room in someone's home.

My mother was a narcissist like yours. I made it a goal to move out the minute I turned 21 and get as far away from her as I could. I actually moved to another country. I made it happen because I refused to accept abuse from her any more.

I wish you well. I still have flashbacks of my mother's abuse even though she's been dead for 13 years. It's a sad thing indeed. I resolved to repair the damage by being a loving mother with my own children. Fortunately, the cycle has been stopped.

 

[Roseonathorn]

If you make moving out a priority, you can do it. Save every penny you can, and look for a room mate situation or renting a room in someone's home.

My mother was a narcissist like yours. I made it a goal to move out the minute I turned 21 and get as far away from her as I could. I actually moved to another country. I made it happen because I refused to accept abuse from her any more.

I wish you well. I still have flashbacks of my mother's abuse even though she's been dead for 13 years. It's a sad thing indeed. I resolved to repair the damage by being a loving mother with my own children. Fortunately, the cycle has been stopped.

I also moved around in other countries but my parents were not so bad, still I needed to get out.