How to Ask?

BrandenHarvey

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I wasn't raised a Christian. I became a Christian at 23. Problem was I got married at 22 to another non-Christian. My conversion ended up creating a wall between us.

After awhile, she began cheating. I believe reconciliation is better than divorce and I kept thinking about Hosea. So I stayed with her for years, through the cheating. Last year, when I was 34, I left. I finally asked myself if it was worth it to stay when I knew she would continue.

Recently, I have been talking to a woman at church. I want to ask her out. Because of the fact that I was married when I became a Christian, I have never attempted a Christian relationship before. I don't even know how to ask her out. I don't want to ask at church but that's the only place we see each other.
 

Albion

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I take it that you are now divorced (what you wrote was that you "left"). If so, and because it was your wife who committed the adultery which caused the divorce, I would think you should approach this new woman just like you would with any other date.

I understand you preferring that it not be at church, but perhaps you could ask her to join you at some church function. It wouldn't matter much what that function is. Doing that might sound better than asking for an ordinary date and would allow you to use that opportunity then to suggest some follow-up, assuming that all goes as well as you hope.
 
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Ricky M

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I take it that you are now divorced (what you wrote was that you "left"). If so, and because it was your wife who committed the adultery which caused the divorce, I would think you should approach this new woman just like you would with any other date.

I understand you preferring that it not be at church, but perhaps you could ask her to join you at some church function. It wouldn't matter much what that function is. Doing that might sound better than asking for an ordinary date and would allow you to use that opportunity then to suggest some follow-up, assuming that all goes as well as you hope.
This, and be up front with her about your marriage.
 
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GaveMeJoy

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Yes. We separated in February, filed for divorce in June, and the divorce was official in December.

Thank you for the advice.

Hey man, my divorce went through in November, and my wife did similar stuff, she was actually the one who left me for the other guy, so I can definitely say I identify with the pain of feeling rejected, unloved, and all that comes with what happened.

Why don’t you want to do ask
This woman out at church? I’m asking because I’m wondering if that’s relevant.
I have been separated a year and a half, and the divorce is only a couple months final for me and I’m still grieving the loss of my marriage, do you think you are really free of all of that type of stuff and ready to start dating? I’ll pray that the Lord will help both of us have peace regardless :)
 
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Nancy Hale

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I've been hit on in church and did not like it at all. Of course, the guy did it during the service :eek:don't do that!
But, if it's more normal, not literally "in church", like someplace you'd stand and talk, it might not be weird.
As for how, just approach her after church and tell her you like her and want to get to know her better. Ask if she has free time so you two can talk.
 
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BrandenHarvey

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Why don’t you want to ask this woman out at church?

Do you think you are really free of all of that type of stuff and ready to start dating? I’ll pray that the Lord will help both of us have peace regardless :)

I don't ask her out at church because that's not what we're there for.

I do feel I'm free of it. It's been almost a year and I don't feel the pain like I did at first.

Thank you for your prayers. I'll do the same.
 
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Loulou1

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Hi there! I am sorry to read about your divorce, but am so happy you are a believer! I can understand how awkward dating can feel after so long, but my suggestion is to be yourself! Ask her to coffee or lunch after church. She can always say no and if she does, then currently, the only place you see her is church and if she does say yes, then wahoo!! Have fun getting to know her! I will be praying for you!
 
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