How not to feel guilty with chronic pain

[Littlek]

I suffer from fibromyalgia, plus a very bad back. Most of the time my pain and fatigue is low, but it doesn't take much to upset the system.
Some days I just don't do as much, I may sleep a little extra, I may put off what needs to be done until tomorrow, I take breaks, etc. My question is, sometimes I feel guilty about being (feeling) lazy in the eyes of God. Am I to push through the pain and fatigue or seriously take my time, be easier on my life due to this? I can't be a hard working woman all day, I can't be the bread winner, or even work at that. I don't know why I have this attitude that I need to suck it up and keep pushing, maybe it's due to the "world" saying if you sleep a little more, take breaks, don't work your butt off, your considered lazy.
I sometimes have to pamper myself, and I just feel it's selfish...even though it's for my fibro. Please help me understand God is not giving me the evil eye and saying, ah you didn't do this, this and this, you sluggard. (and honestly at the time I know he is not like this, but in the down times, I think about it)
Sometimes when I need to rest I say, God, I am so tired, I just need to lay down for a little bit. lol.

I was a go getter at work. I was a RN, working on a busy floor. I was so obsessed with gotta get it done, go, go, go. If I didn't have certain things done at a certain time, I would get panicky. I hated to be behind. Even in nursing school I had always finished first and had to help others with their patients. lol. Maybe this fibro is a way to slow me down. I have no clue.

Thanks for your advise
lilk

 

[Two Scoops]

Many people with fibro have a perfectionist and people pleasing personality. I really believe you should look up a Dr. named John E Sarno. Helped me with chronic pain tremendously. He helped me realize how my perfectionism and people pleasing was contributing to my chronic pain. The answer to the pain is knowledge and truth. The bible says that a spiritual mind is life and peace and that carnal mind is death. That is an awesome healing verse.

Part of healing is to take our thoughts captive. Being a perfectionists doesn't not allow us to rest in Christ. We feel lime we have to do it all and make things work. That is a lot of tension! Eventually that tension and stress causes bodily symptoms. Keep your mind on things above and you can have perfect peace.

 

[michaeldavis]

Be positive, have faith and everything would be fine!

 

[christopher morgan]

Hi Littlek, I certainly understand your feeling as over these last 4 years since my neck injury my being the main force to get things done has been reduced piece by piece until I now lay down all day. I was a gardener, then full time carer for my 99 year old mother. I now spend my days with her in a nursing home still protecting her from suffering as much as I can as she is bed bound now. But last week I had to give up feeding her the meals due to my pain and reluctantly let the girls here do it. It was hard to give up but I know God only expects me to do what my body allows me to do. I still keep her company, chat when she is lucid and give her drinks and am a witness to Our Lord by being here with her every day caring for her. Honour your mother and father.

I never felt God thought I was loafing but rather was slowly reducing my involvement in physical life preparing me to let go of this material world and moving me to work more with my spiritual life. So as things have physically made me seem like a lazy person with no get up and go I have in fact never been more energised in my spiritual life searching more deeply and seriously for Our Lord's presence and love in my life. And trying to prepare to be in his presence when I am called on.

Our Lord knows all about our real situation. We don't need to answer to anyone else as Christians. We are not machines but fragile humans with bodies that have to eventually slow down and stop. As long as you continue in your love for Our Lord and the teachings and never stop working at bringing your beautiful spirit alive in this world then your main job will be a great success.

So I pray you have the grace of Our Lord with you always and may the Holy Spirit lift you up when you are feeling low in energy, christopher Australia

 

[teresa]

My take on this is that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit and we are to be good stewards of that gift by taking good care of our temples.

And to care for and to minister to others as Jesus did, we need to have the strength and be replenished by proper rest and medical treatment so we have something to give out to others.

Don't drive yourself into the ground with fear and have faith that God will show you what your gifts are and how you can give to others, including yourself, as remember to love YOURSELF as you love others.

 

[PropheticTimes]

I have been struggling with these same issues and I am finding clarity slowly. God's love isn't based on what we do, it's based on who we are. In Christ Jesus, we are righteous saints, regardless of how we feel about ourselves.

I'd like to recommend the book Grace Walk by Steve McVey. It has brought a clearer understanding to me and maybe it will ease your fears as well - http://goo.gl/wWfCsx

 

[patricius79]

I suffer from fibromyalgia, plus a very bad back. Most of the time my pain and fatigue is low, but it doesn't take much to upset the system.
Some days I just don't do as much, I may sleep a little extra, I may put off what needs to be done until tomorrow, I take breaks, etc. My question is, sometimes I feel guilty about being (feeling) lazy in the eyes of God. Am I to push through the pain and fatigue or seriously take my time, be easier on my life due to this? I can't be a hard working woman all day, I can't be the bread winner, or even work at that. I don't know why I have this attitude that I need to suck it up and keep pushing, maybe it's due to the "world" saying if you sleep a little more, take breaks, don't work your butt off, your considered lazy.
I sometimes have to pamper myself, and I just feel it's selfish...even though it's for my fibro. Please help me understand God is not giving me the evil eye and saying, ah you didn't do this, this and this, you sluggard. (and honestly at the time I know he is not like this, but in the down times, I think about it)
Sometimes when I need to rest I say, God, I am so tired, I just need to lay down for a little bit. lol.

I was a go getter at work. I was a RN, working on a busy floor. I was so obsessed with gotta get it done, go, go, go. If I didn't have certain things done at a certain time, I would get panicky. I hated to be behind. Even in nursing school I had always finished first and had to help others with their patients. lol. Maybe this fibro is a way to slow me down. I have no clue.

Thanks for your advise
lilk

I can relate. Our culture is doing-based rather than being-based. I'm a father and husband and can't do much at all physically due to chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. But I can pray, and that is the one thing that is necessary. The other day I tried to do more and that was okay, but I've been paying for it for a week. So next time I'm not going to do what I did, and I will accept that. From what I'm hearing, you need to preserve your health by resting, and I encourage you to do that. I'm not trying to push anything on you, but speaking for myself, devotion to Jesus through Mary, and depending on Mary--as the child Jesus did--is my key for keeping things in perspective about my dignity as a child of God and the power I have through offering my suffering and prayers for others. It might be good to journal and find other restful activities you can do to distract you and give you a sense of expression and perspective.

 

[BeStill&Know]

I've learned to rely on the Holy Spirit moment by moment (((almost))) to just get the basics done in my world.
Like Lord, What is the priority for today? Then I try to get 1 to 3 things done at a time before I have to sit again. Some times I hear, don't worry that can be done tomorrow, or not at all, for now and sometimes He tells me how something can be done another way, or how to prevent the work in the first place. I'm trying Yoga to see if that helps with pain and stiffness.

 

[teresa]

.

 

[JAM2b]

I don't have fibromyalgia, but I have a great deal of pain and fatigue much of the time. When I push myself to do more, it gets worse and can take days to recover. I struggle with guilt a lot, too. I do believe if comes largely from our society. We are not a family or group based civilization. In other cultures families and communities share each other's burdens and make choices based on needs, rather than how much each person is doing. Instead we have an individualistic view. Each person has to pull their own weight, support themselves if they are alone, or "earn their keep" if they have a family, and contribute to society in a meaningful way. If we don't then we are viewed as lazy, irresponsible, and undeserving. People who receive help or have a lesser amount of responsibility are often resented.

I grew up on a farm. My father also did a construction business because the farm wasn't successful enough to support our family. Work was a way of life. We had to also do things outside of the farm to earn money from an early age like mowing yards, raking leaves, and babysitting. When we were old enough to get a job in town, we had to apply for part time after school and weekend jobs, or go to work with my father on his construction jobs.

Now I'm a single mom, with no help from family. It makes the guilt even worse when I take half a day off because I can't keep going, or I spend a weekend on the couch because I know I won't make it through much of the next work week if I don't rest a lot on Sat and Sun. If there's dishes in my sink because I have to get off my feet, or I ask my sons to do chores while I'm resting... the guilt is horrendous.

I'm currently trying to change my routine to see if it is better than Mon-Fri work followed by Sat-Sun rest. If I could work fewer hours each day, adding a half day at the office on Saturday, have a nap in the middle of the day everyday...it might make an improvement? I don't know because by the time Saturday rolls around I'm too tired and have grocery shopping and weekend chores on top of being exhausted. So I rarely make it to the office on Saturday. It is so challenging to know what to do.

But I try to tell myself that if it were one of my sons suffering, or anyone else that I know, I would tell them to do what they needed for themselves, their health. I just have a hard time feeling that the same thing should apply to me.

 

[BeStill&Know]

BeStill

hey there, how are you doing today? I like your avitar, a smiling jesus!

I have similar needs as you do. I can only do a few things and then have to sit down.

Have faith God has a master plan for you.

You may not understand it, but He does.

Suffering builds character, sure, but my favorite way to look at this is that we are being refined by fire into gold!

Thank you for encouragement, I am on the path of understanding the why of pain. Since I posted this I've been convinced (learned) that the practice of Yoga is not from our Lord.

 

[BeStill&Know]

I don't have fibromyalgia, but I have a great deal of pain and fatigue much of the time. When I push myself to do more, it gets worse and can take days to recover. I struggle with guilt a lot, too. I do believe if comes largely from our society. We are not a family or group based civilization. In other cultures families and communities share each other's burdens and make choices based on needs, rather than how much each person is doing. Instead we have an individualistic view. Each person has to pull their own weight, support themselves if they are alone, or "earn their keep" if they have a family, and contribute to society in a meaningful way. If we don't then we are viewed as lazy, irresponsible, and undeserving. People who receive help or have a lesser amount of responsibility are often resented.

I grew up on a farm. My father also did a construction business because the farm wasn't successful enough to support our family. Work was a way of life. We had to also do things outside of the farm to earn money from an early age like mowing yards, raking leaves, and babysitting. When we were old enough to get a job in town, we had to apply for part time after school and weekend jobs, or go to work with my father on his construction jobs.

Now I'm a single mom, with no help from family. It makes the guilt even worse when I take half a day off because I can't keep going, or I spend a weekend on the couch because I know I won't make it through much of the next work week if I don't rest a lot on Sat and Sun. If there's dishes in my sink because I have to get off my feet, or I ask my sons to do chores while I'm resting... the guilt is horrendous.

I'm currently trying to change my routine to see if it is better than Mon-Fri work followed by Sat-Sun rest. If I could work fewer hours each day, adding a half day at the office on Saturday, have a nap in the middle of the day everyday...it might make an improvement? I don't know because by the time Saturday rolls around I'm too tired and have grocery shopping and weekend chores on top of being exhausted. So I rarely make it to the office on Saturday. It is so challenging to know what to do.

But I try to tell myself that if it were one of my sons suffering, or anyone else that I know, I would tell them to do what they needed for themselves, their health. I just have a hard time feeling that the same thing should apply to me.

Guilt and shame is not from our Lord but our enemy. LET US not devote the precious energy we have in enduging in his lies, but in God's TRUTH, His Word. Let's focus on Holy Spirit's wisdom, guidance and instruction to endure then overcome our disabilities, though Jesus > the OVERCOMER!
My heart goes out to you, single mom. I am a senior citizen child of a single mom, of the 1960's. It was very tough, for her. Alone, divorced, in a strange country, not knowing the language or culture, with no financial aid of any kind, no family or friends. And petiphiles seeing a naive, vunerable target.
I am learning recently there are spiritual causes for illness, and am focusing on learning all I can about Holy Spirit and surrendering to Him in all ways.
One thing is Feed your faith (in your Heavenly Father), and starve your doubts.

 

[teresa]

We are currently living in extremely judgemental times, but remember that the ultimate judge is the lord God. However, its very hard to cope with the hatred and backlash of others when they feel that they are working so very hard and feel tired as well, so why are YOU not able to pull your own weight? Because, after all, they are. My worst mistakes have been to openly speak with a group of church ladies about discounts or benefits I was receiving for various services, and for certain individuals to gasp and proclaim how outrageous it was that they had to pay so much more than I did. I was never accepted after that, and was always a scorned and outcasted type of church goer, with people even going so far as to tell me that if I don't work, I don't eat, proclaiming that to be the word of God on the manner.

I completely gave up and never went back to church ever again, except for Christmas eve. I have been so badly bullied and shamed at every church that I have tried since becoming so physically challenged.

I'm too tired actually, to have to deal with any more burdens, then what I have to deal with already, and think it perfectly wise, to conserve energy by avoiding toxic people.

Unfortunately, the worst most toxic people I have ever met, were in church.

I know God, so I do not blame God for mankinds sins, but I can't keep away enough from the hate.

Just remembering all of the pain they have caused me for decades of my life, makes me feel sick to my stomach.

 

[JAM2b]

u2spicy, I understand exactly what you are saying. I have experienced the same thing in church, and it is one of the reasons I struggle so much with church attendance and choosing a "home" church.

 

[BeStill&Know]

We are currently living in extremely judgemental times, but remember that the ultimate judge is the lord God. However, its very hard to cope with the hatred and backlash of others when they feel that they are working so very hard and feel tired as well, so why are YOU not able to pull your own weight? Because, after all, they are. My worst mistakes have been to openly speak with a group of church ladies about discounts or benefits I was receiving for various services, and for certain individuals to gasp and proclaim how outrageous it was that they had to pay so much more than I did. I was never accepted after that, and was always a scorned and outcasted type of church goer, with people even going so far as to tell me that if I don't work, I don't eat, proclaiming that to be the word of God on the manner.

I completely gave up and never went back to church ever again, except for Christmas eve. I have been so badly bullied and shamed at every church that I have tried since becoming so physically challenged.

I'm too tired actually, to have to deal with any more burdens, then what I have to deal with already, and think it perfectly wise, to conserve energy by avoiding toxic people.

Unfortunately, the worst most toxic people I have ever met, were in church.

I know God, so I do not blame God for mankinds sins, but I can't keep away enough from the hate.

Just remembering all of the pain they have caused me for decades of my life, makes me feel sick to my stomach.

I've learned it's best to obey the teachings on not speaking out to much, especially with those who cannot understand the circumstance I am in. I have regretted it later. I've tried to make the Lord my BEST friend instead of frail mankind.
For different reasons, mainly my disabilities, I no longer attend any church. Not raise in a church, I was mis-lead believing church people were one way but over many years discovered they are as brokened, confused and mis-lead as sin lading as I was. No perfect people there. Actually the only acceptance/love I ever felt is directly from the Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit. This may be a GOOD thing since it's where our focus should be. On Elohim, and not His imperfect children who are still in various stages of growth as I am. My command is to love them as Christ loves them, and forgive them as Jesus forgives them, and submit to Holy Spirit for every thing else.

 

[BeStill&Know]

u2spicy, I understand exactly what you are saying. I have experienced the same thing in church, and it is one of the reasons I struggle so much with church attendance and choosing a "home" church.

As I look back when I did go to church, I am aware now of things I did wrong, out of ignorance.
I do believe in the teaching of > lonely sheep outside the herd will be vulnerable to attack by the wolves. The Lord revealed to me, dress, speech, attitude, and church behavior, that was not His will and He lovingly encouraged, and gave me the power to change.

 

[teresa]

Yes, we are all broken, and the only difference is that Christians acknowledge that, or so they are supposed to be doing that and then do a daily walk with christ.

I confess that i was dragged to church by my mom, and I was not saved, but boy oh boy did I learn how to act like a good girl.

I was just a pew warmer, I think, because I was so phoney and fake, as a young teen, and then later as a young adult.

Now in my 50s, I'm truly saved and walk with Jesus every day.

Yes, I can forgive and love the wolves at church, I just don't want to willingly submit my mind and body and spirit to torture.

I'm taking care of the vessel I was entrusted with this way.

I listen to KLOVE radio and VCY radio and follow along with various pastors sermons over the air, and read in the bible with them and study.

I signed up to get daily prayer requests too on my phone, and of course, joined here.

Keep up the feedback, be still, bc its helping me and hopefully others too.

I will try and be back later on....

 

[BeStill&Know]

Yes, we are all broken, and the only difference is that Christians acknowledge that, or so they are supposed to be doing that and then do a daily walk with christ.

I confess that i was dragged to church by my mom, and I was not saved, but boy oh boy did I learn how to act like a good girl.

I was just a pew warmer, I think, because I was so phoney and fake, as a young teen, and then later as a young adult.

Now in my 50s, I'm truly saved and walk with Jesus every day.

Yes, I can forgive and love the wolves at church, I just don't want to willingly submit my mind and body and spirit to torture.

I'm taking care of the vessel I was entrusted with this way.

I listen to KLOVE radio and VCY radio and follow along with various pastors sermons over the air, and read in the bible with them and study.

I signed up to get daily prayer requests too on my phone, and of course, joined here.

My new therapist went to Moody Bible Institute and counsels straight from the bible and prays with me.

Keep up the feedback, be still, bc its helping me and hopefully others too.

I will try and be back later on....

The Lord is greatly blessing you to be counseled by a Christian.
Recently I've learned much by the Youtube video's of Derek Prince concerning the roots of sickness. Holy Spirit is helping my faith to us to be healed.

 

[teresa]

As I look back when I did go to church, I am aware now of things I did wrong, out of ignorance.
I do believe in the teaching of > lonely sheep outside the herd will be vulnerable to attack by the wolves. The Lord revealed to me, dress, speech, attitude, and church behavior, that was not His will and He lovingly encouraged, and gave me the power to change.

bestill, is there a bible verse regarding the lonely sheep outside the herd will be vulnerable to attack by wolves? That makes sense to me, and wanted to know if there is a verse about this?

However,what does one do when the wolves are IN the church as well?

I dress modestly and wear no makeup, so I'm not sure what you mean by clothing and speech and attitude and church behavior....but I can tell you that I've been to services, where people will actively gossip after church about others, and much worse for them or myself is when being ridiculed or judged happens within earshot.

This is not building up of others and weakens the body of christ, never mind the destruction of our own earthly bodies!

I'm choosing my battles more wisely now, and refuse to allow myself, to the best of my abilities, to be drained by emotional vampires, who do NOT know christ, nor submit to his will.

Like wolves, they smell weakness and move in packs for an easy kill.

 

[teresa]

I don't have fibromyalgia, but I have a great deal of pain and fatigue much of the time. When I push myself to do more, it gets worse and can take days to recover. I struggle with guilt a lot, too. I do believe if comes largely from our society. We are not a family or group based civilization. In other cultures families and communities share each other's burdens and make choices based on needs, rather than how much each person is doing. Instead we have an individualistic view. Each person has to pull their own weight, support themselves if they are alone, or "earn their keep" if they have a family, and contribute to society in a meaningful way. If we don't then we are viewed as lazy, irresponsible, and undeserving. People who receive help or have a lesser amount of responsibility are often resented.

I grew up on a farm. My father also did a construction business because the farm wasn't successful enough to support our family. Work was a way of life. We had to also do things outside of the farm to earn money from an early age like mowing yards, raking leaves, and babysitting. When we were old enough to get a job in town, we had to apply for part time after school and weekend jobs, or go to work with my father on his construction jobs.

Now I'm a single mom, with no help from family. It makes the guilt even worse when I take half a day off because I can't keep going, or I spend a weekend on the couch because I know I won't make it through much of the next work week if I don't rest a lot on Sat and Sun. If there's dishes in my sink because I have to get off my feet, or I ask my sons to do chores while I'm resting... the guilt is horrendous.

I'm currently trying to change my routine to see if it is better than Mon-Fri work followed by Sat-Sun rest. If I could work fewer hours each day, adding a half day at the office on Saturday, have a nap in the middle of the day everyday...it might make an improvement? I don't know because by the time Saturday rolls around I'm too tired and have grocery shopping and weekend chores on top of being exhausted. So I rarely make it to the office on Saturday. It is so challenging to know what to do.

But I try to tell myself that if it were one of my sons suffering, or anyone else that I know, I would tell them to do what they needed for themselves, their health. I just have a hard time feeling that the same thing should apply to me.

It occurs to me that if your kids are old enough to do chores, that you are doing your duty to teach them how to work and take care of the home so that they will be able to take care of themselves later on when they leave home.

Also, you are teaching them how to be responsible and to be accountable too-all very good things, very godly things.

Maybe this will lessen your guilty feeling when you ask them to help you.

Plus, it teaches them to have empathy and compassion for others.

These are good and virtuous things.

They will also learn that by helping others, that they are being Jesus hands and feet!