How long should friends wait till they start dating?

[Akguy]

I'm 32 and I've never been in an "official" relationship. I've been interested in quite a few girls at my church and Christian co-workers, but each one was either already seeing someone or weren't interested for some reason. It doesn't help matters that I'm pretty shy before I get to know someone.

So I decided to try a few dating sites and met a great Christian girl. We saw Star Wars on the 22nd and talked for a while after. We went to a Christmas Eve party, met for lunch on the 26th and talked/texted the rest of the week. She grew up in a hyper-conservative denomination that forbid most contact with the opposite sex. She got married young without dating and her husband ended up abusing her and then divorcing her. She had a few relationships since then, but they weren't healthy either. We agreed on striving for a Godly relationship and dating for marriage, not just for fun, but neither one of us have any experience with what that looks like or how fast it progresses. We talked a lot that first week about personal and serious relationship questions, but agreed on staying "friends" until we were ready for a relationship. We didn't want to rush into a relationship when we had only known each other a few days, even though we were talking and acting a lot like a couple.

How long should two people wait after they meet before they commit to a relationship?

 

[salt-n-light]

I'm 32 and I've never been in an "official" relationship. I've been interested in quite a few girls at my church and Christian co-workers, but each one was either already seeing someone or weren't interested for some reason. It doesn't help matters that I'm pretty shy before I get to know someone.

So I decided to try a few dating sites and met a great Christian girl. We saw Star Wars on the 22nd and talked for a while after. We went to a Christmas Eve party, met for lunch on the 26th and talked/texted the rest of the week. She grew up in a hyper-conservative denomination that forbid most contact with the opposite sex. She got married young without dating and her husband ended up abusing her and then divorcing her. She had a few relationships since then, but they weren't healthy either. We agreed on striving for a Godly relationship and dating for marriage, not just for fun, but neither one of us have any experience with what that looks like or how fast it progresses. We talked a lot that first week about personal and serious relationship questions, but agreed on staying "friends" until we were ready for a relationship. We didn't want to rush into a relationship when we had only known each other a few days, even though we were talking and acting a lot like a couple.

How long should two people wait after they meet before they commit to a relationship?

Its not a matter of waiting, but its a matter of whether or not you know enough about her that you feel comfortable proceeding. Obviously you both are on the same page in terms of eventually going into a relationship, so that takes care of the guess work of if she would be interested if presented with the chance. Sometimes when friendship go on for so long, it becomes harder to know if suggesting relationship would be awkward.

I would just bring it up casually. That you are interested in being in a long-term relationship, see if she feels the same. Ask questions if you need to, before presenting the opportunity. But there's no time limit. Just don't keep her in the dark about your intentions for too long, or else she might start having doubts about how you see her as.

 

[Akguy]

Waiting too long isn't an issue. If anything, we went too fast.

We talked about 10 hours in person and on the phone the first week. We talked about our likes/dislikes in relationships, purity boundaries, doctrinal issues, relationship backgrounds and money issues. Does that sound like enough? Are there any other topics we should cover before committing to a relationship?

 

[salt-n-light]

Waiting too long isn't an issue. If anything, we went too fast.

We talked about 10 hours in person and on the phone the first week. We talked about our likes/dislikes in relationships, purity boundaries, doctrinal issues, relationship backgrounds and money issues. Does that sound like enough? Are there any other topics we should cover before committing to a relationship?

Again, thats up to you. Whatever you need personally to feel comfortable into moving the relationship forward. If you feel that you have all the information you need, then I don't see a reason why not to. If it feels too fast, then take it slow.

My only suggestion is not to make that decision linger too long, if your intent is to move it forward, you have to give her hints that you intent to do so, and not make her second guess.

 

[Jess Lee]

Your goals are to have a Godly relationship first.
Which is a wonderful decision!
The best way to confirm is by prayer
Seek God’s will. Ask the Lord to know if it is in His will to have this relationship or not. Both of you should pray with faith.
You will see, God will answer they who seek Him.

When God will confirm a yes or no, what is there to wait for?
You two can trust God in the relationship He has chosen.
If it was a yes, move on to marriage when ready.
But until then, honor one another and honour God by following His will.

 

[citizenthom]

If you're not "having fun" then why the heck are you dating? Dating is supposed to be fun. That's why you're supposed to keep dating your spouse when you're married: because marriage needs fun too.

It sounds like she might have some baggage from her first marriage that she needs to work through ON HER OWN without saddling you with it right up front. Has she had serious counseling, especially when it comes to trust issues?

 

[planet_joe]

If you're not "having fun" then why the heck are you dating?

Read his post carefully.

He said "not just for fun."

 

[shrinking_violet]

I think your problem might be a problem of definitions. What is a "relationship" and what does it mean to "commit" to one? Instead of looking to meet some arbitrary standard that other people determine for you, how about going with something that works for you and your friend. What do you want your connection to look like? What do you want to call yourselves? The only opinions you need to be concerned with are yours and hers.

Your question isn't about what is right spiritually or ethically, so I'm going to assume you have a strong head on your shoulders and don't need that advice. Talk openly with your friend about where you see yourselves right now and where you'd like to see yourselves. What do you want to continue? What do you want to introduce? Everyone's way of commitment looks different, and even when people have had multiple relationships, those will each look different too.

And if anyone gives you flack for having a relationship that you know is ethical and adheres to your spiritual beliefs just because it doesn't look like how they'd do it themselves, tell the fool they need Jesus.

 

[Dankruto]

When I was in this situation in my younger days, I consulted the Lord, ask Him and you Shall receive Wisdom my Friend

 

[princesstatyanna]

I'm 32 and I've never been in an "official" relationship. I've been interested in quite a few girls at my church and Christian co-workers, but each one was either already seeing someone or weren't interested for some reason. It doesn't help matters that I'm pretty shy before I get to know someone.

So I decided to try a few dating sites and met a great Christian girl. We saw Star Wars on the 22nd and talked for a while after. We went to a Christmas Eve party, met for lunch on the 26th and talked/texted the rest of the week. She grew up in a hyper-conservative denomination that forbid most contact with the opposite sex. She got married young without dating and her husband ended up abusing her and then divorcing her. She had a few relationships since then, but they weren't healthy either. We agreed on striving for a Godly relationship and dating for marriage, not just for fun, but neither one of us have any experience with what that looks like or how fast it progresses. We talked a lot that first week about personal and serious relationship questions, but agreed on staying "friends" until we were ready for a relationship. We didn't want to rush into a relationship when we had only known each other a few days, even though we were talking and acting a lot like a couple.

How long should two people wait after they meet before they commit to a relationship?

interesting question because I just joined a Christian dating website a few days ago and recently met a guy on there who is a Christian and is on fire for the Lord. We agreed to be friends first which I will have to get used to since i have always rushed into relationships.