How is God choosing to let my painful circumstances continue supposed to bring me closer to Him?

[Questioning Brother]

My wife is having an ongoing (incurable by science) health issue, which is causing a LOT of stress in my life, and affecting many other areas of my life. It is impacting my job, my relationships with my family (especially my kids), and other things. (I will withhold details because you are strangers). In any case prayers for help: unanswered, or more likely NO! Prayers for healing: the same. I honestly hate this ridiculously more than I love God. I am lately having trouble stirring up a level of warm thoughts towards God that one would have for an acquaintance you met one time, much less love. Assuming that this continuing is His Plan (which it has to be otherwise it would have ended), I hate his plan. I really only want the VERY last part: not going to Hell. Not even going to Heaven, just not to go to Hell.

How is this supposed to draw me closer? All it does is drive me from him. The longer this goes on, the less I want to do with Him. This will not make me trust Him, just the opposite. This is destroying my faith, and the more I cry out without relief, the further it goes away. I don't want his comfort, I want action. His comfort is meaningless without actual help. A hand on my shoulder has never done anything for me, regardless of whose hand it was. So I am either stuck with God is doing this, He isn't powerful enough to fix it, or he just doesn't care. None of those scenarios will bring me closer to Him. If he can't or won't act to help, why would I want Him at all?

 

[Albion]

How is this supposed to draw me closer?

Perhaps it is not supposed to do that.

 

[Hammster]

My wife is having an ongoing (incurable by science) health issue, which is causing a LOT of stress in my life, and affecting many other areas of my life. It is impacting my job, my relationships with my family (especially my kids), and other things. (I will withhold details because you are strangers). In any case prayers for help: unanswered, or more likely NO! Prayers for healing: the same. I honestly hate this ridiculously more than I love God. I am lately having trouble stirring up a level of warm thoughts towards God that one would have for an acquaintance you met one time, much less love. Assuming that this continuing is His Plan (which it has to be otherwise it would have ended), I hate his plan. I really only want the VERY last part: not going to Hell. Not even going to Heaven, just not to go to Hell.

How is this supposed to draw me closer? All it does is drive me from him. The longer this goes on, the less I want to do with Him. This will not make me trust Him, just the opposite. This is destroying my faith, and the more I cry out without relief, the further it goes away. I don't want his comfort, I want action. His comfort is meaningless without actual help. A hand on my shoulder has never done anything for me, regardless of whose hand it was. So I am either stuck with God is doing this, He isn't powerful enough to fix it, or he just doesn't care. None of those scenarios will bring me closer to Him. If he can't or won't act to help, why would I want Him at all?

Can you give some good reasons to worship Him that do not include getting things that you want?

 

[crossnote]

2 Corinthians 11:23-28 (KJV) Are they ministers of Christ? (I speak as a fool) I am more; in labours more abundant, in stripes above measure, in prisons more frequent, in deaths oft. Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one. Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness. Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (KJV) And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

 

[com7fy8]

If you love her very dearly, things can be much harder. So, I am glad you love her so dearly.

 

[devin553344]

My wife is having an ongoing (incurable by science) health issue, which is causing a LOT of stress in my life, and affecting many other areas of my life. It is impacting my job, my relationships with my family (especially my kids), and other things. (I will withhold details because you are strangers). In any case prayers for help: unanswered, or more likely NO! Prayers for healing: the same. I honestly hate this ridiculously more than I love God. I am lately having trouble stirring up a level of warm thoughts towards God that one would have for an acquaintance you met one time, much less love. Assuming that this continuing is His Plan (which it has to be otherwise it would have ended), I hate his plan. I really only want the VERY last part: not going to Hell. Not even going to Heaven, just not to go to Hell.

How is this supposed to draw me closer? All it does is drive me from him. The longer this goes on, the less I want to do with Him. This will not make me trust Him, just the opposite. This is destroying my faith, and the more I cry out without relief, the further it goes away. I don't want his comfort, I want action. His comfort is meaningless without actual help. A hand on my shoulder has never done anything for me, regardless of whose hand it was. So I am either stuck with God is doing this, He isn't powerful enough to fix it, or he just doesn't care. None of those scenarios will bring me closer to Him. If he can't or won't act to help, why would I want Him at all?

That resembles trials I have gone thru. When they are over, then perhaps love for God will come back. Sorry that is happening to you. Prayers then.

 

[AvgJoe]

My wife is having an ongoing (incurable by science) health issue, which is causing a LOT of stress in my life, and affecting many other areas of my life. It is impacting my job, my relationships with my family (especially my kids), and other things. (I will withhold details because you are strangers). In any case prayers for help: unanswered, or more likely NO! Prayers for healing: the same. I honestly hate this ridiculously more than I love God. I am lately having trouble stirring up a level of warm thoughts towards God that one would have for an acquaintance you met one time, much less love. Assuming that this continuing is His Plan (which it has to be otherwise it would have ended), I hate his plan. I really only want the VERY last part: not going to Hell. Not even going to Heaven, just not to go to Hell.

How is this supposed to draw me closer? All it does is drive me from him. The longer this goes on, the less I want to do with Him. This will not make me trust Him, just the opposite. This is destroying my faith, and the more I cry out without relief, the further it goes away. I don't want his comfort, I want action. His comfort is meaningless without actual help. A hand on my shoulder has never done anything for me, regardless of whose hand it was. So I am either stuck with God is doing this, He isn't powerful enough to fix it, or he just doesn't care. None of those scenarios will bring me closer to Him. If he can't or won't act to help, why would I want Him at all?

Question: "Why does God allow sickness?"

Answer: The issue of sickness is always a difficult one to deal with. The key is remembering that God's ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:9). When we are suffering with a sickness, disease, or injury, we usually focus solely on our own suffering. In the midst of a trial of sickness, it is very difficult to focus on what good God might bring about as a result. Romans 8:28 reminds us that God can bring about good from any situation. Many people look back on times of sickness as times when they grew closer to God, learned to trust Him more, and/or learned how to truly value life. This is the perspective God has because He is sovereign and knows the end result.

This does not mean sickness is always from God or that God always inflicts us with sickness to teach us a spiritual lesson. In a world tainted by sin, sickness, disease, and death will always be with us. We are fallen beings, with physical bodies prone to disease and illness. Some sickness is simply a result of the natural course of things in this world. Sickness can also be the result of a demonic attack. The Bible describes several instances when physical suffering was caused by Satan and his demons (Matthew 17:14-18; Luke 13:10-16). So, some sickness is not from God, but from Satan. Even in these instances, God is still in control. God sometimes allows sin and/or Satan to cause physical suffering. Even when sickness is not directly from God, He will still use it according to His perfect will.

It is undeniable, though, that God sometimes intentionally allows, or even causes sickness to accomplish His sovereign purposes. While sickness is not directly addressed in the passage, Hebrews 12:5-11 describes God disciplining us to "produce a harvest of righteousness" (verse 11). Sickness can be a means of God's loving discipline. It is difficult for us to comprehend why God would work in this manner. But, believing in the sovereignty of God, there is no other option than suffering being something God allows and/or causes.

The clearest example of this in Scripture is found is Psalm 119. Notice the progression through verses 67, 71, and 75 - "Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word...It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees...I know, O LORD, that your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness you have afflicted me." The author of Psalm 119 was looking at suffering from God's perspective. It was good for him to be afflicted. It was faithfulness that caused God to afflict him. The result of the affliction was so that he could learn God's decrees and obey His Word.

Again, sickness and suffering is never an easy thing to deal with. One thing is for sure, sickness should not cause us to lose faith in God. God is good, even when we are suffering. Even the ultimate of suffering—death—is an act of God's goodness. It is hard to imagine that anyone who is in Heaven as a result of sickness or suffering regrets what they went through in this life.

One final note—when people are suffering, it is our responsibility to minister to them, care for them, pray for them, and comfort them. When a person is suffering, it is not always appropriate to emphasize that God will bring good out of the suffering. Yes, that is the truth. However, in the midst of suffering, it is not always the best time to share that truth. Suffering people need our love and encouragement, not necessarily a reminder of sound biblical theology.

www.gotquestions.org/God-allow-sickness.html

 

[Monk Brendan]

My wife is having an ongoing (incurable by science) health issue, which is causing a LOT of stress in my life, and affecting many other areas of my life. It is impacting my job, my relationships with my family (especially my kids), and other things. (I will withhold details because you are strangers). In any case prayers for help: unanswered, or more likely NO! Prayers for healing: the same. I honestly hate this ridiculously more than I love God. I am lately having trouble stirring up a level of warm thoughts towards God that one would have for an acquaintance you met one time, much less love. Assuming that this continuing is His Plan (which it has to be otherwise it would have ended), I hate his plan. I really only want the VERY last part: not going to Hell. Not even going to Heaven, just not to go to Hell.

How is this supposed to draw me closer? All it does is drive me from him. The longer this goes on, the less I want to do with Him. This will not make me trust Him, just the opposite. This is destroying my faith, and the more I cry out without relief, the further it goes away. I don't want his comfort, I want action. His comfort is meaningless without actual help. A hand on my shoulder has never done anything for me, regardless of whose hand it was. So I am either stuck with God is doing this, He isn't powerful enough to fix it, or he just doesn't care. None of those scenarios will bring me closer to Him. If he can't or won't act to help, why would I want Him at all?

A few years ago I was in the hospital for 4 months with a diabetic UTI and did not respond to Cipro.

Many days I was NPO.

Many days and nights I felt like I was being crucified.

But I made audible vocal acts of faith, and prayed that my emotions would catch up to what I knew was the truth.

 

[Oldmantook]

My wife is having an ongoing (incurable by science) health issue, which is causing a LOT of stress in my life, and affecting many other areas of my life. It is impacting my job, my relationships with my family (especially my kids), and other things. (I will withhold details because you are strangers). In any case prayers for help: unanswered, or more likely NO! Prayers for healing: the same. I honestly hate this ridiculously more than I love God. I am lately having trouble stirring up a level of warm thoughts towards God that one would have for an acquaintance you met one time, much less love. Assuming that this continuing is His Plan (which it has to be otherwise it would have ended), I hate his plan. I really only want the VERY last part: not going to Hell. Not even going to Heaven, just not to go to Hell.

How is this supposed to draw me closer? All it does is drive me from him. The longer this goes on, the less I want to do with Him. This will not make me trust Him, just the opposite. This is destroying my faith, and the more I cry out without relief, the further it goes away. I don't want his comfort, I want action. His comfort is meaningless without actual help. A hand on my shoulder has never done anything for me, regardless of whose hand it was. So I am either stuck with God is doing this, He isn't powerful enough to fix it, or he just doesn't care. None of those scenarios will bring me closer to Him. If he can't or won't act to help, why would I want Him at all?

You've asked a very good question and I'm praying for your wife. I worked in hospice for several years and witnessed much grief; not to mention Christian friends of mine who died at an early age. If I could start this discussion by asking you a question, if you don't mind?
What do you think of this passage of scripture from Hebrews 11:35-38
Women received back their dead by resurrection; and others were tortured, not accepting their release, so that they might obtain a better resurrection; 36and others experienced mockings and scourgings, yes, also chains and imprisonment.37They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were tempted, they were put to death with the sword; they went about in sheepskins, in goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, ill-treated 38(men of whom the world was not worthy), wandering in deserts and mountains and caves and holes in the ground.

 

[Petros2015]

If he can't or won't act to help, why would I want Him at all?

You are looking for God to change the circumstance of the illness.

If, instead, you look for him to change you, to meet the circumstance of the illness, to give more unconditional love to your wife in her illness, you might find those prayers answered, day by day.

I have a brother who has had a crippling illness all his life and needed care. I prayed, it never got better, it got worse. I grew to resent and isolate myself from him and hate God for not answering the prayers. One day I gave up on praying for the illness to be cured. I just started praying that I could be a better brother to him, and would be shown how to be a better brother to him, because he needed it. That prayer, I found, was answered, and will be answered every time I take the time to pray it.

 

[com7fy8]

WOW . . . thank you, Petros . . .

 

[Questioning Brother]

You are looking for God to change the circumstance of the illness.

If, instead, you look for him to change you, to meet the circumstance of the illness, to give more unconditional love to your wife in her illness, you might find those prayers answered, day by day.

So praying for a lie is acceptable to God? If I prayed for understanding, strength, comfort etc., that would be a lying prayer. I don't want those things. I want the change of circumstances. I don't care what else he is offering, it is meaningless without the change of circumstances.

 

[Handmaid for Jesus]

My wife is having an ongoing (incurable by science) health issue, which is causing a LOT of stress in my life, and affecting many other areas of my life. It is impacting my job, my relationships with my family (especially my kids), and other things. (I will withhold details because you are strangers). In any case prayers for help: unanswered, or more likely NO! Prayers for healing: the same. I honestly hate this ridiculously more than I love God. I am lately having trouble stirring up a level of warm thoughts towards God that one would have for an acquaintance you met one time, much less love. Assuming that this continuing is His Plan (which it has to be otherwise it would have ended), I hate his plan. I really only want the VERY last part: not going to Hell. Not even going to Heaven, just not to go to Hell.

How is this supposed to draw me closer? All it does is drive me from him. The longer this goes on, the less I want to do with Him. This will not make me trust Him, just the opposite. This is destroying my faith, and the more I cry out without relief, the further it goes away. I don't want his comfort, I want action. His comfort is meaningless without actual help. A hand on my shoulder has never done anything for me, regardless of whose hand it was. So I am either stuck with God is doing this, He isn't powerful enough to fix it, or he just doesn't care. None of those scenarios will bring me closer to Him. If he can't or won't act to help, why would I want Him at all?

Lord Jesus tell us to believe we receive when we pray. Do you believe that she is healed? It does not sound like it.You have to believe God has provided healing.I know You think asking for prayer is enough but believing God wants her healed is an integral part of the divine healing process. Start confessing healing scriptures over her. Believe them.

 

[Endeavourer]

I'm so sorry for your circumstances. Trials are so difficult.

I've had a few that were pretty overwhelming. After the trial was resolved, I could see God's care and provision for me during that time in hindsight. One of my trials lasted 24 years and it seemed hopeless for most of that while. Yet, now I have a deeper knowledge of him, a deeper understanding of my faith and a deeper relationship with him.

It took a while before I could think about the 24 year trial, after it was over, without asking God why did He take so long, through my tears. Now that it has been over for 5 years, my thoughts don't linger on that question anymore. The hindsight, seeing how he did provide for me during that time, is a comfort.

One thing I learned to do was to tap my heart and keep repeating "Lord, heal my broken heart" when thoughts of despair would play and I couldn't escape them. I'd tap and repeat until I could stop tapping and think of something else. At first I was tapping all the time, it seemed, but after several weeks my mind was responding to the training to not wallow in my grief, and some well earned self pity. This helped me a lot too.

Brother, I'm so sorry you are in these trials. My encouragement would be to just keep looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith. Even when you are ready to give up, he's still there. I pray that in hindsight you'll have a clearer view of this and it will also bring you comfort.

((hugs))

 

[Hazelelponi]

My wife is having an ongoing (incurable by science) health issue, which is causing a LOT of stress in my life, and affecting many other areas of my life. It is impacting my job, my relationships with my family (especially my kids), and other things. (I will withhold details because you are strangers). In any case prayers for help: unanswered, or more likely NO! Prayers for healing: the same. I honestly hate this ridiculously more than I love God. I am lately having trouble stirring up a level of warm thoughts towards God that one would have for an acquaintance you met one time, much less love. Assuming that this continuing is His Plan (which it has to be otherwise it would have ended), I hate his plan. I really only want the VERY last part: not going to Hell. Not even going to Heaven, just not to go to Hell.

How is this supposed to draw me closer? All it does is drive me from him. The longer this goes on, the less I want to do with Him. This will not make me trust Him, just the opposite. This is destroying my faith, and the more I cry out without relief, the further it goes away. I don't want his comfort, I want action. His comfort is meaningless without actual help. A hand on my shoulder has never done anything for me, regardless of whose hand it was. So I am either stuck with God is doing this, He isn't powerful enough to fix it, or he just doesn't care. None of those scenarios will bring me closer to Him. If he can't or won't act to help, why would I want Him at all?

After a spinal injury I developed a rare chronic pain disease that is incurable. Modern science can't fix me, I just have extreme nerve damage in my legs and constant unimaginable pain for the rest of my life.

This physical body is a physical body. As the Bible says the rain falls on the righteous and the unrighteous alike. (Matthew 5:45) To empathize with others we must know their pain, their struggles, and reach them exactly where they are.

We are fallen man in a fallen world. It's a struggle, and in it we learn and grow - and begin to understand.

Now is where you learn His true worth, not for what He can do, but for who and what He is.

Seek His Face (His Glory, His Presence) - and not His Hand (power), is what scripture says.

You have said, “Seek my face.” My heart says to you, “Your face, LORD, do I seek.” (Psalm 27:8)

But be mindful though, the greatest obstacle to seeking the Lord is pride:

“In the pride of his face the wicked does not seek him” (Psalm 10:4).

In the presence of the Lord there is no pain that is unmanageable, there is no hurt not healed, no obstacle that is insurmountable..

As Isaiah said:

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

This is a promise for now, right now, as you stand in the presence of the Father. You can be angry at your circumstance, or you can seek His Face.

The choice is before you.

 

[eleos1954]

My wife is having an ongoing (incurable by science) health issue, which is causing a LOT of stress in my life, and affecting many other areas of my life. It is impacting my job, my relationships with my family (especially my kids), and other things. (I will withhold details because you are strangers). In any case prayers for help: unanswered, or more likely NO! Prayers for healing: the same. I honestly hate this ridiculously more than I love God. I am lately having trouble stirring up a level of warm thoughts towards God that one would have for an acquaintance you met one time, much less love. Assuming that this continuing is His Plan (which it has to be otherwise it would have ended), I hate his plan. I really only want the VERY last part: not going to Hell. Not even going to Heaven, just not to go to Hell.

How is this supposed to draw me closer? All it does is drive me from him. The longer this goes on, the less I want to do with Him. This will not make me trust Him, just the opposite. This is destroying my faith, and the more I cry out without relief, the further it goes away. I don't want his comfort, I want action. His comfort is meaningless without actual help. A hand on my shoulder has never done anything for me, regardless of whose hand it was. So I am either stuck with God is doing this, He isn't powerful enough to fix it, or he just doesn't care. None of those scenarios will bring me closer to Him. If he can't or won't act to help, why would I want Him at all?

“God knows better than we do, and is always merciful, even when it hurts.”
He goes through our trials with us.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

"Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Through every trial and storm we encounter in life, God will use it to make a mark in this world. The troubles we walk through can bring glory to Him. He will use our lives, the joy and faith we have, in spite of our problems, to draw others to Himself, and to help us to remember that what we see around us, is not all there is. For He has more in store. And it is greater than we can ever imagine…

May His Presence surround you in the storms you are facing right now. May He lead your way and keep you secure, guiding your steps forward, and covering you from behind. May He assure you He will see you through, as He is working on your behalf.

When living in this world and it's struggles often we lose sight of the eternal kingdom to come.

Gods best is yet to come ... and it will come.

I remind myself often that it is not about today, but about the day He returns and to look forward to that day.

Revelation 21

A New Heaven and a New Earth

1 Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2 I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying:

“Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man,

and He will live with them.

They will be His people,

and God Himself will be with them as their God.

4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes,

and there will be no more death

or mourning or crying or pain,

for the former things have passed away.”

Come Lord Jesus. Amen

 

[Endeavourer]

I want the change of circumstances. I don't care what else he is offering, it is meaningless without the change of circumstances.

Brother, this is understandable. It is the desire of everyone's heart when they are in a trial. I wanted the same thing, and can relate.

Perhaps the apostle Paul would be an inspiration to you, when he prayed that the Lord would remove the thorn from his flesh. Some thing the thorn was physical (perhaps eye damage), some think it was spiritual (perhaps an addictive, unwanted desire), but I haven't seen convincingly a case for exactly what it was without a doubt.

Here it is, from 2 Cor 12:

7And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. 8For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. 9And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.​

I confess I hadn't reached the point where I can say "most gladly will I rather glory in my infirmities" but God was gracious enough to overlook that and keep providing for me. I did want him to provide for me in a different way during the trial, so I feel for where you are right now.

I'd encourage you to pray for the peace that passes all understanding, and ask the Lord to give you the wisdom to respond to the trial in the way that bears the best testimony to others of the beauty of having faith in Jesus Christ. If you don't feel the desire to pray for that, you can even just pray for the desire to pray for it. I've had to resort to that at times in my life too. Perhaps it will help you, too.

One thing is sure: you are not alone. As you can see from the support you've received, many others have gone through difficult trials (or are still in them), so I pray you find comfort in our solidarity with you.

Take care,
E.

 

[Questioning Brother]

I do understand what you all are saying and quoting scripture, but that has never worked for me. God giving me strength, peace, etc. is like the people James was talking to when If he wrote:

And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be warmed and filled; yet you give them not those things which are needful to the body; what does it profit?(James 2:16 KJV)

That is God giving me comforting words without actually acting to fix the situation.

 

[com7fy8]

If I prayed for understanding, strength, comfort etc., that would be a lying prayer. I don't want those things. I want the change of circumstances.

I offer that I get what you are saying here.

One of my trials lasted 24 years and it seemed hopeless for most of that while. Yet, now I have a deeper knowledge of him, a deeper understanding of my faith and a deeper relationship with him.

Oh my . . . so my trial could go on for another 24 years? Well, Endeavor, this would mean I am guaranteed to live another 24 years!

The emotional crush of real or imagined danger to our loved ones can be very harsh; but with submitting to God, I become able to love people better than I have. May be I am getting broken so I can then be made more God's way for loving any and all people, including loving those who could be a danger to me and others.

The hindsight, seeing how he did provide for me during that time, is a comfort.

And there can be how we become able to love, as we get stripped of our idols > "if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46)

I'd tap and repeat until I could stop tapping and think of something else.

I can walk in circles at one or two or three in the morning. But I can get to looking for how God will make me submissive to Him in His peace and see what He has me doing. And I get reminded that I am not alone, but with all my brothers and sisters, including ones in torture prisons and whose family members have been killed and taken, but they keep on in prayer.

And so we can feel for others and help them with how God has helped us.

1 Peter 3:1-4

 

[RaymondG]

My wife is having an ongoing (incurable by science) health issue, which is causing a LOT of stress in my life, and affecting many other areas of my life. It is impacting my job, my relationships with my family (especially my kids), and other things. (I will withhold details because you are strangers). In any case prayers for help: unanswered, or more likely NO! Prayers for healing: the same. I honestly hate this ridiculously more than I love God. I am lately having trouble stirring up a level of warm thoughts towards God that one would have for an acquaintance you met one time, much less love. Assuming that this continuing is His Plan (which it has to be otherwise it would have ended), I hate his plan. I really only want the VERY last part: not going to Hell. Not even going to Heaven, just not to go to Hell.

How is this supposed to draw me closer? All it does is drive me from him. The longer this goes on, the less I want to do with Him. This will not make me trust Him, just the opposite. This is destroying my faith, and the more I cry out without relief, the further it goes away. I don't want his comfort, I want action. His comfort is meaningless without actual help. A hand on my shoulder has never done anything for me, regardless of whose hand it was. So I am either stuck with God is doing this, He isn't powerful enough to fix it, or he just doesn't care. None of those scenarios will bring me closer to Him. If he can't or won't act to help, why would I want Him at all?

You have the will and determination required to receive the healing you desire. I encourage you to continue to press forward. Do not believe that you will be in this situation forever....do not believe that this is God's will for you. Instead believe that you will be delivered out of all your trouble......nay you are delivered......for before you called, He answered. Be strong..... and wait, I say, on the Lord.