How do you trust God when He doesnt help?

Macchiato

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My home situation isnt good at all. I try my hardest in my own strength to do what i can to move. I work, i search out the apt, set money aside, but Im.now realizing i habe really toxic parents.

Im always obligated to help financially and dont have much to save and rarely get paid back. Im not respected at home. Not as mother or in general ( see threads-- brother threw toy at my baby and my mom let my daughter sit in poop bc she was mad at me) if i try to stand up for myself and children Im threatened with being put out. Food I buy gets eaten, everyone drives my car, i put gas in but it comes back empty my dad argued with me last week abt why he doesnt need to put gas in.

Yet when I find a guy who I think would be a good partner and try to move in with him to leave my parents. God gives me warnings ...so thats not his will either.

Does God really want me to stay with toxic people that disrespect me on the daily bases? Why doesnt God want me to leave? Why doesnt he help me ( I do all i can to help myself such as working ect.. Then my parents sabatoge my job or something crazy like my car getting wrecked in an accident happens. I have no friends to room with..)

It just makes it hard to trust God when it seems like he wants me to suffer and not be happy at all. Ive never got the desires of my heart even when serving God. I never got friends that stick closer than a brother. Someone that isnt messed up or as toxic as my parents to love and be loved by. Im not asking for a million dollars just simple things and now I just want to get away from my parents.

Im working and trying to save but it seems fruitless.
 

Tolworth John

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Open an on line bank account and pay money in each pay day.
On being asked for cash help give what you can from your normal bank account.
That way saving up to a quarter of your pay will quickly enable you to be able to move out.
 
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royal priest

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My home situation isnt good at all. I try my hardest in my own strength to do what i can to move. I work, i search out the apt, set money aside, but Im.now realizing i habe really toxic parents.

Im always obligated to help financially and dont have much to save and rarely get paid back. Im not respected at home. Not as mother or in general ( see threads-- brother threw toy at my baby and my mom let my daughter sit in poop bc she was mad at me) if i try to stand up for myself and children Im threatened with being put out. Food I buy gets eaten, everyone drives my car, i put gas in but it comes back empty my dad argued with me last week abt why he doesnt need to put gas in.

Yet when I find a guy who I think would be a good partner and try to move in with him to leave my parents. God gives me warnings ...so thats not his will either.

Does God really want me to stay with toxic people that disrespect me on the daily bases? Why doesnt God want me to leave? Why doesnt he help me ( I do all i can to help myself such as working ect.. Then my parents sabatoge my job or something crazy like my car getting wrecked in an accident happens. I have no friends to room with..)

It just makes it hard to trust God when it seems like he wants me to suffer and not be happy at all. Ive never got the desires of my heart even when serving God. I never got friends that stick closer than a brother. Someone that isnt messed up or as toxic as my parents to love and be loved by. Im not asking for a million dollars just simple things and now I just want to get away from my parents.

Im working and trying to save but it seems fruitless.
Submit yourself under the mighty hand of God and He will exalt you in due time. If not in this life, then in the life to come.
In the meantime, people's mistreatment of us is an opportunity to show them the kindness of our Father.
 
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Joined2krist

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Are your Parents Christians? I'm asking because living with non-Christians might be more difficult. You shouldn't move in with a man you're not married to, perhaps that's why God isn't letting you move. Be patient, save for a while, when you have enough, move. I was advised to learn assertiveness, perhaps you can learn to be more assertive and not give out all you earn. It's hard but it will work eventually. God bless
 
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trophy33

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My home situation isnt good at all. I try my hardest in my own strength to do what i can to move. I work, i search out the apt, set money aside, but Im.now realizing i habe really toxic parents.

Im always obligated to help financially and dont have much to save and rarely get paid back. Im not respected at home. Not as mother or in general ( see threads-- brother threw toy at my baby and my mom let my daughter sit in poop bc she was mad at me) if i try to stand up for myself and children Im threatened with being put out. Food I buy gets eaten, everyone drives my car, i put gas in but it comes back empty my dad argued with me last week abt why he doesnt need to put gas in.

Yet when I find a guy who I think would be a good partner and try to move in with him to leave my parents. God gives me warnings ...so thats not his will either.

Does God really want me to stay with toxic people that disrespect me on the daily bases? Why doesnt God want me to leave? Why doesnt he help me ( I do all i can to help myself such as working ect.. Then my parents sabatoge my job or something crazy like my car getting wrecked in an accident happens. I have no friends to room with..)

It just makes it hard to trust God when it seems like he wants me to suffer and not be happy at all. Ive never got the desires of my heart even when serving God. I never got friends that stick closer than a brother. Someone that isnt messed up or as toxic as my parents to love and be loved by. Im not asking for a million dollars just simple things and now I just want to get away from my parents.

Im working and trying to save but it seems fruitless.
Why do you put God into all this? Just wondering? "God gives me warnings, God does not want me to leave" etc.

If you will not eat and your body will give you a hungry feeling, would you put it as "God gives me bad feelings"? Of course you will get into various doubts about God with such bad theology.
 
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shineyourlight

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My home situation isnt good at all. I try my hardest in my own strength to do what i can to move. I work, i search out the apt, set money aside, but Im.now realizing i habe really toxic parents.

Im always obligated to help financially and dont have much to save and rarely get paid back. Im not respected at home. Not as mother or in general ( see threads-- brother threw toy at my baby and my mom let my daughter sit in poop bc she was mad at me) if i try to stand up for myself and children Im threatened with being put out. Food I buy gets eaten, everyone drives my car, i put gas in but it comes back empty my dad argued with me last week abt why he doesnt need to put gas in.

Yet when I find a guy who I think would be a good partner and try to move in with him to leave my parents. God gives me warnings ...so thats not his will either.

Does God really want me to stay with toxic people that disrespect me on the daily bases? Why doesnt God want me to leave? Why doesnt he help me ( I do all i can to help myself such as working ect.. Then my parents sabatoge my job or something crazy like my car getting wrecked in an accident happens. I have no friends to room with..)

It just makes it hard to trust God when it seems like he wants me to suffer and not be happy at all. Ive never got the desires of my heart even when serving God. I never got friends that stick closer than a brother. Someone that isnt messed up or as toxic as my parents to love and be loved by. Im not asking for a million dollars just simple things and now I just want to get away from my parents.

Im working and trying to save but it seems fruitless.
I grew up in an abusive household.

I remember crying out to God every time my Dad would physically hurt me, wondering where He was. He never came. He never answered. I didn't understand how a God, who supposedly loved me so much, wouldn't come to my rescue.

I had to come to terms that God was helping me but in a different way. He sent me pets, he sent me adults who loved me, etc. But, I didn't see it like that. I wanted my Dad to stop hurting me.

Sometimes, just because you aren't seeing God move, doesn't mean he isn't.

Sometimes, God moves in silence. Just because you don't see Him moving, doesn't mean he's not in the next room, making things happen.

Eventually, I had to take a break from my parents. My Dad was threatening to hurt me when I moved out and he continued on doing so. I took a year break from my parents back in 2017. When I came back, I had my good friend (who's a pastor), facilitate a meeting with me and my parents.

I would say: Seek God out and see what He says. Don't do anything until you hear an answer from Him. Cling to Him until He responds.

Also, listen to "In the Silence" by Jason Upton. It really helped me.


In the silence
You are speaking
In the quiet, I can feel the fire
And it's burning, burning deeply
Burning all that it is that you desire to be silent, in me

Oh Jesus can you hear me?
My soul is screaming out
And my broken will cries, "teach me"
What your Kingdom's all about
Unite my heart to fear you
To fear your holy name
And create a life of worship
In the spirit and truth of your loving ways
 
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Bible Highlighter

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My home situation isnt good at all. I try my hardest in my own strength to do what i can to move. I work, i search out the apt, set money aside, but Im.now realizing i habe really toxic parents.

Im always obligated to help financially and dont have much to save and rarely get paid back. Im not respected at home. Not as mother or in general ( see threads-- brother threw toy at my baby and my mom let my daughter sit in poop bc she was mad at me) if i try to stand up for myself and children Im threatened with being put out. Food I buy gets eaten, everyone drives my car, i put gas in but it comes back empty my dad argued with me last week abt why he doesnt need to put gas in.

Yet when I find a guy who I think would be a good partner and try to move in with him to leave my parents. God gives me warnings ...so thats not his will either.

Does God really want me to stay with toxic people that disrespect me on the daily bases? Why doesnt God want me to leave? Why doesnt he help me ( I do all i can to help myself such as working ect.. Then my parents sabatoge my job or something crazy like my car getting wrecked in an accident happens. I have no friends to room with..)

It just makes it hard to trust God when it seems like he wants me to suffer and not be happy at all. Ive never got the desires of my heart even when serving God. I never got friends that stick closer than a brother. Someone that isnt messed up or as toxic as my parents to love and be loved by. Im not asking for a million dollars just simple things and now I just want to get away from my parents.

Im working and trying to save but it seems fruitless.

I think we need to praise God and read His Word and talk to Him more and say that God is good despite our bad circumstances in life. For that is what faith (or trust in God) is about. The harder the challenges in life, the more we should cling to the Lord and His good ways. Keep crying out to God, and keep seeking Him every day. Keep loving the Lord your God and boast of His goodness (even if you don't feel like it). This is why we are told to fight the good fight of faith so that we may lay hold on eternal life (1 Timothy 6:12).
 
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bèlla

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You’ve answered your question in the opening paragraph. You didn’t recognize their toxicity and attested to your mother’s support. I advised you to move, go to school, and live on campus. But you felt home was best.

We can’t blame God for our decisions. The reason you’re stuck is because of the children. You’re dependent on them and they’re exploiting it. Why weren’t you warned about that?

~bella
 
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Pavel Mosko

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Well I pray that God does deliver you from your family and circumstances.


Does God really want me to stay with toxic people that disrespect me on the daily bases? Why doesnt God want me to leave? Why doesnt he help me ( I do all i can to help myself such as working ect.. Then my parents sabatoge my job or something crazy like my car getting wrecked in an accident happens. I have no friends to room with..)

It just makes it hard to trust God when it seems like he wants me to suffer and not be happy at all. Ive never got the desires of my heart even when serving God. I never got friends that stick closer than a brother. Someone that isnt messed up or as toxic as my parents to love and be loved by. Im not asking for a million dollars just simple things and now I just want to get away from my parents.

Im working and trying to save but it seems fruitless.

Yeah I know what it is like to be frustrated by God and his seemingly letting you hanging out to dry.
I'm not as in a critical place as you, but I think I'm much older than you having life long problems over decades as far as work and career goes.


In these kinds of situations people have to go out of their way to practice, grow etc. the fruit of the Spirit as far as patience, joy, long suffering (endurance), and so on. There also is a great temptation to fret over your circumstances. I feel it myself, lots of temptation to give up on life, basically resign yourself "that this is as good as it gets" or to be bitter about life.


I will say that in times of extreme trial there is a grace. Basically that God seems to go out of his way to drag his feet on prayers etc. but can be very prompt at coming to the rescue when things go really bad. It's sort of like that verse

Isaiah 42:3
New International Version


3 A bruised reed he will not break,
and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.
In faithfulness he will bring forth justice;


So I do have faith that he will do the same for you too.


And I guess I will say lastly, just focus on small easy to attain goals as far as your circumstances go. We often cannot make or achieve big changes often in life single handedly, but sometimes their are little things that are in our grasp that we can easily do. So try to work on the "Low hanging fruit" and try to let God handle the big stuff. Anyway, if you are diligent in that those little changes, they add up over time into big ones over time.


I would also end things by quoting Lao Tzu. In Taoism it is noted that water is probably one of the softest, and gentles thing in the world, yet even so rivers and streams carve out valleys out of sheer rock over time. Anyway this is also a I believe a good analogy for the past post on things what I said on talking about endeavoring to grow in the fruit of spirit, because much of the water talk of the Taoist is basically referencing that sort of thing. Their are lots and lots of tails in Christianity on how saintly people with an over abundance of kindness, love, patience and so on slowly over time won over, and converted the cruel, godless and worldly people around them. But any take care, and may the Lord bless you and keep you!


Water Lao Tzu.jpg
 
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Elliewaves

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Don't make babies with guys that have no intention to support them or you as a strategy to move out? Try to find a female roommate if you can't live on your own.

ETA: after reading some of your other threads, you really need to get out for the sake of your children. The abuse and neglect they have experienced is minor but it will probably escalate. Even if you are only able to afford the jankiest apt ever, the physical surroundings are negligible compared to being raised in emotional chaos where they are going to be potentially abused , neglected, or used as pawns. Do not allow that to happen to them. Go to social services and ask for help. There is help all around if you seek it.
 
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Macchiato

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I grew up in an abusive household.

I remember crying out to God every time my Dad would physically hurt me, wondering where He was. He never came. He never answered. I didn't understand how a God, who supposedly loved me so much, wouldn't come to my rescue.

I had to come to terms that God was helping me but in a different way. He sent me pets, he sent me adults who loved me, etc. But, I didn't see it like that. I wanted my Dad to stop hurting me.

Sometimes, just because you aren't seeing God move, doesn't mean he isn't.

Sometimes, God moves in silence. Just because you don't see Him moving, doesn't mean he's not in the next room, making things happen.

Eventually, I had to take a break from my parents. My Dad was threatening to hurt me when I moved out and he continued on doing so. I took a year break from my parents back in 2017. When I came back, I had my good friend (who's a pastor), facilitate a meeting with me and my parents.

I would say: Seek God out and see what He says. Don't do anything until you hear an answer from Him. Cling to Him until He responds.

Also, listen to "In the Silence" by Jason Upton. It really helped me.


In the silence
You are speaking
In the quiet, I can feel the fire
And it's burning, burning deeply
Burning all that it is that you desire to be silent, in me

Oh Jesus can you hear me?
My soul is screaming out
And my broken will cries, "teach me"
What your Kingdom's all about
Unite my heart to fear you
To fear your holy name
And create a life of worship
In the spirit and truth of your loving ways

This is a good answer bc you've been in my shoes and get it.
 
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Macchiato

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Don't make babies with guys that have no intention to support them or you as a strategy to move out? Try to find a female roommate if you can't live on your own.
Iit.If i could go back in time i would.
 
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Macchiato

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You’ve answered your question in the opening paragraph. You didn’t recognize their toxicity and attested to your mother’s support. I advised you to move, go to school, and live on campus. But you felt home was best.

We can’t blame God for our decisions. The reason you’re stuck is because of the children. You’re dependent on them and they’re exploiting it. Why weren’t you warned about that?

~bella
Im not blaming him for my decisions i just need help bc Im doing my part by working. Like i said i thought my mom had my back until i saw she didnt. I wouldn't have seen this side of my mother until i had kids. There were glimpses before them but not like this.
 
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LeafByNiggle

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It just makes it hard to trust God when it seems like he wants me to suffer and not be happy at all.

If we compare trust in God when life is very difficult (such as your experience) with trust in God when life is going along just fine, we find a strange thing. In times of prosperity and peace and comfort, when people ought to be most thankful to God for their blessings, and trust Him even more, people do the opposite. They fall away from Him, and if they think about their blessings at all, they attribute those blessings to their own virtue. We see this in ancient Israel when, at various times of relative peace, the people lost faith in the God and worshipped other gods. On the other hand, when Christians were the most oppressed, such as during the several Roman persecutions, faith in the Lord grew at a faster rate percentage wise than at any other time in history.

This is not to say that a toxic family life is a good thing. It is not. I deeply sympathize with your situation, and I hope it changes. I wish I had something more specific to offer in the way of advice. But I hope that you can take comfort in the fact that while you suffer and remain faithful, you are sharing in the lives of saints who went before. Even Jesus, on the cross, said "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
 
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shineyourlight

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This is a good answer bc you've been in my shoes and get it.
I get it, but I also have to agree with what others are saying as well. Don't move in with the opposite sex. Temptations are there. Try to find a female roommate. It would be good for you. Personally, I would walk away. I did that with my parents. But that was after God specifically told me to. I loved them at a distance.

You are loved. Truly. Seek Him.
 
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timf

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Some resources you may have already tried;

Someone in your church.
Social Services
A women's shelter
Craigslist roommate

There are certain apartment buildings that seem to cater to single moms. The single moms there often form a support network. If you can get connected with one of those networks, you might find some additional resources.

Young women should be protected so that they do not end up destitute or difficult situations. The husband is supposed to extend his protection when the daughter marries.

Considering how toxic our current society is to Christianity and family integrity, it is not surprising that many young girls are pregnant and abandoned. However, one benefit of difficult consequences is that it can bring people closer to the Lord than they would have chosen otherwise.
 
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bèlla

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Im not blaming him for my decisions i just need help bc Im doing my part by working. Like i said i thought my mom had my back until i saw she didnt. I wouldn't have seen this side of my mother until i had kids. There were glimpses before them but not like this.

I understand that. :)

I had a child at a young age. My stepmother told me something I never forgot. She said people will promise you the world. They mean well. But that's your responsibility. And she was right.

Dependency is fine when you're dealing with healthy people who are loving and compassionate. Nevertheless, you can't put all your eggs in one basket. You need to build a life for you and the children. The obvious solution isn't always the best.

Use this period while they're young to lay the foundation for tomorrow. Finish school. Make it a priority. So you're not relying on a man or someone else to help you make ends meet. You need to be independent.

Meet with social services and tell them your situation. Be honest. They can help you apply for a housing voucher. If you're a full-time student you don't pay any rent. There's a loophole. Use the programs as they're intended. You can't change them. Love them and leave them in His care and move on.

~bella
 
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Maria Billingsley

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My home situation isnt good at all. I try my hardest in my own strength to do what i can to move. I work, i search out the apt, set money aside, but Im.now realizing i habe really toxic parents.

Im always obligated to help financially and dont have much to save and rarely get paid back. Im not respected at home. Not as mother or in general ( see threads-- brother threw toy at my baby and my mom let my daughter sit in poop bc she was mad at me) if i try to stand up for myself and children Im threatened with being put out. Food I buy gets eaten, everyone drives my car, i put gas in but it comes back empty my dad argued with me last week abt why he doesnt need to put gas in.

Yet when I find a guy who I think would be a good partner and try to move in with him to leave my parents. God gives me warnings ...so thats not his will either.

Does God really want me to stay with toxic people that disrespect me on the daily bases? Why doesnt God want me to leave? Why doesnt he help me ( I do all i can to help myself such as working ect.. Then my parents sabatoge my job or something crazy like my car getting wrecked in an accident happens. I have no friends to room with..)

It just makes it hard to trust God when it seems like he wants me to suffer and not be happy at all. Ive never got the desires of my heart even when serving God. I never got friends that stick closer than a brother. Someone that isnt messed up or as toxic as my parents to love and be loved by. Im not asking for a million dollars just simple things and now I just want to get away from my parents.

Im working and trying to save but it seems fruitless.
Your describing wicked parents. Are they Christian???
 
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Macchiato

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Don't make babies with guys that have no intention to support them or you as a strategy to move out? Try to find a female roommate if you can't live on your own.

ETA: after reading some of your other threads, you really need to get out for the sake of your children. The abuse and neglect they have experienced is minor but it will probably escalate. Even if you are only able to afford the jankiest apt ever, the physical surroundings are negligible compared to being raised in emotional chaos where they are going to be potentially abused , neglected, or used as pawns. Do not allow that to happen to them. Go to social services and ask for help. There is help all around if you seek it.

I know. I made a complete list. Im waiting for my next check so i can take out loans and get a credit card and build my credit. Hopefully i can be out soon.
 
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