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How do you say "No"?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by jacks, May 23, 2019.

  1. jacks

    jacks Er Victus Supporter

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    I was wondering if anyone had advice on how to say "No".

    Especially requests from friends or the church. For example I own the only pick-up in the neighborhood and neighbors (who are also my friends) will occasionally ask to use it. I'm very picky about my truck and so usually not only lend it, but drive and help load it. Really what I would like to say is "If I say "No" will you still be my friend". I know pathetic. Also I belong to a men's group at church (which is great) but sometimes they want help doing things I really don't want to do. I'm tempted but reluctant to make up little white lies, but that really doesn't sit well with my concision. How do you say No?
     
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  2. redleghunter

    redleghunter Thank You Jesus! Supporter

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    My buddy loaned his truck out to friends and friends of friends. He was taken advantage of. He would get his truck back with the fuel gauge on empty, found a few small dents and one window cracked. Not to mention the McDonalds garbage on the floor and between the seats.

    So I guess the only deterrent I would recommend is if someone asks to borrow the truck and it is an inconvenience just tell them. If that does not work, keep the truck near empty before loaning it out and say "sure, but it needs gas, you got that?" ^_^
     
  3. Ken Rank

    Ken Rank Well-Known Member Supporter

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    You help when you can but be honest when you can't. "Sorry I can't help today and no, I can't allow my truck to be used. So many others have borrowed it that before long I won't even be able to use it." Just be honest, "too much wear and tear on my truck." If they don't understand and don't respect your position for YOUR truck... I would question their motives.
     
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  4. Albion

    Albion Facilitator

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    All of that is entirely true. People seem to think that if you own a truck as your personal vehicle, it more or less follows that you look upon it as a junker by definition, just a tool. And of course the reason they want to use it is to carry heavy, bulky, or dirty things that their own cars cannot accommodate. But how to say "no" gracefully without making them think ill of you, I don't know.
     
  5. Chris V++

    Chris V++ Mostly Water Supporter

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    If someone else borrows your truck you are liable for their actions. If a friend accidentally runs over a jogger, your insurance is handling the injury settlement, and then you yourself would be liable beyond the limits of your own policy, since you own the truck, so I'd be very careful about lending out a vehicle. We got a 'truck guy' in our neighborhood that gets taken advantage of too. Serves him right for having a truck. :) I always just rent one from home depot. You can offer to give the neighbor the 20.00 to rent from Home Depot instead.
    I handled a claim once where a guy lent his pristine pickup to a neighbor who hauled gravel with it without a tarp.
     
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  6. Oscarr

    Oscarr Senior Veteran Supporter

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    These people are manipulating you and taking advantage of your good nature. You should not feel in the least bit guilty about saying, "Sorry but the pick-up is not available today." And, because helping your men's group is voluntary, you are free to say no anytime. If they cannot take no for an answer and try the guilt bomb on you, say, "How long do you think I will be helping for? Two hours? I work for $25 an hour, so $50, plus $100 bond for petrol and possible damage on my pick-up, in cash will get my help."

    I was treasurer for my church for many years. Last year they wanted to employ someone, which would have meant some hours of extra work for me. I told them that I will do the extra work for $25 per hour, but they refused, so I resigned as treasurer because my time is valuable to me and I have better things to do than to be a donkey for a group who are too miserly to pay me for extra work. I was happy to do the essential voluntary treasurer role for no pay because I saw that as my contribution to the church, but to have extra work foisted on me for no compensation was not acceptable to me.

    I think that some churches who can well afford to pay their voluntary workers, are just taking advantage of their good nature and the desire to serve God. I think that if a church is taking mega bucks in offerings every Sunday, they should pay those who do essential work for it.

    I think you should send an invoice for the repair of the dents in your vehicle, the petrol used, and the valeting of it. If they refuse, then write out a letter of complaint, including your resignation from the church. There is always another church down the road who will treat you and your vehicle with respect.
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2019
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  7. Andrew77

    Andrew77 The walking accident Supporter

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    I'm not seeing anything here that suggests you are being taken advantage of. I guess it would greatly depend on the meaning of "occasionally".

    Couple times a year? Or every week?

    I'm also concerned because you say you are picky about your truck.

    Everything I'm about to say, hinges on the idea, that you are not being taken advantage of. I'm assuming that every once in a blue moon, they are asking for help, not every Thursday, and I'm also assuming they are not going joy rides, or littering up your truck, or being careless and damaging it.

    So, quick little story... Story time, alright?

    I found, and bought, a mint condition, only 60,000 miles, 1982 Buick Rivera. Perfect condition, no rips or tears, not a scratch on the paint. Great car. It didn't roar, it purr'd down the road. It didn't drive, it floated down the highway. Still had the glowing Rivera logo on each side of the car.

    So I'm driving home from work at 1 AM. I see a car on the side of the interstate with their blinkers on, and the hood up. I pull off in front, and ask whats going on. A tall black man says they need oil. No problem, get in my 1982 mint Buick Rivera, and drive on down the road to a quickie-mart, and pick up 3 quarts our oil.

    I drive then down to the next exit, so I can loop back to where the car is on the interstate. It's about 2 AM now. Guy walks back to his car, and in the rear view mirror I can see two guys dumping in the oil without checking, and then just tossing the bottles off the side of the road.

    No dice. The Crown Vic is Found On the Road Dead.

    I walk back to the two guys, who explain to me the car won't start... as if I couldn't hear them trying and failing to start it. I can see there are a couple of people still in the car. "Well, I guess I can drive you home for the night, and you can deal with the car tomorrow"

    First they stare at each other, then at me. "uh ok... sure.". That's when they all start piling out of their FORD, two adult men, two adult and heavy women, and two children.... and then they piled into my Buick 82 Rivera. They smelled... or something smelled. The air ride pump kicks on, and runs for 2 minutes straight.

    15 minutes later, I can hear the tail pipe hit the speed bump of a condo parking lot, from all the weight in the back of the car. The guy who apparently won the rock-paper-scissors to sit in the front seat (3 people and two children in the back), asked "why are you doing this?"

    "Because I believe the things I have, are not mine alone, but also the Lord's, and he wanted me to help you with my car tonight." Exactly what I said. I still remember it.

    2 Corr 9:7 says:
    "Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver."

    It is my view that this verse applies to things like letting someone borrow your truck.

    If you are not happy doing it, then don't. Do not do this reluctantly, like you are being compelled to do it.

    G-d will help his people, and take care of the needs of his family. If you are not willing to be the means G-d uses to help his people, he will find someone else, or some other means to help his people.

    G-d created the universe, he can find another truck to help his people with.

    G-d will find someone else with a truck, that will be happy to help. Not reluctantly, and considering telling little white lies, to get out of it. And by the way, don't fool yourself into thinking that everyone won't realize you are lying to them. They will.

    But that's my advice. If you don't want people borrowing your truck, then say no.
     
  8. jacks

    jacks Er Victus Supporter

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    I appreciate all the replies and advice. I guess what it might boil down to, is I'm not clear in my own mind if I'm being too stingy or a push over.

    Personally I almost never ask others for something because I don't want to inconvenience them or put them in an awkward situation. So for awhile I assumed people that asked must be desperate, but they can't be desperate that often. Some others must have a lower threshold of when it's O.K. to ask for favors, which is fine. I do see it as an opportunity to "do good", but to be honest I'm not doing it with a willing heart. I think, I need to pray more about it.

    Certainly the insurance issue is something to consider. I always thought it was the person who was insured not the vehicle, but I think that may be incorrect or it is a combination of the two?
     
    Last edited: May 24, 2019
  9. Andrew77

    Andrew77 The walking accident Supporter

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    And that is the question. Are people simply taking advantage of you, or not? If they are simply just people in need, and you happen to have a way to help, then you should act accordingly.

    If they are simply using you, like their own private truck rental company, then you should act accordingly.

    The vast majority of insurance policies, cover the driver, and are not tied to the car. One clear exception is anyone under the age of 25. Almost no policies cover young drivers in other people's cars.
     
  10. thecolorsblend

    thecolorsblend If God is your Father, who is your Mother?

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    I'm a firm believer in honesty. Everybody lies about everything these days. There's no reason for it.

    If you don't want to let others borrow your property, say so. "Nothing personal but... no." Four very simple words. A friend won't mind you saying no. A user might though.
     
  11. christine40

    christine40 Well-Known Member

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    Can Someone Else Drive My Car? - State FarmĀ®
    from above: "Typically, even if the person driving your car has his or her own insurance, your insurance will be the primary payer for damages caused by your vehicle"

    if there's a Home Depot or somewhere else that rents trucks in your area, you could pass that info on

    husband used to have a truck & relatives would have husband move things for them
    does take time moving stuff but you could still do that if/when you have time
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2019
  12. Joined2krist

    Joined2krist Well-Known Member

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    I think you can just tell everyone that your truck is available for a fee. This will discourage them from asking you for it for free
     
  13. Neckelehamiah

    Neckelehamiah the One with the fire eyes Supporter

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    Saying no is something that takes many people a long time to master. The first step to saying no is understanding that you are not being narcissistic by doing so. You are simply protecting yourself. And you have all the right in the world to protect yourself.

    It sounds stupid, but something as simple as a daily positivity journal can help you see like from a different perspective. It will help you understand that being happy is okay. Its more than okay.

    I hope this helps you. I've been where you are, so if there is anything I can do for you, please do not hesitate to send me a message.

    Good luck on your journey, friend. I will keep you in my prayers.
     
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