I was in what I thought was a long distance relationship with this guy I met online. We talked all the time and had alot in common and I truly felt perhaps God put him my way for a reason. I had been dealing with bad loneliness for a while and cried to God about it, asking for a friend or a connection. I thought this guy was God's answer. Even though we havent met in person ive had a great experience sharing thoughts with this guy.
He has issues and is planning on getting help , but lately ive been getting "tugs" at my heart that feel like something is wrong. Like maybe God is trying to get my attention. I've prayed asking Him to reveal it to me, and I'm coming to the conclusion that perhaps this relationship I've been a part of is coming to an end. Maybe God is telling me He wants my friendship with this man to end.
I'm not panicking or anything. If God says no He has a good reason. I'll obey and let it fade. But I'm worried about the returning loneliness that will come once me and this guy stop talking. In the months before i met him, i'd get these twinges of aching emptiness in my chest that literally almost hurt. I felt so lonely and wanted friends so bad. After i met him, it was like we instantly connected. I thought we were soul friends. It's going to be hard to come down from that.
There is no quick fix, to mourning the loss of a relationship. You just have to mourn for lost dreams and relationships. It takes time, and some sorrow.
As for the pain of loneliness.... someone else will have to help you with that. I feel my best, when I'm alone, and no one is there to hurt me and cause me pain. Nothing worse than having people in your life that hurt you. Being alone is much better, and happier.
I think my only advice would be that after you mourn this loss, and take a month or two where you just take a break, and grieve a little.....
I personally am not a fan of long distance relationships. As in, just meeting some random person online, I just do not see that this works very often. What you are going through now, is what I typically see in long-distance relationships.
I am not saying it never works, just that it is not often. I can think of dozens of couples that met online, and then things go badly. The person isn't anything close to what you think they are. Too often people tend to have this romantic view, and heap onto this other person unrealistic expectations, because you don't really know who that person is.
The only online relationships that I see work on a consistent basis, are those built on the idea of marriage, right from the very start.
This is why mail order bride sites, still even today have an 80% success rate. But understand the difference between a bride site, verse a dating site.
On dating sites, like Tinder, or mingle.com like sites, people just go there to find a boyfriend or girlfriend, or a causal 'relationship'. Almost by definition you end up with loose short term and shallow relationships.
The same is true when you bump into a random person online.
But marriage sites, like Rose Bride and such, the entire reason the women is on there is to get married. The only reason a guy goes to such a site, is to get married. Both people are walking into the relationship with the understanding and expectation, this is for marriage, and if we are not a match for that purpose, we move on.
A couple has a higher chance of success when both people are looking for something real and long term to begin with. When marriage is the goal, and expectation from the start, it weeds out people who are not looking for that.
It also reduces the chance of you being hurt by a failed relationship, because when you go in with a set standard of marriage, if the other person determine, or you determine that the two of you are not a match, they usually figure this out pretty quickly.
You tend to not get wrapped up in someone, only to find they had no intention of marrying from the start.
So what can we learn from this?
You need to put your profile on a brides site?
Well... maybe... but that isn't necessarily the answer.
What you need to do is set expectations from the start. I'm a big fan of saying openly at the start "I do not want a boy friend. I'm looking for a husband".
Few people do this, but the few that do, have better results.
When I was back in the dating game, I often would say very openly "I do not want a girlfriend. I am looking for a wife"... and it worked. Many would disappear. That sounds bad, but it is actually a good thing, because it weeded out those who were not serious.
Better you have fewer people interested in you, and have those few be a better quality of people, looking for something real.
That's my best advice. I wish you the best.
