How do you know if you are called to celibacy?

pinkjess

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I'm not talking about celibacy as in waiting until marriage, I'm talking life-long celibacy that is done in service to God and others. Not like joining a nun covenant or anything like that, but just living single with just you and God so you can better focus on serving in the community and helping others. I want to choose celibacy because I feel like I would better be able to focus and serve God and people without being paired up with somebody. I also feel like it would be easier on me, because I have health problems and mental issues and it is very hard to just take care of my own self.

So, how can I know if my desire for celibacy is what God wants, too?
 
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dqhall

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If you reach the age of 55 and have not yet married, statistics show you are not likely to marry.

I suppose you may need to learn more about God, to determine what God wants. Some people tried studying scriptures, sermons, wisdom literature, etc. Hearing a good preacher can help.
 
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CodyFaith

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Myself personally I believe that if a person is often "burning" for a partner, and I'm not talking just lust but the emotional, mental, physical, etc. aspect of a relationship, then it is better for them to seek marriage than to constantly strive against these passions. This can be mild and manageable or intense depending on the person or depending on where they're at. I'll say it like this - if you feel a half of you is missing, whether that feeling is very noticeable or not, you aren't called to celibacy imo. This is the meaning of Adam's missing rib.

The large majority of us aren't called to celibacy, as stated by Paul.
 
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Saucy

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I've said it before on other threads, but I don't understand how people can think they can better serve the community/church/God while single. God created marriage for this exact purpose! It's not meant to be a place where you go off on your own together and just forget about serving. Two people together can do more than one. A whole family serving does a great work together.

God Himself said it's not good for man to be alone. There's nothing wrong at all with desiring a relationship, sex, companionship, marriage and kids. He instills that desire in us. I just think the church has done a great job at demonizing the desire for a relationship, some denominations more than others.

I just don't believe lifelong celibacy is something God wants for the vast majority of people. I also don't think you realize a lot of these thoughts you're having are a result of the bad situation you're in.
 
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CodyFaith

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I've said it before on other threads, but I don't understand how people can think they can better serve the community/church/God while single. God created marriage for this exact purpose! It's not meant to be a place where you go off on your own together and just forget about serving. Two people together can do more than one. A whole family serving does a great work together.
To be fair, it's scriptural that the person called to celibacy will be able to serve God more. Paul wrote it, he said that when one is married then their interests are divided whereas when they are single their focus is soley on God.

But I will say that if someone is going against the grain so to speak, and fighting against their passion, then their interests and attention would be battling these passions instead of heeding to scripture and putting these feelings to rest by marrying.
 
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redblue22

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So, instead of serving people, you serve other people. If you see serving a husband and children as getting in the way of serving someone else more important, then maybe now is not the right time to marry. What about friendships? Does serving friends get in the way of serving another someone else?

You're single right now. How are you doing at serving God with all the free time you have? You aren't married. Are you doing the things now for God that you say you would be doing if you remained single?

I have problems too, but I don't see them in the way of being with someone. I suspect she would have problems too.

While single, it is said we can serve God more. I'm not entirely sure what that means in practice. I have a lot of time and I don't see how to fill it all with God-serving choices.
 
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Multifavs

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Recently I discussed celibacy with a friend and read about it, and here is what I have learned.

-Very few people actually have the gift of celibacy. If you don't feel much of a romantic drive like most people do (and you don't have a medical problem causing it) then you may have this spiritual gift. That said, you don't have to have the gift of celibacy to be celibate. You can choose to be celibate either way.

-If you're unsure what God's calling for you is, pray to Him to show you the way. He can tell you whether His calling is for you to remain celibate or marry.

-I think that being celibate can make it easier to serve God because you have more time to focus on Him when you don't have a spouse and marriage to focus on. I'm not saying that married couples can't serve God as well as singles can, but for some of us it's easier to serve Him while single.

-It's better to remain single instead of hurrying into marriage and marrying the wrong person. Take your time and listen to God's calling, He'll show you the right path in due time.

-Lastly, don't let anyone try to talk you into doing something that is not your calling. It's okay to be celibate and not everyone has to get married. Likewise, if God calls you to get married and you find the right person, then that's perfectly fine.
 
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Saucy

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I understand @CodyFaith , but Paul also said it was basically just his opinion, not a command. Everything else I see from the bible, including God's own words, is that marriage is a blessing. He calls the marriage bed "pure". To me, God saying it's not good for man to be alone trumps Paul's wish that people were more like him. The vast majority of Christians I see who suddenly decide to be celibate do so for a variety of reasons that don't involve 'serving God better' as they never really serve in any other capacity. They think the very act of saying or choosing to be celibate is in itself serving God, and it's not.

*of course, if you do it because of a disability or set of genes you don't want to pass down, that's something else altogether.
 
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Saucy

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P.S. I'm not talking about the people who never felt any desire for a relationship. I'm also not saying you HAVE to marry if you don't want to. Its a personal decision you have to make. What I am saying is most of the Christians I've seen who decided to be celibate clearly do it for other reasons other than to 'serve God', as they've been in and out of relationships, maybe made a lot of mistakes, and never take the opportunity to serve God while in a relationship, much less when single. If you're not serving God and out there pounding the pavement like Paul was, then I don't think you fit the definition of being celibate in a godly sense.

I have strong opinions about this and I always tick someone off by sharing them, but whatever. Just my opinion based on a study of scripture.
 
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CodyFaith

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I understand @CodyFaith , but Paul also said it was basically just his opinion, not a command. Everything else I see from the bible, including God's own words, is that marriage is a blessing. He calls the marriage bed "pure". To me, God saying it's not good for man to be alone trumps Paul's wish that people were more like him. The vast majority of Christians I see who suddenly decide to be celibate do so for a variety of reasons that don't involve 'serving God better' as they never really serve in any other capacity. They think the very act of saying or choosing to be celibate is in itself serving God, and it's not.

*of course, if you do it because of a disability or set of genes you don't want to pass down, that's something else altogether.
Paul did not know what he was writing, the judgements he made, were inspired and God-breathed. You can tell his lack of 100% assurance in 1 Corinthians7:40 and the preceding verses we are discussing. Paul feared God and did not want to speak for God unless he knew entirely his words were of God, so he differentiated between his judgements from God's. One he knew for sure, but the other, his own, he just had strong faith in. But in reality his judgements were inspired by God and immortalized in scripture to edify and teach the church in all generations.

If we disagree then that's fine, I know we both don't want to derail the thread or debate so we can just leave it there.
 
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pinkjess

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Well, personally for me, another BIG reason why I wish to stay celibate is because I don't have a healthy view of sex, and so I feel that it would be best for me to stay as I am. I don't like the way attraction makes me feel. It makes me feel far from God. I don't know if that makes any sense.
 
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Saucy

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Paul did not know what he was writing, the judgements he made, were inspired and God-breathed. You can tell his lack of 100% assurance in 1 Corinthians7:40 and the preceding verses we are discussing. Paul feared God and did not want to speak for God unless he knew entirely his words were of God, so he differentiated between his judgements from God's. One he knew for sure, but the other, his own, he just had strong faith in. But in reality his judgements were inspired by God and immortalized in scripture to edify and teach the church in all generations.

If we disagree then that's fine, I know we both don't want to derail the thread or debate so we can just leave it there.
Yes, it's okay that we disagree brother :) . Paul literally says, “Now concerning virgins 2 I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion3 as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy.” -1st Corinthians 7.

He literally says it's his opinion, completely differentiating what is opinion and God-breathed scripture. but again, look at what Paul was doing at the time. I think there's a huge difference between singleness and celibacy. Just being in a state of singleness is not what Paul was doing. He was traveling the world and preaching the word of God. He felt that was his specific calling and marriage would certainly complicate that.

If you plan on being a missionary or giving yourself completely to God's work, then yes, considering celibacy might be a good idea. Then again, you can't be considered a pastor unless you're married according to scripture, so some service requires marriage. Why God would say marriage is necessary for some service and not others is strange to me, but there you go.

Just deciding to remain single and saying it's because God wants you to better serve Him, but you're not actually out there serving Him with your extra time, defeats the purpose of saying you're celibate. You're just choosing to remain single for whatever reason you have to be single at the time.
 
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name_is_irrelevant

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I'm not talking about celibacy as in waiting until marriage, I'm talking life-long celibacy that is done in service to God and others.

copied from www.gotquestions.org...

Question: "Does the Bible teach that there is a gift of celibacy?"

Answer:
Two passages in the New Testament are typically used to discuss what is sometimes called “the gift of celibacy.” The first is Matthew 19:9-12, "'I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.' The disciples said to him, 'If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.’ Jesus replied, 'Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.'"

The phrase “only those to whom it has been given” refers to people receiving what some call “the gift of celibacy” or “the gift of singleness.” Regardless of what we call the gift, Jesus teaches that most people do not naturally desire to remain single and celibate for a lifetime. The exceptions are those who have “renounced marriage” for the kingdom’s sake. Such celibates have received a special gift from God.

The other pertinent passage is 1 Corinthians 7. In this chapter Paul states that it is not wrong to get married, but that it is better if a Christian can stay single. (The reason is that a married man’s attention is “divided” between pleasing the Lord and pleasing his wife; a single man is free to be more focused on the Lord’s work, verses 32-34.) Paul says, “I wish that all men were [unmarried] as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that” (verse 7). Paul is careful to state that this is “a concession, not . . . a command” (verse 6). The ability to stay single and serve God apart from marriage is a gift. Paul and some others had this gift, but not everyone.

As we see, the Bible does not explicitly call this “the gift of celibacy,” but it does express that the ability to remain unmarried to serve God more fully is a gift. Most adults desire marriage, and this desire is not sinful. In fact, marriage can keep us from sin: “Since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2). Rather than engage in immorality, believers are to be married. Sex within marriage between one man and one woman or celibate singleness—these are the only two options for Christians.

Although the Bible does speak of celibacy as a gift, it is not listed with the spiritual gifts (1 Corinthians 12; Roman 12). Singleness is a gift that God gives everyone, at least temporarily. For some, the gift of singleness is permanent; for others, God takes that gift away and gives the gift of marriage in its place. The Bible encourages those who are celibate in Christian service that they are an important part of God’s family.


Question: "What does the Bible say about a Christian staying single?"

Answer: The question of a Christian staying single and what the Bible says about believers never marrying is often misunderstood. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:7-8: "I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am." Notice that he says some have the gift of singleness and some the gift of marriage. Although it seems that nearly everyone marries, it is not necessarily God's will for everyone. Paul, for example, did not have to worry about the extra problems and stresses that come with marriage and/or family. He devoted his entire life to spreading the Word of God. He would not have been such a useful messenger if he had been married.

On the other hand, some people do better as a team, serving God as a couple and a family. Both kinds of people are equally important. It is not a sin to remain single, even for your entire life. The most important thing in life is not finding a mate and having children, but serving God. We should educate ourselves on the Word of God by reading our Bibles and praying. If we ask God to reveal Himself to us, He will respond (Matthew 7:7), and if we ask Him to use us to fulfill His good works, He will do that as well. "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is"his good, pleasing and perfect will" (Romans 12:2).

Singleness should not be viewed as a curse or an indication that there is "something wrong" with the single man or woman. While most people marry, and while the Bible seems to indicate that it is God's will for most people to marry, a single Christian is in no sense a "second class" Christian. As 1 Corinthians 7 indicates, singleness is, if anything, a higher calling. As with everything else in life, we should ask God for wisdom (James 1:5) concerning marriage. Following God's plan, whether that be marriage or singleness, will result in the productivity and joy that God desires for us.
 
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name_is_irrelevant

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I have difficulty putting together the idea of celibacy with Genesis 2:18

Different situation I guess, that was a pre-fall world. Today, it's good to be celibate for the kingdom of God, if it's not too much of a burden for them. Most can't, if I understand St Paul correctly. (Though I'm puzzled on this, eg., he gives an out to heterosexual people who can't keep it in their pants... why not homosexuals too? But I digress.) There's no shame either way though. Some people think that for them to get married would be idolatry, which is contrary to St Paul saying no it's fine to get married. Some people think to stay celibate is wrong, but St Paul says that's fine too if you have that gift. No shame either way, but the situation has changed since Genesis.
 
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Well, personally for me, another BIG reason why I wish to stay celibate is because I don't have a healthy view of sex, and so I feel that it would be best for me to stay as I am. I don't like the way attraction makes me feel. It makes me feel far from God. I don't know if that makes any sense.
When I read this I feel there's alot of underlying issues causing you to push relationships away. I understand you wanting to help and serve others and be celibate as well.. I think that's very Noble. But I feel there's a fewf issues piled on top of your desire to be celibate.

Such as health and stuff.

Why does attraction make you feel far from God? It's not a bad thing...being with someone isn't a terrible thing. It's okay to like someone, pursue them ,fall in love and marry. God isn't against that.

I just want you to live your best life whether it's single or with someone.
I just don't want you to have regrets.
 
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Inkfingers

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Different situation I guess, that was a pre-fall world.

Isn't that supposed to be the idea though, with Christ being the new Adam and the Kingdom being a restitution after the fall?

Is the idea, in light of that, that the fall was precipitated by the dividing of Adam into separate male and female and in the new Kingdom Adam is made whole in himself once more (and so beyond the sex that began with the taking of Eve out of him)?

But I digress from the thread....
 
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Gnarwhal

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First I think you have to have a deep and honest conversation with yourself, to challenge your motives for choosing celibacy.

Some people want to claim celibacy only for the shock value they think it'll have at parties and family gatherings, or because maybe it'll mildly shame people who aren't celibate. So right there someone choosing celibacy has to be sure there isn't an underlying malevolent agenda.

The next thing is to remember that marriage is a vocation, and in the absence of the marriage vocation then God is generally calling us to an alternative that we devote our lives to. This is how the Catholic Church sees it. Marriage is a vocation, the same as the priesthood and/or religious life (monasticism). So all that's to say that if you're not going to be married, then perhaps there should be some aspect of the Christian faith you devote yourself to, perhaps it's something that wouldn't be possible if you were married because it's a large undertaking.

If you're choosing celibacy for selfish reasons (i.e. you just want to keep your life to yourself) then perhaps you need to re-evaluate your priorities. Otherwise, I believe God can use celibate individuals for important things. I know he sure does with priests, sisters, monks, etc!
 
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