How do you fully forgive someone and fully forgive yourself for sticking around (relationship wise)

[sk8brdkd]

So, a year ago in Jan, my bf had cheated on me with this one girl. I Had forgiven him initially before everything else took place. But, I tried staying friends with him for 6 months and that’s when a lot of craziness happened. Near the end of our friendship, he started blaming me/getting angry at me, etc.

I was just talking to a friend of mine and he said I need to not only fully forgive him, but, I need to forgive myself too for sticking around. When he told me that, I had this peace shoot thru me.

He also told me I need to stop talking to his mom and sister as they’re reminders.

But, how do I go about fully forgiving him and myself? I don’t need to contact him so I to tell him that? I don’t want to talk to him

 

[Justasurvivor]

are you asking for a way to forgive him without placing yourself in a awkward position?

 

[sk8brdkd]

are you asking for a way to forgive him without placing yourself in a awkward position?

Yes. Like can I just forgive him in my heart. Pray and forgive. I don’t want to have to text him bc that may start him asking me questions and everything

 

[rockytopva]

Someone once said that, “Living Well is the Best Revenge” And even wrote a book about it. Getting on with your life and learning to living well without that significant other is your best bet.

 

[Justasurvivor]

it's insanely hard to tell if there will be a right time his he the kind of person to hold grudges?

 

[SleepingAtLast]

It is absolutely possible to fully forgive someone without contacting them. Forgiveness is a muscle to be flexed inside your own heart, and then how that forgiveness plays itself out in your relationship with the person depends on the situation. In a scenario where it is healthier or safer not to have interaction with the person who hurt you, then not reaching out to them is actually the best course of action.

 

[com7fy8]

Hi, Skateboard Kid It is good to meet you I am Bill God bless you

he started blaming me/getting angry at me, etc.

I don’t want to have to text him bc that may start him asking me questions and everything

This does not sound like how we relate as God's children >

"swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God." (in James 1:19-20)

"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)

"with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

If he is not living as a good example, he is not the one to be giving you counsel. But I do agree that you need to forgive yourself, also. But in case he said to forgive yourself and said this in order to accuse and criticize you, this would not be right.

And if you have a Christian relating thing with his mother and sister, certainly it is good to share with others who are living for Jesus. And no way, then, should he be allowed to get in the way of that. But I would be prayerfully careful not to give him ungodly attention while you and his mother and sister are sharing with one another.

"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." (Ephesians 4:29)

 

[Justasurvivor]

thank the lord because this is way out of my league com7fy8 thank you I was not looking forward to promptly mess up somebody's life
thanks man

 

[Monk Brendan]

So, a year ago in Jan, my bf had cheated on me with this one girl. I Had forgiven him initially before everything else took place. But, I tried staying friends with him for 6 months and that’s when a lot of craziness happened. Near the end of our friendship, he started blaming me/getting angry at me, etc.

I was just talking to a friend of mine and he said I need to not only fully forgive him, but, I need to forgive myself too for sticking around. When he told me that, I had this peace shoot thru me.

He also told me I need to stop talking to his mom and sister as they’re reminders.

But, how do I go about fully forgiving him and myself? I don’t need to contact him so I to tell him that? I don’t want to talk to him

Forgiving others is like and onion. You peel and peel and cry and cry.

And then there's another layer.

 

[Artra]

So, a year ago in Jan, my bf had cheated on me with this one girl. I Had forgiven him initially before everything else took place. But, I tried staying friends with him for 6 months and that’s when a lot of craziness happened. Near the end of our friendship, he started blaming me/getting angry at me, etc.

I was just talking to a friend of mine and he said I need to not only fully forgive him, but, I need to forgive myself too for sticking around. When he told me that, I had this peace shoot thru me.

He also told me I need to stop talking to his mom and sister as they’re reminders.

But, how do I go about fully forgiving him and myself? I don’t need to contact him so I to tell him that? I don’t want to talk to him

Empathy and forgiveness go hand in hand. We can always accept the feelings of others and not condone how they acted on them, because sometimes we let our feelings grow out of control and dominate us, even if that's not what we want to happen. God wants the peace you felt when you became aware of the power of forgiveness to reach your ex as well, because He doesn't want what happened to pain either of you. If letting him know you forgave him can help him realize he doesn't have to hold on to what happened, then that's what would be best for both of you. Do what your heart feel right to do on the matter, and don't be afraid to do it no matter what.

 

[Kenny'sID]

I'm not arguing either way that we are to forgive without someone asking for forgiveness. However God does require we ask him and it seems that would completely uncomplicate what is happening here.

He feels bad enough to ask, and you forgive him on the spot...done.

 

[sunshine100]

you have to learn to forgive,in your heart,and in others,but first,in your heart.

 

[sk8brdkd]

I'm not arguing either way that we are to forgive without someone asking for forgiveness. However God does require we ask him and it seems that would completely uncomplicate what is happening here.

He feels bad enough to ask, and you forgive him on the spot...done.

My ex never asked for forgiveness. He had cheated on me on Jan 28, 2018. As of March of 2018, I texted him and told him I forgave him. But that was Before everything else started happening. Meaning, that he was still seeing/talking to that girl, she was sleeping over, etc. He had fully broken things off with me in mid March of last year. Even though I did initially forgive him, that was before more of the hurt and anger came within me. But, as of right now, I am not going to text him to tell him that I forgive him. But, I should forgive him and myself.

 

[sk8brdkd]

Empathy and forgiveness go hand in hand. We can always accept the feelings of others and not condone how they acted on them, because sometimes we let our feelings grow out of control and dominate us, even if that's not what we want to happen. God wants the peace you felt when you became aware of the power of forgiveness to reach your ex as well, because He doesn't want what happened to pain either of you. If letting him know you forgave him can help him realize he doesn't have to hold on to what happened, then that's what would be best for both of you. Do what your heart feel right to do on the matter, and don't be afraid to do it no matter what.

My feelings did dominate me and get outta control during the last several months where he and i were still talking. Now, I had forgiven him last March. Though, that was before everything else had happened. But, this morning when my friend mentioned that i need to forgive him and myself, that's when i felt the peace flow through me. Is it just a prayer? Praying and telling God that i forgive him and apologizing that I stuck around for far too long afterwards and praying and forgiving myself?

I do Not want to tell my ex that I forgive him again. I haven't spoken to him since early Sept. and I Really don't want to talk to him. I want to stay 100% Clear of him. I'd rather just forgive him in my heart and move on.

 

[sk8brdkd]

Forgiving others is like and onion. You peel and peel and cry and cry.

And then there's another layer.

I've done my fair share of crying. It's terrible. I haven't cried in awhile though. The point that I've been stuck in for a few months is pure anger. Anger/bitterness towards him. That's what I told my friend this morning and that's when he told me I need to come to a place to not only forgive him but forgive myself too. But, i figured that I need to get through the bitterness and anger in order to heal too? With forgiveness fully take the anger away?

I feel like i have peeled so many layers away. Maybe the last peeling job I need is for the anger?

 

[Artra]

My feelings did dominate me and get outta control during the last several months where he and i were still talking. Now, I had forgiven him last March. Though, that was before everything else had happened. But, this morning when my friend mentioned that i need to forgive him and myself, that's when i felt the peace flow through me. Is it just a prayer? Praying and telling God that i forgive him and apologizing that I stuck around for far too long afterwards and praying and forgiving myself?

I do Not want to tell my ex that I forgive him again. I haven't spoken to him since early Sept. and I Really don't want to talk to him. I want to stay 100% Clear of him. I'd rather just forgive him in my heart and move on.

You can also pray that he finds forgiveness himself. Prayer is powerful, and God desires for us to act as intercessors in each others lives through prayer. There are several people I wish I could apologize to for what I done to them, but even if it the communication isn't there, nothing can stop us from praying for others and their well-being.

I'm glad you found forgiveness, and God bless you and your ex

 

[sk8brdkd]

Hi, Skateboard Kid It is good to meet you I am Bill God bless you

This does not sound like how we relate as God's children >

"swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God." (in James 1:19-20)

"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)

"with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

If he is not living as a good example, he is not the one to be giving you counsel. But I do agree that you need to forgive yourself, also. But in case he said to forgive yourself and said this in order to accuse and criticize you, this would not be right.

And if you have a Christian relating thing with his mother and sister, certainly it is good to share with others who are living for Jesus. And no way, then, should he be allowed to get in the way of that. But I would be prayerfully careful not to give him ungodly attention while you and his mother and sister are sharing with one another.

"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." (Ephesians 4:29)

Hi Bill.

I guess I should've explained myself a bit more. My ex is not a Christian. His family are not Christians. I haven't been talking to my ex since early September. It was a friend of mine who was talking to me about forgiveness. And strangely, since I initially received the peace this morning about forgiveness and since I've been seeking out how to go about doing that, inwardly, I've been feeling this nervousness creep up inside of me and now i am feeling very nervous and i don't know why. Only thing I can think of is, Satan knows that this forgiveness is necessary and knows that once I do it, I'll be able to move onto bigger and better things.

Unfortunately, his mom and sister are not Christians, but, my own mom has been praying for the 2 of them for a couple of years now, just as I have been praying for my ex.

 

[Elliewaves]

You do not need to contact him in order to forgive him and move on. Time and distance and making better friends will help you move past this. Take all your thoughts captive , be in prayer when he pops into your head, memorize scripture . ..... In the end he's just a guy who messed up, you don't have to talk to him if you don't want to.

 

[Kenny'sID]

My ex never asked for forgiveness. He had cheated on me on Jan 28, 2018. As of March of 2018, I texted him and told him I forgave him. But that was Before everything else started happening. Meaning, that he was still seeing/talking to that girl, she was sleeping over, etc. He had fully broken things off with me in mid March of last year. Even though I did initially forgive him, that was before more of the hurt and anger came within me. But, as of right now, I am not going to text him to tell him that I forgive him. But, I should forgive him and myself.

I think for you/your situation, that my be the best way to handle it.

 

[com7fy8]

Only thing I can think of is, Satan knows that this forgiveness is necessary and knows that once I do it, I'll be able to move onto bigger and better things.

Yes, Jesus wants us to forgive people. And on the cross, Jesus prayed forgiveness to the ones who were still busy with hating and torturing and murdering Jesus. So, from this I see how God wants me to first forgive any person, right away, and care for the person with hope for the person > love "hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7).

You may not be perfect, but it seems like you understand this and you are doing this.

But because we are not perfect, we can really forgive and bless anyone, but later things can come back to mess with us and maybe get the better of us to some extent; but then we can be corrected by God and then pray forgiveness and blessing to the person, again. Remembering the person can be a reminder to keep forgiving and blessing someone in prayer. They do still need it, don't they?

And when we pray at later times for someone, this can be after we have grown more in Jesus so we can do it better. And grow more; and when someone comes back to mind again, pray and forgive even more maturely for the person. And keep hope of how God is committed to making this work and do His good; so it is not in vain.

1 Corinthians 15:58

Thank you for sharing your personal experience; I think what you are doing is a good example for us while we do all we can to bless you.