How do I tell her I quit, its over.

[Autumnleaf]

I'm going to file for divorce on Monday. Its been a long hard long meh hard road. Its time to end it. Its time for it to be done. I'm off Sunday and monday. What is the socially acceptable way to say I am so done with you that the angels will sing to the repose of the dessicated corpse of our marriage that I have been doing CPR on for years?

 

[johndoo]

I'm sorry to hear of this.
I think that you should talk in person with your spouse before you take legal action.
Try to minimize the hurtful talk and keep to factual information.

 

[Dave-W]

I agree with johndoo. Talk to her. Talk to your pastor. "before you take legal action."

 

[LinkH]

Autumnleaf

Why are you getting a divorce? Have you considered what Jesus said on the subject?

 

[Hetta]

You use the exact words you just used, "I'm filing for divorce."

 

[ValleyGal]

I agree about sticking to the facts for the most part, and you can be specific (such as "we started having marriage problems [insert time or specific situation], and we have done [this], [this], and [that] to try to fix it.), but if you have any feelings at all, like the good feelings that brought you together in the first place, or maybe that you have no regrets, etc, that's okay too, since it will show her you are not a cold-hearted jerk about it. Then find out if there is anything you can do to make the divorce easier for her - unless there is so much animosity and contempt that doing so would only elevate negative feelings, cause suspicion, etc. Personally, I believe in tact and kindness, even if you don't have kind feelings to go along with it.

AL, I'm really sorry it's come to this.

 

[Albion]

I agree with those who've said that it's wrong to blindside your wife, regardless.

 

[98cwitr]

The vows you made were to God too...please reconsider.

 

[HerCrazierHalf]

Other than the 3 A's (abuse, adultery, abandonment) I think you should careful consider reconciling somehow.

If you go through with I'd say to do it face to face privately on Friday night or Saturday and calmly state you intention.

Before you go through with this a few questions...
Do you two have minor children?
Do you have you thought considered the impacts to you, her, and yes what you two have built over the years?
Have you two really exhausted other options to make it work?

 

[Ana the Ist]

I'm going to file for divorce on Monday. Its been a long hard long meh hard road. Its time to end it. Its time for it to be done. I'm off Sunday and monday. What is the socially acceptable way to say I am so done with you that the angels will sing to the repose of the dessicated corpse of our marriage that I have been doing CPR on for years?

Quick and to the point....don't drag it out, don't try to sugar coat it.

Think of it as an execution...would you rather it be done in one swift stroke? Or a thousand little cuts?

It's going to hurt either way.

 

[mkgal1]

What is the socially acceptable way to say I am so done with you that the angels will sing to the repose of the dessicated corpse of our marriage that I have been doing CPR on for years?

I doubt there's any way to get angels singing to this.

 

[Thir7ySev3n]

I'm going to file for divorce on Monday. Its been a long hard long meh hard road. Its time to end it. Its time for it to be done. I'm off Sunday and monday. What is the socially acceptable way to say I am so done with you that the angels will sing to the repose of the dessicated corpse of our marriage that I have been doing CPR on for years?

You don't say it. In fact, you don't do it, or think it. You turn around (repent) and continue on your way faithfully and with the unfailing love you promised. Don't like it? You need to surrender your concern for how pleasant it is and learn to love her even if you don't like your situation. Loving is hard. Some people make it harder. You surrendering to the flesh is going to forfeit the glory you can bring to God and to your marriage unless you do "not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up (Galatians 6:9)."

Nothing evil ever results from loving your wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. Pain? Sure. It literally nailed Jesus to the cross and left Him battered, bruised and betrayed to continue loving His bride. But if you continue to reflect the heart that Christ has towards you towards your wife then God will not leave you empty for your efforts. Unless you die to self I can promise you this will be impossible (Luke 14:26). Keep your eyes on her and Christ and do not forsake your vows to both.

 

[ParentofChildren]

I'm going to file for divorce on Monday. Its been a long hard long meh hard road. Its time to end it. Its time for it to be done. I'm off Sunday and monday. What is the socially acceptable way to say I am so done with you that the angels will sing to the repose of the dessicated corpse of our marriage that I have been doing CPR on for years?

So sorry to hear. You are a good board supporter.

 

[AGTG]

What is the socially acceptable way to say I am so done with you that the angels will sing...

Those angels will likely be of the enemy's camp.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Well, regardless of how you feel about her, you should tell her before you file. And do it after you're sure you're going to do it (and won't change your mind if she begs/pleads/cries) and actually do it, and then say "it's not working, here's why, I'm filing for divorce on day X, let's talk about how we are going to get through this." Then lay out if you're going, if you expect her to go, if you're both still living together, how finances will work, custody will work, etc until she can get to a lawyer and/or mediator with you.

 

[DZoolander]

The nuances of how to handle such a declaration depends on the individual you're dealing with, so no real advice there. The content itself though is pretty straightforward.

My only advice would be don't do it unless you plan on carrying through with it, and quickly. I've seen a number of my friends tell their partners they were filing for divorce, but in reality (IMHO) it was nothing but a power play in the hopes of compelling them to do something. That's crap, and a form of emotional extortion. If there's any part of you that sees the potential of you guys staying together "if things improve" use anything but the threat of divorce.

The only time to actually use that word, once again IMHO, is just before you have them served with the paperwork.

 

[Susie~Q]

Please, don't do it, when you married her, it was "Until death do us part" That is the plan the Lord has for all marriages. Please, sit down with her, have a civil, calm, heart to heart discussion with her, let her know your feelings, don't just spring all this on her, man, that will hurt big time. Talk to your pastor, both of you talk to your pastor, pray about what to say. You obviously loved her one time or you would not have gotten married. Work on it, I know it is not easy at times, but, it can be done, but, you both will have to put an effort into it.

As far as the angels singing, nope, I highly doubt that, they will be crying.

 

[live4Christ2016]

I'm going to file for divorce on Monday. Its been a long hard long meh hard road. Its time to end it. Its time for it to be done. I'm off Sunday and monday. What is the socially acceptable way to say I am so done with you that the angels will sing to the repose of the dessicated corpse of our marriage that I have been doing CPR on for years?

I know how you feel. I'm sorry it's come to this. May I ask what the reasons are for divorce

 

[dayknee]

It has been a long while since I have been here. I want to say that I know it's hard when we feel like we have no more to give.
I was on these forums when I was going thru the contemplation of divorce and then finally divorcing. I have to say .... there are times that I regret the decisions I have made that led up to it. I have to say that I have a lot of regrets. I am remarried now. I love my husband, it's nothing like the love I had in my first marriage. My second marriage is much harder then my first. Not sure why. Sometimes I think it's just the consequences of divorce and becoming cynical, and un-trusting that contributes to how my second marriage is. I have been re married for almost 4 years. My first marriage was 20 years. Thing's do not change or get better when we divorce. Things get..harder. I don't pretend to know your situation or why but I truly believe that divorce should only be in the case of infidelity or physical abuse. That to me show's that someone has left the marriage. But even then I know God can transform and reform a person and a marriage. I struggle a lot in my second marriage. We argue..we disagree too often, more than I would like. There are things my husband does not do to help me in the home..there are times where I feel like I have made a mistake in getting re married. It is a long list of things. I love my husband, I really do. But there are times when walking away looks good. I wont, but him and I are just often on two different planes in life. He values things that I don't and vice versa. We are not on the same page spiritually. I realize though, that I have to do what God commands me and it is to love my spouse even when I don't want to or have a hard time doing so. I pray daily for him, even when I don't want to. I really hope you consider this long and hard. Seek biblical counsel. Divorce literally destroys hearts. There will be a time, where you might think..I should have done this or that...and it will be too late. You cannot work on your marriage if you are divorced. Believe me, divorce is terrible, but I cannot believe how easy it would be to do it a second time. That fact scares me!

 

[DZoolander]

Life is what you make it - and what you want it to be.

I also have been through a divorce, and would honestly say it's the best decision I've made in my life. There's not a moment I that I ever second guess that choice. In a lot of ways I'd say it cleared my heart - and with the time I took after to be by myself - led to the best period of growth I've ever had.

Would it make a second divorce easier? I suppose to an extent...because you have discovered that there are circumstances that ought be walked away from. You know now that you can, and will, walk if needed. When presented with a similar type of scenario, you won't have that same period of questioning to go through again. I don't mean "ought I or ought I not divorce this person" - but rather "ought I to ever divorce at all". Clearly the second answer is "yes" - so it frees to you focus on the first and arguably more important question. "Ought I to keep working on it with *this* person".

In life - everything is context in my humble opinion. Two people can be presented with the same situation, and how they choose to perceive it can make all the difference in the world. Choose how you look at those things wisely.