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How do I stop sexual sins?

Discussion in 'Struggles with Sexuality' started by HoneyBee, Oct 25, 2020.

  1. HoneyBee

    HoneyBee Daughter of the King Supporter

    United States
    I am a single lady who is in her mid-twenties, and I am ashamed to admit this, but I struggle with the sin of masturbation. I have also viewed pornography, but that has become a very rare occurrence. When it does happen, though, it is usually spurred on by my hormones and physical urges to masturbate.

    I understand that sexual urges are normal for human beings, and there is no shame in having such physical reactions. My only problem is that I do not want to masturbate. I want to stay as chaste as possible until I one day find a good man and get married to him. I also want to be able to receive the Eucharist when I go to church, and I wasn't able to do that this Sunday because of what I did to myself. I really did try to resist the urges. I tried as best as I could, but my physical reactions got the better of me and led me to sin.

    If I do any kind of sexual activity whatsoever, I want to be able to have control over saying "yes" or "no" to it. It feels very shameful to give in to temptations that I don't even want to give in to. In fact, that even feels incredibly violating at times. I don't want to keep feeling forced to give in to these physical reactions, so I thought I would come here for help.

    Are there any resources, apps, or programs that I might be able to utilize or join to help me with resisting the temptation to masturbate? Again, I don't really struggle with pornography anymore, so the problem that I mainly want to target is the masturbation. Besides, if I can resist masturbating, then I won't feel the need to view pornography either.
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. .Mikha'el.

    .Mikha'el. Young Fogie Staff Member Supervisor Supporter

    I think you know that you and I have different perspectives on this matter, so I really can't advise you, sorry.
  3. Lost4words

    Lost4words Jesus I Trust In You Supporter

    United Kingdom
    Offer up your feelings, your thoughts, your desires to Jesus. Lay them at His feet. Ask Him to guide you. To help you stay pure.

    Its not an easy road to walk on as the devil will try everything to pull you away from God.

    Persevere in prayer.

    Everytime you fall, get right back up and head for the loving, open arms of Jesus.

    The devil may win many battles in our lives, but, he aint ever going to win the war my friend!

    Everytime you feel like you are being tempted by the devil, think of Jesus crucified. Keep a crucifix close by. Say the Rosary daily.

    God bless you and protect you.
  4. HoneyBee

    HoneyBee Daughter of the King Supporter

    United States
    That's okay. Thank you either way!
  5. bèlla

    bèlla ❤️ Supporter

    United States
    In Relationship
    I'm sorry you're struggling. Contact XXXChurch. The ministry began years ago and used to have mentors and meetings. I was going to volunteer. Its changed a little but they'd know where to you point for the resources you're seeking. :)

    God Bless.

    Yours in His Service,

  6. chevyontheriver

    chevyontheriver Well-Known Member Supporter

    United States
    Use the sacrament of reconciliation and confess it. That will help. You will want to make some progress, because you will not want to confess it over and over again.

    Figure out the triggers that lead you down the path of doing this. Then work to either avoid the triggers one by one or learn to interfere withthe effect these triggers have on you. There may be multiple triggers. So disarm them one by one as you figure them out. This works on any habit.

    Sex is good, but this is a counterfeit. You can gradually work back to healthy attitudes and habits and urges. There will be some people even here who will say, "Oh, it's not really a sin." I think you know better. And you can win, but it may be a slow process and you will need grace to get there. Look for and eliminate triggers and confess as often as you need to.
  7. Danigt22

    Danigt22 Well-Known Member

    Costa Rica
    NoFapChristians: A Gathering place for Christian Fapstronaughts
    This is a sub reddit where in times of need you can vent how you feel and people will support you.

    When we get closer to God, our desire to sin goes away. I read the word of God every time I feel urges to sin. And over the months chastity is far more easier. So every time you resist, the next you will be stronger against it.
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2020
  8. Sabertooth

    Sabertooth Repartee Animal: Quipping the Saints! Supporter

    United States
  9. public hermit

    public hermit social troglodyte Supporter

    United States
    Humans have an innate desire for sex. Period. Whatever struggles you have while you are alone, are in no way compared to the damage that can be done when having sex with others without the promise of commitment. So, do your best, but be good to yourself in being gracious and forgiving. Whatever you do, don't indulge with others until you are ready to commit to care for the fruit born out of union.

    If your struggle is with the passions, then welcome to life in this world. Put up the good fight, be humble, be gracious to others because you know you're in need of grace, as well.
  10. royal priest

    royal priest debtor to grace

    United States
    Observe potential triggers to be avoided. Distract yourself until the urge passes.
    If you fail, don't get discouraged. Each time confess, forsake, and press on. Always maintain a degree of vigilance because even when sin is quiet, it is still there lurking in the corners waiting for an opportune moment.
    The most powerful antidote to this (and any)sin is communion with God. The biggest aspect of the craving behind the sexual urge is intimacy and there is no one better to draw near to than our Creator Father to calm us when our soul and body are turbulent.
  11. Gregorikos

    Gregorikos Ordinary Mystic

    United States
    Rose, I'm a sex addict. By far most of my acting out has been through porn and masturbation. It was something that I went a lifetime trying to stop doing. I would succeed for awhile, but fall back into it in times of stress or personal pain. And it was so easy to do because it was a big, dark secret that nobody knew about. Secrecy like that sets us up for failure. But you can have success in this.

    The quick answer to your question is that you have to stop it in your mind. You can't even fantasize about it. And the problem is you have a lifetime of porn stills and vids stored in your brain. You can "view" porn literally anyplace, even sitting in church, because you can play it back in your mind at will.

    Consider this diagram:


    If you are anywhere on this circle, you're on the addiction cycle. The preoccupation is sexual fantasy. It's too easy to get there.

    The Bible says we are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. (Romans 12:2) This is literally what happens as we eliminate sexual fantasy and redirect our minds to better things. You'll need someone you can talk to about it who can listen with empathy and support, especially when you stumble. It's helpful if the other person has similarly struggled with it.

    With God, you can do this. I will help you any way I can.
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2020
  12. Jeshu

    Jeshu Bought by His Blood Supporter

    The best is to love Jesus for salvation, also from masturbation. The more you eat grace, the more you will love Jesus, the more you love Jesus, the less you will think about satisfying yourself, for your heart is content already.

    It can take years to break free, but the more you accept God's grace the freer from unwanted habits you will become.

    Please understand that to deny the blood of Christ when you have fallen is not wise, for it is just then that you need Him and His blood the most. Only when you want to keep doing wrong is the blood forbidden, not when you succumb to sin. When you succumb to sin then you need the blood big time. Please do understand that.

  13. friend of

    friend of Well-Known Member Supporter

    When you feel the urge to do the deed when you wake up, just get up and start your day. Don't lay in bed trying to fight it. That's all I can say. Keep getting back up and trying again. I'm in the same boat as you tbh
  14. Kenny'sID

    Kenny'sID Well-Known Member Supporter

    This is a tough one. On one hand you are given that urge by God so you are fruitful and multiply, but on the other hand, we arent to lust.

    I agree you should stop, and all I can tell you is when the thought strikes, immediately get away from it, l mean dont dwell on it for even a few seconds. At least that eventually, over a few yrs woked for me, but I'm much older so though I dont know it wont help you, its possible it may not.

    Im guessing God will take a certian share of responibility in the case of young people, and may cut them some slack, so keep at trying to do your best and maybe dont worry too much about it.
  15. dzheremi

    dzheremi Coptic Orthodox non-Egyptian

    Oriental Orthodox
    With the caveat that I'm neither a woman nor in my 20s, I would nevertheless recommend that you develop a habit of saying the hourly prayers. In the west, I have a feeling that this is mostly a monastic practice (though I did on occasion go to vespers when I was still a Roman Catholic, wherein the vespers hour prayer was prayed), though in the Coptic, Syriac, and Ethiopian churches it is encouraged that all do so (I'm not sure about the Armenians). The collection that we use for this in the Coptic Church is called the Agpeya (from the Coptic word for 'hour', ti-agp), and is available online in English here, if you want to peruse its content, though no doubt there is an analogous collection from your own Roman Catholic tradition (I just don't remember if it has its own name or not, so I don't know how to find it online).

    It is a bit much to take on as a novice, so if you are not used to such things, you can always find the psalms which most resonate with you from a given hour and pray those from whatever Catholic resource you find. The point of establishing this isn't to run a spiritual marathon from the first day anyway, but to replace a bad habit with a good one that is focused on repentance and transformation.

    If that is too much at first (and it's understandable if it is; I have both the 'full' Agpeya with all the hours listed on the website and a smaller three-hour version that only has morning, noon, and afternoon hours that is suitable for days when you will be out and about or otherwise could not devote more time in a given day...y'know, from back when when it was normal to be outside :sigh:), you could spend some time looking for kindred souls among the Desert Fathers and Mothers, the 3rd-6th century monastics of the Egyptian, Syrian, and Palestinian deserts who were the precursor to and inspiration for the establishment of western monasticism. The reason why I recommend these monastically-inclined resources and figures like the Agpeya and the Desert Fathers and Mothers is that what you are struggling with is the passions, and it is in monasticism that this struggle is most clearly elucidated, and the ways to control it are as well.

    A small selection (if you cannot find a suitable collection for free online, then the book I'm taking these from, Sayings of the Desert Fathers translated by Sr. Benedicta Ward, is available on Amazon for $16.99 as of this posting, or much less used):

    "Strive with all your might to bring your interior activity into accord with God, and you will overcome exterior passions" (Abba Arsanius the Roman)

    "When God wishes to take pity on a soul and it rebels, not bearing anything and doing its own will, He then allows it to suffer that which it does not want, in order that it may seek Him again." (Abba Isaiah)

    Once the spirit of fornication attacked her more insistently, reminding her of the vanities of the world. But she gave herself up to the fear of God and to asceticism and went up onto her little terrace to pray. Then the spirit of fornication appeared to her corporally and said, "Sarah, you have overcome me." But she said, "It is not I who have overcome you, but my master, Christ." (Amma Sarah)

    Abba Poemen asked Abba Joseph another question saying, "What should I do when the passions attack me? Should I resist them, or let them enter?" The old man said to him, "Let them enter and fight against them." So he returned to Scetis where he remained. Now someone from Thebes came to Scetis and said to the brethren, "I asked Abba Joseph if I ought to resist the passions when they approach or let them enter, and he replied I ought not to allow them even the smallest entry but cut them off immediately." When Abba Poemen learned that Abba Joseph had spoken to the brother from Scetis in this way, he got up and went to see him at Panephysis and said, "Abba, I consulted you about my thoughts and you have said one thing to me, and another to the Theban." The old man told him, "Do you not know that I love you?" He said "Yes." "And did you not say to me: speak to me as you speak to yourself?" "That is right." Then the old man said, "Truly, if the passions enter you and you fight them, you become stronger. I Spoke to you as to myself. But there are others who cannot profit in this way if the passions approach them, and so they must cut them off immediately." (Abba Joseph of Panephysis)

    May God be with you in your struggles.
  16. Aspzan

    Aspzan Well-Known Member Supporter

    United Kingdom
    Matt Fradd has some good stuff on this but a lot of it is aimed at men. He's on YouTube and has written books. He has a course called Strive 21. It'll probably be useful for anyone. BTW He's Catholic if that's important on this issue.
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  17. Mayflower1

    Mayflower1 Hello my Name is "Child of the One True King" Angels Team Supporter

    United States
    I struggle with this as well. My hubby is aware, which helps. And having kids sleeping helps too. He just works thirds many nights, and that is hard. I find when I feel alone, that is when I struggle. Id recommend exercise, but if you struggle like I do, it is usually in the middle of the night. So I play phone games or have light hearted forum talk, and it gets my mind off of it. I know it is hard sister. I am not Catholic, but I do know what it is like to struggle with this. I never struggled with this issue before marriage. I saved myself until then, and am very grateful I did. Now I want to keep my thoughts right on nights my hubby is working and things. It is so hard to keep a renewed mind, but it is possible through Christ Jesus. Keep up the good fight, sister. I know it is hard and admire your bravery sharing.

    But muscle relaxation techniques and deep breathing, that helps too. Nurturing yourself.
  18. Aspzan

    Aspzan Well-Known Member Supporter

    United Kingdom
    I just properly read your last paragraph. Sorry. I'm not sure about resources which focus on it without pornography use included. I wish I could offer some sort of plan of action but all I can suggest is prayer. I'm sure you have but tell God you want to stop but you're finding it difficult.
  19. BibleBeliever1611

    BibleBeliever1611 Active Member

    Well just walk in the Spirit and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. Not really complicated.