How do I pray now?

[KayScarpettaFan]

I have two different questions.
In the last eight months, my life has been a sort of terrifying rollercoaster. I don't want to bother you with the details, let's just say I have had many traumatic experiences, and it's not that my life had been easy before.
But here I am. Shaken, to say the least.
Sometimes my heart physically hurts.

I have just started a well paid and nice job, but they are starting right now in this state. It means I am in a high position (I still don't understand how I ended up there, but I am grateful nonetheless) but in practice everything must be done from scratch, my training was good to nothing and is a sort of swim or sink situation, and sometimes I sink.
This job for the next weeks is going to be really demanding, in terms of time. And it doesn't help. I try my best and work all day.
But I am shaken, and my heart hurts.

In this situation, I find myself unable to pray, due to both physical and mental exhaustion. Not to speak about the emotional one.

I am unable to pray.
How do I go back to pray?
I feel the need to do it, and then I find myself unable to.
I just have this lump of pain and I can't pray.
How do I solve this? Any advice?

And the second question.
I have been suffering a lot. I have reached out to my pastor's wife for help. Because the pastor wouldn't talk to me, women must talk to his wife, which I understand. Anyway. While I was describing my pain, she was clearly doing the dishes. I heard it from the phone. I got a lot of "Yeah". "Yeah". And she sounded-and she was- annoyed.
I would add that it was the third time I reached out to her in eight months. Because I needed someone to talk with about the -really- traumatic stuff happened to me.
In the end I got the classic "I will pray for you" and not much more.

I annoyed her.
I know that pastors are very busy, but I annoyed her.
And now I feel embarrassed. Because I shared my pain with someone who was annoyed by it.
I don't want to go back to church. I don't need to see her pitiful eyes and her due words, and to watch-again- the body language of annoyance.
I want to go somewhere else.

Am I wrong?
Thank you in advance for any advice.
May God bless you.

 

[The Narrow Way]

No, I don't think you are wrong for not wanting to go back there. I would look for a different church. I agree that it's not good for a Pastor to counsel a woman ALONE....but he could have counseled you with his wife there... It seems they really just don't want to be bothered.

Perhaps this will help you with your prayer question ~
And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking. Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him. After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen. For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:5-15. CSA 26.1

Through nature and revelation, through His providence, and by the influence of His Spirit, God speaks to us. But these are not enough; we need also to pour out our hearts to Him. In order to have spiritual life and energy, we must have actual intercourse with our heavenly Father. Our minds may be drawn out toward Him; we may meditate upon His works, His mercies, His blessings; but this is not, in the fullest sense, communing with Him. In order to commune with God, we must have something to say to Him concerning our actual life. CSA 26.2

Prayer is the opening of the heart to God as to a friend. Not that it is necessary in order to make known to God what we are, but in order to enable us to receive Him. Prayer does not bring God down to us, but brings us up to Him. CSA 26.3

When Jesus was upon the earth, He taught His disciples how to pray. He directed them to present their daily needs before God, and to cast all their care upon Him. And the assurance He gave them that their petitions should be heard, is assurance also to us. CSA 26.4

Jesus Himself, while He dwelt among men, was often in prayer. Our Saviour identified Himself with our needs and weakness, in that He became a suppliant, a petitioner, seeking from His Father fresh supplies of strength, that He might come forth braced for duty and trial. He is our example in all things. He is a brother in our infirmities, “in all points tempted like as we are;” but as the sinless one His nature recoiled from evil; He endured struggles and torture of soul in a world of sin. His humanity made prayer a necessity and a privilege. He found comfort and joy in communion with His Father. And if the Saviour of men, the Son of God, felt the need of prayer, how much more should feeble, sinful mortals feel the necessity of fervent, constant prayer. 47 CSA 26.5

The darkness of the evil one encloses those who neglect to pray. The whispered temptations of the enemy entice them to sin; and it is all because they do not make use of the privileges that God has given them in the divine appointment of prayer. Why should the sons and daughters of God be reluctant to pray, when prayer is the key in the hand of faith to unlock heaven's storehouse, where are treasured the boundless resources of Omnipotence? Without unceasing prayer and diligent watching we are in danger of growing careless and of deviating from the right path.... CSA 27.1

There are certain conditions upon which we may expect that God will hear and answer our prayers. One of the first of these is that we feel our need of help from Him.... The heart must be open to the Spirit's influence, or God's blessing cannot be received.... CSA 27.2

Another element of prevailing prayer is faith.... Jesus said to His disciples, “What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.” Mark 11:24.... CSA 27.3

When we do not receive the very things we asked for, at the time we ask, we are still to believe that the Lord hears and that He will answer our prayers.... When our prayers seem not to be answered, we are to cling to the promise; for the time of answering will surely come, and we shall receive the blessing we need most.... God is too wise to err, and too good to withhold any good thing from them that walk uprightly. 48 CSA 27.4

When we come to ask mercy and blessing from God we should have a spirit of love and forgiveness in our own hearts. How can we pray, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors,” and yet indulge an unforgiving spirit? Matthew 6:12. If we expect our own prayers to be heard we must forgive others in the same manner and to the same extent as we hope to be forgiven. 49 CSA 27.5

Unceasing prayer is the unbroken union of the soul with God, so that life from God flows into our life; and from our life, purity and holiness flow back to God.... CSA 27.6

We should pray in the family circle, and above all we must not neglect secret prayer, for this is the life of the soul. 50 CSA 27.7

Keep your wants, your joys, your sorrows, your cares, and your fears before God. You cannot burden Him; you cannot weary Him. He who numbers the hairs of your head is not indifferent to the wants of His children. “The Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy.” James 5:11. His heart of love is touched by our sorrows and even by our utterances of them. Take to Him everything that perplexes the mind. Nothing is too great for Him to bear, for He holds up worlds, He rules over all the affairs of the universe. Nothing that in any way concerns our peace is too small for Him to notice.... CSA 27.8

Jesus said, “Ye shall ask in My name: and I say not unto you, that I will pray the Father for you: for the Father Himself loveth you.” ... John 16:26, 27.... But to pray in the name of Jesus is something more than a mere mention of that name at the beginning and the ending of a prayer. It is to pray in the mind and spirit of Jesus, while we believe His promises, rely upon His grace, and work His works. CSA 27.9

God does not mean that any of us should become hermits or monks and retire from the world in order to devote ourselves to acts of worship. The life must be like Christ's life—between the mountain and the multitude. He who does nothing but pray will soon cease to pray, or his prayers will become a formal routine. 51 CSA 27.10

If we would but think of God as often as we have evidence of His care for us we should keep Him ever in our thoughts and should delight to talk of Him and to praise Him. We talk of temporal things because we have an interest in them. We talk of our friends because we love them; our joys and our sorrows are bound up with them. Yet we have infinitely greater reason to love God than to love our earthly friends; it should be the most natural thing in the world to make Him first in all our thoughts, to talk of His goodness and tell of His power.... CSA 28.1

Our devotional exercises should not consist wholly in asking and receiving. Let us not be always thinking of our wants and never of the benefits we receive. We do not pray any too much, but we are too sparing of giving thanks. We are the constant recipients of God's mercies, and yet how little gratitude we express, how little we praise Him for what He has done for us.... CSA 28.2

Our God is a tender, merciful Father. His service should not be looked upon as a heart-saddening, distressing exercise. It should be a pleasure to worship the Lord and to take part in His work.... CSA 28.3

We must gather about the cross. Christ and Him crucified should be the theme of contemplation, of conversation, and of our most joyful emotion. We should keep in our thoughts every blessing we receive from God, and when we realize His great love we should be willing to trust everything to the hand that was nailed to the cross for us. 52 CSA 28.4

 

[paul1149]

I find myself unable to pray, due to both physical and mental exhaustion. Not to speak about the emotional one.

Many times I will kneel silently before the Lord. Or I will silently "make melody in [my] heart to the Lord" (Eph 5.19) with my favorite worship songs of yore. If you are not of a mind to formulate intelligent prayer, you can either simply praise and thank Him, or just rest in His presence. Soak in His goodness. I always come away much lighter than I was before, and usually it doesn't take much time for the shift to take place.

In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for [us] with groanings too deep for words; - Rom 8:26​

Ephesians 6 talks about praying with "all" prayer. The Lord wants to meet us where we are, wherever that might be.

What is [the outcome] then? I will pray with the spirit and I will pray with the mind also; I will sing with the spirit and I will sing with the mind also. - 1Co 14:15​

As for the church, if it is not meeting your needs, if there is no one else there who can do so, maybe it is time to start looking. Why should you bear that burden also?

 

[Mark Quayle]

I have two different questions.
In the last eight months, my life has been a sort of terrifying rollercoaster. I don't want to bother you with the details, let's just say I have had many traumatic experiences, and it's not that my life had been easy before.
But here I am. Shaken, to say the least.
Sometimes my heart physically hurts.

I have just started a well paid and nice job, but they are starting right now in this state. It means I am in a high position (I still don't understand how I ended up there, but I am grateful nonetheless) but in practice everything must be done from scratch, my training was good to nothing and is a sort of swim or sink situation, and sometimes I sink.
This job for the next weeks is going to be really demanding, in terms of time. And it doesn't help. I try my best and work all day.
But I am shaken, and my heart hurts.

In this situation, I find myself unable to pray, due to both physical and mental exhaustion. Not to speak about the emotional one.

I am unable to pray.
How do I go back to pray?
I feel the need to do it, and then I find myself unable to.
I just have this lump of pain and I can't pray.
How do I solve this? Any advice?

And the second question.
I have been suffering a lot. I have reached out to my pastor's wife for help. Because the pastor wouldn't talk to me, women must talk to his wife, which I understand. Anyway. While I was describing my pain, she was clearly doing the dishes. I heard it from the phone. I got a lot of "Yeah". "Yeah". And she sounded-and she was- annoyed.
I would add that it was the third time I reached out to her in eight months. Because I needed someone to talk with about the -really- traumatic stuff happened to me.
In the end I got the classic "I will pray for you" and not much more.

I annoyed her.
I know that pastors are very busy, but I annoyed her.
And now I feel embarrassed. Because I shared my pain with someone who was annoyed by it.
I don't want to go back to church. I don't need to see her pitiful eyes and her due words, and to watch-again- the body language of annoyance.
I want to go somewhere else.

Am I wrong?
Thank you in advance for any advice.
May God bless you.

My heart aches for you. I want you to know that before you read antagonism into what I say. I'm writing this with tears in my eyes.

This life can be unbearably difficult, unfair and lonely. And unlike most people will tell you, I have learned that God takes some people through things like you are dealing with for purposes that may never line up to their thinking. It may never make sense to you, but they ARE for your sake, if you belong to him, yet even that is secondary to it being for God's own sake. He is using you. But he is using you for good.

And I hesitate to tell you this, because I am lazy and unambitious, but I think you need to take extra time in the Word of God. Pray as you read. I heard of someone once saying something like, "Tomorrow is going to be so much more difficult and time consuming that I need to spend an extra half hour on my knees."

As much as my heart hurts for you, I KNOW God hurts more, but this is necessary for you.

God's will be done.

 

[Mark Quayle]

I have two different questions.
In the last eight months, my life has been a sort of terrifying rollercoaster. I don't want to bother you with the details, let's just say I have had many traumatic experiences, and it's not that my life had been easy before.
But here I am. Shaken, to say the least.
Sometimes my heart physically hurts.

I have just started a well paid and nice job, but they are starting right now in this state. It means I am in a high position (I still don't understand how I ended up there, but I am grateful nonetheless) but in practice everything must be done from scratch, my training was good to nothing and is a sort of swim or sink situation, and sometimes I sink.
This job for the next weeks is going to be really demanding, in terms of time. And it doesn't help. I try my best and work all day.
But I am shaken, and my heart hurts.

In this situation, I find myself unable to pray, due to both physical and mental exhaustion. Not to speak about the emotional one.

I am unable to pray.
How do I go back to pray?
I feel the need to do it, and then I find myself unable to.
I just have this lump of pain and I can't pray.
How do I solve this? Any advice?

And the second question.
I have been suffering a lot. I have reached out to my pastor's wife for help. Because the pastor wouldn't talk to me, women must talk to his wife, which I understand. Anyway. While I was describing my pain, she was clearly doing the dishes. I heard it from the phone. I got a lot of "Yeah". "Yeah". And she sounded-and she was- annoyed.
I would add that it was the third time I reached out to her in eight months. Because I needed someone to talk with about the -really- traumatic stuff happened to me.
In the end I got the classic "I will pray for you" and not much more.

I annoyed her.
I know that pastors are very busy, but I annoyed her.
And now I feel embarrassed. Because I shared my pain with someone who was annoyed by it.
I don't want to go back to church. I don't need to see her pitiful eyes and her due words, and to watch-again- the body language of annoyance.
I want to go somewhere else.

Am I wrong?
Thank you in advance for any advice.
May God bless you.

I'm not pasting this here, intending it to answer your questions, but you might like it.

Nightbirde

 

[Paidiske]

It's not unusual, when you've been through trauma, to find that that interferes with your prayer life. Often things which were comforting or helpful or a way to connect with God, become painful or difficult or empty. That's not something wrong with you, that's a recognised feature of trauma.

You might find it helpful to try something different in your prayer life; light a candle, use an icon, try walking prayer or breathing prayer, something which helps you settle in your body as well as your mind.

And it's okay if you try something and it's not helpful, either! Everyone is different, and this phase will pass as you heal.

As for your church, if your pastor won't meet with you, I see that as frank neglect. It's not his wife's job to care for the people he refuses to see.

I don't think it would be at all wrong to leave a church which refuses its basic responsibility to you.

 

[KayScarpettaFan]

Thank you all for your support. I will try. This lump of pain makes it difficult to do the simplest things.
It hurts. And I don't know how to stop this pain.

 

[KayScarpettaFan]

I'm not pasting this here, intending it to answer your questions, but you might like it.

Nightbirde

Thank you. It was true and beautiful.

 

[Lost4words]

Offer up your sufferings to God.

Just talk to Him. Tell Him your troubles. Lay them at His feet. Ask Him to take control. To guide you. God is listening. He is always there with open arms.

Next, look for another church. A pastor should be open for all of his congregation. This is so in my church.

God bless you.

 

[Jeffwhosoever]

Matthew 6:9-13 is a good place to start back with your prayer life.