How do I overcome guilt?

[Multifavs]

I struggle with feelings of guilt more often than I'd like, and it's been going on for years. I'll remember the wrong things I said in recent years and feel the need to apologize about them, even if I've already done so multiple times, even if I've been given another chance. Yet apologizing doesn't help, at least not for long. Worse, I can't stop repeating the same mistakes that cause me to feel that way in the first place, even when I thought I'd learned from them. Then I start thinking negative things like "I'm an awful person" "All I know how to do is get myself in trouble" "Everybody hates me now" "They'll be mad at me forever" "I can't do anything right".

How do I get over these feelings of guilt?

 

[angelsaroundme]

Are you talking about insulting people, getting into arguments, or something else?

 

[eleos1954]

I struggle with feelings of guilt more often than I'd like, and it's been going on for years. I'll remember the wrong things I said in recent years and feel the need to apologize about them, even if I've already done so multiple times, even if I've been given another chance. Yet apologizing doesn't help, at least not for long. Worse, I can't stop repeating the same mistakes that cause me to feel that way in the first place, even when I thought I'd learned from them. Then I start thinking negative things like "I'm an awful person" "All I know how to do is get myself in trouble" "Everybody hates me now" "They'll be mad at me forever" "I can't do anything right".

How do I get over these feelings of guilt?

People affected by guilt think on it repeatedly, lamenting the fact that they did what they did, showing fear for the consequence, and entering into self-blame. Such rumination produces much distress, frustration, and anger at oneself for not having done differently.

Unfortunately, no matter how much time is devoted to recalling those thoughts, the past will remain unchanged. Repentance and forgiveness are required.

God forgives and gives one a new beginning. People .... not so much ... not so willing to give one a new beginning .... change needs to be demonstrated to them and that happens over time as one's character is changed.

Accept the Lord's forgiveness (and don't take it back) ask Him to help you change your thinking. Focus on what is good.

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Lasting change takes time and yes ... often we do repeat the same errors ... takes time to change one's thinking ..... our thinking translates into actions .... when the tendency is to think negative thoughts ... replace them with positive thoughts.

Follow the Lamb wherever He goes. ;o)

May you find peace in Him ... Amen.

 

[GirdYourLoins]

Its really very simple.

You have to learn to forgive yourself.

The problem is, the things you said are not (in my opinion) guilt. You said"I am an awful person", thats low self esteem. Guilt would say "I've done this terrible thing". Same principle for the others. When I used to think like this I would take comfort in Matthew 5:3

 

[angelsaroundme]

I'm talking about any things I said that could have been hurtful to other people, that could have sounded rude or insulting; things that I said without thinking that I shouldn't have said.

It sounds as if you are feeling bad about words that may have not even hurt anyone's feelings. I get it though, I do the same. All you can do is say sorry and avoid doing that again. My advice is if a conversation seems to be getting heated, either stop talking to that person or change the subject. If they insist on continuing it, remain calm, don't make it personal. No one can be perfect 24/7 unless you live in a monastery maybe and we all come off the wrong way sometimes. You should cut yourself some slack, you seem like a sweet person.

 

[Bass4Jesus]

I don't think the question should be, "How do I get over these feelings of guilt." I think it should be, "How do I stop doing the things that make me feel guilty?" That way, you starve guilt out of existence; it's got nothing left to live on.

It may come down to nothing more than quitting blurting things out, and instead taking time to parse your words before they leave your mouth. That will require constant, second-by-second self-discipline.

Finally, if you hate yourself for the things you've said in the past, your subconscious will lead you to do even more of the same, as self-punishment for your past mistakes. That is, if you allow it to. You have to take control of your self-destructive self-consciousness, kick it to the curb, and show it who's boss.

 

[CatsRule2020]

There is nothing we can do to change things before they took affect in the past. It is automatic for many of us to devote a certain amount of grief-time as a form of self-punishment. There are so many things occurring everyday that require us getting back on our feet to meet these challenges and it is our response that will determine if we recover or not.

 

[rturner76]

I struggle with feelings of guilt more often than I'd like, and it's been going on for years. I'll remember the wrong things I said in recent years and feel the need to apologize about them, even if I've already done so multiple times, even if I've been given another chance. Yet apologizing doesn't help, at least not for long. Worse, I can't stop repeating the same mistakes that cause me to feel that way in the first place, even when I thought I'd learned from them. Then I start thinking negative things like "I'm an awful person" "All I know how to do is get myself in trouble" "Everybody hates me now" "They'll be mad at me forever" "I can't do anything right".

How do I get over these feelings of guilt?

What I was taught was to question intrusive thoughts. For example, some guilt rises to the surface after you have made an amends to someone try and ask yourself "what evidence do I have that this person hasn't forgiven me." "Have they done or said anything that seems to indicate they still have hard feelings?"

Stuff like that helps and they are corny but affirmations do help. WHen you say something to yourself over and over,, you start to believe it. So affirmations though uncomfortable will start to float around your mind sometimes displacing the negative thoughts.

Also meditation helps clear the mind of negative thoughts. It helps you clear your mind of all things and puts you in a more relaxed mood.

Just some things I have tried that have helped me. It might not be for you but I thought I would share this. I pray you find some relief for your intrusive thoughts. They are no fun. You are not alone either. I feel shame at times for things I can't even fix anymore. I just have to pray 'God forgive me then I have to let it go or I will start acting contrary to my real character. WHen we are in shame, we start to not care what we do sometimes.

 

[Unqualified]

I assume you are not a rude person. You can’t help the way people take things. But the only way I know to enact change is to take thoughts captive as in 2cor10:3-5 and be diligent. You can stop saying so much or hurtful stuff and you can stop the thoughts that come after. Pray about it. The Lord showed me to just say captive ‘. And the thought goes to jail as my pastor taught. I don’t have to say whatever I want. And the thoughts come and then go and do no harm. After taking them captive. God said it, I believe it and it works for me. I practice it all day long and stay out of a heap of trouble and of guilty hung up thoughts.

 

[Unqualified]

Yes there are other self talks that help too. Your battle, part of your cross @Multifavs is the battle against guilty feelings and you can win it by diligence in taking thoughts captive.

 

[Multifavs]

Thank you for the help, everyone. I didn't think to be more specific in my original post, but I'm mostly talking about online communities here, and this is basically what happens:

I get upset about something and have the urge to say how I feel about it (sometimes I don't know if I should or not, other times I quickly post without giving it enough thought) ---> I post it ---> Either someone gets angry with me or I think that someone did ---> I face the consequences and feel bad about what I said, leading to all the troubles I mentioned in my original post (even years later sometimes)

But I'm trying harder to control myself better. I've learned that if you're not sure whether to post something or not you probably shouldn't. I've also learned that I don't need to post about my opinion on everything and as @Unqualified said, the urge to say something will eventually go away. And I'll keep praying for sure.

 

[newlightseven]

Go to communion at a bible believing church. When you take it Jesus washes away all your sins.

 

[Anthony2019]

How do I get over these feelings of guilt?

From reading your post, you come across as a very kind soul who is sensitive to the feelings of others. People in the world today are crying out for people like you, someone who cares about how they feel. Hopefully this will give you some indication on how much you are worth. You are worth a lot - much more than you think.
To overcome your feelings of guilt, you need to rediscover that sense of worth.
Life is not about living in a perpetual state of guilt, it is about living it abundantly and to the full.
Phone a friend and plan to do something that you really like, perhaps a meal out, a walk somewhere, or a hobby you really enjoy. Treat it as a special day, and see yourself as someone special, loved by your friends and those close to you, and loved by God.

 

[Multifavs]

From reading your post, you come across as a very kind soul who is sensitive to the feelings of others. People in the world today are crying out for people like you, someone who cares about how they feel. Hopefully this will give you some indication on how much you are worth. You are worth a lot - much more than you think.
To overcome your feelings of guilt, you need to rediscover that sense of worth.
Life is not about living in a perpetual state of guilt, it is about living it abundantly and to the full.
Phone a friend and plan to do something that you really like, perhaps a meal out, a walk somewhere, or a hobby you really enjoy. Treat it as a special day, and see yourself as someone special, loved by your friends and those close to you, and loved by God.

Thank you for this. You are very kind.

 

[turkle]

The best way I have found to control myself is to make determinations before something upsets or angers me. I have rules for myself:

• Never post when emotional, especially when I'm angry.
• Think through everything before saying something. Do I really understand what the person is saying and why they are saying it? Or am I simply reacting to something I think they said? Seek to understand first.
• Always consider James 3 before opening my mouth
• Never, ever comment on anything political. It is never to anyone's benefit.
• When irritated by someone, let it go and move on. It is not worth the emotional capital I would have to spend to nurture it. When I'm tempted to nurture negative feelings, consider Phil 4.8
• If I feel I'm getting emotionally involved, step back. Release.f

It took practice, but it was well worth the effort.