First i just want to update and say I found a job. I prayerfully start June 1st. Please pray I do. I need to work lol ..
Now as for my question. Im just thinking about my bfs/ guys I was involved with and none were really good men. My daughter's father whom I just let go because I do more for him than he does for me ( will get into that in a minute) was a major dud.
These failed relationships make me feel like Im not worth marriage which is why I attract low vibrational men. Just going through what I dealt with with all of them makes me feel like -- Is this all I deserve? Am I not worth marrying? Am I missing qualities keeping me from being married or having a good bf?
Now I truly don't want or desire marriage or a mate because I see how fast the wrong one can drag you down. I just wonder why I wasn't worth experiencing a decent partner. I feel like all I got was struggle .
Like with my recently ended relationship. My daughter's father would not see his own baby even though we lived 15 minutes away. He focused more on me than his daughter. I set everything up on my own. Her daycare I got it set up and together, I did all the sleepless nights with her, provided most of her clothing, he added diapers and wipes here and there and thought he did enough and would tell me, Youre not doing it alone, stop lying", " Who said it would be easy?"( when i told him Im doing everyrhing alone and needed his help). Then I lost my ood job bc he wouldn't help me bu taking his daughter on his days ofr so i could work.
I blocked him but he got into a recent accident and broke his leg. I thought it was petty to not speak to him and decided to help and bring his daughter so he could see her since he coupent walk. I helped replace his phone and activate it, brinf groceries in his house, help him with tolieting ( i truly didnt have an issue. I loved him i didnt mind.)
But when he started going off about me getting child support and how could I and he hopes that little money helps. I took a step back. I also remembered when I was released from the hospital and brought our baby home.. He didnt visit me. He never visited me. Then i had my son to also care for while recovering from a c section.
He didnt help with his dsughter or anything I struggled alone all he did was comment on my instagram under photos i would take of her. ( he wouldnt give me much money. It'd all go to his mom and help paying her bills) Remembering this I stopped immediately. Because the love and care wasnt beinf reciprocated. He kept saying he was always there for me but he trult never was.. Everytime I needed him he wasnt there. Made excuses or blamed me.
Idk I feel like I had a lot of love to give. I just wonder why I kept meeting the wrong person. Im glad I have my kids but i wanted a life partner but got everything at the bottom of the barrel. I guess marriage wasnt for me bc Im definitely not trying anymore. I have to raise my kids..
But i do wonder like why wasnt I good enough to experience a healthy relationship or be married?
I wonder that alot.
Now as for my question. Im just thinking about my bfs/ guys I was involved with and none were really good men. My daughter's father whom I just let go because I do more for him than he does for me ( will get into that in a minute) was a major dud.
These failed relationships make me feel like Im not worth marriage which is why I attract low vibrational men. Just going through what I dealt with with all of them makes me feel like -- Is this all I deserve? Am I not worth marrying? Am I missing qualities keeping me from being married or having a good bf?
Now I truly don't want or desire marriage or a mate because I see how fast the wrong one can drag you down. I just wonder why I wasn't worth experiencing a decent partner. I feel like all I got was struggle .
Like with my recently ended relationship. My daughter's father would not see his own baby even though we lived 15 minutes away. He focused more on me than his daughter. I set everything up on my own. Her daycare I got it set up and together, I did all the sleepless nights with her, provided most of her clothing, he added diapers and wipes here and there and thought he did enough and would tell me, Youre not doing it alone, stop lying", " Who said it would be easy?"( when i told him Im doing everyrhing alone and needed his help). Then I lost my ood job bc he wouldn't help me bu taking his daughter on his days ofr so i could work.
I blocked him but he got into a recent accident and broke his leg. I thought it was petty to not speak to him and decided to help and bring his daughter so he could see her since he coupent walk. I helped replace his phone and activate it, brinf groceries in his house, help him with tolieting ( i truly didnt have an issue. I loved him i didnt mind.)
But when he started going off about me getting child support and how could I and he hopes that little money helps. I took a step back. I also remembered when I was released from the hospital and brought our baby home.. He didnt visit me. He never visited me. Then i had my son to also care for while recovering from a c section.
He didnt help with his dsughter or anything I struggled alone all he did was comment on my instagram under photos i would take of her. ( he wouldnt give me much money. It'd all go to his mom and help paying her bills) Remembering this I stopped immediately. Because the love and care wasnt beinf reciprocated. He kept saying he was always there for me but he trult never was.. Everytime I needed him he wasnt there. Made excuses or blamed me.
Idk I feel like I had a lot of love to give. I just wonder why I kept meeting the wrong person. Im glad I have my kids but i wanted a life partner but got everything at the bottom of the barrel. I guess marriage wasnt for me bc Im definitely not trying anymore. I have to raise my kids..
But i do wonder like why wasnt I good enough to experience a healthy relationship or be married?
I wonder that alot.
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