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How do I not take it personally?

Macchiato

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First i just want to update and say I found a job. I prayerfully start June 1st. Please pray I do. I need to work lol ..

Now as for my question. Im just thinking about my bfs/ guys I was involved with and none were really good men. My daughter's father whom I just let go because I do more for him than he does for me ( will get into that in a minute) was a major dud.

These failed relationships make me feel like Im not worth marriage which is why I attract low vibrational men. Just going through what I dealt with with all of them makes me feel like -- Is this all I deserve? Am I not worth marrying? Am I missing qualities keeping me from being married or having a good bf?

Now I truly don't want or desire marriage or a mate because I see how fast the wrong one can drag you down. I just wonder why I wasn't worth experiencing a decent partner. I feel like all I got was struggle .

Like with my recently ended relationship. My daughter's father would not see his own baby even though we lived 15 minutes away. He focused more on me than his daughter. I set everything up on my own. Her daycare I got it set up and together, I did all the sleepless nights with her, provided most of her clothing, he added diapers and wipes here and there and thought he did enough and would tell me, Youre not doing it alone, stop lying", " Who said it would be easy?"( when i told him Im doing everyrhing alone and needed his help). Then I lost my ood job bc he wouldn't help me bu taking his daughter on his days ofr so i could work.

I blocked him but he got into a recent accident and broke his leg. I thought it was petty to not speak to him and decided to help and bring his daughter so he could see her since he coupent walk. I helped replace his phone and activate it, brinf groceries in his house, help him with tolieting ( i truly didnt have an issue. I loved him i didnt mind.)
But when he started going off about me getting child support and how could I and he hopes that little money helps. I took a step back. I also remembered when I was released from the hospital and brought our baby home.. He didnt visit me. He never visited me. Then i had my son to also care for while recovering from a c section.

He didnt help with his dsughter or anything I struggled alone all he did was comment on my instagram under photos i would take of her. ( he wouldnt give me much money. It'd all go to his mom and help paying her bills) Remembering this I stopped immediately. Because the love and care wasnt beinf reciprocated. He kept saying he was always there for me but he trult never was.. Everytime I needed him he wasnt there. Made excuses or blamed me.

Idk I feel like I had a lot of love to give. I just wonder why I kept meeting the wrong person. Im glad I have my kids but i wanted a life partner but got everything at the bottom of the barrel. I guess marriage wasnt for me bc Im definitely not trying anymore. I have to raise my kids..

But i do wonder like why wasnt I good enough to experience a healthy relationship or be married?

I wonder that alot.
 
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Saucy

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I don't know anything about you, but just from reading this, I got the impression that you let people use you and walk over you. What were your standards for these relationships? You had children before marriage? Save your love for a committed partner in marriage, not one who will sleep with you and then ignore you after you get pregnant. He was not the good, Christian man you needed to be with.
 
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sandman

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I am glad you quit looking ...because that will give God the opportunity to do what He does best....show His love by blessing your life in every category including bringing that someone who is special just for you.
One thing to always remember about people in 10 words. Show me who you are, and I will believe you.
Don't fall for the smooth talker and flattering words. Actions do speak louder than words.... Show me who you are, and I will believe you
 
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turkle

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The choices you make in men to sleep with has nothing to do with whether or not you deserve a good partner. So far, you have apparently chosen selfish boys who have no sense of honor or responsibility and just want to take what they can get. There are many like that out there.

I encourage you to make a list of qualities and values that you want to see in a potential future partner. Know what your no-matter-whats are. In other words, the non-negotiable qualities. For me, he had to be a faithful follower of Christ before I would even consider him. He had to be responsible, reasonable and firmly grounded in reality. He had to be self-aware and always growing spiritually, emotionally and mentally. He had to be kind and polite. After that came other things that I value in a person. If I had a suitor who didn't fit the bill, I would politely walk away.

On the other hand, you have your hands full with two little ones. I wouldn't advise dating for a long while, as they need all of your attention. We all have to live with the consequences of our choices, both good and bad, and prioritize the most important parts of our lives. Children's spiritual, emotional and physical needs are paramount.

I understand that you are in a tough position, but this is an opportunity to remove yourself from the dating scene and learn how to make choices that will be good for all three of you on the go-forward.
 
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Macchiato

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The choices you make in men to sleep with has nothing to do with whether or not you deserve a good partner. So far, you have apparently chosen selfish boys who have no sense of honor or responsibility and just want to take what they can get. There are many like that out there.

I encourage you to make a list of qualities and values that you want to see in a potential future partner. Know what your no-matter-whats are. In other words, the non-negotiable qualities. For me, he had to be a faithful follower of Christ before I would even consider him. He had to be responsible, reasonable and firmly grounded in reality. He had to be self-aware and always growing spiritually, emotionally and mentally. He had to be kind and polite. After that came other things that I value in a person. If I had a suitor who didn't fit the bill, I would politely walk away.

On the other hand, you have your hands full with two little ones. I wouldn't advise dating for a long while, as they need all of your attention. We all have to live with the consequences of our choices, both good and bad, and prioritize the most important parts of our lives. Children's spiritual, emotional and physical needs are paramount.

I understand that you are in a tough position, but this is an opportunity to remove yourself from the dating scene and learn how to make choices that will be good for all three of you on the go-forward.

Yeah Im not dating anymore. I dont desire marriage or anything like that anymore.
 
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Macchiato

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I don't know anything about you, but just from reading this, I got the impression that you let people use you and walk over you. What were your standards for these relationships? You had children before marriage? Save your love for a committed partner in marriage, not one who will sleep with you and then ignore you after you get pregnant. He was not the good, Christian man you needed to be with.

Before everything happened He seemed to be a really decent guy. He was extremely hard working, coworkers said he was really respectful. He would help me by washing my car. He was thoughtful and always brought our breakfast and lunches at work. He was a really nice guy. He wasnt as he is now when we met or i wouldve never gave him a chance. I don't think Im a door mat though bc im not with him anymore .
 
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Saucy

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Before everything happened He seemed to be a really decent guy. He was extremely hard working, coworkers said he was really respectful. He would help me by washing my car. He was thoughtful and always brought our breakfast and lunches at work. He was a really nice guy. He wasnt as he is now when we met or i wouldve never gave him a chance. I don't think Im a door mat though bc im not with him anymore .
I don't want to be vulgar, but there's a saying that goes, "Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free." Men will always be super sweet in the beginning. The truly good ones stay sweet, are honest with their intentions, and desire commitment and marriage. There is a reason why the bible says to flee sexual immorality. I know you are hurting from past experiences, but if you do heal and desire marriage again, I would highly recommend you set some boundaries from the very beginning. It's those boundaries that will separate the good men from the ones who only want you for one thing.
 
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Macchiato

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I don't want to be vulgar, but there's a saying that goes, "Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free." Men will always be super sweet in the beginning. The truly good ones stay sweet, are honest with their intentions, and desire commitment and marriage. There is a reason why the bible says to flee sexual immorality. I know you are hurting from past experiences, but if you do heal and desire marriage again, I would highly recommend you set some boundaries from the very beginning. It's those boundaries that will separate the good men from the ones who only want you for one thing.
He was sweet for a while and he did want marriage. God warned me not to pursue him further. I just couldn't see past him until his ugly side came out much later. He did want to marry me and everything but his actions proved he isnt marriage material.
 
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com7fy8

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God warned me not to pursue him further.
Did God warn you not to get into immorality?

And now has He told you that you can repent and He is able to change you into a person who is marriage material?

And has He encouraged you that you can find mature Christian people who can help you with this?

He was extremely hard working, coworkers said he was really respectful. He would help me by washing my car. He was thoughtful and always brought our breakfast and lunches at work. He was a really nice guy.
I notice how you have said nothing about him helping you in the word of God, or what mature Christian people had to say about him.

I know someone who found great guys in bars. A guy in a bar can be respectful and buy you lunch and work hard. Alcoholics can be very slim and trim and hard workers.

And our character can effect who we can connect with.

There are very critical people who have a way of connecting with wrong churches; then they can sit there and criticize a wrong church . . . instead of getting with really Christian people who can help them to get God's real correction.

So, don't sit around too long, criticizing a wrong guy who you were able to connect with!

Only God is able to change us so we are ready for real loving.
 
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1watchman

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I think all this was discussed at some length on a previous post you made, Mattchiato??For peace, blessing, and much guidance, I strongly recommend you get close to the Lord Jesus in prayer and devotion daily (note John 3; John 14; John 17; Romans 8; and all four Gospel books of God's Holy Bible --to hear our Creator God speaking to you. Reasoning is not adequate, friend, for we NEED God in our life every day for guidance, peace, assurance now and for eternity.
Some of your choices seem a bit reckless and without much thought (or prayer??). I much recommend you bring the Lord Jesus into your daily life, friend, and you can find peace, support, and care in a regular Church attendance at a sound Bible-only assembly; and I also recommend you visit the sound website at Biblecounsel.net to see what our God intends for His children; and I found one can ask questions there in private.
I will pray for you, and you can write me privately at Conversation Page here on CF, if you wish to chat some.
 
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Macchiato

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Did God warn you not to get into immorality?

And now has He told you that you can repent and He is able to change you into a person who is marriage material?

And has He encouraged you that you can find mature Christian people who can help you with this?

I notice how you have said nothing about him helping you in the word of God, or what mature Christian people had to say about him.

I know someone who found great guys in bars. A guy in a bar can be respectful and buy you lunch and work hard. Alcoholics can be very slim and trim and hard workers.

And our character can effect who we can connect with.

There are very critical people who have a way of connecting with wrong churches; then they can sit there and criticize a wrong church . . . instead of getting with really Christian people who can help them to get God's real correction.

So, don't sit around too long, criticizing a wrong guy who you were able to connect with!

Only God is able to change us so we are ready for real loving.
What? I really did love him flaws and all. God was telling me to let him go bc he would destroy me ans I got a taste of that. Long story short ( got a little physical) so I HAD to let go.
 
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Macchiato

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I think all this was discussed at some length on a previous post you made, Mattchiato??For peace, blessing, and much guidance, I strongly recommend you get close to the Lord Jesus in prayer and devotion daily (note John 3; John 14; John 17; Romans 8; and all four Gospel books of God's Holy Bible --to hear our Creator God speaking to you. Reasoning is not adequate, friend, for we NEED God in our life every day for guidance, peace, assurance now and for eternity.
Some of your choices seem a bit reckless and without much thought (or prayer??). I much recommend you bring the Lord Jesus into your daily life, friend, and you can find peace, support, and care in a regular Church attendance at a sound Bible-only assembly; and I also recommend you visit the sound website at Biblecounsel.net to see what our God intends for His children; and I found one can ask questions there in private.
I will pray for you, and you can write me privately at Conversation Page here on CF, if you wish to chat some.
What post?
 
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1watchman

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What post?

You seem to have asked for such trouble as mentioned earlier herein on your posting, and which you now bemoan, friend. If one lives recklessly as you have stated, it is bound to come back and 'haunt you'.
That is why I have recommended you get right with God, through His "..beloved Son", as He says. It will change your life and life-style! Surely you should see your need to change your ways, honor God, and put the care and blessings of God FIRST. He can lead you in the way of blessing, IF you choose to obey and honor Him.
 
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Macchiato

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You seem to have asked for such trouble as mentioned earlier herein on your posting, and which you now bemoan, friend. If one lives recklessly as you have stated, it is bound to come back and 'haunt you'.
That is why I have recommended you get right with God, through His "..beloved Son", as He says. It will change your life and life-style! Surely you should see your need to change your ways, honor God, and put the care and blessings of God FIRST. He can lead you in the way of blessing, IF you choose to obey and honor Him.

I mostly complained about my family life not this. Atleast i don't remember and I am changing.
 
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1watchman

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Good to hear you are seeking change, and BE SURE it is confession of salvation in our Lord Jesus (as John 3:16; etc.) and the four Gospel books of our Holy Bible show us. We need the Savior for a good life AND for eternity in Heaven when we leave this world, and should make Him our 'best Friend'. I have found one can learn more about this new life as God provides, in the sound website at Biblecounsel.net, which has helped me see God's intent for mankind. I will pray for you.
 
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