How do I help a friend find a godly woman and comforting him of rejection?

Lee

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Hello,


I have a friend who is now feeling lonely. He was just rejected by a girl. He is about 9 years older than her. He thought that she may like him through the little hints. But he misinterpreted. So when he confronted her that he liked her, he is rejected immediately. They are friends for almost a year. Now they seem to be like strangers.


Adding to this, he is now feeling that all hope for him to get marry is gone. He is getting close to his 30th birthday. And he is a nice guy, but is too shy that was never able to make moves on girl in his younger years. So with this move, it just takes away apart of his courage. He feels that God may never bring him a godly woman. And I can see that he does loose that joy in him that I used to see.


I know that he wants to find a godly woman. And just as he had told me, he wants to encounter a relationship and fall in love. He believes that dream may just be a dream.


I know that God works in miracles in bringing a man and a woman together. How do I comfort such a man who is hurt? I believe that he is hurt since his teen age. These hurts arise in situations like this. How can I comfort him? I do not have the mind of a woman, so I really do not know how to tell him how woman appreciate such a man he is? Please help me.:prayer:
 

mamaneenie

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Hi, I wouldn't try to "set him up" or anything like that. God will bring the right person. I met and married my husband almost in the same year. It is not too late, if it is God's will.Encouraging your friend in his good qualities is a good thing. I would just encourage your friend to be friendly and approachable to other people. Also, God may have things that he needs to do as a single man.

I think just praying for him that God can comfort him at this time. God doesn't reject him.

I am praying for you.
 
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desi

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This guy seems weird. Someone who responds to mild rejection in such a way probably needs counseling in the area of relationships and self acceptance. To date people one should be comfortable with themselves because if they do not care for themselves others, prospective dates, will get the vibe and flee.
 
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ForeverChristian

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I would tell him that God will take care of it all. And if he does not find anyone then maybe it is not God's will? If that is the case, I would tell him to make friends with girls instead of focusing on dating and marrying them. And another thing, I am quite young and I wanted a girlfriend about a year ago. But now I realized that God has a plan for me and I have to accept that plan no matter what road it is turning on. I now have plenty of friends to keep me company, I don't need a girlfriend anymore because I have friends, that love me and care about me even more than a girlfriend or boyfriend would. See the difference between a friendship and a relationship between boyfriend and girlfriend is that if you get into a fight with your girlfriend/boyfriend, you will end up breaking up with him or her. Although if you get into a fight between friends, you will end up forgetting about it the next day.



My point is that marrige, although a part of life, is not as important as friendship is.
 
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Stanfi

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Lee,

It is nice for you to have such compassion for the emotional needs of your friend. A trait that seems to be to often lost these days. I can relate to your friend very much. He has just suffered rejection a few to many times in his life. It just get harder with each time. If your friend wants a Godly wife, that is what he needs to pray for. He needs to take the lesson learned from the previous rejection and use them to overcome the next time. I believe that if he begins to pray, God will answer. If your friend needs to build better relationship traits, then God will develp those. In due time God will bring that special someone into his life. How God will do that, I have no idea. I am been doing some diggin myself to see how God brings couples together. He may float her down with an umbrella like Mary Poppins for all I know.
 
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Lee said:
Hello,


I have a friend who is now feeling lonely. He was just rejected by a girl. He is about 9 years older than her. He thought that she may like him through the little hints. But he misinterpreted. So when he confronted her that he liked her, he is rejected immediately. They are friends for almost a year. Now they seem to be like strangers.


Adding to this, he is now feeling that all hope for him to get marry is gone. He is getting close to his 30th birthday. And he is a nice guy, but is too shy that was never able to make moves on girl in his younger years. So with this move, it just takes away apart of his courage. He feels that God may never bring him a godly woman. And I can see that he does loose that joy in him that I used to see.


I know that he wants to find a godly woman. And just as he had told me, he wants to encounter a relationship and fall in love. He believes that dream may just be a dream.


I know that God works in miracles in bringing a man and a woman together. How do I comfort such a man who is hurt? I believe that he is hurt since his teen age. These hurts arise in situations like this. How can I comfort him? I do not have the mind of a woman, so I really do not know how to tell him how woman appreciate such a man he is? Please help me.:prayer:
Well, one sure fire trick to finding a woman is to stop looking ;)

Ive been thru 17 years of marriage to 2 (ungodly) women and have regretted every minute of it.

I left my second adulterous wife a few months back vowing to never date or have anything to do with a woman ever again.

I have told God that my life is His now and I will live for Him completely.

Deep down I still wanted a godly woman, but I decided that the risk was far too great.

God barely let me get the words out of my mouth before putting me into contact with a godly young woman who has got to be the perfect woman in my eyes.
Thru this website even.

I basically had given completey up on ever finding a woman who would love our Lord more than me.
When they can do that, you know they will be a wonderful wife.


Tell your friend that if He has prayed and asked God for a mate, God has already picked out someone for him and is just preparing them both now for when He will bring their paths together.

But the trick is to not make the mistakes I made in marrying 2 adulteresses in just wanting to not be alone.

Trust me, being alone is far greater a fate than being with the wrong person.
Wtih the wrong one, your life will more than likely be hell on earth.

tell your friend to wait and trust God.
He'll know when its the right one.:)
 
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mercyztestimony

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I think that God will bring the right person across your path at the right time. Just because most people get married at a certain time, never means that you can be too old to get married, etc. God's timing is EVERYTHING, and the catch is that His timing never seems to be our timing! So, let your friend know that the world's standards aren't God's standards and that although, some may think he needs to be married by 30...settling for someone just to get marrried by a certain age will not be good....but trusting God for the right one at the right time (whether that time be tonight, next week, or in 15 years....) will bring the most joy!
Also, on the rejection thing...if a girl rejects you, then you wouldn't really want to be with her long term....i think that you'd rather be with someone that loves you back! With an unconditional love! so, although, in the moment rejection hurts...take that hurt and allow God to renew your mind thru it (Romans 12:2, "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." and Col. 3:2, "Set your mind on the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.")
and concentrate on the things above, like how that fits into God's plan for your life... it may just be a harsh way of God letting you see that that isn't the right girl for you and just be thankful that He is stopping it from going any further... helping you to hold out for the most perfect daughter of His that HE has for you to marry one day!
so in the mean time, ask God for His precious patience to hold you until GOD brings the right one!
 
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mercyztestimony

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Also, real quick....on any type of rejection....if you continue to look at a situation and think about how you were rejected and how much of a victim you are in the instance, i don't think that you'll ever get past it...but if you realize who you are in Jesus Christ...You can be the victor! and triumph in this situation!
 
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seangoh

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Amen to all that has been said! It ended up comforting myself. I've not been on this board for sometime and i thought of coming here to seek some emotional help too. But knowing that others are also going the same way is a comfort itself that i'm not alone. I too want to find a godly woman and it seems i'm always on the lookout. And if i see one, i'll think "maybe this is the one"..but i think it's quite bad to have that mindset always and the right way to think is to be just pure friends and whether or not you get the right one is all by the Lord''s favor. He will set up situations that it is impossible for you to avoid unless it's by strong choice. I would like to cling on to this concept by faith and see what God has in store for me. I read this quote by Ellen White :

"The relations between God and each soul are as distinct and full as though there were not another soul upon the earth to share His watchcare. SC 100."

I think it is comforting to know even though there are billions of people in this world, the individual is treated as if he/her were just one person living on the planet. I know this in my heart but i've yet to fully grasp and live with such a mindset. Pls pray for me too. Thanks.
 
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seangoh said:
Amen to all that has been said! It ended up comforting myself. I've not been on this board for sometime and i thought of coming here to seek some emotional help too. But knowing that others are also going the same way is a comfort itself that i'm not alone. I too want to find a godly woman and it seems i'm always on the lookout. And if i see one, i'll think "maybe this is the one"..but i think it's quite bad to have that mindset always and the right way to think is to be just pure friends and whether or not you get the right one is all by the Lord''s favor. He will set up situations that it is impossible for you to avoid unless it's by strong choice. I would like to cling on to this concept by faith and see what God has in store for me. I read this quote by Ellen White :

"The relations between God and each soul are as distinct and full as though there were not another soul upon the earth to share His watchcare. SC 100."

I think it is comforting to know even though there are billions of people in this world, the individual is treated as if he/her were just one person living on the planet. I know this in my heart but i've yet to fully grasp and live with such a mindset. Pls pray for me too. Thanks.
YOu know, im 38 and am just recently convinced that i found the one God had in mind for me all along.
It appears now in hindsight that my life so far should have been spent more with our Lord and less with two ungodly wives who did nothing but help make me someone i didnt want to be.

At 38 my mind is again set on God indeed having someone He wants for us to be with.
I lost that a long time ago.
Instead of waiting for her (as I knew to do way back when) i pushed that aside and wasted many years that could have been spent doing more godly things.

You younger folks.
If you have prayed to God for a godly mate, He has heard your cries and He will answer in His own time.

Now that youve prayed to Him about it, spend yoiur time doing His will.
Stop lookinf for the one He wants you to be with.
Hes already begun preparing you two for the day that He will cross your paths.

I plead with you as an older bother in our Lord, dont make the mistake that i made in taking the wrong ones.

When its the one He wants you to be with, you'll know way down deep in your heart.
And maybe, youlll even get some fireworks or something to get your attention if youre not paying attention.

I guess one thing i would suggest is to stop looking for a mate.
He'll let you know when its her.
If you keep persisting in looking, you may see what you want instead of what He wants.

all of you young men have my prayers.
I know what you are going thru and i know the eagerness in your hearts to find a godly parnter.
 
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My advice is to partner with your friend in prayer and fasting. Then leave the results to the Lord. It is not our place to meddle but it is our place as christians to help one another to find and experience the Lord's will for their lives. Since your friend is struggling so much in this area , I would say he very badly needs to hear from the Lord and experience the Lord's peace. That is something only God can give.
Prayer works wonders and fasting espeacially helps in difficult cases. I am sure it would encourage your friend greatly to know you are willing to make the sacrifice of fasting with him in order to see the right results in his situation.
 
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seangoh

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Follower of Christ said:
YOu know, im 38 and am just recently convinced that i found the one God had in mind for me all along.
It appears now in hindsight that my life so far should have been spent more with our Lord and less with two ungodly wives who did nothing but help make me someone i didnt want to be.

At 38 my mind is again set on God indeed having someone He wants for us to be with.
I lost that a long time ago.
Instead of waiting for her (as I knew to do way back when) i pushed that aside and wasted many years that could have been spent doing more godly things.

You younger folks.
If you have prayed to God for a godly mate, He has heard your cries and He will answer in His own time.

Now that youve prayed to Him about it, spend yoiur time doing His will.
Stop lookinf for the one He wants you to be with.
Hes already begun preparing you two for the day that He will cross your paths.

I plead with you as an older bother in our Lord, dont make the mistake that i made in taking the wrong ones.

When its the one He wants you to be with, you'll know way down deep in your heart.
And maybe, youlll even get some fireworks or something to get your attention if youre not paying attention.

I guess one thing i would suggest is to stop looking for a mate.
He'll let you know when its her.
If you keep persisting in looking, you may see what you want instead of what He wants.

all of you young men have my prayers.
I know what you are going thru and i know the eagerness in your hearts to find a godly parnter.
Hey thanks alot for those comments. i totally agree with you on those aspects. It's just encouraging to hear people really encourage others...so now i know what encouraging others really is. :)...btw, you said u knew God had planned that lady for you right from the start? did you know her along the way or did she suddenly come into your life? just for interest.
 
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seangoh said:
Hey thanks alot for those comments. i totally agree with you on those aspects. It's just encouraging to hear people really encourage others...so now i know what encouraging others really is. :)...btw, you said u knew God had planned that lady for you right from the start? did you know her along the way or did she suddenly come into your life? just for interest.
well first off, let me say now Im not into all the hocus pocus type of stuff out there.
God speaks to us for sure, but I test all things.

When i was about 13-14 I was getting a bit depressed about the way muy friends always seemed to degrade girls with the way they talked.
I remember even not wanting to hang around with them much at a point over it.
I started praying and asking God to help me find someone who would feel about Him like I do.
Someone who would put Him first.

When I was 16 I felt that He had given me a first name to wait for.
I've had many of what one would call visions thru my life, and they normally come thru with flying colors, but with this one i gave up on it and settled for aonther (actually 2 others eventually).

Well, I never did feel that either of these 2 ladies were ''the one''.
i was more interested in the fun i was having at the time.
I gave up completley on finding someone Godly and just settled to keep from being alone.

I left my second wife months ago for adultery, same as the first.

I decided not to date again (theres a thread in GA here).
http://christianforums.com/t65004


But as I was making my declarations of being single the rest of my life, this wonderful woman here (Evee) pointed out that she felt someone here in these forums was the one for me as she felt God showing her.

What Evee didnt know (or anyone else) is that over the last couple months Ive grown very attached to a young lady here (albeit a platonic attachment).

It funny, but this is the very girl that Evee was refering to.
And whats even more peculiar was I never knew her real name (Galadriel in here) until one day after Evees words to me.

She emailed some thing to me.

It was from ''Laura -----''
Now Usually when i dont know the sender it gets tossed immediatly so we dont get viruses and such.

But as I was dragging the letter to the trash, I noticed it wasnt junk mail but from someone who seemed to know me.
It was Galadreil.

Now I was in shock at this point because THIS is the girl that I have been told is basically the one for me AND this name Laura was the same name given to me to look for when I was 16.


If I had known her name and picked her out it very well could be explainable.
If anyone but myself had Known about that name it could be explainable.

But it gets even better (altho I cant give details) this wonderful young woman somehow is the answer to many other of the prayers I had.
Almost every odd quirk about her (as she sees them) actually fits the description of the woman I would want (and believe me, my requests were "odd'' to say the least).

I never pursued anyone.
I decided I was content to live out my years alone.
I even turned down a few dates where i live just so I could sit and talk to Galadreil.
She intrigues me like no other has before.
Of course we all want a companion who is godly and who we can love and be lived in return.


I gave up.
i gave it to God and told Him I was going to serve Him with all my heart even if I was alone.
I decided I needed no one but Him alone.

and the second I did all that, thru this wonderful lady Evee, God pointed right to the girl i was already building a relationship with.

Dont ever give up guys.
But understand with or without someone, YOU CAN STAND FOR HIM.

I truely believe that if you guys present yourselves to Him and leave it to Him, He will bring a companion into your lives too wonderful to imagine.

In a way I was kind of lucky, God gave me a name to wait for.
I know it wont be that way with most, but He will show you when its her, especially if you live your lives for Him in the meanwhile.
 
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seangoh

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Thanks for that testimony Follower of Christ. What caught me was when you said you liked the odd quirks this lady had which she think was weird. Well probably i shouldn't ask more..pls pray for me then that i'll put away looking out for a girl since God has one for me already.(i hope)...coz sometimes being single is lonely. But anyway thanks alot!
 
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Lee

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But the trick is to not make the mistakes I made in marrying 2 adulteresses in just wanting to not be alone.

Trust me, being alone is far greater a fate than being with the wrong person.
Wtih the wrong one, your life will more than likely be hell on earth.
Thank you all. It is encouraging to hear your advice.

Please do tell me how you are doing in relationships so far.
 
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