How do I handle this friendship now that I have feelings for them

[TylerR]

I am a male in his twenties. One of my best friends is a woman who is also in her twenties. I drug her to church with me for months until she gave her life to God. Now she attends regularly on her own and is becoming involved in small groups and bringing her friends and family too. She has no positive male relationships in her life to help in times of need (her father passed away last year and her brothers live out of state) so I have invested a significant amount of time over the past year helping her with things like moving, fixing her car when it breaks down, praying with her, studying the bible with her, helping her when she has crippling anxiety attacks, being the friend she needs, every time she needs someone or something I have made it a point to be there for her.

Here is where things get difficult: She considers herself bisexual and is in a relationship with another woman. She has confessed that she knows that it's a sin and she shouldn't be but can't bring herself to leave the relationship she's been in since before she became a Christian. She has been really torn about it for a while now and just can't commit to one side or the other fully. Here is where things get much more difficult: I started developing feeling for her. I kept my heart guarded for a year and a half then at some point I must have let my guard down.

I've spent time praying and fasting but they aren't going away. I obviously know that I cannot date her or pursue her in any way and I don't know what to do. Should I tell her that I started having these feelings and need to distance myself from her? Should I distance myself and not tell her why? Should I maintain the friendship as it is and continue to pray that God help me with my feelings? Our lives have become so intertwined there is no way to make a clean break if that's what is necessary. (I cosigned on an apartment for her so she could move out when she was cohabiting and knew she needed to move out, we work together at one of my jobs, go to church together, I even hired her to clean my rental home)

Thank you so much for any help and wisdom you can offer.

 

[thecolorsblend]

I say be patient with her. She knows it's a sin and that's what matters. Some ideas need time to percolate.

Keep in mind that every major influence in her life (except possibly the community you both attend) is telling her that what she's doing is perfectly okay. Shaking off the level of social engineering the western world has been force-fed for the past several years isn't an overnight process.

Be there for her, support her and provide a positive example. But the decision is ultimately hers.

 

[maintenance man]

Should I tell her that I started having these feelings and need to distance myself from her? Should I distance myself and not tell her why? Should I maintain the friendship as it is and continue to pray that God help me with my feelings?

These are questions that only you can answer.

Has she ever shown any signs of being interested in you in any way other than as a friend?

If the answer is yes, I believe you should share your feelings with her, then you and her together should figure out what's next.

 

[TylerR]

I know I am very disappointed in myself for letting myself develop feelings for her and convoluting the entire situation. It was always meant to be about helping someone in tremendous need and leading them to Christ. Now my emotions have put the entire thing at risk. Obviously the whole situation would be entirely different if she wasn't in a relationship or had this sin issue in her life.

On one hand I know that she still very much needs my help with a lot of things but I fear I may end up putting myself at risk if I'm not honest and start creating space between us.

Though sometimes I over think things I admit.

 

[Dave-W]

Serving someone is one way our emotions get kindled up.

God's advice to the church at Ephesus:

Revelation 3:4
But I have this against you, that you have left your first love. 5 Therefore remember from where you have fallen, and repent and do the deeds you did at first; or else I am coming to you and will remove your lampstand out of its place—unless you repent.​

Serving like you did at first can re-kindle your love for God or for someone else. Or - in your case kindle them up in the first place.

Do not be disappointed. God made us that way. But it is up to us to decide how we react to that, what we do with those feelings.

I think I would hazard telling her how you feel. It may just be the impetus she needs to start to walking away from her other relationship.

 

[Sketcher]

You might as well confess your feelings for her to get that out in the open, I really want her other relationships at the church to be solid enough that she stays if this doesn't work out.