How do I come back to God?

[paul1149]

There are two ways in which have been suggested to me by people claiming to represent God on how to come back to him and its really a chicken and egg scenario. The first is the Calvinist fire and brimstone "repent of your sins or God will kill you," one that frightens me greatly. Basically the idea is that I manually stop doing my sins and God gives me back his Holy Spirit so I can have a new heart. The other is the Baptist manner in which I cannot hope to repent of my sins without the Holy Spirit and that God will change me and give me a new heart if I come to him with a contrite heart. Needless to say, neither has worked. When I try to repent of my sins, I find that in fact I feel even less close to God than when I sin. I give up and run go on an expletive filled tirade against God. When I ask God to give me a new heart, nothing happens with the same awful results. .

Hi aspie3000,
You've been given a lot of good answers here. Everyone has a piece of the puzzle, and together it paints an accurate picture. I'd like to add my own perspective.

Whenever I see myself or others stuck in a quandary like the one you describe, I immediately conclude that the flesh is ascendant. The flesh polarizes the mind into two unworkable viewpoints, neither of which has any ability to carry a person forward spiritually. "The carnal mind cannot receive the things of God, because it is at enmity with God", Paul writes in 1 Corinthians. And that is what man's doctrines boil down to. Properly understood, they are helpful attempts to state and understand spiritual reality. But to the soul that cannot see how they tie into the whole, they can be distracting, deceiving and exhausting. I think that is what has happened to you. It is a manifestation of the devil's trap Paul speaks of.

When Christ walked the earth He did not preach Calvinism or the Baptist faith. He preached Himself (relationship) and His soon-to-be-completed work (faith). I'm not saying there isn't truth or value in those systems - there is. But it is always a mistake to put any human system ahead of the redemptive workings of God.

Listen, I am a man with a bitterness toward God for many things, the way I have suffered in this life,..
My sins are horrible,..
I don't even know what real Christianity is anymore. Are we saved by grace through faith apart from our works, or can we damn ourselves by willfully sinning after receiving the knowledge of truth? ...
And you know who's not being helpful whatsoever? God himself. God hasn't spoke to me in a year even whne I try to get an answer from him about very important questions. What is true Christianity, how do I come back to you. Eventually it ends the same way, God says nothing though it is completely within his power to help me and I rage at him. I don't understand why God doesn't value me enough to get me out of this.

At at least one point, and maybe more, Jesus took an innocent child, and standing him or her before the disciples, told them that in order to enter the kingdom of God, they would have to become like him or her. The Bible is written to be discerned by the heart, not the head. The mind can be a wonderful tool to understanding and applying the Word, but it also can be corrupted by the world, and have the ability to obscure, and even distort the Word of God horribly. History is full of this horrendous dynamic and its terrible fruit.

This is why Paul says "faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word" (Rom 10). He doesn't say faith comes directly from the written Word. We read the logos, the written Word, and the rhema, or spoken Word of God, is latent in it. When our hearts "hear" the spoken Word, faith is born anew. This is why some can read the Bible for years and get nothing out of it except head knowledge. Their hearts are not hearing the Spirit working in the Word.

I'm not trying to minimize the horribleness of sin. Sin is what drove Christ to the cross, due to His love for us. But all your sins are of no account compared to the power in the precious Blood. "God was in Christ, reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their sins against them". -2Cor 5. Christ brushed aside our sins and came proactively, and He will still do the same for you.

But there is something you have to do, to prepare the way of the Lord. You will have to surrender. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You have not suffered as much as Christ. Stop exalting the power of your sin over His ability to save. Stop the bitterness and stop the doubting and confusion. Stop looking primarily for mental answers. It's all self-focused and worthless. You will need to come as a simple child.

Pray a prayer of faith, surrender and consecration. Say, "I will serve you as I am, to the best of my ability, because You are worthy. And I will trust you to lead me the way I need to go." Listen to God and His Word first, and not the confusing doctrines of man. If there is something you do not understand in the Word, like the Hebrews passages, put them on the shelf and stop misinterpreting them, and instead place trust in God that He will show you what you need to know when you are ready.

Walk in the simplicity that is in Christ, and put your mind at rest in Him. See the gentle invitation He extends at Matthew 11:28-30. Read Philippians, the book of Christian psychology, for an attitude change. Read Romans 4-8, and esp. 6.14, for God's answer to sin, and for who you now are in Him. Read it all prayerfully, devotionally, with a view to feeding the heart.

In his speech at Athens, Paul tells his hearers that "the unknown God" is indeed not far from them, though they are unaware, because in Him we all "live, and move, and have our being". God is not silent, but it is necessary to approach Him the right way. His promise is to reveal Himself every time we seek Him with all our hearts (Jer 29.11). He will do so for you, but you must lay down your strivings, and come to Him with the beginnings of childlike faith.

 

[Blade]

aspie3000, God is no respecter of persons. As our brother Peter said. See..the prodigal son. Read it.. we repent.. dust off and keep going. See once we make Yeshua/Jesus lord... our Father now sees us 100% pure holy through Christ period. He KNOWS this world and the pull of sin by our flesh.

So.. tell HIM everything.. then know... HE GRABS YOU holds you.. smiling.. HE WILL ALWAYS help you. I dont care what you did or how bad you think it is. There is NOTHING on this earth thats can EVER take you out of HIS hands! The enemy has lied to you. All your sin the day you made Jesus lord was gone forever.. HE cant even see it ever again. Your free...keep your eyes on JESUS.. if you sin.. KEEP YOUR EYES ON JESUS! Repent try not to keep doing sin.. and know your are so loved.. HIS JOY is your strength. You have JESUS peace that HE gave you

Your name is written.. in the lambs books book. No where in the bible has anyones nave ever been blotted out of the Lambs book. Be at peace

 

[friend of]

You say you "try to repent" but that you still commit "heinous sins" and then you go on tirades where you verbally abuse Him.

Maybe work on that first? Why do you love these heinous sins so much that you can't conceive of trying to stop them?

 

[mikeforjesus]

I recommend book beginning to pray by Anthony bloom. He teaches God not answering is a mercy. Sounds harsh but you need to read the book to appreciate it. He desires to speak to you but it would stop your seeking
It is orthodox but Protestants have been helped by it atleast to have understanding

https://www.amazon.com/Beginning-Pray-Anthony-Bloom/dp/0809115093

 

[Swan7]

My story may be a little different from yours, but we all come from somewhere in our lives, from different paths but leading to the same source - should we choose to follow His lead.

Spoiler: My Story

I came from a broken home devoid of love. I was shunned and there were several times where my dad would not even speak to me for several months until he was ready - half the time I would ask my mother what happened and why he was so angry at me. She told me “you know what you did.” Why would I ask if I really had no clue?

Anyway, long story short my whole childhood was like this. My dad was a very angry and hostile person which I did fear for not only my safety but my sibling’s as well. When I looked into my dad’s eyes when he was like that, I couldn’t even recognize a man looking back at me. That’s what alarmed me so that something else was going on, but I couldn’t put my finger on it!


It wasn’t until years and years later that my eyes had been opened by God to allow me to see that this battle that we face everyday is not from the flesh, but from spirit’s not of God.


Before that happened though, I had gone through life believing in God, but not following Him. I had no idea that the two had to be hand in hand - even going to church for most of my life. Clearly I was not getting what I needed from church, what I needed (for my life, not necessarily everyone else’ here) was to fall so far that I barely had any stamina to fly through life anymore. I didn’t have the energy to go through it anymore. I sat down and really took a good look at my life and I noticed something. One, I didn’t ever take a seat to review anything in my life, I just went as the world did. Two, I was doing the same thing over and over, like a broken record. Three, I realized that I can’t go through life on my own. I just won’t make it without Him.


Right there, I made a conscious decision to give my life to Jesus - symbolic to the way He had literally died for us all. His blood IS sufficient and mine is not. Why? Because I have sinned and the sinless Lamb, Jesus, became sin for us all so that we may be forgiven through Jesus Christ, our Saviour. He is the vine and we are the branches, apart from Him we can do nothing. That is the true meaning of Church and Christianity. When we abide in Him and keep His commandments no one shall pluck us out of His hand.


Something I had never done before in my life had changed me forever. I’ve tried going my own way and it only brought me misery, pain and worry. I was even baptized before giving my life to Jesus, I had it backwards, but the point is I kept seeking Him and His Kingdom when church didn’t do that for me, and now I know Him better than ever!

So can you. Don’t give up the fight!

 

[RGW00]

A while back I posted on this forum and to give a short synopsis of my situation, when I was a youth I drifted away from God and and have and still do commit the most heinous sins one can imagine. I have been stuck without Gods spirit for 13 years and I do not know how to get back to him. There are two ways in which have been suggested to me by people claiming to represent God on how to come back to him and its really a chicken and egg scenario. The first is the Calvinist fire and brimstone "repent of your sins or God will kill you," one that frightens me greatly. Basically the idea is that I manually stop doing my sins and God gives me back his Holy Spirit so I can have a new heart. The other is the Baptist manner in which I cannot hope to repent of my sins without the Holy Spirit and that God will change me and give me a new heart if I come to him with a contrite heart. Needless to say, neither has worked. When I try to repent of my sins, I find that in fact I feel even less close to God than when I sin. I give up and run go on an expletive filled tirade against God. When I ask God to give me a new heart, nothing happens with the same awful results.

Listen, I am a man with a bitterness toward God for many things, the way I have suffered in this life, for how he seems to have refused to help me for thirteen years, for being born with aspergers syndrome and living as a social outcast despite allegedly looking attractive in outer appearance (I've never had a girlfriend and have no friends.) My sins are horrible, Lust, Blasphemy and verbal abuse toward God, rebelliousness, a foul mouth, prejudice. I am disgusting and ugly inside and I want freedom from all of this. I don't even know what real Christianity is anymore. Are we saved by grace through faith apart from our works, or can we damn ourselves by willfully sinning after receiving the knowledge of truth? What was the point of Jesus's death on the cross if we can be damned by our works. Was his blood not enough? The Bible gives no clear answers on this because Hebrews and Romans seem to have completely different messages and both sides use the Bible to justify their points. And you know who's not being helpful whatsoever? God himself. God hasn't spoke to me in a year even whne I try to get an answer from him about very important questions. What is true Christianity, how do I come back to you. Eventually it ends the same way, God says nothing though it is completely within his power to help me and I rage at him. I don't understand why God doesn't value me enough to get me out of this.

Honestly, you are not more guilty than anyone else who commit sins. If you are a Christian, then you are forgiven. Not that I would advise this, but you can try to sin and do the worst things in the world imaginable and God would still forgive you. You see in the Old Testament there was no way to forgive sins except through sacrifices or offerings. That's why the kings of Israel were detestable to God because none of them had the Holy Spirit in them because this way did not exist. They had to stand strong with God always in order to keep the spirit of God inside of them and let the blessings flow on them and Israel.

Now, Jesus died. Which the whole point of being a Christian is that you are completely forgiven for sins you did in the past, now, and the sins you will commit. God wants an intimate relationship with you though so don't think you can just sin anytime you want now, but it is a sigh of relief on our part. We have to submit to God always through good works through Him, reading the Bible, and praying to Him always.

Do not pay attention to the Calvinist way of living. Honestly, I don't think that's completely right, yet there are a lot of things they do that are good in the Christian faith, they slip in a lot of areas and their views are strange. The whole "repent of your sins or God will kill you" is the wrong way of looking at it. The only part of this that is true is that you must believe in Jesus and confess your sins or you will end up not going to Heaven. The way they are saying it and what they are trying to do is very wrong. God doesn't want us to go up to every person we meet and say, "You are going to Hell unless you repent of your sins." Do God's works, confess your sins, coming to Him in prayer and thanksgiving, believing in Jesus, and all of this will flow out of you to spread the gospel to everyone else.

Anytime you feel as if you don't add up to God's standards, just know that His standards are for you to be saved through Jesus, that's all. Do everything that God allows you to do, do it earnestly, and you will be fine. I will continue to pray for you that God will keep you in Him always.

 

[Rescued One]

Honestly, you are not more guilty than anyone else who commit sins. If you are a Christian, then you are forgiven. Not that I would advise this, but you can try to sin and do the worst things in the world imaginable and God would still forgive you.

If you don't love God, you aren't saved. If you love God, you don't try to "do the worst things in the world imaginable."

John 14
15 If ye love me, keep my commandments.

16 And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;

Do not pay attention to the Calvinist way of living. Honestly, I don't think that's completely right, yet there are a lot of things they do that are good in the Christian faith, they slip in a lot of areas and their views are strange. The whole "repent of your sins or God will kill you" is the wrong way of looking at it.

Can you or someone tell me where a Calvinist learned that? I've been around Calvinists and never heard that. In fact, it's not what "Perseverance of the Saints" teaches.

 

[mukk_in]

A while back I posted on this forum and to give a short synopsis of my situation, when I was a youth I drifted away from God and and have and still do commit the most heinous sins one can imagine. I have been stuck without Gods spirit for 13 years and I do not know how to get back to him. There are two ways in which have been suggested to me by people claiming to represent God on how to come back to him and its really a chicken and egg scenario. The first is the Calvinist fire and brimstone "repent of your sins or God will kill you," one that frightens me greatly. Basically the idea is that I manually stop doing my sins and God gives me back his Holy Spirit so I can have a new heart. The other is the Baptist manner in which I cannot hope to repent of my sins without the Holy Spirit and that God will change me and give me a new heart if I come to him with a contrite heart. Needless to say, neither has worked. When I try to repent of my sins, I find that in fact I feel even less close to God than when I sin. I give up and run go on an expletive filled tirade against God. When I ask God to give me a new heart, nothing happens with the same awful results.

Listen, I am a man with a bitterness toward God for many things, the way I have suffered in this life, for how he seems to have refused to help me for thirteen years, for being born with aspergers syndrome and living as a social outcast despite allegedly looking attractive in outer appearance (I've never had a girlfriend and have no friends.) My sins are horrible, Lust, Blasphemy and verbal abuse toward God, rebelliousness, a foul mouth, prejudice. I am disgusting and ugly inside and I want freedom from all of this. I don't even know what real Christianity is anymore. Are we saved by grace through faith apart from our works, or can we damn ourselves by willfully sinning after receiving the knowledge of truth? What was the point of Jesus's death on the cross if we can be damned by our works. Was his blood not enough? The Bible gives no clear answers on this because Hebrews and Romans seem to have completely different messages and both sides use the Bible to justify their points. And you know who's not being helpful whatsoever? God himself. God hasn't spoke to me in a year even whne I try to get an answer from him about very important questions. What is true Christianity, how do I come back to you. Eventually it ends the same way, God says nothing though it is completely within his power to help me and I rage at him. I don't understand why God doesn't value me enough to get me out of this.

Psalm 51 penned by King David after his adultery with Bathsheba should be a good prayer to be brought back into fellowship with God. Don't worry son, He's never taken His Holy Spirit away from you. God bless

 

[Jayjangle]

A while back I posted on this forum and to give a short synopsis of my situation, when I was a youth I drifted away from God and and have and still do commit the most heinous sins one can imagine. I have been stuck without Gods spirit for 13 years and I do not know how to get back to him. There are two ways in which have been suggested to me by people claiming to represent God on how to come back to him and its really a chicken and egg scenario. The first is the Calvinist fire and brimstone "repent of your sins or God will kill you," one that frightens me greatly. Basically the idea is that I manually stop doing my sins and God gives me back his Holy Spirit so I can have a new heart. The other is the Baptist manner in which I cannot hope to repent of my sins without the Holy Spirit and that God will change me and give me a new heart if I come to him with a contrite heart. Needless to say, neither has worked. When I try to repent of my sins, I find that in fact I feel even less close to God than when I sin. I give up and run go on an expletive filled tirade against God. When I ask God to give me a new heart, nothing happens with the same awful results.

Listen, I am a man with a bitterness toward God for many things, the way I have suffered in this life, for how he seems to have refused to help me for thirteen years, for being born with aspergers syndrome and living as a social outcast despite allegedly looking attractive in outer appearance (I've never had a girlfriend and have no friends.) My sins are horrible, Lust, Blasphemy and verbal abuse toward God, rebelliousness, a foul mouth, prejudice. I am disgusting and ugly inside and I want freedom from all of this. I don't even know what real Christianity is anymore. Are we saved by grace through faith apart from our works, or can we damn ourselves by willfully sinning after receiving the knowledge of truth? What was the point of Jesus's death on the cross if we can be damned by our works. Was his blood not enough? The Bible gives no clear answers on this because Hebrews and Romans seem to have completely different messages and both sides use the Bible to justify their points. And you know who's not being helpful whatsoever? God himself. God hasn't spoke to me in a year even whne I try to get an answer from him about very important questions. What is true Christianity, how do I come back to you. Eventually it ends the same way, God says nothing though it is completely within his power to help me and I rage at him. I don't understand why God doesn't value me enough to get me out of this.

Hey there, I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I hope you find the answers you seek, and hopefully God can work through this post to bring you some peace.

I think you should read the story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 5:11-32). Then, read Romans 7:18 and the following verses there. Through this I hope you'll see for yourself that God is always willing to forgive us and will empower us to live right with him, despite what we do- our best efforts *and* our epic failures and struggles with sin- because we can't ever hope to do so ourselves.

Right now, I'm in a deep spiritual valley. God's changing my life but for now I struggle with feeling alone and confused. I thought giving up all of my vices would be easier; it's not at all. However I have to just trust in God's love for me and His grace to get me through.

Let me tell you that God welcomed me back with open arms after years of abuse of myself and others, and he can- and will- welcome you back too. I became angry with Him after a life change as a teen, and from there I got drunk almost daily, fooled around with dozens of women, attempted suicide twice, attempted a pagan ritual, racked up thousands in pointless debt, ruined at least 3 friendships through reckless behavior- not to mention the drug abuse, inappropriate contentography addiction, overall self-neglect and the worst mouth on anyone I've ever known, and blasphemy. I was a tragically lost soul but he reeled me back in, and he can reel you back in, too. All you have to do is invite Him back in to do it and pray for an opportunity to see Him in action.

I won't lie- almost 5 years since turning my life back around and giving it back to Him (with many ups and downs), life hasn't gotten more convenient. I shed many tears, faced many of my old demons, and even felt like running away from my wife and being a loner in hopes of never hurting anyone again. However God has not given up on me, and has always provided me everything I need to get through each day, whether it is peace, food, fun things to do, dreams, intercession by someone else, money...He is always good and *always* has our backs, no matter what.

What if I told you that, even if you struggled with the same sin, every day, but continued to recognize it and seek Christ through it, that you would remain in His favor, all for simply believing in his sacrifice and resurrection, and his endless love and grace?

Well, that's exactly how it is. Christ gives us His love, grace and mercy, and only expects us to believe. He doesn't even ask us not to sin- we couldn't do this if we tried! That's exactly why Jesus sacrificed himself- so that sin could no longer get between us and God. However, realize that as God changes your life, He will also change your mind about sin, and one by one he will conquer them in your life himself. You just need to believe.

Peace of mind to you. And remember this: God loves and accepts you, exactly where you're at, sins and all. There's not a word you can say that would offend him or make him turn away from you. He is waiting with open arms for you to turn back toward him. All you need to do is believe in this, and he will do the rest. You aren't mentally ill, you aren't a bad person, and you aren't someone doomed to spiritual death. You are simply *you*, God's child, and he is ready to throw you a party and dress you in fine robes as soon as you make the choice.

 

[Emmy]

Dear aspie3000. God is Love, and God wants loving and caring sons and daughters. Tell God your feelings and how much you want to come back to God. God will listen and help you. God is our Heavenly Father, and God wants loving sons and daughters. Tell God that you Love God and want to be His son.The Bible tells us to give up our selfish and unloving words and deeds, keep telling God that you love Him with all your being. Jesus died that we might live, Jesus is our Saviour, and Jesus will lead us back to God. Love is very catching, and love is what God wants from us. In Matthew 7: 7-10: we are told: Ask and you shall receive, we keep asking God for Love and Compassion, then we thank God and start loving and caring, and always friendly. If we do so, we will have the love God wants us to have: Love for God, and love for our neighbour. ( love all around) Why not try it, aspie? Remember always that God is LOVE. I say this with love, aspie. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[SolomonVII]

A while back I posted on this forum and to give a short synopsis of my situation, when I was a youth I drifted away from God and and have and still do commit the most heinous sins one can imagine. I have been stuck without Gods spirit for 13 years and I do not know how to get back to him. There are two ways in which have been suggested to me by people claiming to represent God on how to come back to him and its really a chicken and egg scenario. The first is the Calvinist fire and brimstone "repent of your sins or God will kill you," one that frightens me greatly. Basically the idea is that I manually stop doing my sins and God gives me back his Holy Spirit so I can have a new heart. The other is the Baptist manner in which I cannot hope to repent of my sins without the Holy Spirit and that God will change me and give me a new heart if I come to him with a contrite heart. Needless to say, neither has worked. When I try to repent of my sins, I find that in fact I feel even less close to God than when I sin. I give up and run go on an expletive filled tirade against God. When I ask God to give me a new heart, nothing happens with the same awful results.

Listen, I am a man with a bitterness toward God for many things, the way I have suffered in this life, for how he seems to have refused to help me for thirteen years, for being born with aspergers syndrome and living as a social outcast despite allegedly looking attractive in outer appearance (I've never had a girlfriend and have no friends.) My sins are horrible, Lust, Blasphemy and verbal abuse toward God, rebelliousness, a foul mouth, prejudice. I am disgusting and ugly inside and I want freedom from all of this. I don't even know what real Christianity is anymore. Are we saved by grace through faith apart from our works, or can we damn ourselves by willfully sinning after receiving the knowledge of truth? What was the point of Jesus's death on the cross if we can be damned by our works. Was his blood not enough? The Bible gives no clear answers on this because Hebrews and Romans seem to have completely different messages and both sides use the Bible to justify their points. And you know who's not being helpful whatsoever? God himself. God hasn't spoke to me in a year even whne I try to get an answer from him about very important questions. What is true Christianity, how do I come back to you. Eventually it ends the same way, God says nothing though it is completely within his power to help me and I rage at him. I don't understand why God doesn't value me enough to get me out of this.

I think a beginning place is to recognize that your statement about God not valuing enough is logically inconsistent with who God must be.
For whatever reasons you have not been able to get what you want out of God, believing that it is because God does not value you is a misconception who God is.

You present yourself as a pretty big sinner. Once it becomes clear that God loves you anyway, and valued you enough to give his life for you while you are still such a sinner, that may not make you any less of a sinner, but you do have to admit it is something that you should feel grateful for.
Being grateful is the beginning of a new heart. It doesn't make the bible any easier a read, it doesn't make your propensity to sin any less, it doesn't solve any neurological conditions, but the fact that God loves you passionately even now when sin is ruling so much of your life is something that anyone ought to logically be grateful for.
I mean, if you weren't a sinner, God loving you wouldn't be such a big deal. Who wouldn't want to hug the pretty girl?
But for God to be passionately in love with an ugly sinner is a pretty big deal. He is not repulsed whereas virtually anyone else normally would be.

 

[dqhall]

A while back I posted on this forum and to give a short synopsis of my situation, when I was a youth I drifted away from God and and have and still do commit the most heinous sins one can imagine. I have been stuck without Gods spirit for 13 years and I do not know how to get back to him. There are two ways in which have been suggested to me by people claiming to represent God on how to come back to him and its really a chicken and egg scenario. The first is the Calvinist fire and brimstone "repent of your sins or God will kill you," one that frightens me greatly. Basically the idea is that I manually stop doing my sins and God gives me back his Holy Spirit so I can have a new heart. The other is the Baptist manner in which I cannot hope to repent of my sins without the Holy Spirit and that God will change me and give me a new heart if I come to him with a contrite heart. Needless to say, neither has worked. When I try to repent of my sins, I find that in fact I feel even less close to God than when I sin. I give up and run go on an expletive filled tirade against God. When I ask God to give me a new heart, nothing happens with the same awful results.

Listen, I am a man with a bitterness toward God for many things, the way I have suffered in this life, for how he seems to have refused to help me for thirteen years, for being born with aspergers syndrome and living as a social outcast despite allegedly looking attractive in outer appearance (I've never had a girlfriend and have no friends.) My sins are horrible, Lust, Blasphemy and verbal abuse toward God, rebelliousness, a foul mouth, prejudice. I am disgusting and ugly inside and I want freedom from all of this. I don't even know what real Christianity is anymore. Are we saved by grace through faith apart from our works, or can we damn ourselves by willfully sinning after receiving the knowledge of truth? What was the point of Jesus's death on the cross if we can be damned by our works. Was his blood not enough? The Bible gives no clear answers on this because Hebrews and Romans seem to have completely different messages and both sides use the Bible to justify their points. And you know who's not being helpful whatsoever? God himself. God hasn't spoke to me in a year even whne I try to get an answer from him about very important questions. What is true Christianity, how do I come back to you. Eventually it ends the same way, God says nothing though it is completely within his power to help me and I rage at him. I don't understand why God doesn't value me enough to get me out of this.

Remember the testimony about the good Samaritan who found a man who was robbed and beaten to the point of not being able to walk. The Samaritan treated the victim the way he would have wanted to be treated (Luke 10).

When I was young, my belligerence and dishonesty prevented me from fellowship with God and tainted relations with my peers. Lust corrupted my soul. As I studied the Bible and found a few good passages, I began to change on the inside. I received blessings and thought God was closer to me. Once God told me reading the Bible alone was not good enough. I was led into knowledge and science greater than the Bible alone.

 

[Neostarwcc]

A while back I posted on this forum and to give a short synopsis of my situation, when I was a youth I drifted away from God and and have and still do commit the most heinous sins one can imagine. I have been stuck without Gods spirit for 13 years and I do not know how to get back to him. There are two ways in which have been suggested to me by people claiming to represent God on how to come back to him and its really a chicken and egg scenario. The first is the Calvinist fire and brimstone "repent of your sins or God will kill you," one that frightens me greatly. Basically the idea is that I manually stop doing my sins and God gives me back his Holy Spirit so I can have a new heart. The other is the Baptist manner in which I cannot hope to repent of my sins without the Holy Spirit and that God will change me and give me a new heart if I come to him with a contrite heart. Needless to say, neither has worked. When I try to repent of my sins, I find that in fact I feel even less close to God than when I sin. I give up and run go on an expletive filled tirade against God. When I ask God to give me a new heart, nothing happens with the same awful results.

Listen, I am a man with a bitterness toward God for many things, the way I have suffered in this life, for how he seems to have refused to help me for thirteen years, for being born with aspergers syndrome and living as a social outcast despite allegedly looking attractive in outer appearance (I've never had a girlfriend and have no friends.) My sins are horrible, Lust, Blasphemy and verbal abuse toward God, rebelliousness, a foul mouth, prejudice. I am disgusting and ugly inside and I want freedom from all of this. I don't even know what real Christianity is anymore. Are we saved by grace through faith apart from our works, or can we damn ourselves by willfully sinning after receiving the knowledge of truth? What was the point of Jesus's death on the cross if we can be damned by our works. Was his blood not enough? The Bible gives no clear answers on this because Hebrews and Romans seem to have completely different messages and both sides use the Bible to justify their points. And you know who's not being helpful whatsoever? God himself. God hasn't spoke to me in a year even whne I try to get an answer from him about very important questions. What is true Christianity, how do I come back to you. Eventually it ends the same way, God says nothing though it is completely within his power to help me and I rage at him. I don't understand why God doesn't value me enough to get me out of this.

First of all I'd like to state that the holy spirit never leaves us once we believe. Even when we forsake Christ (John 14:16)

John 14:16

(And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever)

So have peace, the holy spirit still lives inside of you and is convicting you of your unbelief and all of your sins that is why you've come to this discuss board for help. God has lead you here. That being said the only person who can lead you back to God is yourself. Only you can say whether you're a Christian or not. It's a long and difficult road and I will be praying for you but, I hope that you will come back into Christs loving arms because he is waiting for you.

 

[EpicScore]

A while back I posted on this forum and to give a short synopsis of my situation, when I was a youth I drifted away from God and and have and still do commit the most heinous sins one can imagine. I have been stuck without Gods spirit for 13 years and I do not know how to get back to him. There are two ways in which have been suggested to me by people claiming to represent God on how to come back to him and its really a chicken and egg scenario. The first is the Calvinist fire and brimstone "repent of your sins or God will kill you," one that frightens me greatly. Basically the idea is that I manually stop doing my sins and God gives me back his Holy Spirit so I can have a new heart. The other is the Baptist manner in which I cannot hope to repent of my sins without the Holy Spirit and that God will change me and give me a new heart if I come to him with a contrite heart. Needless to say, neither has worked. When I try to repent of my sins, I find that in fact I feel even less close to God than when I sin. I give up and run go on an expletive filled tirade against God. When I ask God to give me a new heart, nothing happens with the same awful results.

Listen, I am a man with a bitterness toward God for many things, the way I have suffered in this life, for how he seems to have refused to help me for thirteen years, for being born with aspergers syndrome and living as a social outcast despite allegedly looking attractive in outer appearance (I've never had a girlfriend and have no friends.) My sins are horrible, Lust, Blasphemy and verbal abuse toward God, rebelliousness, a foul mouth, prejudice. I am disgusting and ugly inside and I want freedom from all of this. I don't even know what real Christianity is anymore. Are we saved by grace through faith apart from our works, or can we damn ourselves by willfully sinning after receiving the knowledge of truth? What was the point of Jesus's death on the cross if we can be damned by our works. Was his blood not enough? The Bible gives no clear answers on this because Hebrews and Romans seem to have completely different messages and both sides use the Bible to justify their points. And you know who's not being helpful whatsoever? God himself. God hasn't spoke to me in a year even whne I try to get an answer from him about very important questions. What is true Christianity, how do I come back to you. Eventually it ends the same way, God says nothing though it is completely within his power to help me and I rage at him. I don't understand why God doesn't value me enough to get me out of this.

Hi aspie3000,
I'm sorry to hear of your struggles, and I hope that the answers given through this forum has helped, and will continue to do so with each subsequent posts.

Adding my perspective as a Calvinist, we don't strictly teach a "repent of your sins or God will kill you," doctrine (though, no doubt, some may deliver such message through poor choice of words), but the denomination does emphasize righteous living as an external proof of a regenerated heart, and that Justification and Sanctification goes hand-in-hand.

To be honest, I frequently face similar issues. Throughout the years I've been a Christian, I don't think I have progressed much in terms of wisdom, morality, spirituality and other "marks of a Christian", and would even sometimes regress to the state of immorality I once had been in before I embraced my faith. I would commit a sin, repent, then fall back into the same sin barely a few minutes after the repentance, and this often begs the question: am I truly saved? Do I genuinely trust Christ as my Lord and Saviour, or am I a tare in His field (Matthew 13:24-30), to whom He will one day say, "I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!" (Matthew 7:21-23)?

But few has struggled with personal sin as Martin Luther does, and he eventually writes: “Be a sinner, and let your sins be strong, but let your trust in Christ be stronger, and rejoice in Christ who is the victor over sin, death, and the world. We will commit sins while we are here, for this life is not a place where justice resides… It suffices that through God’s glory we have recognized the Lamb who takes away the sin of the world. No sin can separate us from Him.”

Indeed, the Reformation doctrine is formulated as "simultaneously sinner and justified". While Jesus have already died and forgiven us of our sins, we are still inheritors of Adam's original sin, and live in a world where Satan's influence is more dominant (2 Corinthians 4:4)... meaning that our basic tendency still veers towards sinfulness rather than righteousness. But Luther's quote, which complements David's repentance song in Psalms 51, shows that the grace of God through Jesus's work of atonement and His offer of forgiveness goes deeper that whatever heinous sins we are capable of committing.

Does this detract the seriousness of sin? No. Does this mean we should still repent? Yes.

But perhaps, instead of trying to be more righteous and getting angry at God when our efforts to do so fail, praise God and thank Him that He has forgiven and accepted you in spite of your on-going sin. And try to have faith that He can and will change you, even if it takes years or even an entire lifetime for it to show. We cannot see our future or what we would be like in years to come, but we know that God holds the future and that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him" (Romans 8:28).

Hope that helps.

Blessings.

 

[GoldenKingGaze]

A while back I posted on this forum and to give a short synopsis of my situation, when I was a youth I drifted away from God and and have and still do commit the most heinous sins one can imagine. I have been stuck without Gods spirit for 13 years and I do not know how to get back to him. There are two ways in which have been suggested to me by people claiming to represent God on how to come back to him and its really a chicken and egg scenario. The first is the Calvinist fire and brimstone "repent of your sins or God will kill you," one that frightens me greatly. Basically the idea is that I manually stop doing my sins and God gives me back his Holy Spirit so I can have a new heart. The other is the Baptist manner in which I cannot hope to repent of my sins without the Holy Spirit and that God will change me and give me a new heart if I come to him with a contrite heart. Needless to say, neither has worked. When I try to repent of my sins, I find that in fact I feel even less close to God than when I sin. I give up and run go on an expletive filled tirade against God. When I ask God to give me a new heart, nothing happens with the same awful results.

Listen, I am a man with a bitterness toward God for many things, the way I have suffered in this life, for how he seems to have refused to help me for thirteen years, for being born with aspergers syndrome and living as a social outcast despite allegedly looking attractive in outer appearance (I've never had a girlfriend and have no friends.) My sins are horrible, Lust, Blasphemy and verbal abuse toward God, rebelliousness, a foul mouth, prejudice. I am disgusting and ugly inside and I want freedom from all of this. I don't even know what real Christianity is anymore. Are we saved by grace through faith apart from our works, or can we damn ourselves by willfully sinning after receiving the knowledge of truth? What was the point of Jesus's death on the cross if we can be damned by our works. Was his blood not enough? The Bible gives no clear answers on this because Hebrews and Romans seem to have completely different messages and both sides use the Bible to justify their points. And you know who's not being helpful whatsoever? God himself. God hasn't spoke to me in a year even whne I try to get an answer from him about very important questions. What is true Christianity, how do I come back to you. Eventually it ends the same way, God says nothing though it is completely within his power to help me and I rage at him. I don't understand why God doesn't value me enough to get me out of this.

Have you heard of the Pentecostal way. Meet a Ps and talk, ask for prayer to turn you. Hunger for righteousness and ask for Jesus blood to clean your heart, with the laying on of hands. Gain knowledge about the bigger picture of your spiritual situation. Some turn from fearing God as a just judge, but justice has a good side and there is a balance of justice and mercy. You need fear He is good, loving, a lot to give...
Some are turned by the wisdom of God.
Some by the love of God, such as in revival, and testimonies.
Some get hooked on Him as real by a healing.
Some look for the life in God of His promises.
I would suggest you look for Robby Dawkins and his message, Furious Love.

 

[TaylorSexton]

As I see it, the problem is that you are "trying" (the specific word you used). There is no "trying" to enter the Kingdom, because it cannot be done. Rather, have faith in Christ's finished work for you. He paid for all the sins of all those who trust in him. You will never be saved by all this "trying."

 

[redleghunter]

A while back I posted on this forum and to give a short synopsis of my situation, when I was a youth I drifted away from God and and have and still do commit the most heinous sins one can imagine. I have been stuck without Gods spirit for 13 years and I do not know how to get back to him. There are two ways in which have been suggested to me by people claiming to represent God on how to come back to him and its really a chicken and egg scenario. The first is the Calvinist fire and brimstone "repent of your sins or God will kill you," one that frightens me greatly. Basically the idea is that I manually stop doing my sins and God gives me back his Holy Spirit so I can have a new heart. The other is the Baptist manner in which I cannot hope to repent of my sins without the Holy Spirit and that God will change me and give me a new heart if I come to him with a contrite heart. Needless to say, neither has worked. When I try to repent of my sins, I find that in fact I feel even less close to God than when I sin. I give up and run go on an expletive filled tirade against God. When I ask God to give me a new heart, nothing happens with the same awful results.

Listen, I am a man with a bitterness toward God for many things, the way I have suffered in this life, for how he seems to have refused to help me for thirteen years, for being born with aspergers syndrome and living as a social outcast despite allegedly looking attractive in outer appearance (I've never had a girlfriend and have no friends.) My sins are horrible, Lust, Blasphemy and verbal abuse toward God, rebelliousness, a foul mouth, prejudice. I am disgusting and ugly inside and I want freedom from all of this. I don't even know what real Christianity is anymore. Are we saved by grace through faith apart from our works, or can we damn ourselves by willfully sinning after receiving the knowledge of truth? What was the point of Jesus's death on the cross if we can be damned by our works. Was his blood not enough? The Bible gives no clear answers on this because Hebrews and Romans seem to have completely different messages and both sides use the Bible to justify their points. And you know who's not being helpful whatsoever? God himself. God hasn't spoke to me in a year even whne I try to get an answer from him about very important questions. What is true Christianity, how do I come back to you. Eventually it ends the same way, God says nothing though it is completely within his power to help me and I rage at him. I don't understand why God doesn't value me enough to get me out of this.

I will give you a couple of themes to consider and then you are most welcome to PM me as you lay out quite a lot above.

1. Adam and Eve tried to fashion their own clothing with fig leaves after they disobeyed God and had the knowledge of nakedness. A few verses later we see God provide them with animal skins. So clearly their fig leaf efforts were not acceptable.

2. The Prodigal son when he hit rock bottom conjured up a plan to go back to his father and work as a servant. Before the son could get one word in his father ran out to him, embraced him and accepted him back with a feast.

I ask you ponder the above.

Now a personal question. Have you laid out what you did here to a pastor or church elder? If your answer is you don't go to church because of your sin, stop thinking that way. Christ left us a church of fellow believers to shoulder each other's burdens. Bottom line we need each other.

The Prodigal son did pack up and move towards his father. I recommend you pack up your burdens and move towards in person Christian fellowship.

This movement has to be full disclosure. Meaning when you find a loving church you go see the pastor boldly and unpack everything to him as you did with us. You will find out the pastor will not be shocked nor inexperienced with your current condition.

This is not pie in the sky advice. I am speaking from experience. I too had a very long coldness spell, with anger and what seemed an endless cycle of sins. Almost 8 years ago a godly man told me what he observed of me and it really ticked me off. Hours later my day of visitation came rumbling in like a freight train and I spent an entire night in sorrowful repentance. Before that night my life was easy and I had few cares in the world . Since then every day has been a challenge of family and personal sickness and suffering. Bottom line the past 8 years have been the most joyful years of my life.

 

[Emmy]

Dear aspie3000. How do I come back to God? Many will be asking that question, and Jesus gives us the right answer. In Matthew 22: 35-40: Jesus tells us: " The first and great Commandment is: Love God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. The second is like it: love thy neighbour as thyself." In verse 40 we are told: On these two Commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets. Love God first, God is Love and God made us in His Image. Love is very catching, aspie, and God wants our love and compassion. Who is our neighbour? all we know and all we meet, friend or not friend.
The Bible tells us: stop being selfish and unloving, start loving and treating others as we would love to treated. In Matthew 7: we are told; ask and you shall receive. We ask for Love and Joy and Compassion, then we share all love and joy, and compassion with all around us. God will see our love and compassion, and God will Bless us greatly. Always remember aspie, with love we will be the sons and daughters which God wants. Let us therefore ASK and RECEIVE LOVE, then share it all around us. God will Bless us. I say this with love, and send greetings. From Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[GirdYourLoins]

For me, God has spoken to me and put it on my spirit to confess my choices to Him. By this I mean that if I sin, when I repent I confess that the desire n my heart is to choose Him and to follow Him. I confess that I am weak and do that which I do not want to do, which (as Paul said) is the flesh at work in me. I ask for him to honour this and fulfil the promises He has made for those that choose to follow Him.

I find this approach helps peace to return far quicker and the temptation to sin is greatly reduced. be completely honest with God in prayer about how you feel.

 

[Penny Feeley]

A while back I posted on this forum and to give a short synopsis of my situation, when I was a youth I drifted away from God and and have and still do commit the most heinous sins one can imagine. I have been stuck without Gods spirit for 13 years and I do not know how to get back to him. There are two ways in which have been suggested to me by people claiming to represent God on how to come back to him and its really a chicken and egg scenario. The first is the Calvinist fire and brimstone "repent of your sins or God will kill you," one that frightens me greatly. Basically the idea is that I manually stop doing my sins and God gives me back his Holy Spirit so I can have a new heart. The other is the Baptist manner in which I cannot hope to repent of my sins without the Holy Spirit and that God will change me and give me a new heart if I come to him with a contrite heart. Needless to say, neither has worked. When I try to repent of my sins, I find that in fact I feel even less close to God than when I sin. I give up and run go on an expletive filled tirade against God. When I ask God to give me a new heart, nothing happens with the same awful results.

Listen, I am a man with a bitterness toward God for many things, the way I have suffered in this life, for how he seems to have refused to help me for thirteen years, for being born with aspergers syndrome and living as a social outcast despite allegedly looking attractive in outer appearance (I've never had a girlfriend and have no friends.) My sins are horrible, Lust, Blasphemy and verbal abuse toward God, rebelliousness, a foul mouth, prejudice. I am disgusting and ugly inside and I want freedom from all of this. I don't even know what real Christianity is anymore. Are we saved by grace through faith apart from our works, or can we damn ourselves by willfully sinning after receiving the knowledge of truth? What was the point of Jesus's death on the cross if we can be damned by our works. Was his blood not enough? The Bible gives no clear answers on this because Hebrews and Romans seem to have completely different messages and both sides use the Bible to justify their points. And you know who's not being helpful whatsoever? God himself. God hasn't spoke to me in a year even whne I try to get an answer from him about very important questions. What is true Christianity, how do I come back to you. Eventually it ends the same way, God says nothing though it is completely within his power to help me and I rage at him. I don't understand why God doesn't value me enough to get me out of this.