How do I come back to God?

[aspie3000]

A while back I posted on this forum and to give a short synopsis of my situation, when I was a youth I drifted away from God and and have and still do commit the most heinous sins one can imagine. I have been stuck without Gods spirit for 13 years and I do not know how to get back to him. There are two ways in which have been suggested to me by people claiming to represent God on how to come back to him and its really a chicken and egg scenario. The first is the Calvinist fire and brimstone "repent of your sins or God will kill you," one that frightens me greatly. Basically the idea is that I manually stop doing my sins and God gives me back his Holy Spirit so I can have a new heart. The other is the Baptist manner in which I cannot hope to repent of my sins without the Holy Spirit and that God will change me and give me a new heart if I come to him with a contrite heart. Needless to say, neither has worked. When I try to repent of my sins, I find that in fact I feel even less close to God than when I sin. I give up and run go on an expletive filled tirade against God. When I ask God to give me a new heart, nothing happens with the same awful results.

Listen, I am a man with a bitterness toward God for many things, the way I have suffered in this life, for how he seems to have refused to help me for thirteen years, for being born with aspergers syndrome and living as a social outcast despite allegedly looking attractive in outer appearance (I've never had a girlfriend and have no friends.) My sins are horrible, Lust, Blasphemy and verbal abuse toward God, rebelliousness, a foul mouth, prejudice. I am disgusting and ugly inside and I want freedom from all of this. I don't even know what real Christianity is anymore. Are we saved by grace through faith apart from our works, or can we damn ourselves by willfully sinning after receiving the knowledge of truth? What was the point of Jesus's death on the cross if we can be damned by our works. Was his blood not enough? The Bible gives no clear answers on this because Hebrews and Romans seem to have completely different messages and both sides use the Bible to justify their points. And you know who's not being helpful whatsoever? God himself. God hasn't spoke to me in a year even whne I try to get an answer from him about very important questions. What is true Christianity, how do I come back to you. Eventually it ends the same way, God says nothing though it is completely within his power to help me and I rage at him. I don't understand why God doesn't value me enough to get me out of this.

 

[God is good]

My name is Zack and I struggle too with feeling love for God and I don't know why. I am really sorry that you're struggling and I don't know what to say but I do believe that God does love you because in the Bible He says he does (John 3:16), and I have no clue on why things haven't been better for you in this life, God loves you and even though you say you're filthy on the inside, so am I and so is everybody. God loves you and please just try to pray and pour out your heart to Him. Jesus loves you and He is Lord. If you would like to talk, go ahead and please message me. God bless you and Jesus is Lord.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Read Philippians 2, about the Lord Jesus Who was obedient unto death, even the death of the Cross. Also read Isaiah 53 about His severe sufferings there for sin. This should bring a very sobering perspective.

 

[faroukfarouk]

My name is Zack and I struggle too with feeling love for God and I don't know why. I am really sorry that you're struggling and I don't know what to say but I do believe that God does love you because in the Bible He says he does (John 3:16), and I have no clue on why things haven't been better for you in this life, God loves you and even though you say you're filthy on the inside, so am I and so is everybody. God loves you and please just try to pray and pour out your heart to Him. Jesus loves you and He is Lord. If you would like to talk, go ahead and please message me. God bless you and Jesus is Lord.

Great post, Zack.

 

[God is good]

Great post, Zack.

Thank you, just trying to help and let him know that he's not alone. God loves you and have a very blessed night.

 

[aspie3000]

My name is Zack and I struggle too with feeling love for God and I don't know why. I am really sorry that you're struggling and I don't know what to say but I do believe that God does love you because in the Bible He says he does (John 3:16), and I have no clue on why things haven't been better for you in this life, God loves you and even though you say you're filthy on the inside, so am I and so is everybody. God loves you and please just try to pray and pour out your heart to Him. Jesus loves you and He is Lord. If you would like to talk, go ahead and please message me. God bless you and Jesus is Lord.

I'm not sure how to message people on this site so I'll just respond here. Lack of love for God is not my problem. My problem comes from the fact that I've been left in this state for 13 years with inadequate help. God is omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient, he should have the ability to just tell me what to do to come back to him. Instead he has left me confused and lost with no knowledge and no way out of my situation. I want with all my heart to return to him, but I cannot. When I try to stop sinning, I fail because of my evil nature and an utter lack of passion and sense of motivation to do so. When I ask him to change me, he doesn't and I sin more. I don't understand why God isn't clear to me even in his own word. I have nowhere to turn but heaven, and heaven is silent.

 

[God is good]

I'm not sure how to message people on this site so I'll just respond here. Lack of love for God is not my problem. My problem comes from the fact that I've been left in this state for 13 years with inadequate help. God is omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient, he should have the ability to just tell me what to do to come back to him. Instead he has left me confused and lost with no knowledge and no way out of my situation. I want with all my heart to return to him, but I cannot. When I try to stop sinning, I fail because of my evil nature and an utter lack of passion and sense of motivation to do so. When I ask him to change me, he doesn't and I sin more. I don't understand why God isn't clear to me even in his own word. I have nowhere to turn but heaven, and heaven is silent.

I see where you're coming from, I unfortunately don't know what to say, just believe that God does love you and I believe that the fact that you want to come back to Him is God drawing you to Him, remember in the Bible it says that He wants nobody to perish. God will always be there for you brother and I know that since you have been through a lot over the past 13 years it probably doesn't seem like it but He is always with you. Jesus Christ is Lord, and also in the Bible Jesus Christ says "whoever comes to me I will in no wise cast out". He loves YOU, He died for YOU. God bless you and Jesus Christ is Lord.

 

[aspie3000]

Read Philippians 2, about the Lord Jesus Who was obedient unto death, even the death of the Cross. Also read Isaiah 53 about His severe sufferings there for sin. This should bring a very sobering perspective.

I understand that I have to suffer in this life. I'm worried about the afterlife and about being in conflict with God for my entire life.

 

[Devin P]

A while back I posted on this forum and to give a short synopsis of my situation, when I was a youth I drifted away from God and and have and still do commit the most heinous sins one can imagine. I have been stuck without Gods spirit for 13 years and I do not know how to get back to him. There are two ways in which have been suggested to me by people claiming to represent God on how to come back to him and its really a chicken and egg scenario. The first is the Calvinist fire and brimstone "repent of your sins or God will kill you," one that frightens me greatly. Basically the idea is that I manually stop doing my sins and God gives me back his Holy Spirit so I can have a new heart. The other is the Baptist manner in which I cannot hope to repent of my sins without the Holy Spirit and that God will change me and give me a new heart if I come to him with a contrite heart. Needless to say, neither has worked. When I try to repent of my sins, I find that in fact I feel even less close to God than when I sin. I give up and run go on an expletive filled tirade against God. When I ask God to give me a new heart, nothing happens with the same awful results.

Listen, I am a man with a bitterness toward God for many things, the way I have suffered in this life, for how he seems to have refused to help me for thirteen years, for being born with aspergers syndrome and living as a social outcast despite allegedly looking attractive in outer appearance (I've never had a girlfriend and have no friends.) My sins are horrible, Lust, Blasphemy and verbal abuse toward God, rebelliousness, a foul mouth, prejudice. I am disgusting and ugly inside and I want freedom from all of this. I don't even know what real Christianity is anymore. Are we saved by grace through faith apart from our works, or can we damn ourselves by willfully sinning after receiving the knowledge of truth? What was the point of Jesus's death on the cross if we can be damned by our works. Was his blood not enough? The Bible gives no clear answers on this because Hebrews and Romans seem to have completely different messages and both sides use the Bible to justify their points. And you know who's not being helpful whatsoever? God himself. God hasn't spoke to me in a year even whne I try to get an answer from him about very important questions. What is true Christianity, how do I come back to you. Eventually it ends the same way, God says nothing though it is completely within his power to help me and I rage at him. I don't understand why God doesn't value me enough to get me out of this.

What you need to do, is get on your knees, and pray. Pray that He softens your heart, and renews your mind. Pray and talk to Him, about everything that you're struggling with concerning Him. Let Him know that you are bitter towards Him, and wish that it would go away, but that you don't know how to get it to happen. Pray that He blesses you with His spirit, and that He defeats the things that are trying to defeat you. Pray, that's really all you need to do. Be on your knees, or in your room in silence, on the edge of your bed, but it'd be 10x better to be on your knees. All that you struggle with, all that you're anxious about, all that you fear, all that you can't handle, tell Him, and ask for guidance in all of these things.

It won't happen right away, but after all of that is given to Him in prayer, you'll instantly feel better, guarantee it. But, this one time won't be enough. Keep up with it, each day. You don't have to, but pray and ask that He'll fill you with the desire to WANT to. He's given you the opportunity to come to know Him, pray that He fills you with a desire to take advantage of what He so freely gives you.

Many people will dispute what I'm about to say to you brother, but listen to what I'm about to say. We are saved by faith alone. Nothing you do, can ever save you, other than believing on He whom the Father sent. But, that faith, will result in a desire to obey Him, and the only way you can obey Him is by observing His Torah. But, as it says in the NT, because you are by faith a child of God, you're a part of Israel by faith. But, because you're a gentile, you only for now, should concern yourself with these four things.

- Staying away from things offered to idols
- from eating blood
- from things that are strangled
- and from fornication

Aside from that my brother, the rest will come once He blesses you with the faith to seek out the rest of His Torah. I pray for your sake, that you can undeniably see the truth in my message. May our Father bless you in all faith and wisdom brother, blessed are they that fear the Almighty. Glory, praise and honor be His forever and ever. May He bring you into all ways that lead to peace, truth, and righteousness.

 

[stuart lawrence]

A while back I posted on this forum and to give a short synopsis of my situation, when I was a youth I drifted away from God and and have and still do commit the most heinous sins one can imagine. I have been stuck without Gods spirit for 13 years and I do not know how to get back to him. There are two ways in which have been suggested to me by people claiming to represent God on how to come back to him and its really a chicken and egg scenario. The first is the Calvinist fire and brimstone "repent of your sins or God will kill you," one that frightens me greatly. Basically the idea is that I manually stop doing my sins and God gives me back his Holy Spirit so I can have a new heart. The other is the Baptist manner in which I cannot hope to repent of my sins without the Holy Spirit and that God will change me and give me a new heart if I come to him with a contrite heart. Needless to say, neither has worked. When I try to repent of my sins, I find that in fact I feel even less close to God than when I sin. I give up and run go on an expletive filled tirade against God. When I ask God to give me a new heart, nothing happens with the same awful results.

Listen, I am a man with a bitterness toward God for many things, the way I have suffered in this life, for how he seems to have refused to help me for thirteen years, for being born with aspergers syndrome and living as a social outcast despite allegedly looking attractive in outer appearance (I've never had a girlfriend and have no friends.) My sins are horrible, Lust, Blasphemy and verbal abuse toward God, rebelliousness, a foul mouth, prejudice. I am disgusting and ugly inside and I want freedom from all of this. I don't even know what real Christianity is anymore. Are we saved by grace through faith apart from our works, or can we damn ourselves by willfully sinning after receiving the knowledge of truth? What was the point of Jesus's death on the cross if we can be damned by our works. Was his blood not enough? The Bible gives no clear answers on this because Hebrews and Romans seem to have completely different messages and both sides use the Bible to justify their points. And you know who's not being helpful whatsoever? God himself. God hasn't spoke to me in a year even whne I try to get an answer from him about very important questions. What is true Christianity, how do I come back to you. Eventually it ends the same way, God says nothing though it is completely within his power to help me and I rage at him. I don't understand why God doesn't value me enough to get me out of this.

I will be honest with you. It is harder to come back when we gave gone our own way, I know that from personal experience, for things can enter our lives that were not there before we strayed, and sadly they often distracted us from the path.
However, biblical truth as to the true way remains forever true. You do not purge yourself of your sins, so you may then follow Jesus. You come to Jesus as you are, make a commitment to him, even when you are steeped in sin, then, he changes you through the Spirit once the commitment has been made:

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy made us alive with Christ, EVEN WHEN we were dead in transgressions/ sin, it is by grace you have been saved
Eph2:5

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

A while back I posted on this forum and to give a short synopsis of my situation, when I was a youth I drifted away from God and and have and still do commit the most heinous sins one can imagine. I have been stuck without Gods spirit for 13 years and I do not know how to get back to him. There are two ways in which have been suggested to me by people claiming to represent God on how to come back to him and its really a chicken and egg scenario. The first is the Calvinist fire and brimstone "repent of your sins or God will kill you," one that frightens me greatly. Basically the idea is that I manually stop doing my sins and God gives me back his Holy Spirit so I can have a new heart. The other is the Baptist manner in which I cannot hope to repent of my sins without the Holy Spirit and that God will change me and give me a new heart if I come to him with a contrite heart. Needless to say, neither has worked. When I try to repent of my sins, I find that in fact I feel even less close to God than when I sin. I give up and run go on an expletive filled tirade against God. When I ask God to give me a new heart, nothing happens with the same awful results.

Listen, I am a man with a bitterness toward God for many things, the way I have suffered in this life, for how he seems to have refused to help me for thirteen years, for being born with aspergers syndrome and living as a social outcast despite allegedly looking attractive in outer appearance (I've never had a girlfriend and have no friends.) My sins are horrible, Lust, Blasphemy and verbal abuse toward God, rebelliousness, a foul mouth, prejudice. I am disgusting and ugly inside and I want freedom from all of this. I don't even know what real Christianity is anymore. Are we saved by grace through faith apart from our works, or can we damn ourselves by willfully sinning after receiving the knowledge of truth? What was the point of Jesus's death on the cross if we can be damned by our works. Was his blood not enough? The Bible gives no clear answers on this because Hebrews and Romans seem to have completely different messages and both sides use the Bible to justify their points. And you know who's not being helpful whatsoever? God himself. God hasn't spoke to me in a year even whne I try to get an answer from him about very important questions. What is true Christianity, how do I come back to you. Eventually it ends the same way, God says nothing though it is completely within his power to help me and I rage at him. I don't understand why God doesn't value me enough to get me out of this.

Read and do 1 John 1:9 and you will be back as if you had never sinned.

 

[stuart lawrence]

A while back I posted on this forum and to give a short synopsis of my situation, when I was a youth I drifted away from God and and have and still do commit the most heinous sins one can imagine. I have been stuck without Gods spirit for 13 years and I do not know how to get back to him. There are two ways in which have been suggested to me by people claiming to represent God on how to come back to him and its really a chicken and egg scenario. The first is the Calvinist fire and brimstone "repent of your sins or God will kill you," one that frightens me greatly. Basically the idea is that I manually stop doing my sins and God gives me back his Holy Spirit so I can have a new heart. The other is the Baptist manner in which I cannot hope to repent of my sins without the Holy Spirit and that God will change me and give me a new heart if I come to him with a contrite heart. Needless to say, neither has worked. When I try to repent of my sins, I find that in fact I feel even less close to God than when I sin. I give up and run go on an expletive filled tirade against God. When I ask God to give me a new heart, nothing happens with the same awful results.

Listen, I am a man with a bitterness toward God for many things, the way I have suffered in this life, for how he seems to have refused to help me for thirteen years, for being born with aspergers syndrome and living as a social outcast despite allegedly looking attractive in outer appearance (I've never had a girlfriend and have no friends.) My sins are horrible, Lust, Blasphemy and verbal abuse toward God, rebelliousness, a foul mouth, prejudice. I am disgusting and ugly inside and I want freedom from all of this. I don't even know what real Christianity is anymore. Are we saved by grace through faith apart from our works, or can we damn ourselves by willfully sinning after receiving the knowledge of truth? What was the point of Jesus's death on the cross if we can be damned by our works. Was his blood not enough? The Bible gives no clear answers on this because Hebrews and Romans seem to have completely different messages and both sides use the Bible to justify their points. And you know who's not being helpful whatsoever? God himself. God hasn't spoke to me in a year even whne I try to get an answer from him about very important questions. What is true Christianity, how do I come back to you. Eventually it ends the same way, God says nothing though it is completely within his power to help me and I rage at him. I don't understand why God doesn't value me enough to get me out of this.

Please dont forget, God changed the worst of sinners into the greatest preacher of grace this world has ever seen, and he wrote half the books of the NT.
And one of the sins you admit to being beset by, so was he( rom7:7-11 KJV)

 

[Maryslittleflower]

I think what you need is more trust in God. He is your Father, He won't just abandon you. Pray to him with trust, and then you will be able to receive more help from Him, even if it takes a bit of time. how does a child speak to his father?

if we pray with more trust, it will be easier to repent as well. Above all we need to trust in His goodness. God really wants us to trust in His goodness. It makes it harder for us when we don't. And it hurts Him, because we deny His love that way.

 

[aspie3000]

Read and do 1 John 1:9 and you will be back as if you had never sinned.

I have read the other posts and I thank you all but in response to this one. Its not just about being forgiven for my sin. Its about freedom from this seeming slavery to sin and restoring a positive relationship with God. I have confessed my sins but it hasn't worked.

 

[BNR32FAN]

I'm not sure how to message people on this site so I'll just respond here. Lack of love for God is not my problem. My problem comes from the fact that I've been left in this state for 13 years with inadequate help. God is omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient, he should have the ability to just tell me what to do to come back to him. Instead he has left me confused and lost with no knowledge and no way out of my situation. I want with all my heart to return to him, but I cannot. When I try to stop sinning, I fail because of my evil nature and an utter lack of passion and sense of motivation to do so. When I ask him to change me, he doesn't and I sin more. I don't understand why God isn't clear to me even in his own word. I have nowhere to turn but heaven, and heaven is silent.

God will speak to you thru the scriptures brother. Read your bible, repent of your sins, confess and ask forgiveness, ask Him for guidance and God will answer your questions. Try to remember that trials are an opportunity to show our faith in God. When things are going bad that is the best opportunity to show God our faith in Him. Remember the story of the tax collector and the Pharisee who prayed to God.

“Then Jesus told this story to some who had great confidence in their own righteousness and scorned everyone else: “Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the other was a despised tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer: ‘I thank you, God, that I am not like other people—cheaters, sinners, adulterers. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.’ “But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’ I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.””
‭‭Luke‬ ‭18:9-14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

 

[stuart lawrence]

I have read the other posts and I thank you all but in response to this one. Its not just about being forgiven for my sin. Its about freedom from this seeming slavery to sin and restoring a positive relationship with God. I have confessed my sins but it hasn't worked.

Is the following you ?

Gods laws/ his ways are spiritual but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. For what I want to do i do not do, but what I hate I do.
I know that nothing good lives in me that is in my sinfull nature. For I have the desire to do what is good but i cannot carry it out.
For what I do is not the good I want to do, but the evil i do not want to do this I Keep on doing
When I want to do good evil is right there with. In my inner being I really want to obey God/ his laws, but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against how I want to live in my mind and making me a prisoner of sin at work within the members of my body
What a wretched man I am

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

I have read the other posts and I thank you all but in response to this one. Its not just about being forgiven for my sin. Its about freedom from this seeming slavery to sin and restoring a positive relationship with God. I have confessed my sins but it hasn't worked.

It's a start. Because the way to victory over sinful habit patterns is to know where you stand with Christ. Doing 1 John 1:9 restores your relationship to God, where you are fully acceptable to Him, not having your own righteousness, but the righteousness of Christ. This means that you are set free from the guilt, shame and punishment for sin. There is a big difference between justification which makes you right with God by grace through faith; and sanctification, which is a life-long developmental process. You will never make yourself right with God by trying to be holy in your own strength. It is only when you fully realise that there is no condemnation for you because you are in Christ, and that no one except God and Jesus can lay any charge against you. The reason for that is that God, who is the final Judge, deems you not guilty because of your faith in Christ; and Christ is the one who loved you while you were yet a sinner and He came and died for you on the cross. Therefore God sees you as totally clean and righteousness in Christ, regardless of how you see yourself.

God promised me that what He doesn't like about me, He would change me. Many things did change over the next 45 years, but not everything. But when I get a sense of my own sinfulness, I run to Christ, because that is what He said, "Come boldly to the throne of grace to find mercy and grace to help in time of need." God sometimes allows sin to remain to keep you humble and keep you depending on Christ for your assurance of God's acceptance of you.

The question is: "Would you willingly go back to the godless life you lived before?" If your immediate response is "never!" then that is the indication that you have been truly born again. A godless person doesn't care about his sinfulness, but a godly Christian hates his own sinfulness and is constantly mourning over it and there is always that struggle between the flesh and the Spirit. That is the sign of a true believer.

If you try and be holy in your own strength, you will end up being self-righteousness and that would put you in worse shape than you are now. This is because when you attempt to be holy in your own strength, you are going into unbelief because you are demonstrating a lack of faith in Christ to make you right with God. Sanctification is the developmental process of transforming your mind to being Christ-like in your thinking, which leads to being Christ-like in your conduct. Only The Holy Spirit can do that, and when you rest in Christ, that allows The Holy Spirit to do His work in you. If you struggle to be holy and to overcome sin in your own strength, you hinder, quench and grieve The Holy Spirit in you. It is not your sinfulness that grieves The Spirit, it is unbelief that a person does not trust Christ enough to relax, stop sweating it, and trust Him to transform you into the person He wants you to be.

A great prayer is. "Thank you Father for releasing me from all condemnation. Now, make me into the person You want me to be."

 

[2PhiloVoid]

A while back I posted on this forum and to give a short synopsis of my situation, when I was a youth I drifted away from God and and have and still do commit the most heinous sins one can imagine. I have been stuck without Gods spirit for 13 years and I do not know how to get back to him. There are two ways in which have been suggested to me by people claiming to represent God on how to come back to him and its really a chicken and egg scenario. The first is the Calvinist fire and brimstone "repent of your sins or God will kill you," one that frightens me greatly. Basically the idea is that I manually stop doing my sins and God gives me back his Holy Spirit so I can have a new heart. The other is the Baptist manner in which I cannot hope to repent of my sins without the Holy Spirit and that God will change me and give me a new heart if I come to him with a contrite heart. Needless to say, neither has worked. When I try to repent of my sins, I find that in fact I feel even less close to God than when I sin. I give up and run go on an expletive filled tirade against God. When I ask God to give me a new heart, nothing happens with the same awful results.

Listen, I am a man with a bitterness toward God for many things, the way I have suffered in this life, for how he seems to have refused to help me for thirteen years, for being born with aspergers syndrome and living as a social outcast despite allegedly looking attractive in outer appearance (I've never had a girlfriend and have no friends.) My sins are horrible, Lust, Blasphemy and verbal abuse toward God, rebelliousness, a foul mouth, prejudice. I am disgusting and ugly inside and I want freedom from all of this. I don't even know what real Christianity is anymore. Are we saved by grace through faith apart from our works, or can we damn ourselves by willfully sinning after receiving the knowledge of truth? What was the point of Jesus's death on the cross if we can be damned by our works. Was his blood not enough? The Bible gives no clear answers on this because Hebrews and Romans seem to have completely different messages and both sides use the Bible to justify their points. And you know who's not being helpful whatsoever? God himself. God hasn't spoke to me in a year even whne I try to get an answer from him about very important questions. What is true Christianity, how do I come back to you. Eventually it ends the same way, God says nothing though it is completely within his power to help me and I rage at him. I don't understand why God doesn't value me enough to get me out of this.

Hi Aspie,

I realize that if you have Asperger's, then you'll have some additional difficulties in processing some of the aspects of our Christian faith. But, even with that being the case, since you appear to be very intelligent and of very able articulation, I'm just going to lay it out as it is.

1) Despite what anyone says otherwise, Christianity isn't primarily about getting God to make our life here better. God may decide to make improvements to our outer circumstances, but this isn't His primary goal for each of us.

2) In Christian faith, we actually have to be WILLING to lose in order to gain. This is not something the world likes to affirm; in fact, many try to import this denial INTO their Christian faith. But, when Jesus says that we each have to "take up our cross" and follow Him, there are two things implied that we might not like: 1) ...that God expects us to actually make the personal decision to take up the cross, 2) ...we won't be doing this merely so we receive a reward in this life--even if God does shed some grace and blessing upon us along the way.

And this is where most of us struggle most of the time, whether we have Asperger's or some other baggage to carry like OCD, and despite what we, and our churches, try to tell us at times. This isn't to say that God doesn't do a little orchestrating and conducting along the way, but when it comes time for you to play the cello, it will be you playing it, not Him.

Christianity is for people who want a real life while being real human, and eventually gaining eternal life in Christ, but it is not for those who want pixie dust and magical prayers that make everything easier in this life.

So, if you want to come back to Christ, then do it. How? By deciding that you're going to accept what comes, both good and bad, yet follow Christ, be like Christ, and share in the kind of treatment that Christ received.

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

A while back I posted on this forum and to give a short synopsis of my situation, when I was a youth I drifted away from God and and have and still do commit the most heinous sins one can imagine. I have been stuck without Gods spirit for 13 years and I do not know how to get back to him. There are two ways in which have been suggested to me by people claiming to represent God on how to come back to him and its really a chicken and egg scenario. The first is the Calvinist fire and brimstone "repent of your sins or God will kill you," one that frightens me greatly. Basically the idea is that I manually stop doing my sins and God gives me back his Holy Spirit so I can have a new heart. The other is the Baptist manner in which I cannot hope to repent of my sins without the Holy Spirit and that God will change me and give me a new heart if I come to him with a contrite heart. Needless to say, neither has worked. When I try to repent of my sins, I find that in fact I feel even less close to God than when I sin. I give up and run go on an expletive filled tirade against God. When I ask God to give me a new heart, nothing happens with the same awful results.

Listen, I am a man with a bitterness toward God for many things, the way I have suffered in this life, for how he seems to have refused to help me for thirteen years, for being born with aspergers syndrome and living as a social outcast despite allegedly looking attractive in outer appearance (I've never had a girlfriend and have no friends.) My sins are horrible, Lust, Blasphemy and verbal abuse toward God, rebelliousness, a foul mouth, prejudice. I am disgusting and ugly inside and I want freedom from all of this. I don't even know what real Christianity is anymore. Are we saved by grace through faith apart from our works, or can we damn ourselves by willfully sinning after receiving the knowledge of truth? What was the point of Jesus's death on the cross if we can be damned by our works. Was his blood not enough? The Bible gives no clear answers on this because Hebrews and Romans seem to have completely different messages and both sides use the Bible to justify their points. And you know who's not being helpful whatsoever? God himself. God hasn't spoke to me in a year even whne I try to get an answer from him about very important questions. What is true Christianity, how do I come back to you. Eventually it ends the same way, God says nothing though it is completely within his power to help me and I rage at him. I don't understand why God doesn't value me enough to get me out of this.

My immediate reaction to your post was how you doubt God's Presence in your life when your obviously such a slave to Him. He has captivated you! But think of the pond of Myra (bitterness) that has not just muddied the waters but that bitterness has taken root in you. I remember a cartoon that I drew circa 1990 when I was going thru that. Picture a lemon tree singing "lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet. But the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat" Now picture a poor anguished soul tied to the tree in protest yelling "save the tree, save the tree" That was my dilemma. Next caption progressed to that soul untied from the tree and working to dig up the bitter roots, flies of the ointment buzzing around.

My next thought was of the 4 types of fruit spoken of by Jesus. (I can't help it, my mind thinks in concepts.) All the types of soil that are represented are the types of hearts that God has to work, represented in the soils. Note that all of those types had recieved the word of God. Only 1/4 of those who recieved were of a quality that could bear fruit. The other 3/4 fell away. Some satan stole away, some the cares of the world stole away, and the other third was a withered mess. The ones who were of fertile ground increased progressively.
Most of the things that you listed could be traced to one of those reasons that you are being carried away from the word of God.

I'd also like to point out that if you had not been given a new heart already how could you possibly have the sensitivity to think you didn't? Your spirit's connection to the Holy Spirit is in the conviction you have of what is being presented to you as what doesn't belong in your life. But you've got yourself tied to that tree and are allowing the flesh to fight against the conviction instead of yielding (taking control of the flesh to lead every thought captive to Christ) and becoming one who is yoked with Christ in their life. Have you ever tried to harness a 2000 pound animal that didn't want to be harnessed to anything?

The blood of Christ is available for mercy and the cleansing of the conscience as His job position right now for all of us. That's why it says we're seated in the heavenlies with Him because we don't have to tear down the veil to get to Him. We just need to turn to Him and talk. First one needs to be still enough to know the magnitude of what is there for us.

 

[faroukfarouk]

I understand that I have to suffer in this life. I'm worried about the afterlife and about being in conflict with God for my entire life.

John's First Epistle has a lot about assurance of faith.