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How did you meet your spouse?

Discussion in 'Questions From Singles About Marriage' started by proverbswisdom, Dec 29, 2011.

  1. proverbswisdom

    proverbswisdom Newbie

    How did it happen; was God's hand obvious or did it happen in a more natural way? Even if it happened in a natural way I'm sure God lead in subtle ways; what things looking back do you see that He did to bring you together. And how did He prepare you or marriage. How did you come to the conclusion that God wanted you to be married? What age were you when you met; how long did God ask you to wait and how did you have the strength to do it?

  2. GloryBe!

    GloryBe! Always learning.....

    God's hand was obvious to me (after I met dh). I left a job of several years and got a job at a hospital (massive pay cut, and I HATED hospitals ). We met in that ER, in fact, he was the very first ER employee I met.
    I had only a few boyfriends, each vastly different, and each taught me what I wanted& didn't want. I also learned slowly that I had a desire to not be alone.
    Even though I was tempted to not wait for sex, I kept enough wits and logic for restraint. It was the best personal decision of my life. After I married that one great choice became even more important.
    How did I have the strength to do it? I'm logical. I was Christian with godly parents. I simply constantly reminded myself of the repercussions: stds,pregnancy out of wedlock, that man not staying by my side, and my motto to "never do anything that you may regret ".
    I was 25 when I married my 39 year old husband.
    It was after I married when my heart changed from anti kids to wanting children with him... A very strong desire we both share now.

    I hope I got all those questions answered....

    Glory be!
  3. OldGrayMare

    OldGrayMare Guest

    We met on-line, way before it was popular to do so. God's hand was obvious at times, not so at others. We started as friends with NO other intentions, and even discouraged any flirtation, trying to remain friends only.
    I was 40 (?) when we started talking, 42 when we married (first/only marriage for each) I'd say God spent 20+ years making me the adult I am and I don't think He had to 'prepare' me for marriage per se. Wait? I wasn't waiting, I was living the lovely life God was overseeing.
  4. Maritimus

    Maritimus Newbie

    I first met my wife when I was invited to a friends birthday party and I new almost no one there and as I mingled I came to the corner and here was one of the most beautiful woman I ever saw, talking about being thirty. Listening to the stories she was exciting and funny as could be. I said Hi, and we talked a while and she was smart as whip. We went are separate ways and a while later online I got an instant message from her. We talked online for about a month and then she asked me out, I said no to her twice. First I was worried that she probably would not want to date a poor grad student, second she lived two hours away. I was wrong on both accounts. So third time she asked me I told her "Listen I have something to tell you." Her response was "Oh God You ARE MARRIED! Ahhhh" My response was "No, No, NO, NO, Heavens NO, only that I was a poor grad student. We still laugh about that, the second memorable laugh happened on our first date, I learned she was twenty, not thirty people just think she's thirty. I felt like I was robbing a cradle, she learned that I was 27 not 20 I just looked younger. She thought she was robbing the grave. We were both a little apprehensive about it. Yet it faded.

    The moment I thought I would marry her was at the end of the first date, I remember separating to go back home and before we did, all she did was ask for a hug. Not a kiss which is way too much for a first date in my old fashioned head. I thought it was the sweetest thing in the world, and when I drove home I thought "I am going to marry her". To which I told myself "No, No you just met her, that's crazy talk! and why am I talking to myself?" I spent the next two years driving four hours every weekend, sacrificing food during the week for gas. I proposed to her on New Years Eve after two years of dating.

    To tell you another reason why I love her, she is one of the most practical woman in the world. She did not want a big wedding. She thought it was a waste of money. So it was very simple and instead we can spend our money on a down payment for a house.

    As for being prepared you never really can prepare, it is a life change. Yet I will share our latest tiff and how that brings us closer together and it might help you see how you need to think. My wife and I came home from visiting our friends and family, where she use to live on a Sunday. It was eleven at night and I was about to brush my teeth, no tooth brush or toothpaste in site, and I could not find the bag we packed them in. I went and asked her "If she saw the bag when we were emptying the car?", unfortunately she was angry because she was looking for Christmas present online for her family and it was problematic. So she yelled at me "No! How should I know where they are?", which of course sent my Late not temper off with a "Fine, I WAS JUST ASKING!". I went upstairs got dressed fuming, came down to put my shoes and she yelled "I'LL go." I yelled "No stay home, and look for you ^*(&)@$ stupid 3D glasses". I got in the car still angry went to Walmart thought for a second and picked up two toothbrushes, toothpaste, her contact lens solution, her facial scrub, and her moisturizer. I went home, she was sorry for yelling, and I apologized too because I was wrong to fly off the handle at one ugly remark. We both said we should get better at that. Then she saw I bought all of her night stuff. She was a so happy and said "You got everything?! I thought you would probably just get the stuff you needed." I said "Of course not. You use this stuff every night. I love you hun."
    Now it is only our fourth year so we are still young and naive but I think the only way you can prepare is to be willing to forgive on a drop of dime and serve the other even when you are angry. Let your actions always convey love.

    As for Gods hands, I don't see it but if you do, that is OK too. Either way I hope you will find a similar love in your life, but go after it and be willing to sacrifice for it, don't expect your God to do the work for you.
  5. If Not For Grace

    If Not For Grace Legend-but then so's Keith Richards

    We were introduced by a Longtime friend of mine who was dating a hunting buddy of His. I was living in a town about 60 miles away. My friend called me up telling me about her glorious new BF & how she had found the perfect man for ME. She set us up. I had NO intention of going, & after cancelling a couple of times I finally went to a Bar-B-Q just to SHUT HER UP...never left :)

    The rest as they say is history.
  6. jsimms615

    jsimms615 Well-Known Member Supporter

    United States
    I met my wife in church we got to know each other from working together in the church library. I knew on the second date that I wanted to marry her. We've been married 18 years so far.
  7. Cute Tink

    Cute Tink Blah Supporter CF Senior Ambassador

    My wife was looking through profiles on Myspace just seeing who else was on that went to the same high school that she did. She saw my picture and it appealed to her. She sent me a message and we started talking. Three years after our first date, we got married.
  8. LinkH

    LinkH Regular Member

    I was working at a school in Indonesia. I had one class scheduled after another, back to back without even a five minute break in between. I left something in a class and went back to get it. When I went back in, a teacher introduced me to a new assistant teacher.

    The same day, I saw her in the office sitting way down the same table from where I saw. I don't think I realized she was the same person I had met. She had a sticker from her church on her briefcase. This girl was really beautiful. I was looking at her and thinking, I wonder if God will some day give me a woman that beautiful to be my wife. Then I caught myself. It wasn't good to sit around thinking about such a thing. I needed to get back to work.

    Some time that year, a friend of mine was praying for me said she'd seen a vision of my future wife. So I prayed, if that was the case, the things that are revealed belong to us and our children forever, so I asked the Lord to show me. I had a vision, not a three D like you are there, vision, but one of those picture in your head type visions. It focused in on a portion of a face, a woman's face, kind of oily or sweaty, with kind of big eyebrows, an Asian woman. I didn't get a lot of detail.

    Fast forward to a year after I'd seen that young woman at school. I was visiting a Bible college campus in Indonesia. A missionary lived in a little apartment on campus. He lectured there. He'd had be over for dinner during the Christmas break. He suggested I make us of the library which contained a number of Christian books in English. I decided to do that and go make some friends and maybe find some ministry opportunities with the students there.

    On my second or third visit there, a couple of young ladies walked by. One was really happy and said in English, "Hi, sir," when she saw me. I watched her walk toward the stairs to go to the library. She looked back at me.

    I was talking to a student downstairs in a common area that doubled as a cafeteria. I'd become acquainted with Philemon, who was playing the guitar. The young woman I'd seen earlier sat down next to Philemon and asked if he knew a certain song. I struck up a conversation with her. She had a word, a prophetic word or word of knowledge about my ministry calling which fit well with what I knew the Lord was doing in my life. I had a bottle of water in a backpack I had with me, and spilled it. She put it out in the sunshine for me and we talked a little. I ended up giving her my phone number, but I did not get hers.

    Then I went home thinking about her, and started praying about whether this was the woman I was supposed to marry. She went home and wrote down in her prayer journal that she liked me and "If it be Your will, give me to him and him to me." She told me later, she was dancing around really happy. But she didn't let me know all this stuff until much later.

    I was staying in an American friend's house after his family had left for the US and he was finishing up a project before moving back to the US. He had an office there. My future wife called and left a message, but the guy who intercepted it (who was engaged) did not pass on the message and tried to flirt with her. Finally, someone put a message on my door. She was happy to get someone to leave a message. She didn't want to be the one to call me.

    I called her. I had a trip out of town with a church group and she had a lot of ministry things she was doing. When i got back from my trip, I went to a payphone to call her. It turns out she was available to meet. I actually went to the place she was saying, kind of an informally 'adopted' mother's house, hoping to stash the bag where they couldn't see it near the front. We studied the Bible together, and she sang a worship song she had written, and we just talked.

    Soon after that, I took her to dinner just about every night for four months or so. We were 'just friends' for a couple of months until I felt like a liar saying that when I introduced her. Early into our relationship, we put two and two together. She'd applied for a job as a teacher at that school I'd worked at, but after the first day, she found out what they were expecting would not fit into her schedule.

    I kept praying about whether this was the one the Lord wanted me to marry. It really seemed like He was speaking to my heart, "Yes." I kept praying the same thing, and after a while, it seemed like He was speaking to my heart, "Yes" and "Why don't you believe Me?"

    On the day we had that first real conversation, she'd sensed the Lord wanted her to stop and talk to me, but she was a shy Asian girl, she told Him, who didn't start conversations with men like that. So she stopped and asked her friend with the guitar if he knew a song, and I had spoken to her. Probably right after I asked her to marry me, she showed me her prayer journal about what she had written when we met. I shared with her that I started praying if we were to get married right after we had that first conversation, which was on February 15th. She took a six week mission trip with her classmates, and I proposed on July 20th, a few days after she returned. I dressed up, did the whole thing on one knee.

    There was a garden outside the restaurant-- a spot I'd carefully selected since most of Jakarta is pretty ugly to look at. There was a tile walkway outside the restaurant. I'd thought about washing her feet. There was a pool out there, but it seemed to distracting and weird to wash her feet in the pool while proposing. But it rained right before I proposed, and there was a puddle of clean water on the tile from where it had just rained. So I got down on one knee, and washed her feet. In her language, I said the words from John 13, which translated in the NIV say, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand".

    Then I took out the box with the ring and proposed. She was so overwhelmed, she kept saying, "This is wonderful" and didn't answer my 'will you marry me?' question. Finally, when enough tears, etc. got cleared up enough for her to response, she said 'yes.'

    But we weren't engaged yet. To get engaged in her country, you have to ask the parents. I thought my Indonesian was good enough for this, but they spoke a local language, and I didn't know much of what was going on, but they agreed to a wedding, so that was good.

    We had had some opposition to our union of sorts before I proposed, and I would have loved to have gotten a prophetic confirmation earlier in our relationship. When I prayed and told the Lord I believed it was His will for us to get married for certain reasons which I laid out in my prayer before the Lord, and I was going to propose and if He didn't want me to do it, to stop me, I was then absolutely certain about the whole thing. After this, and after I'd made plans to not spend time with my girlfriend to buy the ring, we went to an English service where an American evangelist I knew was ministering, but I'd not seen him since I'd met the woman I would marry.

    At the end of the meeting, he called us up and gave us a prophecy about us going to many places together and ministering to many people, which seemed to imply a very long union together. It was a welcome confirmation. I told him I had plans to go get a ring. He said I should. That was a welcome bit of encouragement, which was good to have before navigating the family politics involved in getting married in my wife's people-group in Indonesia.
  9. Autumnleaf

    Autumnleaf Legend

    I saw her picture at my friend's uncle's house and said I would marry her. The rest is history.
  10. ferreira

    ferreira Newbie

    I met my wife on Facebook.

    I had just gotten out of a bad relationship and wanted nothing to do with dating for a long time. One day for fun, I typed in "NFL" in the search bar. I am a huge NFL fan and always joked with my friends that the perfect woman for me would love football. Not one of those woman who say "he is cute" or "I like the colors of their uniform" but someone who actually knows and understands football.

    After I typed "NFL" in the search bar, I didnt know what would come up. I was expecting things like fan pages and stuff like that.

    It turns out that since her maiden last name started with "A" her profile came up first. I saw her picture and thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

    I requested to be her friend thinking it would just go ignored but got a message back from her asking if I knew her. I assured her that I was not one of those guys who was looking up women and explained the NFL story.

    We chatted online for about a month or two and then went to dinner and a movie for our first date. We were both so nervous that we barely touched our dinner.

    After the movie we went for a coffee and just chatted until well past midnight. That was on a Friday. During that weekend I met her family and she met mine and I knew that she would be the one I marry.

    I proposed to her just a month before our 1 year anniversary and got married 2 years later as she was finishing her college education.

    God has certainly blessed me by bringing my wife into my life :)
  11. JaneFW

    JaneFW Well-Known Member

    We met online. I had been divorced for several years, and was not looking for someone really but thought this might be a different way to meet guys, and not necessarily have to commit to meeting them right away. I was in no rush. I signed up, and I talked to a lot of guys - both in my home country and overseas. Some were creeps. There were a couple of guys I was talking to consistently, just sounding them out. One was in Alaska, another was in London. Then I got an email from this other guy, who was a single dad, American, posted in England with the military. It was his third time trying to send me an email, he said, and he hoped it went through this time. Obviously it did! It kind of intrigued me that he had kept on trying. He was actually outside the age range I had posted, because he was 7 years younger than me, and I had set the age range at my age and older. So I had qualms there (I was 36, he was 29). But I had no qualms that he had children, in fact I was intrigued that he was a single dad, because I had no children.

    We talked via email pretty constantly. Then we graduated to talking on the phone, which was weird the first time, but then it got easier, and we were talking every night. We sent each other photos, and then he asked me on a date. Although we only lived 200 miles apart, he had the responsibility for his kids of course, and could hardly bring them on a first date! Fortunately, he had a couple that were very good friends who agreed to babysit the boys, and he came to meet me on a Friday night. We met for the first time in a train station - not very romantic, but when I went back home this Christmas, I walked through that train station and knew exactly the spot where we kissed for the first time. :) A few days later, my h and I were out in town and we walked past and we both smiled and remembered that first meeting.

    We were not either of us living as Christians at the time, although we had been brought up as such, and we did spend that weekend together, by design. When we got to the train station so that he could leave that Sunday, he told me he had left something for me under my pillow. I was half excited, half dreading it was "dear Jane" letter, lol. He had left me a box with a diamond heart on a chain and a note saying "please take care of my heart."

    The next weekend, very unexpectedly, he travelled up with the boys to see me, and that was wonderful. Then I went down to stay with them, and after that I would go every weekend that I could to be with them. I hated leaving and would cry (very privately) on the train every Sunday.

    Like I said, not living as Christians, so although I was asking God "please, please let me have him", I had no thought of whether He would be pleased by the marriage.

    In retrospect, I do believe that God brought us together. He gave a mother to motherless children, and children to a childless mother. We were also blessed with a third child. My stepkids were so young, they latched on to me very quickly, and started calling me "mom" by their own desire, and they still do. I call them my sons and don't differentiate between bio and step kids. My family also were absolutely welcoming and loved those boys heart and soul. One of the best things is the absolute acceptance on both sides. You hear horror stories about step families, but that has not been my experience. Little story from our most recent trip "home" - we were sitting in the airport waiting for our flight back to the US, and my middle son, who wants to be a doctor said something about how he could come and do a residency in England "because I have family here." Nobody else even batted an eyelid, but I got a huge lump in my throat, because they ARE his family. Blood doesn't matter. It's love that matters. :)

    So, that is my meeting story.
    Last edited: May 30, 2012
  12. CounselorForChrist

    CounselorForChrist Senior Veteran

    After being cheated on and harrased after three relationships I decided not to date anymore really. At the time I still had time left on my EHarmony account, so I figured once it would run out I'd stop dating. A few weeks later I got tired because no one was really contacting me, I felt super depressed. So I closed that account. Then I went to close my account at this christian free dating site. When I logged in there was a message from a girl from the Phillipines. I read it and was happy, but at the same time figured it was probably a scam.

    Eventually after talking we added each on facebook (and proved we were both real). Now we are engaged. Just working on traveling details. What makes her diffrent is for one I never really expected to meet someone in another country, I know forgeigners seemed more loving, but I also knew it would take someone BEYOND special to love me enough to come to the USA and do so much hard work since I am disabled.

    Then my fiance came along, just when I needed her. And even more amazing is she is the woman I always dreamed about. I always felt like I would end up with a skinny and short woman of asian descent. Someone who loved the Lord so much but was also veyr humble and shy. I was right! Shes perfect in my eyes. I can't stop thanking God for her. Now we both put our faith in God that we will come up with $20,000 to get her here.
  13. Anessa14

    Anessa14 Guest

    I'll be praying for your safety & happiness, Xfreak-
    I hope you will also seek counsel from your church & pastor about this.
  14. lillivanilli

    lillivanilli May the schwartz be with you.

    I met mine when I was 15. Back in the day, there was nothing for teenagers to do but drive the "cruise route" through town (and gas was cheap back then too lol). I was with my friend and we were sitting in a parking lot talking to some other people, and my future hubby pulled in too. I didn't believe that his name was his first name (it's a very unusual one) but from that point on we were always ending up together. For about the next 5 years we hung out in the same group of friends, until his GF finally broke up with him (well, ok I admit I helped that along, but she was cheating on him repeatedly and was too chicken to end it) and I happened to be single too and the rest is history. We are so perfectly matched, even after 19 years of going out (14 years of marriage) we're still like newlyweds together. He's the only person I really want to hang out with, he's the only person who I truly feel I can be myself around. :) If there ever was such a thing as a "soul mate" then we would be that to each other.
  15. Ceili

    Ceili God's plan makes a beautiful arrangement

    I worked with him,trained him and then we started a relationship. I had never dated anyone from a job before but I was rather lonely at the time and he did seem to be in the same boat.
  16. cimbk

    cimbk Newbie

    was praying in the car on the way to a job, where the lady who was in charge was unmarried, and I found her very attractive, so much so that I told God I was going to ask her out, and the Holy Spirit (to my surprise) spoke very loudly to my heart "Tonight your going to tell this girl your whole testimony".....

    I have a very sordid past, not somthing you share with a professional woman who you would like to date, to my surprise she wore a Christian t-shirt and I asked her if she was a Christian, she answered yes, and I said well let me tell you what God did for me!.......we've been together for 8 happily married years, were married in two and half months.......and she is the most awesome wife a man could ask for.......I still joke and say she's still in charge;)
  17. CounselorForChrist

    CounselorForChrist Senior Veteran

    The women I've been with will often ask me something that I know I can't argue with them on so I just say "Yes dear". They often laugh and said my parents taught me well. ^.^
  18. ferreira

    ferreira Newbie

    Happy wife, happy life ;)
  19. jinksto

    jinksto Newbie

    I was just home from the first gulf war without a job and going to college. I found a job a t a local shooting range where she also worked. We worked together for about a year. I got to the point that I couldn't afford to live in the dorms anymore and moved into her place to share rent. We had separate rooms and weren't dating at the time. We were just friends and hung out together a lot but at home we were completely room mates.

    The military opted to send me away to a school for 9 months and a week before leaving I decided that I had no interest in leaving her behind. We talked about it and I found that she was experiencing the same feelings.

    We "dated" long distance with almost nightly calls for six months and when I returned home for Christmas vacation I proposed to her. We were married 8 months later.

    I didn't see it at the time... I was sort of lost... but lots of painful and precise changes happened to put me in the right places at the right times for this marriage to happen. That was 16 years ago.
  20. Sailor_A

    Sailor_A Newbie

    We actually met when I was 18 in a bookshop.He took the last copy of the book I wanted :). I think God had a lot to do with the progression of things. I never thought I'd ever marry not to mention that back then I was so shy and timid. The "waiting" time was a getting to know you and then considering if I actually wanted to marry him. I'm hesitant by nature so I didn't need a lot of encouragement to wait.