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How did you feel as a child when you were punished?

Discussion in 'Ethics & Morality' started by CuriousPagan, Nov 27, 2021.

  1. CuriousPagan

    CuriousPagan Member

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    When I got punished as a child it didn't teach me to do good things. It just taught me I was bad and deserved to be punished. I sometimes got so upset when I was scolded I'd start hitting myself (which might not be normal?) While I feel there needs to be consequences when a child misbehaves, I wish there was a way to do that that didn't involve punishments.
     
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  2. Rene Loup

    Rene Loup Left the pack, joined the flock.

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    It taught me that my actions have consequences. Either sit in the corner for an hour and learn from it, or eventually end up in the electric chair. Permissive parenting consistently produces children with alcohol abuse, lower academic achievement, health problems, and juvenile delinquency.[1][2][3][4][5]

    Basically, it's a parenting style that's only going to set a child up for failure.

    ~Galatians 5:19-26 (NKJV)

    Gal. 5:19-26 KJV,NKJV,NIV,ICB - Now the works of the flesh are - Bible Gateway

    Between the Fruit of the Spirit and the acts of the flesh, which requires more self-discipline to apply, and where does that self-discipline come from? Why is that?
    1. Permissive Parenting: The Pros and Cons
    2. Permissive parenting style
    3. Permissive Parenting Style and Its Effects on Children
    4. Are You a Permissive Parent?
    5. 4 Types of Parenting Styles and Their Effects on Kids
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2021
  3. CuriousPagan

    CuriousPagan Member

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    How do you punish a child without making them feel worthless which is what I felt after I was punished? I didn't really connect the punishment and not repeating the behavior. I connected it with just that I was generally "bad" and deserving to be punished.
     
  4. Neogaia777

    Neogaia777 Old Soul Supporter

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    I don't think your parents did it in the right way, etc, you've got to talk to your children and tell them why they are facing disciplinary action, and do it in a way that is age appropriate (with both, etc) and in a way that is always very predictable and consistent always (with both, etc) and make them understand it to the best of your ability or the best you can, etc, and no parent should ever administer punishments out of sheer bursts or outbursts of anger at all ever, etc...

    "Train up a child in the way that he or she should go", does not mean just hitting them or beating them all of the time out of frustration and anger, that the parent apparently has a problem with, etc, but you do have to "train them up" at every age and stage along the way, and in every single way you can when you can always, etc, which sometimes means disciplinary actions or punishments administered correctly, but is "not at all by any means "all it means", etc...

    God Bless!
     
  5. CuriousPagan

    CuriousPagan Member

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    My mom did yell a lot, sometimes frighteningly so, but she has a few mental health issues of her own and a lot of times she wasn't yelling at me in particular, just screaming about things people had done to her in the past, the state of the world, etc. For a child, it was very scary.
     
  6. Neogaia777

    Neogaia777 Old Soul Supporter

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    I bet, but then they might say that it was their parents, etc, and then with them, the parents before that, and then before that maybe, but this generation seems to have the opposite maybe, like what @Rene Loup is saying, etc, got to find a reasonable balance, etc, which could mean some good and not bad discipline, etc...

    God Bless!
     
  7. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

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    There were punishments, and they were coupled with moral lessons. The softer ones were less effective because I could more easily work around them.

    I'd say the hitting yourself when scolded is not normal.
     
  8. CuriousPagan

    CuriousPagan Member

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    My mom was a saint compared to HER parents. It's been a generational project to break the cycle of abuse.
     
  9. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

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    The goal isn't to make them feel worthless, but to make them acknowledge defeat, so that they can acknowledge that what they should have done instead is the better way. This necessarily requires limits on the venting aspect of punishment. More venting than necessary is how the abuse happens.
     
  10. Rene Loup

    Rene Loup Left the pack, joined the flock.

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    Low self-esteem isn't necessarily a hindrance in life. Asian Americans have the highest median household income,[2] highest academic achievement,[1][3] lowest unemployment rates,[6] yet have the lowest self-esteem.[1][4] Humility, self-discipline, strong work ethic, and mutual respect are invaluable in life. Given the reputation of East Asian parenting, do you believe there is a link? Why is that?

    You might be confusing self-esteem with pride. Pride is easily wounded while humility knows its flawed, but is OK with it. Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall (Prov. 16:18, NKJV). How many lives were ruined because people thought themselves as invincible? This is why teaching boundaries are extremely important. Do you agree? Why is that?

    And to make things very clear: There is a PROFOUND difference between child discipline and child abuse. If a discipline method is creating literal death, then it's abuse. Spanking is highly unlikely to result in death or permanent injury, especially when compared to getting beaten with fists and whisky bottles. The intent behind it also makes all the difference. One is to correct bad behaviour (e.g. child breaking a family heirloom), the other is simply for one's own gratification (e.g. had a bad day at work, wanted to "blow off steam," and uses child as literal and/or figurative punching bag). What is your preferred method of child discipline, and how effective is it?

    Personally, my least favourite kind of Christians are the ones who say, "I am a sinner who has done nothing wrong." The Book of Proverbs and the Epistles of Ephesians and Colossians speak of disciplining children, within reason, to train them in Christ-like behaviour. Otherwise, you tend have these kind of Christians, who are only hurting God's Holy Name among the nations. As a pantheist, do you agree? Why is that?

    ~Proverbs 13:24 (NKJV), there are more throughout the book.

    Prov. 13 KJV,NKJV,NIV,ICB - A wise son heareth his father's - Bible Gateway

    ~Ephesians 6:1-4 (NKJV)

    Eph. 6 KJV,NKJV,NIV,ICB - Children, obey your parents in the - Bible Gateway

    ~Colossians 3:18-21 (NKJV)

    Col. 3 KJV,NKJV,NIV,ICB - If ye then be risen with Christ, seek - Bible Gateway
    1. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...200906/why-confidence-isnt-all-its-cracked-be
    2. Inequalities Persist Despite Decline in Poverty For All Major Race and Hispanic Origin Groups
    3. Admissions Statistics
    4. Adolescent Self-Esteem: Differences by Race/Ethnicity, Gender, and Age
    5. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/am-i-right/201107/self-esteem-and-narcissism
    6. E-16. Unemployment rates by age, sex, race, and Hispanic or Latino ethnicity
     
  11. CuriousPagan

    CuriousPagan Member

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    I don't consider material success a measure of actual success. The suicide rate among Asians is appalling. "What profiteth a man that gaineth the whole world and loseth his soul?"
     
  12. CuriousPagan

    CuriousPagan Member

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    Maybe the problem with how my parents did it was there was no real talk about what I should have done instead. Most of the time I had no idea WHY I was being punished.

    (On the other hand, NLD makes cause and effect hard as hell. I was 18 before I realized the steering wheel moved the tires on the car.)
     
  13. CuriousPagan

    CuriousPagan Member

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    The times I've had to discipline children I've found the offer of a reward or praise for good behavior much more effective than punishment.
     
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  14. Rene Loup

    Rene Loup Left the pack, joined the flock.

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    Touché.

    So positive reinforcement? Very good, but what happens if the child did something objectively bad? How would you have handled it?
     
  15. look4hope

    look4hope Love.Fellowship.Joy Supporter

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    My dad’s way of discipline was (although it only happened twice) bringing me to the yard in the evening throwing a bucket of cold water over me as punishment for cheating on my math test reviews. I must have been around 7 or 8.
    Now in my thirties, I still feel resentment.
     
  16. Neogaia777

    Neogaia777 Old Soul Supporter

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    It takes a good balance of both thought I think, for a child to grow up well, and be very well later on in life, etc...

    God Bless!
     
  17. CuriousPagan

    CuriousPagan Member

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    Yes, I suppose you are right.
     
  18. CuriousPagan

    CuriousPagan Member

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    Withdrawn the reward. They had to earn it back by good behavior.

    (Used to help run a dojo. There were sweets after class, but the kids had to behave to get them. They were good kids.)
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2021
  19. Rene Loup

    Rene Loup Left the pack, joined the flock.

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    I agree, a good balance between positive reinforcement and punishment fitting the crime. Ultimately, there is no one-size-fits-all approach, as every child is different. One will need a spanking, the other losing TV privileges (especially during the pre-Netflix days :p) will do.

    Giving and revoking privileges? Very good one, I've done that before to teach proper knife use learned in boy scouts. Now that I think of it, it teaches boundaries in a Psalm 39:11 sense:

    ~Psalms 39:11 (KJV)

    ~Psalms 39:11(NKJV)

    ~Psalms 39:11 (NIV)

    ~Psalms 39:11 (ICB)

    ~Psalms 39:11 (NLT)

    ~Psalms 39:11 (NASB)

    ...I can go on, but they pretty much have one thing in common: What you have described. Thank you, @CuriousPagan, I just learned something new about Psalm 39 today! God bless!
     
  20. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

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    Yeah, my parents made it pretty clear what they wanted me to have done vs what I had done as a general rule.
     
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