How Dare They...

tigercub · Sep 5, 2007

Perhaps inspired by the recent news that has been posted on CF regarding the abuse of children...perhaps as a culmination of the stories of abuse/neglect and general cruelty inflicted on the children of this world (usually by those closest to them) I have decided to post this vent-style thread.

How dare they...how dare people who are blessed enough to concieve and give birth to babies neglect them, abuse them, mistreat them.

How dare they not appreciate what they've got?

How dare they not clean up their own act to benefit their children?

It not only makes me sick to my stomach ...it makes me want to throttle those who inflict such cruelty on their beautiful babies.

While so many of us invest copious amounts of our time, money and prayer into the hope of ever wanting to see those two pink lines...so many other people get 'knocked up' (as opposed to 'blessed with child') and birth it, only to ignore, neglect, harm, do severe psychological damage, sexualyy/physically/emotionally abuse and otherwise hurt their gorgeous children. They not only fail to ever appreciate what they have been given...they do their best to ruin what they've got.

I want to hurt them...seriously I do. I want every pain ever inflicted by them to be done to them.

They aren't parents...they are sperm/egg donors. Or even less than that.

Whereas those of us who want to have babies...are either reproductively challenged or just plain unlucky.

Yeah yeah I know..."all in God's time"

/end rant

Neenie1 · Sep 5, 2007

I do agree to an extent. Sorry to jump in on this, I saw the thread title and jumped in.

Anyway - speaking as someone who was "knocked up" as you choose to refer to it, I find that phrase rather offensive actually. I did end up marrying my husband and all was good in the end. Being a parent when you didn't really choose to be is rather hard work.

I do feel for those who try to get pregnant but for various reasons can't, I just wanted to say that life on the other side is not all that rosy all the time. Being a parent is hard work.

Though I would never intentionally harm or neglect either of my children, I can perhaps understand those who do. Though I don't agree with their choices I know exactly how hard it is.

tigercub · Sep 5, 2007

I was never intending my post to be aimed at a parent who had a 'happy accident'

I was more referring to low-lifes, the kind of people who abuse or neglect their children. Those who don't appreciate their gifts.

As far as I know, this doesn't include people in your situation Neenie.

I would have thought from my post that would be pretty obvious, I guess not Many apologies

This little misunderstanding does go someway toward proving my theory that no one understand how a TTCer feels...and few people bother to try.

That's ok though, no one else has to understand it, but it'd be nice if they tried to see things from our point of view.

atheliah · Sep 5, 2007

right on tigercub!

Its is hard TTC with little to no luck... and when u see drug addicts, and various other ppl who abuse their children having child after child... it makes u wonder y they get the gift of a precious baby rather than those who would treat the child right with the utmost love and care!

tigercub · Sep 6, 2007

Thanks Atheliah, you seem to understand where I'm coming from

jenrenee · Sep 6, 2007

I totally agree!! Around here, I go to parties or dances sometimes - and I see a lot of young pregnant girls - drinking!! The anger I get at seeing them is undescribable. And the stories we hear on the news is even worse - you are right: how dare they?? They have been given a gift many of us only dream of - and to abuse their children in that way just makes me sick. Oh - and I also understand that many unplanned pregnancies are not like this. My sister is due in 3-4 weeks - unplanned, unmarried - but she has done everything possible to make sure that her baby will have a good life.

Catholic Wife · Sep 6, 2007

An aunt of mine was one of these women you describe, tigercub. She had 5 children with 4 different men. She drank, smoked and did drugs with all of them, and eventually had all of them taken away.

And I won't tell you horror stories of the things I've seen as a paramedic....

Leanna · Sep 6, 2007

I understand! It must be frustrating! Its totally not fair! Ugh....

Neenie1 · Sep 6, 2007

Well to be honest it wasn't a happy accident at all. In fact the word "adoption" crossed my mind.

Afterwards I had terrible postnatal depression meaning I can understand those who hurt their baby, because I wanted to. Believe me I had really wanted to. It was the grace of God and living with MIL that helped me through that.

All I'm saying is there is a different side to every story.

tigercub · Sep 6, 2007

Thanks Neenie, for your input. However, is it really appropriate in the TTC forum? Perhaps it would be better shared elsewhere .

Gee I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way! (feel slightly less crazy )

Jenrenee; I'm sure your sis will be a brilliant mum (well, she already is I guess )

livin4christ9203 · Sep 7, 2007

I totally understand tigercub.. my husbands mom was one of those moms.. all 3 of them had different father's.. and she doesn't even know who my DH's is.. cause it could have been 1 of 5 that we know of.. could have been more. Anyway, she was a drunk and did drugs and smoked while pregnant too. There was one time when my DH was a baby.. she was living in an apartment.. and left him there watching tv.. by himself and actually left. Several hours later.. his grandparents went to the apartmetn and found him.. there by himself.. she would put him in rooms and closets and let him scream... Now his youngest sister.. just had a baby and is pretty much the same way. We don't really have anything to do with his family for many many many reasons.. that I won't go into here.. but it does really stink.

A guy that works for my DH... and his wife are pregnant.. they started trying.. and it happened on the first try. He was talking to the guys at work telling them how mad and upset he was that it didn't take longer... he was hoping he'd get a little more "action" and it would take longer before she got pregnant.. he was hoping it would. and he was complaining about it. Oh, my DH told me that and I just wanted to go slap him.. because it's crazy. We try for 5 years with no luck.. and are dealing with all this fertility junk, dr. bills taht aren't covered by insurance and everything.. Thousands and thousands of dollars. And he's complaining because they got pregnant on the first shot. It's very aggrivating. And now he's complaining about how he's not ready.. and yelling at his wife for being sick.. saying he isn't getting any because of it.. and is tired of it.

Ok enough rambling.. I could go on forever... but yeah I totally understand where your coming from.

BananaCake · Sep 8, 2007

tigercub said:
Thanks Neenie, for your input. However, is it really appropriate in the TTC forum? Perhaps it would be better shared elsewhere .

That comment seems a bit insensitive to me. Neenie is sharing her experience, and it reminds me not to be so quick to rush to judgment of those who are unable or unwilling, whatever the reason may be, to recognize children for the blessing they are.

cakes&buttercream · Sep 8, 2007

BananaCake said:
That comment seems a bit insensitive to me. Neenie is sharing her experience, and it reminds me not to be so quick to rush to judgment of those who are unable or unwilling, whatever the reason may be, to recognize children for the blessing they are.

I agree. There was no need for the above comment.

By the way, I love your user ID Banana Cake!

tigercub · Sep 8, 2007

BananaCake said:
That comment seems a bit insensitive to me. Neenie is sharing her experience, and it reminds me not to be so quick to rush to judgment of those who are unable or unwilling, whatever the reason may be, to recognize children for the blessing they are.

I have no problem with people sharing their experiences, as long as it is done in the appropriate place.

atheliah · Sep 8, 2007

I don't think that comment was insensitive at all. Tigercub wasn't being rude.

I appreciate Neenie sharing her experience, but I think this thread is more about those that willingly put their children in harms way... or willingly abuse them (and by that I mean the parents doing drugs, getting drunk etc and not putting the needs of their children first).

When ur TTC time and time again, and have been trying for years with no success, it is extremely hard, hurtful and heartbreaking to see those that do have children not appreciate them... and by that comment, again I mean those who abuse their children (not Neenie or people who have had PND. IHMO that is a little different).

I had a neighbour who has 2 little girls. The girls were so precious but the mum continued to sleep around, do all sorts of drugs and get drunk all the time with little care to her kids... and the she got pregnant again and the circle continued... I look at people like that and wonder why it is so easy for them, and so damn hard for me...

IMHO, people who aren't TTC won't completely understand those that are and what they are going though......

annaapple · Sep 9, 2007

There's MUCH bigger question here, of course. Basically, why isn't life fair? Why does it rain on the just and on the unjust fellow? Why do the good die young? Why does what happens never seem to correspond to our conception of what we or others deserve?

I guess the short answer is: because we live in a fallen world. But that is hardly any comfort. Neither is the truth that God never promised to make THIS life fair - although given His character and His promises, we have to assume it will all come good in the end. But again, that is cold comfort now. We aren't blessed because we're good, neither does bad stuff happen because we're bad.

The only other thing I can think of, is that we are Christ's body, we are his hands and feet and heart in the world now. And where we see children and their parents suffering, I guess we should be the ones reaching out. Not complaining about why it isn't fair or right (although it isn't, and I totally understand the temptation) but going out and showing those people the love they lack; going out and making the wrongs right. That's how we bring God's kingdom here and now.

And before you say that that is easy for me to say because I have 2 kids already, please know that I have spent plenty of time in the TTC forum already... and I KNOW I am incredibly blessed.

-~Truth_N_Trust~- · Sep 9, 2007

I look at people like that and wonder why it is so easy for them, and so damn hard for me...

I know what you mean

even through the screaming fits my 2wk old has, I remind myself we begged God for him for months on end...

Kazamataz · Oct 10, 2007

I didn't even realise you were married tigercub i thought you were still a teenager! LOL
I guess I'm getting you confused with someone else.

I would agree with you that it's totally unfair and not right at all that people like that get babies and treat them so badly.

When so many others would kill for the gift of a child.

Speaking from a childs point of view who grew up in that situation.
Its a daily battle for me to understand why God would place me in a home like that and why I wasn't born to a more loving family.

The only comfort I have is knowing that one day those people will have to stand before God and He will judge them for what they have done.

And just a side note my son was a total surprize and I was totally shocked and scared and unprepared for the whole experience of being a mum.

But when he was born a mental shift took place, which was of my choosing and I decided that as unplanned as he was and as hard as it was all going to be.
He was a miracle and no matter what I will treasure him.

I really think it comes down to attitude, alot of people have unplanned pregnancies but it takes a person of character to accept that your the parent and you now have the most important job in the world!

(Ofcorse PND is a different thing altogether, but thats not what we are talking about here.)

Diane_Windsor · Nov 26, 2007

tigercub said:
I want to hurt them...seriously I do. I want every pain ever inflicted by them to be done to them.

I know this is a rant and all, but is that a very Christ-like attitude to have? Wishing ill on your enemies? I know where you're coming from, and if I ever meet my biological grandparents then, well then that would be the last meeting for them.

tigercub · Nov 27, 2007

Diane_Windsor said:
I know this is a rant and all, but is that a very Christ-like attitude to have? Wishing ill on your enemies? I know where you're coming from, and if I ever meet my biological grandparents then, well then that would be the last meeting for them.

So your point is...How dare I have the attitude I do toward those who harm their children as mentioned in the OP...but if you had the opportunity you would probably do the same thing?

Good to know, thanks

Also, I notice you identify yourself as a Deist...yet you use the phrase Christ-like

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