How can we combat the common myth that "guys just aren't wired to be sensitive"?

mkgal1

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This came up recently in another thread---that only a few guys have the courage to actually develop (and admit to) being "sensitive".....but isn't that really the whole foundation of following Christ--to love one another as He loves us? Doesn't that take sensitivity.....compassion.....empathy....leaving egos behind?

How can we encourage these attributes in men when we're up against such a strong belief in this idea that "to be male" means "one shouldn't be sensitive"?
 
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lambkisses

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This came up recently in another thread---that only a few guys have the courage to actually develop (and admit to) being "sensitive".....but isn't that really the whole foundation of following Christ--to love one another as He loves us? Doesn't that take sensitivity.....compassion.....empathy....leaving egos behind?

How can we encourage these attributes in men when we're up against such a strong belief in this idea that "to be male" means "one shouldn't be sensitive"?
I really don't think you can combat the myth. At least not with the people who need to see the truth the most. It seems these days that the people who would benefit the most from dispelling this myth are the ones who would call you a PC cuck or some other derogatory name for trying. I personally think it goes a little beyond just simply traditional gender roles but is rooted in peer pressure and the diffusion of responsibility.
I observe this all the time in how my husband interacts with other young men. Though he is often times the instigator, I could plainly see that some times the followers are not particularly comfortable but will follow anyways due to the inertia and momentum of the crowd. Do what does this have to do with admitting sensitivity? Absolutely everything, no body wants to go against the inertia of the crowd. Those who lead fear losing their leadership of the mob and those who follow fear the mob turning on them.
 
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mkgal1

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I really don't think you can combat the myth. At least not with the people who need to see the truth the most. It seems these days that the people who would benefit the most from dispelling this myth are the ones who would call you a PC cuck or some other derogatory name for trying. I personally think it goes a little beyond just simply traditional gender roles but is rooted in peer pressure and the diffusion of responsibility.

I observe this all the time in how my husband interacts with other young men. Though he is often times the instigator, I could plainly see that some times the followers are not particularly comfortable but will follow anyways due to the inertia and momentum of the crowd. What does this have to do with admitting sensitivity? Absolutely everything, no body wants to go against the inertia of the crowd. Those who lead fear losing their leadership of the mob and those who follow fear the mob turning on them.
Oh......I think you're absolutely spot on there! I'm a hopeless idealist, though....so, somewhere, somehow, it seems there ought to be some sort of "butterfly effect" we can have on this. That---or maybe it takes small chipping away at the whole issue, and eventually, things may give way to change? Do you know that starfish story.....about it "making a difference in that one life"? Maybe that's the best focus?

Personally...I love this guy's work:

If you don't wish to view the video---this is a bit about him/his work. He's in the business of connecting men's hearts to their minds:

Linked article said:
The two most powerful words in the English language are, “Coach says.” This however comes with a warning: Great power requires great character for that to be a blessing and not a curse. Words under the control of a transformational coach will build. The careless words of a transactional coach can do deep wounding.

Transactional coaching is focused on actions. It’s about performance. It basically says, “You do this for me, I’ll do that for you.” Transformational coaching is focused on the person. It communicates, “I am here as a coach to help you grow not just as an athlete but as a whole person.” We call that being a 3Dimensional Coach.~https://3dinstitute.com/transactional-vs-transformational-coaching/
 
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mkgal1

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What makes you think this is only a problem with men? Women are taught to be more nurturing but this doesn't always translate to sensitivity or empathy.
I absolutely agree that women can lack sensitivity and empathy---and that has its own problems (especially when it's a mother--and she's assumed to naturally be the "more nurturing parent")...but what I'm referring to is the acceptance that men almost aren't *supposed to* be sensitive....or that sensitivity/compassion is a weakness. That seems to be exactly the opposite of the Gospel message--so to hear this preached at Christian churches really seems to be counter to Christ's lessons.
 
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lambkisses

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Oh......I think you're absolutely spot on there! I'm a hopeless idealist, though....so, somewhere, somehow, it seems there ought to be some sort of "butterfly effect" we can have on this. That---or maybe it takes small chipping away at the whole issue, and eventually, things may give way to change? Do you know that starfish story.....about it "making a difference in that one life"? Maybe that's the best focus?

Personally...I love this guy's work:

If you don't wish to view the video---this is a bit about him/his work. He's in the business of connecting men's hearts to their minds:
Imagine a pendulum. Stopping or right takes a lot of force. One extreme usually follows the other. Eventually it settles in the middle. I guess when Martin Luther King jr. said that the world eventually arcs towards justice, he was using the pendulum metaphor in an optimistic way. He was recognizing that brute force in combating discrimination would be extremely difficult if not impossible but eventually things will get there. That's probably how things will happen with the men and sensitivity issue too.
 
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mkgal1

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Women are taught to be more nurturing but this doesn't always translate to sensitivity or empathy.
Oh....and what I usually hear isn't that women are actually *taught* to be more nurturing---I typically hear it that women are inherently more nurturing (you know....the ol' "hard-wired" stuff that describes people as fitting neatly into their assigned boxes).
 
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mkgal1

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Imagine a pendulum. Stopping or right takes a lot of force. One extreme usually follows the other. Eventually it settles in the middle. I guess when Martin Luther King jr. said that the world eventually arcs towards justice, he was using the pendulum metaphor in an optimistic way. He was recognizing that brute force in combating discrimination would be extremely difficult if not impossible but eventually things will get there. That's probably how things will happen with the men and sensitivity issue too.
I think that's true (what Martin Luther King, Jr said)....the older I get, the more I see it. Doesn't there seem to be a lot of tension surrounding this issue right now (just equality in general, actually)? ISTM we're on the verge of some sort of big change.
 
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Hidden In Him

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I really don't think you can combat the myth. At least not with the people who need to see the truth the most.

Combat the myth within society? Never. As long as Satan has control over the minds of men, they will be driven by fears and insecurities, in a world where true sensitivity and feeling of heart, especially in men, is attacked viciously.

The hope is in combatting it individually, and IMHO it usually (though not always) requires a man giving his heart to the Lord Jesus Christ. This breaks him, brings him tears to his eyes, and returns him to the child he once was so long ago when no one judged him about being sensitive. Much more on that later. I have a song I'd like to post that has everything to do with this.
Absolutely everything, no body wants to go against the inertia of the crowd. Those who lead fear losing their leadership of the mob and those who follow fear the mob turning on them.

This likewise takes the Spirit of Almighty God to break. I was saying on another thread about a week ago that I have had times where I was with a group of guys and one of them started making really crass, ugly lewd jokes about a woman that was walking by, out of ear's distance. The Spirit just rose up in me and I told him flatly to his face, loudly, and in front of everyone, "[So and so], SHUT UP! I don't care to hear about it!" It so shocked everyone there, including him, that he just kinda sheepishly put his head down, and from there we moved on to another subject.

Again, never anything a believer should try in the flesh. But in the power of the Holy Spirit, this is one way of at least combatting your surroundings, and "the momentum of the crowd."
 
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Hidden In Him

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ISTM we're on the verge of some sort of big change.

What I have noticed is that it is now increasingly being engrained in the younger generations to accept homosexuality, which in men can often manifest as effeminacy. The acceptance of this is as if to say, "Oh, he's in touch with his emotional side, or 'true' self." This is indeed bringing a change in the modern mentality, but unfortunately it is yet another perversion, being foisted upon society by the Devil to further drive home the point that a "real man" would never do that.

Again, and this is not to say anyone is arguing with me, but the real answer is found less in manipulations of societal thinking from without, but through the entrance of the Spirit of God within. In submitting his soul to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, God touches the soul of a man, and restores his heart of stone to one of flesh again.

If anything I said incites a response, please feel free to comment. If not, I'll see about posting my song.
 
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FireDragon76

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I've been doing some reading on Fred Rogers in the past few weeks. There was a lot counter-cultural in his demeanor, to the point some urban legends began circulating that he must have been a sniper in Korea and that he wore cardigans to hide tattoos. The latest one was to believe he was gay. Many seem to have found it hard to believe he was a real man being authentic.

https://www.amazon.com/Peaceful-Nei...coding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=RAYH03VJ67Y74WTESR3T

The Simple Faith of Mister Rogers: Spiritual Insights from the World's Most Beloved Neighbor - Kindle edition by Amy Hollingsworth. Religion & Spirituality Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.
 
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Dave-W

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How can we encourage these attributes in men when we're up against such a strong belief in this idea that "to be male" means "one shouldn't be sensitive"?
What makes you think this is only a problem with men? Women are taught to be more nurturing but this doesn't always translate to sensitivity or empathy.
These are both CULTURAL traits and NOT points of doctrine. Changing that means re-wiring the culture.
 
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mkgal1

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As I get older, I think I'm getting too sensitive.
I think the only way a person can be "too sensitive" is when their ego gets in the way (when they get offended easily)---otherwise, I don't think there is such a thing as "too sensitive" (unless it causes one to be co-dependent).
 
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mkgal1

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These are both CULTURAL traits and NOT points of doctrine. Changing that means re-wiring the culture.
True---this is a matter of culture, but shouldn't the church (influenced by the freedom in Christ and the love from God) be a culture that's *superior* in spiritual/emotional health--not inferior? IOW---shouldn't that love & freedom manifest in a way that others can witness? You know...."they will know we are Christians by our love"?
 
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Dave-W

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but shouldn't the church (influenced by the freedom in Christ and the love from God) be a culture that's *superior* in spiritual/emotional health--not inferior?
We Should be, but we have a very poor track record of being that over the last several centuries.
 
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mkgal1

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Many seem to have found it hard to believe he was a real man being authentic.
I want to do more reading about Fred Rogers---from what little I have read, he really sounds like he was a very admirable man.

That's what's so absurd to me--that someone like him is perceived to be such an oddity to where are sorts of conspiracy theories are formed simply because he was kind and authentic (right? What specifically alarmed people?).
 
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mkgal1

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We Should be, but we have a very poor track record of being that over the last several centuries.
I agree.

I found it interesting that Joe Ehrman (from my post earlier) suggests that it's in the realm of sports that cultural changes occur. I was never into team sports (and neither was my husband)...and so our daughter participated in individual sport as well---but it does seem that team sports are a great arena for personal growth and experience in healthy relationship bonding. I don't know of any church that has any sort of program like that (and maybe for those not interested in athletics, there could be some sort of team science project?).
 
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Dave-W

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I was never into team sports (and neither was my husband)...and so our daughter participated in individual sport as well---but it does seem that team sports are a great arena for personal growth and experience in healthy relationship bonding.
The denomination my dad was ordained in forbade sports, either participating or watching/following. (circa 1950)

Wesleyan Methodist.
 
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mkgal1

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The denomination my dad was ordained in forbade sports, either participating or watching/following. (circa 1950)

Wesleyan Methodist.

You know this passage....right: "what spirit are you following?" Knowing that positive cultural changes can occur in sports....and that was forbidden....wouldn't it seem that is a spirit that seeks to destroy? If "life" and "freedom" can be discovered in sports...and that's forbidden--what alternative was there (any)?
 
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