How can I stop being a lesbian?

[Andreea2017]

Hello.
So, I've been a lesbian since I was born, I've never liked a guy in my whole life. I just hate guys, and have always hated them. The only reason I want to have a boyfriend is to break his "heart", to leave him depressed. Only thinking about it makes my heart race because of happiness.
The attraction to girls has always come so easily to me, as I've always thought of myself as a guy. When I fall in love with a girl I must always remind myself that I'm actually a girl. But i'm not transsexual, i feel 100% a female, i can't even imagine myself being in a male body, i would be so ugly and unattractive. The only advantage of being a guy would be that i could like girls without it being a sin.
It is just not fair! I, as a girl, i am supposed to like those unnatractive and ugly creatures called guys, while guys can be attracted to any girl they want. Why is it wrong that i want a healthy relationship with a girl?! I think girls are beautiful, soft, hot etc.
Sorry if i was too tough, i really don't wanna offend anyone. But i just can't understand why i am supposed to like guys...
I know homosexuality is a sin, i don't want to be a lesbian anymore but i also don't want to like guys because i feel they are not for me. I don't want to, but God wants me to like guys, not girls, so i should stop checking out girls and thinking about being in a relationship with them.
Please help me, how can I do it? It's so hard to me, it's a really hard decision.
Thanks.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

ON!

Thread moved from Christian Advice to Struggles with Sexuality.

OFF!

 

[Joe 73]

Hey. I've struggled with male homosexuality through my teen years and I'm doing way better than I once was. I read a leading book on the subject of reparative therapy which is about exploring and dealing with the issues behind the SSA and forming healthy same sex friendships basically.

Sexuality is complicated, and then theres differences between seeing someone as beautiful, and getting sexual gratification from that beauty, but the line can be blurry.

Your story sounds interesting. you say "but i also don't want to like guys because i feel they are not for me.", does this mean you could be attracted to them, but you have set up some sort of emotional wall to stop it? no ones gonna force you to like guys. God doesn't require us to get married. It's possible it could happen of course. maybe you are afraid of that. I've learned a lot about male SSA, but I don't know much about female ssa, I think for women their attractions are more influenced by their emotions and less visually based, compared to men at least. It might be sort of a female connection issue, you didn't connect well with your same sex in childhood, and so when another female clicks with you, you just can't get enough. Maybe you had to many brothers who invaded your privacy, a intimidating father, or possibly some cruel teasing boys/men who hurt your feelings(and made you insecure about your femininity/value to men), just some possibilities, because you have this desire to get even with men for something: "The only reason I want to have a boyfriend is to break his "heart", to leave him depressed."(his heart breaking in this fantasy could indicate that he actually loved you, which would temporarily relieve the feeling "men don't really love me for myself", that might be there, while avoiding the fear associated with being with a man.

Just some speculation. I'm no expert. Don't pressure yourself too much, The attraction isn't a sin, but the actions. and just because you can't have or romantic or sexual relationship with a woman does not mean you shouldn't have any friendships, it would probably be helpful actually. and again, God isn't gonna force you to get married. He might open it up to you, when and if you are ready and open too it, but he's not out to make you miserable. Take your time with this.

One more thought, I think attraction doesn't have to be soley based on beauty. and that beauty isn't so simple, and just sexually based. I think both men and women see women as the "beautiful" sex. Men don't really have that kind of beauty, so we are called "handsome" usually, it doesn't really sound like beauty, gentleness, or gracefullness at all. It sounds structured, rigid, practical, sharp, and rough. Now you could say theres is a certain beauty to the things on the list,it depends on what your into, but its not the same gracefull kind of beauty attributed to women. So I think you finding women beautiful, is, at least partially, completely normal, aside from the fact of where your sexual attraction is leaning.

I can't give you very good advice though, not owning any materials on female SSA, but A leading book on the subject is this:
The Heart of Female Same Sex Attraction: A comprehensive counseling resource by Janelle Hallman


Just be patient and prepare, emotional journeys can be painful and difficult, and you might find yourself going on one. But it always gets better afterward.

 

[tundrawolf]

Hello.
So, I've been a lesbian since I was born, I've never liked a guy in my whole life. I just hate guys, and have always hated them. The only reason I want to have a boyfriend is to break his "heart", to leave him depressed. Only thinking about it makes my heart race because of happiness.
The attraction to girls has always come so easily to me, as I've always thought of myself as a guy. When I fall in love with a girl I must always remind myself that I'm actually a girl. But i'm not transsexual, i feel 100% a female, i can't even imagine myself being in a male body, i would be so ugly and unattractive. The only advantage of being a guy would be that i could like girls without it being a sin.
It is just not fair! I, as a girl, i am supposed to like those unnatractive and ugly creatures called guys, while guys can be attracted to any girl they want. Why is it wrong that i want a healthy relationship with a girl?! I think girls are beautiful, soft, hot etc.
Sorry if i was too tough, i really don't wanna offend anyone. But i just can't understand why i am supposed to like guys...
I know homosexuality is a sin, i don't want to be a lesbian anymore but i also don't want to like guys because i feel they are not for me. I don't want to, but God wants me to like guys, not girls, so i should stop checking out girls and thinking about being in a relationship with them.
Please help me, how can I do it? It's so hard to me, it's a really hard decision.
Thanks.

I am a man who struggles with homosexuality.

I have a lot of lesbian and transexual friends, whom I try and be an example for. They have nobody else who will tell them that their lifestyle is one that leads to broken ness and death.

What I can tell you from what God has shown to me... God created Eve to be a helper, a friend, and a mate to Adam. Just because we are thousands of years passed that does not mean the roles have changed.

Men are exceptionally sensitive. God made us thus, so that we would cleave to a woman whom we love. And God also made women exceptionally vulnerable. Together, in holiness and healthiness, it creates something beautiful, that is unbreakable.

Some things can happen that destroys that. If a man is no longer sensitive and caring to the needs and desires of a woman, and if a woman is no longer vulnerable because she has been hurt/molested. These things happen usually when a child is sexually abused. Sex is so incredibly powerful, that it can destroy a human being for life when done wrong, and too early. A tool used for bonding can become a tool used to destroy and lay waste.

I am almost 40 years old, and it has taken journeys through hell just to begin to see how badly being raped as a child screwed me up. In every possible conceivable way. I was forced from a godly path, and what was right and righteous, and would bring me fulfillment, to the pursuit of quick and easy pleasure, that nearly killed me, many times.

In my opinion, you have a disconnect from the natural desire to be a man's mate, as God designed you. Yes, it goes against feminist ideals, but feminists are some of the proudest, most hateful people I have ever met... And in fact some of the abusers who turned me against women were in fact feminists. Satan has taken a natural desire to build a man up, to love him, to support him, to care for him, into a desire to tear him down.

But the truth is, God designed you to be vulnerable to a man, who will give you his heart- not to stomp on and hurt him- perhaps as a way of getting back at the man/men or boys who hurt you so badly as a child. Perhaps there is a spiritual block on you, perhaps from a member of your family, maybe your mother?

You must ask God to reveal these things to you. YOU MUST ASK HIM! He will show you.

Also, please stop calling yourself a lesbian. A Christian who used to be a kleptomaniac who overcomes his thievery no longer calls himself a thief. A violent criminal who repents no longer walks around calling himself a murderer. So please, stop putting the veil and curse of lesbianism over yourself.

I would counsel you to seek a softening of your heart. It is the people who are most sensitive, who are most capable of the deepest love, who are damaged, twisted, and destroyed by the cruelty of this world, and you are capable of great love- not only giving it, but being loved in return.

The greatest gifts lay ahead of you. If only you will ask God to show you, to heal you. It is a long and difficult path, but the reward of that is the total fulfillment you so desperately seek. And you will find it.

 

[Sketcher]

I just hate guys, and have always hated them. The only reason I want to have a boyfriend is to break his "heart", to leave him depressed. Only thinking about it makes my heart race because of happiness.

Deal with this first. God created men, Jesus was in the form of a man. 1 John 4:20 makes it clear - if we are to love God, we must love people, and hating an entire gender of people falls well short of that.

Maybe this will clear the way towards more of a positive interest in men, maybe it won't. <Staff Edit>

 

[FreeinChrist]

MOD HAT

Folks, let's refrain from flaming. Some clean up was done.

 

[Dave-W]

Hello.
So, I've been a lesbian since I was born, I've never liked a guy in my whole life. I just hate guys, and have always hated them. The only reason I want to have a boyfriend is to break his "heart", to leave him depressed. Only thinking about it makes my heart race because of happiness.

That is not homosexuality, that is just plain meanness. It is an ungodly hatred - in your case aimed at us males.

The attraction to girls has always come so easily to me,

OK - now that is being same sex attracted. That is an entirely DIFFERENT matter from what you described in the previous paragraph.

My suggestion is to find a good counselor, priest or prayer partner to break the hatred issue. The same sex attraction cannot be addressed until the anger and hatred of males gets resolved. In fact, changing that may just change the other.

If it has truly been from birth as you indicate, there is a possibility that it could be demonic in origin. I know some Catholic priests are trained in discernment and exorcism, I hope that is the same for the Orthodox.

You have my prayers sister!

 

[Bluerose31]

Hello.
So, I've been a lesbian since I was born, I've never liked a guy in my whole life. I just hate guys, and have always hated them. The only reason I want to have a boyfriend is to break his "heart", to leave him depressed. Only thinking about it makes my heart race because of happiness.
The attraction to girls has always come so easily to me, as I've always thought of myself as a guy. When I fall in love with a girl I must always remind myself that I'm actually a girl. But i'm not transsexual, i feel 100% a female, i can't even imagine myself being in a male body, i would be so ugly and unattractive. The only advantage of being a guy would be that i could like girls without it being a sin.
It is just not fair! I, as a girl, i am supposed to like those unnatractive and ugly creatures called guys, while guys can be attracted to any girl they want. Why is it wrong that i want a healthy relationship with a girl?! I think girls are beautiful, soft, hot etc.
Sorry if i was too tough, i really don't wanna offend anyone. But i just can't understand why i am supposed to like guys...
I know homosexuality is a sin, i don't want to be a lesbian anymore but i also don't want to like guys because i feel they are not for me. I don't want to, but God wants me to like guys, not girls, so i should stop checking out girls and thinking about being in a relationship with them.
Please help me, how can I do it? It's so hard to me, it's a really hard decision.
Thanks.

I will pray for you dear that the Lord helps guide you and heal you. Hugs dear.

 

[Radagast]

nm

 

[Southernscotty]

Please deal with the hate immediately . I do not know what has happened in your past, but you are being misled because you have great anger towards males. That leads me to think you have been harmed and I pray that you will learn to let go of the past and grab hold on to the future. You can only do this with forgiveness and letting go.
Yes this way of life is sinful, but it doesn't mean that God doesn't love you, or that He is punishing you somehow.
If you are feeling conviction in your heart, as I believe you are, Please pray and ask God to help you in this. He will if you will let Him. Blessings friend.

 

[Truthfrees]

mod hat

thread closed due to too many unhelpful posts generating too many reports