How can I get over an impossible crush for someone online?

[pinkjess]

I'm a member of a Facebook anxiety group for Christians, and I have developed "feelings" of infatuation for one of the other members. I don't know why I think I have feelings for him. You can't really know a person based off how they portray themselves online--I understand that. That is why I am asking for advice. I'm embarrassed enough by the fact LOL.

When I first became a member I didn't really interact with him much, but I always thought he was interesting. He seemed really nice and commented on some of my posts occasionally but I never really replied to any of them because I kind of knew I would get "feelings" for him so I tried to avoid that. He seemed really sweet and sensitive, and that is something I look for in guys or just friends in general. Well he updated his profile pic recently and I was like "wow" and before I knew it he became all I wanted to think about. It was really sad. My interest grew tenfold.

I started reading the posts he made to the group in the past and I fell into infatuation. Judging from the things he posts and how he writes his life experiences, he has a lot of qualities that I have only dreamed of in a guy. He likes some of the things I do and seems to really love Jesus. He also struggles with OCD like I do. He cares a lot for the other members of the group and is always compassionate in his replies. I'm a highly imaginative person and before I knew it, my feelings ran off with me. I really, REALLY want to get to know this guy, but I know that is near impossible. There is no way to really know a person when it's not in real life. It's like having a crush on a celebrity or a rock star--it's not real life. I'm just sad because...well, I'm scared I will never come across a guy like this one. He's really different, and I like that.

He doesn't live in USA so I hardly have any chance of ever getting to meet this guy. That is what makes me feel weird about it. I think I should unadd him from my friends list and leave that group, or at least leave until I get my head back on earth. I'm feeling a little ashamed and disappointed in myself in that I am developing interest for someone online. How pathetic is that?

What drives my struggle with this is, I think deep down I am lonely. I'm scared time is running out and before I know it all the good guys will be taken. I'm 24 years old and almost every girl I knew from childhood is already married or is going to be. Especially Christian guys..they go as fast as they come. When I turn 30 it will be too late; they will all be taken.

I have cried a few times about it, thinking about my own mental health issues and how it wouldn't really be a good idea to get involved with someone. I would just drag them down.

So, how can I let this guy go? Or the idea of him? I'm hurting inside thinking someday this guy is going to find someone to spend his life with, and it won't be with me.

 

[GracefulGalPal]

This is a rough one. Honestly, I think you should gently tell him how you feel. He may or may not feel the same way but at least you get to vent out your feelings.

 

[timewerx]

It's not like he lives in Eastern Europe.

If he lives in the west side of Europe, you got decent chance of meeting together so why not give it a chance? If things doesn't work out, thank God for the crazy feelings.

OCD isn't so bad. I also have OCD and I have relatively normal life and I can do my jobs just fine, maybe just a little bit more meticulous at doing things.

 

[Norbert L]

I'm a member of a Facebook anxiety group for Christians, and I have developed "feelings" of infatuation for one of the other members. I don't know why I think I have feelings for him. You can't really know a person based off how they portray themselves online--I understand that. That is why I am asking for advice. I'm embarrassed enough by the fact LOL.

When I first became a member I didn't really interact with him much, but I always thought he was interesting. He seemed really nice and commented on some of my posts occasionally but I never really replied to any of them because I kind of knew I would get "feelings" for him so I tried to avoid that. He seemed really sweet and sensitive, and that is something I look for in guys or just friends in general. Well he updated his profile pic recently and I was like "wow" and before I knew it he became all I wanted to think about. It was really sad. My interest grew tenfold.

I started reading the posts he made to the group in the past and I fell into infatuation. Judging from the things he posts and how he writes his life experiences, he has a lot of qualities that I have only dreamed of in a guy. He likes some of the things I do and seems to really love Jesus. He also struggles with OCD like I do. He cares a lot for the other members of the group and is always compassionate in his replies. I'm a highly imaginative person and before I knew it, my feelings ran off with me. I really, REALLY want to get to know this guy, but I know that is near impossible. There is no way to really know a person when it's not in real life. It's like having a crush on a celebrity or a rock star--it's not real life. I'm just sad because...well, I'm scared I will never come across a guy like this one. He's really different, and I like that.

He doesn't live in USA so I hardly have any chance of ever getting to meet this guy. That is what makes me feel weird about it. I think I should unadd him from my friends list and leave that group, or at least leave until I get my head back on earth. I'm feeling a little ashamed and disappointed in myself in that I am developing interest for someone online. How pathetic is that?

What drives my struggle with this is, I think deep down I am lonely. I'm scared time is running out and before I know it all the good guys will be taken. I'm 24 years old and almost every girl I knew from childhood is already married or is going to be. Especially Christian guys..they go as fast as they come. When I turn 30 it will be too late; they will all be taken.

I have cried a few times about it, thinking about my own mental health issues and how it wouldn't really be a good idea to get involved with someone. I would just drag them down.

So, how can I let this guy go? Or the idea of him? I'm hurting inside thinking someday this guy is going to find someone to spend his life with, and it won't be with me.

I know the cure for how to get over someone else. Stop THINKING ABOUT THEM and get on with living a productive life. This should be easy but if it's not, there's one word... obsession. You be judge of yourself, is it all things in moderation or being enslaved.

 

[qutCut]

I was in a similar situation once and like every other guy I got over him in 1-2 months. If the obsession is extreme...it'll last 6-7 months. To answer your question, you need to come to terms with the fact that he is not your soul mate and these extreme emotions you are feeling for him will pass. I read online that people who confess to their crush will get over them quicker.

Also, its likely the profile picture is not even him. Reverse search the image and you may be surprised to know its just a stolen picture from the web. In fact, the side you are seeing of him may not be his true identity. Oh, please be careful of FB creeps.

 

[Jenniferdiana]

Tell him how you feel.

 

[pinkjess]

Should I unadd him and remove myself from the group?

 

[Hidden In Him]

Especially Christian guys..they go as fast as they come. When I turn 30 it will be too late; they will all be taken.

Ha ha! This is the sort of thing young people think. Trust me, you won't be dead by the age of 50, and neither will the men be. Half of them will have been divorced at least once by then, and be a little wiser for their trouble.

I really, REALLY want to get to know this guy, but I know that is near impossible. There is no way to really know a person when it's not in real life.

Get to know him online, and after you've made friends, ask if he'd like to Skype with you or video call on Facebook. If he's real, you'll know.

 

[pinkjess]

I don't want to tell him "hey I like you let's get to know each other" because I feel that would creep him out and one of the group's rules is not to make advances toward other members. This is so dumb. I wonder if I should shut down this feeling before I get obsessed..I just wish I wasn't so....wishy-washy. Every time I feel infatuated my mind becomes a Disney movie. With the happy endings and everything. Ugh!

 

[aphgoo]

If you really are that adamant about wanting to forget about this guy, I would recommend unfriending him (don't worry, he won't get a notification--but if you want to be sure that he doesn't notice, just unfollow him) and leaving the group, if he tends to be active on it. Don't check his profile, and don't look into the group's past to find messages he's posted. Cut yourself off from him completely.

However, based on what I've read, you haven't even gotten a chance to speak to him! Really, there's no harm in having online crushes, so long as you're careful not to romanticize the object of your affections. (Or, don't make him out to be this perfect man in your mind. People have flaws that you sometimes can't see from behind a screen.)

If I were you, I would approach him with the idea of a friendship in mind, rather then a romantic relationship. (Just message him "hi " or something. It's not creepy, I promise.) Maybe you'll find that you're not as attracted to him as you once thought--or, maybe not. Just see where things go from there. Remember: people tend to regret the things that they haven't done more than the things they have.