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Featured How can I feel confident in God's love for me when I am screwed up?

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by pinkjess, May 20, 2018.

  1. pinkjess

    pinkjess There she goes...at the speed of sound

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    To keep this short, I struggle heavily with social anxiety, misophonia, OCD, and a stuttering problem. I'm also extremely socially awkward. And I'm 24 years old, so it's not like a phase I'm going through or anything. Before anyone asks me if I am seeing a professional therapist, the answer is "no". I cannot afford counselling and don't really have reliable transportation to go to appointments. There is a lot of real-life crap going on in my life at the moment and so it just isn't very possible right now.

    At work I have a very hard time. One of the parts of my job duties is to answer and redirect phone calls, and a lot of times after I stutter I get hung up on and sometimes giggled/laughed at. I have been asked if I have forgotten where I worked once and I was very embarrassed. I know that maybe some people may no "mean" to hurt me, but it does. It makes it very hard for me to have any sense of dignity or self-respect. Plus what makes my anxiety 10x worse is my boss sits five feet away from me listening to me stutter all day long. I come home with huge stress and have started to experience mini panic attacks because of the constant anxiety it brings me.

    Because of my stutter, I am really quiet around people. I don't speak until I have to or someone else speaks first. I don't want people to hear me stutter because I know I will be judged for it. I also don't want people to see my earplugs because I wear them to cope with my misophonia and sensitive hearing. I already feel like a freak because of my social anxiety--I don't need more reasons for people to think I'm weird. As a result of all this hiding and avoiding people, I am really really lonely. I have been struggling with desires to have a boyfriend because I know that won't fix it, but as I get older and all of these issues surmount my ability to function--I fear I will never have one.

    I internalize all of this and feel like God is punishing me or distancing Himself away from me.

    I just feel like such a screw-up. I can't get the guts to go to church and make friends because I'm too scared of rejection. And I daydream about happy but imaginary social situations to cope with it. I want nothing more in life than to feel like I belong, that people take me seriously, and that I can properly communicate and have good relationships.

    Does God care about me? Is He angry at me? Does He allow these problems in my life to punish me for something I've done? Are people's reactions towards me reflective of how He feels towards me? How do I find confidence in His love in spite of my issues?
     
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  2. Southernscotty

    Southernscotty Well-Known Member Angels Team Supporter

    +9,424
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    Baptist
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    Hi Jess, God loves you very much :] He is not mad at you, People are just people and when they leave they probably never think anymore about what was said. I am praying for you dear Sister :]
     
  3. Danielwright2311

    Danielwright2311 Well-Known Member Supporter

    +1,318
    United States
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    Divorced
    God loves you more then you could ever imagine.

    The people are evil in there hearts is all.

    I am so sorry others treat you like this, if it where me, I would treat you as normal as you are as God created you.

    Did you know mosses shuddered? I'm sure you do as you also do.

    My point here is God dont call the qualified, he qualifies the called.

    You are his creation in every way and always remember if God loves you the way you are then so should you.
     
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  4. chevyontheriver

    chevyontheriver Well-Known Member Supporter

    +10,092
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    When you are screwed up you know that it is by the grace of God that any good happens. Been there. Still there lots of times. God is there for me in my inadequacy. I'm still inadequate but God loves me anyhow, somehow, I don't even know how. But it's real and the only constant in my life.
     
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  5. S.O.J.I.A.

    S.O.J.I.A. Dynamic UNO

    +2,573
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    do you consider yourself to be a born again believer in Christ?
     
  6. Invalidusername

    Invalidusername Well-Known Member

    +612
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    Single
    US-Republican
    I have a worse problem than you that makes me unable to socialize. I have a lot of pent up anger about it but as Jesus said, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."

    It sucks. It really does. I am 26 years old and I feel like a genetic failure at times. Even though I am only 2 years older than you I can remember I was much more angry when I was 24 and I am less angry at 26. I was also much more angry when I was a teen. On top of that, my anger has made me a very cynical person and thus I have also become a very unlikable person, perhaps as a defense mechanism, over the years.

    I don't like the fate that has been given to me and I think you don't neither. I have no answer to your problem and I don't think anyone else in this thread does neither. But I do know that it helps to know that there are other people struggling as well and that's the point of my post. Don't give up.
     
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  7. Old Lady

    Old Lady ...yet not I, but the grace of God that is with me Supporter

    +10,306
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    Protestant
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    You are fine! People who are rude are NOT fine and need our prayers. Those people look for people they can bully or embarrass. God never intended for us to be clones. God is molding you into a thoughtful, compassionate person. You and I both know that this world needs more people like you!

    When you get knocked down by ridicule, get back up! Compassionate people are in your corner. Praise God!

    Some jobs don't have the requirements that one does. Maybe another job will become available for you.

    I am going to pray for you. :hug::heart: Bible Verses family dot webshots dot com.jpg
     
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  8. pinkjess

    pinkjess There she goes...at the speed of sound

    711
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    Non-Denom
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    Y
    Yes
     
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  9. pinkjess

    pinkjess There she goes...at the speed of sound

    711
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    I am so sorry you are hurting too. I wish I could take it away for both of us.
     
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  10. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

    +2,875
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    Single
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    I would definitely say pray about it..
    I remember when I was so socially awkward and anxious... I couldn't make conversation and felt so disconnected from people. But now at 26.. my anxiety has lessened to the point where I feel free...where I be myself.

    However, despite that I still don't have many friends and now that ," I'm free to be me" lol... I'm learning that not everyone is your friend and you have to use discernment to avoide people that aren't beneficial for you.

    Just pray for it.
     
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  11. Southernscotty

    Southernscotty Well-Known Member Angels Team Supporter

    +9,424
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    Praying for you friend and I am sorry you feel this way.
     
  12. S.O.J.I.A.

    S.O.J.I.A. Dynamic UNO

    +2,573
    United States
    Christian Seeker
    Single
    there's many issues you have here that will probably take years to fix. as one who is a born again believer his peace is offered to you(philippians 4:6-7).

    do continue to pray for the LORD to heal you but also pray for the LORD to give you the peace that transcends all understanding that is promised to all those who are truly His children.

    I can't guarantee that your circumstances will change but can from experience tell you that the way you see yourself in your circumstances will change and you will be able to go through it all with grace and contentment.
     
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  13. Dave G.

    Dave G. Well-Known Member

    +4,483
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    God loves you enough to have counted every hair on your head and to know every one of your inner thoughts. It's by scripture that we learn of the love He has for us. Don't try to get it by some sort of experience or feeling alone. The more you know of His nature the more you will come to understand His kind of love and His very love for you. I agree with Chevy, He is the constant ! We can't trust our own feelings or the actions of those around us. We may not feel His presence but He promises that He is there. Believe us who tell you that He loves you, many of us have been where you are at and can say boldly, we never walked alone, he was there all along . At 68 yo I can look back and see where He worked in my life, times where I gave up but He never did and at the time I did not feel Him there. He loves you enough to never leave you or forsake you, no human can say that with assurance but his Word is sure. Amen sister.
     
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  14. Heart2Soul

    Heart2Soul Well-Known Member Supporter

    +1,006
    United States
    Christian
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    The Bible says He loves us more than what we can comprehend....He doesn't see any flaws in you....for the physical and emotional issues these can be healed....I will be praying for you!
     
  15. Haipule

    Haipule Well-Known Member

    681
    +424
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Let me sing you a song I wrote:

    God loves you, but not as much as He love me.
    God love me more than you.

    Ok, ok, I'm ridiculously good looking and a silly clown!

    I'm concern about OCD. OCD is highly destructive and completely opposed to life. As you age it will become even worse. It MUST stop!

    When I was young, I woke up from a nap and was completely disorientated. It freaked me out! That is when I started developing OCD. My rituals became ridiculous and impossible.

    One day I just had enough of this unjustified fear of nothing and that life of "what if's".

    Well, what if nothing happens? So, I quit washing my hands religiously and I used dirty forks from the sink and used dirty glasses and plates; I stepped on all the cracks and did everything the opposite of what I was doing and nothing bad happened.

    Eventually I was cured of OCD and got my life back.

    Also, when you stutter and someone asks you "What?". Say to them(snotty voice), "What: did I stutter? I least you can make them laugh!

    I HATE being bipolar: IT'S AWESOME! :)
     
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  16. pinkjess

    pinkjess There she goes...at the speed of sound

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    Thank you. This made me smile inside :)
     
  17. S.O.J.I.A.

    S.O.J.I.A. Dynamic UNO

    +2,573
    United States
    Christian Seeker
    Single
    have you checked out the faith counselling thing they have on this site? at least you won't have to worry about travel.
     
  18. SkyWriting

    SkyWriting The Librarian Supporter

    +7,010
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    A good friend of mine was born with spinal cancer
    and when they operated to remove the tumor
    at birth it left her paralyzed from the neck down except
    for her right arm, which was 50% affected.

    She lived like that for 43 years and never
    asked what she was being punished for.
     
  19. Invalidusername

    Invalidusername Well-Known Member

    +612
    United States
    Baptist
    Single
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    I've found that prayers don't really do much. Maybe they do and God just simply chooses to not answer mine. Thanks for your prayers either way.
     
  20. SkyWriting

    SkyWriting The Librarian Supporter

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    No parent judges a baby. Your Father in Heaven does not judge your imperfections, but rather loves you even wider.
     
    Last edited: May 21, 2018
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