How Can I be Great With Children and Babies?

[Faith712]

Hi everyone, be safe and strong in these times, and God bless you guys!

I have a mental illness and it makes me not the most social person in the world. Ever since I could remember, I have always had problems becoming close with children and babies. I currently have 3 nieces and 2 nephews and I just can't seem to get them to talk to me and treat me as well as they treat their grandmother or my mother and grandfather or my father. I can't get them to ask me questions and just talk to me. I have to ask questions to really have a conversation with them.

My mom says that what I am currently doing, just speaking to them when I see them, is a great thing. She says that she's not hip and everything and she has to go to them and grab them because "those little boogers just want to play, they don't want hugs and kisses". I want to be a great aunt but I don't want to do too much of what the children don't want me to do. For example of what I'm trying to say, if my nieces are playing too rough, I should tell them to stop but telling them to stop makes me look uncool in their eyes and may further distance them from me but at the same time I want to be respected.

My nieces are 12 and 8 and my nephews are 12 and 14. They are growing up so fast! I love them, but I wish I could have gotten closer to them when they were babies. In fact, they are at the age that it may be too late to have a relationship with them. Whatever they are to think of me, they already believe it. It's too late to make a different impression. Because of my troubles with children and babies, it makes me really hesitate to have my own babies. I just don't know.

Does anyone here have any advice or have children or babies? Are there any books or vidoes you guys could suggest?

I love children, but I just don't know how to do this.

God bless and thank you for reading and thank you for any responses.

 

[PloverWing]

Your approach of asking questions is a really good one. If they're as old as 8 and 12 and 14, they're likely to have their own preferences and hobbies by now. So I'd ask about those things: What sports do you play? Do you sing/play an instrument? Do you like to draw? etc. Once you find out what they like to do, ask more detailed questions: How did you do in last week's bike race? What pieces are you playing in band this year?

These days, COVID-19 is probably a good opener: How are you adjusting to having school at home? Have you been able to talk to your friends with Zoom/Discord/Skype/etc.? We all have our stories of how we're coping, and we can share them with each other.

At that age, your nieces and nephews may not be all that interested in you (you're old and moldy!), but you can be interested in them. That can be enough for a connection.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Kids have their preferences, for whatever reason. I have two granddaughters; one from my son, the other from my daughter. My son's daughter and I don't relate, but my daughter's daughter and I get along great. She loves me and prefers me over other relatives. I have done nothing to cultivate this aside from just being her 'grampa'. But I think the biggest reason for either way of relating depends on your relationship with the child's parents. They will relate to you in much the same way that their parents relate to you.

 

[Phil W]

Hi everyone, be safe and strong in these times, and God bless you guys!

I have a mental illness and it makes me not the most social person in the world. Ever since I could remember, I have always had problems becoming close with children and babies. I currently have 3 nieces and 2 nephews and I just can't seem to get them to talk to me and treat me as well as they treat their grandmother or my mother and grandfather or my father. I can't get them to ask me questions and just talk to me. I have to ask questions to really have a conversation with them.

My mom says that what I am currently doing, just speaking to them when I see them, is a great thing. She says that she's not hip and everything and she has to go to them and grab them because "those little boogers just want to play, they don't want hugs and kisses". I want to be a great aunt but I don't want to do too much of what the children don't want me to do. For example of what I'm trying to say, if my nieces are playing too rough, I should tell them to stop but telling them to stop makes me look uncool in their eyes and may further distance them from me but at the same time I want to be respected.

My nieces are 12 and 8 and my nephews are 12 and 14. They are growing up so fast! I love them, but I wish I could have gotten closer to them when they were babies. In fact, they are at the age that it may be too late to have a relationship with them. Whatever they are to think of me, they already believe it. It's too late to make a different impression. Because of my troubles with children and babies, it makes me really hesitate to have my own babies. I just don't know.

Does anyone here have any advice or have children or babies? Are there any books or vidoes you guys could suggest?

I love children, but I just don't know how to do this.

God bless and thank you for reading and thank you for any responses.

Hi, and best wishes for your relationships with the kiddies.
The best thing you can do for them is to set the best example of how adults are to act, in private and in public.
Kids crave leadership and example.
They want boundaries, no matter what a present situation might make you think,
Love equally, without preferences.
One day you will be watching them, and you will see yourself in them.
Be a servant of God, and they will tend to do as their role-model did.

 

[Hazelelponi]

Hi everyone, be safe and strong in these times, and God bless you guys!

I have a mental illness and it makes me not the most social person in the world. Ever since I could remember, I have always had problems becoming close with children and babies. I currently have 3 nieces and 2 nephews and I just can't seem to get them to talk to me and treat me as well as they treat their grandmother or my mother and grandfather or my father. I can't get them to ask me questions and just talk to me. I have to ask questions to really have a conversation with them.

My mom says that what I am currently doing, just speaking to them when I see them, is a great thing. She says that she's not hip and everything and she has to go to them and grab them because "those little boogers just want to play, they don't want hugs and kisses". I want to be a great aunt but I don't want to do too much of what the children don't want me to do. For example of what I'm trying to say, if my nieces are playing too rough, I should tell them to stop but telling them to stop makes me look uncool in their eyes and may further distance them from me but at the same time I want to be respected.

My nieces are 12 and 8 and my nephews are 12 and 14. They are growing up so fast! I love them, but I wish I could have gotten closer to them when they were babies. In fact, they are at the age that it may be too late to have a relationship with them. Whatever they are to think of me, they already believe it. It's too late to make a different impression. Because of my troubles with children and babies, it makes me really hesitate to have my own babies. I just don't know.

Does anyone here have any advice or have children or babies? Are there any books or vidoes you guys could suggest?

I love children, but I just don't know how to do this.

God bless and thank you for reading and thank you for any responses.

I have children and grandchildren and love them all...

But you know, with other people's kids it's always different.

Once I had my niece and nephew come to my house for the summer. We lived distant so I never got to see them, and my neice and my daughter are only 1 day apart in age and I wanted them to get to know one another, so when they were old enough for the trip and to come stay I was eager to have them.

They were so weird.. lol. We had a game that we played as a family but because my daughter was so much younger than my son we used to cheat in her favor to keep her actually in the game..

And so we started playing one evening with my neice and nephew, not following even one rule and when I tried to help my nephew cheat so he didn't lose and have nothing to do he started crying..

Like literally crying.. there were rules by God and not following them was tantamount to a high crime in my sisters house! Poor kid.

I felt bad for them because my sisters house was so strict they didn't know the meaning of just goofing off and having fun..

Of course, we all raise our children the way we see best, and our children of course grow to mimick our behaviors..

So do with your niece and nephew more what you feel like, get to know them as little people and let them get to know who you are.. if your not the playful type find different things to do with them. Outdoor hikes and planned adventures if that's more your style

Just be you, and know your own kids will be more like you..

as a beside I don't get on well with my neice and nephew even as adults, they are too much like my sister and I don't see eye to eye with her on literally any imaginable topic..

It's just life.

 

[tturt]

Great idea to strengthen your relationship.with them.

Few ideas - greet them individually and then when they leave express how great it was to see them. When giving them compliments state what makes them special - they shared their cookie, helped with a chore, etc. Some of them are probably taller than you but for the shorter ones you could get on their eye level for some conversations. Try to find out their interests. Might want to read "The Five Love Languages." Remember their birthdays.

Children can be so much fun. Laugh with them. (Saw an interview with Dr Avery Jackson who stated some of laughter's benefits. Our bodies will even positively respond to fake laughter. It's amazing how God made us).