As I've said so many times, I don't live in the USA.
Perhaps, I'm ranting about the conditions of the medical industry in my poor country.
Empathy is lacking where I'm at. Everyone is sad in the room and a doctor comes joking around and smiles all over.
No one else is smiling nor laughing. Being a creep is one more thing.
NO, I don't expect medical services to become free but we have one of the most expensive services in the region, relative to per capita income.
And doctors in this poor country are rich. They have Western upper middle class standard of living in this poor country which is absurd!
What do you want the doctors in your country to do? If they gave away their income and lived the lifestyle around them, how far would that go? ... and how long until it was completely gone?
Would someone want to become a doctor with all it's stresses both of holding someone's life in their hands as well as go to school to become a doctor (accountants or engineers are not expected to perform 24 hours a day even without sleep like medical students are).
How many rooms of poor people with poor prognoses can a person face on a daily basis if you are empathetic with each one? Remember that empathy means you literally feel their angst and pain. I can't imagine that a human can do that day in and day out with giving up on life completely and becoming suicidal. You are left with the doctors who can survive this without being killed by empathy. They still need to leave the hospital and be present and happy for their families and children.
I think you are expecting too much of human doctors...many whom I doubt are Christians so they don't even have the hope of Jesus. You have never identified where you live so I am just making a guess, so if I am wrong, I apologize. The doctors (and nurses) are just plain humans. And even if you were in the US, the prognosis still means that your family member would have suffered through a treatment in hopes of beating it with still no guarantee of survival or even quality of life.
The US has the problem of continuing to treat to the point that there is no quality of life when it is time to say good bye. My husband couldn't make it through the kids opening presents at his last Christmas...because of the treatment, not the cancer. There is something to be said when you are given the gift of being told "no more treatment" when your loved one can still participate in life. Take this gift..this gift of having a glimpse that death is present and build last memories, listen to their memories and stories about their life (and record them or write them down), ask about their childhood and their memories of their parents and just "be present" so you get the gift of actually saying "good-bye" and "I love you" while they are still present enough to hear it.
We all die physically. That is from God and it is the gift that frees us from this world of sin. Your loved one will no longer be in pain...or poor...when he/she crosses over to be in Jesus' presence. Wanting them to stay here is a selfish desire...because we don't want to be separated from them...but honestly, they are the lucky ones who are with Jesus a little faster than ourselves. And yes, remember I have gone through this to the point that breathing was almost something I'd have to force myself to do. I know your pain and your sorrow and your fears. I knew my husband would most likely die even with the treatments...so getting the treatments won't provide the relief or comfort that you believe it will. I remember sitting at my big strong young husbands feet and seeing the agony that putting his socks on each day caused him. We may have been given the "luxury" of being able to treat...but that didn't change the outcome and I do wonder if he would have suffered less if he didn't choice for treatment.
Forgive the doctors for having money and not being the empathetic people you wish they were. Forgive them for not being God. Then turn to God with your fears and sorrow and ask him to minimize the pain and to extend the quality of life for as long as possible. Then spent every moment you can with that person ... not mourning them or feeling bitter at life, but celebrating them and learning about them. I have so many questions that I never asked my husband because I thought I'd have forever to ask him. I go through his photo album and see people I have no idea of who they are or how they fit in my husband's life. I wish I had taken time to learn what he put in his fish breading mix so I could fry catfish like he did. I have no idea of how to fry backstrap either...a staple in his family. He was in charge of cooking all wildlife and I never learned how so he couldn't start it and leave me to finish.
Now I don't know and his mother and I don't get along for me to ask her.
I wish we had talked more openly about the potential of him actually dying. The couple conversations we had are precious. I am also haunted by the fact that I wonder if I allowed him the freedom to talk about his fears of dying and just was there for his emotional needs.
God can heal anyone...doctors & medicine or not. Count each day precious and don't waste any being bitter. I am sorry for your grief but do your best to save it until the proper time. Life the days where life is still here.
I am sorry for your pain though.