Hopeless

[Lisa12383]

I'm reposting this here because getting around this website and finding an appropriate forum is a little hard for me. Also, it seems that what I posted in the teen girls section may not have been appropriate for younger teen girls to read, so now I can't receive any more help comments on there. I only shared it there because it's not easy to be vulnerable, and I thought at least one girl would understand and be able to help me. That being said, here's my personal problem:

Naturally, being married to a wonderful man has been a big desire of mine ever since I can remember.

But almost always I push away that dream, because the terrible ache and sorrow that comes with knowing that 1. Marriage is not guaranteed for all
And 2. I might never be good enough for a wonderful man to fall in love with me

...is too much to bear.

It's embarrassing too how desperately I desire such a special intimate, romantic kind of love with a man. I'm sure any girl can understand that God can't exactly fill that role, just as He can't fill the role of my wanting my own baby someday.

I should be happy and content with life. I should be godly too. I should be close to God. That's what would attract a wonderful guy.

But I am none of those things.

I'm lonely, empty, ungodly, and I walk around with a thick cloud hanging over my head.

Deep down I wish God could come to my rescue. I wish He could make me happy, but I'm such a rebellious, lazy, disappointment. Why would he care about my needs and dreams?

If I were as close to Him as some people, I would be happy, but whenever I come close, I epically fail and take the easier way of selfishness instead.

Masturbation and inappropriate content aren't so great. It's actually lame and pathetic. They just help me to feel good and forget my suffering for a moment. For a moment, I convince myself that it's the best thing I'll feel in my life, because I won't find intimacy with God or get a man to love me anyways. For a moment I feel desired, wanted, beautiful, intimate.

In reality, I feel alone, stuck, and hopeless.

I'm so lazy, unmotivated, and scared that I just never read the Bible or pray anymore.

In this life where I've always had to try and help myself...

For once, I wish I could be helped.
Encouraged. Supported. Accepted.
Led kindly and patiently through my wretched problems into freedom.

It would be amazing to be a joyful, spirited, faith-filled, content with everything, intimate with God person. But I'm afraid I'll never get even close. I don't think I can ever be satisfied with God alone. Everything is so hard.

 

[rGarrett]

I am in the same boat as you to be honest, just keep trying and never give up.
Jesus is always knocking at the door of our hearts, we just have to answer.

 

[Lisa12383]

I am in the same boat as you to be honest, just keep trying and never give up.
Jesus is always knocking at the door of our hearts, we just have to answer.

Thank you. Though I wish I could be done and give up on everything, there's a small, stubborn part of me that isn't ever able to give up anyways. I just hope I'll finally get somewhere before I'm convinced that hope has run out.

 

[rGarrett]

Thank you. Though I wish I could be done and give up on everything, there's a small, stubborn part of me that isn't ever able to give up anyways. I just hope I'll finally get somewhere before I'm convinced that hope has run out.

Hope never runs out.
Believe me, I wish I could give up to.

 

[rGarrett]

Though with the Lord, at least in my mind, I know he will always carry me.

 

[Lord'sWarrior]

I'm reposting this here because getting around this website and finding an appropriate forum is a little hard for me. Also, it seems that what I posted in the teen girls section may not have been appropriate for younger teen girls to read, so now I can't receive any more help comments on there. I only shared it there because it's not easy to be vulnerable, and I thought at least one girl would understand and be able to help me. That being said, here's my personal problem:

Naturally, being married to a wonderful man has been a big desire of mine ever since I can remember.

But almost always I push away that dream, because the terrible ache and sorrow that comes with knowing that 1. Marriage is not guaranteed for all
And 2. I might never be good enough for a wonderful man to fall in love with me

...is too much to bear.

It's embarrassing too how desperately I desire such a special intimate, romantic kind of love with a man. I'm sure any girl can understand that God can't exactly fill that role, just as He can't fill the role of my wanting my own baby someday.

I should be happy and content with life. I should be godly too. I should be close to God. That's what would attract a wonderful guy.

But I am none of those things.

I'm lonely, empty, ungodly, and I walk around with a thick cloud hanging over my head.

Deep down I wish God could come to my rescue. I wish He could make me happy, but I'm such a rebellious, lazy, disappointment. Why would he care about my needs and dreams?

If I were as close to Him as some people, I would be happy, but whenever I come close, I epically fail and take the easier way of selfishness instead.

Masturbation and inappropriate content aren't so great. It's actually lame and pathetic. They just help me to feel good and forget my suffering for a moment. For a moment, I convince myself that it's the best thing I'll feel in my life, because I won't find intimacy with God or get a man to love me anyways. For a moment I feel desired, wanted, beautiful, intimate.

In reality, I feel alone, stuck, and hopeless.

I'm so lazy, unmotivated, and scared that I just never read the Bible or pray anymore.

In this life where I've always had to try and help myself...

For once, I wish I could be helped.
Encouraged. Supported. Accepted.
Led kindly and patiently through my wretched problems into freedom.

It would be amazing to be a joyful, spirited, faith-filled, content with everything, intimate with God person. But I'm afraid I'll never get even close. I don't think I can ever be satisfied with God alone. Everything is so hard.

It could well serve as advice for me, but don't compare yourself with faithfilled, joyful, etc people. It only makes us feel bad about ourselves. I'd love to give you the right answer, but I also feel hopless. Others misery shouldn't any comfort for ourselves, but hang on there. Wait on the Lord.

 

[discipler7]

It's embarrassing too how desperately I desire such a special intimate, romantic kind of love with a man. I'm sure any girl can understand that God can't exactly fill that role, just as He can't fill the role of my wanting my own baby someday.

.
GENESIS.3: =
16 To the woman He said:

“I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception;
In pain you shall bring forth children;
Your desire shall be for your husband,
And he shall rule over you.”

17 Then to Adam He said, “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat of it’:

“Cursed is the ground for your sake;
In toil you shall eat of it
All the days of your life.
18 Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you,
And you shall eat the herb of the field.
19 In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread
Till you return to the ground,
For out of it you were taken;
For dust you are,
And to dust you shall return.”
.
.
1CORINTHIANS.7: =
1 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:

It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. 7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.

8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

 

[Heart2Soul]

If you will permit me I would like to suggest that first and foremost that you bring all negative thinking that is contrary to what the Word says about you into captivity and cast it aside. Here is what the Bible says about you:
Psalm 139:14 “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”
You were uniquely designed by the Master Himself and everything He makes is perfect in Him.
Now here is where I got to say Whoa there girl... STOP IT! IN THE NAME OF JESUS! I went back and read everything you said about yourself...there was not one thing positive you spoke over your life.
Remember this scripture and keep it daily in your thoughts.
Proverbs 18:21 Death and Life are in the POWER OF THE TONGUE and they who love it will eat the fruit thereof.
Here is another in picture Luke 6:15
So I will explain....your enemy Satan, comes to kill, steal and destroy and the quickest way he can start doing that is to fill your mind with negative thinking. Then what happens is those thoughts eventually get planted in your heart....it makes the heart heavy and weak. The mouth then gets engaged in speaking what the heart is feeling. Day after day after day your mind is poisoning your spirit and body. It will put you into the depth of despair and hopelessness if you keep doing this.

It is time to stop speaking negative (death) over yourself and start speaking positive (Life) over yourself.
You need to make a list of all your positives and start speaking them over yourself! and if you can't think of any ask friends and family what they see positive in you, then discover what God sees in you. AMEN!
Are you a born again believer? Have you asked Jesus into your heart? Jesus loves you Soooo much and wants to fill you with His Joy, Peace, and Happiness. You can't get that through worldly and fleshly desires...it takes a spiritual change.
You are the apple of His eye and He will turn your sorrow into joy if you will let Him.
Well, I don't mean to preach I am just very sensitive about the words people speak...your words have power and when you speak them out they manifest in your life...good or bad.
God Bless

 

[Dave-W]

Glad to see your post out here in the open, but I would still request the mods to place it in a more suitable place than the INTRO section. Maybe under the Christian Advice folder.

Christian Advice

Anyway - I am glad to be able to speak to some of your issues.

It's embarrassing too how desperately I desire such a special intimate, romantic kind of love with a man. I'm sure any girl can understand that God can't exactly fill that role,

It sounds to me like you are a normal young lady with normal and God-given desires. You should NEVER be embarrassed by that.

But I am none of those things.

I'm lonely, empty, ungodly, and I walk around with a thick cloud hanging over my head.

That thick cloud was put there by you believing the devil's condemnation. I suspect he had help from either your church or parents being overly harsh and legalistic. Nothing like legalism to be a kill-joy.

Deep down I wish God could come to my rescue. I wish He could make me happy, but I'm such a rebellious, lazy, disappointment. Why would he care about my needs and dreams?

Why? Because in reality (as opposed to the lie the devil is trying to make you believe) He loves you so much He died to save you and make you His own. David said in the Psalms that "He is mindful of our frame that we are but dust." Psalm 103:14

He understands how weak we are, and loves us anyway.

 

[Dave-W]

I am breaking this up because I HATE super-long posts. Too hard to read.

Masturbation and inappropriate content aren't so great. It's actually lame and pathetic. They just help me to feel good and forget my suffering for a moment.

I get that, And I would assume that after you do that, you get wave upon wave of severe guilt and condemnation, almost like a physical hit in your gut. Right? Here is a question: is there any hope in that feeling? Any encouragement that you can do better? If not, then that feeling is NOT from God. At all. I have more I could say on that, but not here or now.

In reality, I feel alone, stuck, and hopeless.
I'm so lazy, unmotivated, and scared that I just never read the Bible or pray anymore.

And that is EXACTLY the reason the devil puts that stuff on you; (guilt, shame, condemnation) to make you give up and not follow GOD. To NOT look to His word for guidance, to NOT rely on the strength of the Holy Spirit.

This is one of the functions of the Antichrist, but it reflects the purpose of the devil since he revolted back at creation:

Daniel 7:25a
He will speak out against the Most High and wear down the saints of the Highest One,​

So if you are feeling worn down, you know where that is coming from. NOT from God.

In this life where I've always had to try and help myself...
For once, I wish I could be helped.
Encouraged. Supported. Accepted.
Led kindly and patiently through my wretched problems into freedom.

And that is exactly what HE will do if you let Him, and stop listening to the garbage of the devil.

 

[Dave-W]

Thank you. Though I wish I could be done and give up on everything, there's a small, stubborn part of me that isn't ever able to give up anyways. I just hope I'll finally get somewhere before I'm convinced that hope has run out.

That "stubborn part" is the Spirit of God who will not let you totally give up.

 

[Dave-W]

Hope never runs out.
Believe me, I wish I could give up to.

He is not letting you give up, either.

 

[tundrawolf]

As a man who has struggled with homosexualkity all of his life, I feel exactly the way you do (Except for a woman).

What has taken me 40 agonizing years to discover, are these things...

1. God DOES care about your silliest desires. He either wants to change them into what is healthy (If they are not) or fulfill them in ways you could not even begin to understand how deeply you crave.

2. God DOES have someone for you and DOES NOT want you to give up! Some people are destined to face great difficulties, and those whom the Bible describes as able to function in the ministry without a mate generally have no desire for one! Because you have a desire, however, does not mean you are ready.

You must push passed the feelings of inferiority. And especially the fear of unfulfillment. You must say to God, "Even if I am to die alone, I still seek these things. I am humbling myself intentionally, please give me guidance!" And you will be granted guidance.

Don't worry about hope running out. Because it will.

My hope has been dashed to pieces. It feels like it continually is. And I am almost 40! Even today I have to struggle that God's will indeed, for me, is to suffer in loneliness until such time as I am ready to be worthy of a woman. To fulfill my role as her protector, her best friend, her lover, her protector. And to do these things in God's supernatural power. Until I am, we will forever be apart! And that is a hope- crushing thing, in every sense, except for some distant hope, that says, "Some day, between now and when you die, you will finally meet the woman I have for you!" This is so painful!

Never fall for the lie that having an active relationship with Christ is going to be pain free. It is some times the hardest thing we will ever do.

But the good news is that every desire your heart aches for, God is aching to satisfy. Yes, it is true, there are things in our lives that only another person can satisfy. In more ways than just sex. And this is the way that God has designed it. But waiting for God is the hardest and loneliest thing. I am sorry but it is true. I watch my worldly friends with mates, seemingly having a good time, while I wait, alone, in what feels like emotional desolation. But I know it will be worth it. And I know when God's timing is complete, God will direct you (Providing you are in His will! Ask Him to show you what His will is...) into a relationship with a man who will have gone through the refiner's fire, to give you more than what men are trained by society to give a woman.

A man who will love you as Christ loves you. A man who will love you as all women desire to be truly loved, deep down, in a way that only God can enable us to.

So please, wait, make yourself into a Godly woman. A Proverbs 31 woman, because it is difficult... You aren't going to want to be his love when he reacts harshly, or wrongs you (Or so you feel...) it is not all roses, being married. And so he must also endeavor to become a man of Godly character.

1031:10 Verses 10-31 comprise a Hebrew acrostic poem; each verse begins with a successive letter of the Hebrew alphabet.Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
She is more precious than rubies.
11Her husband can trust her,
and she will greatly enrich his life.
12She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

13She finds wool and flax
and busily spins it.
14She is like a merchant’s ship,
bringing her food from afar.
15She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household
and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.

16She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17She is energetic and strong,
a hard worker.
18She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
her lamp burns late into the night.

19Her hands are busy spinning thread,
her fingers twisting fiber.
20She extends a helping hand to the poor
and opens her arms to the needy.
21She has no fear of winter for her household,
for everyone has warm31:21 As in Greek and Latin versions; Hebrew reads scarlet. clothes.

22She makes her own bedspreads.
She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
23Her husband is well known at the city gates,
where he sits with the other civic leaders.
24She makes belted linen garments
and sashes to sell to the merchants.

25She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future.
26When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness.
27She carefully watches everything in her household
and suffers nothing from laziness.

28Her children stand and bless her.
Her husband praises her:
29“There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,
but you surpass them all!”

30Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
31Reward her for all she has done.
Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

 

[Kenny'sID]

I get why you chose this area to post, it very hard to know just where to put something like this, and I agree with another poster that a mod just move it or suggest an area to restart it if it is also given the thumbs down to further replies.

 

[Lisa12383]

If you will permit me I would like to suggest that first and foremost that you bring all negative thinking that is contrary to what the Word says about you into captivity and cast it aside. Here is what the Bible says about you:
Psalm 139:14 “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”
You were uniquely designed by the Master Himself and everything He makes is perfect in Him.
Now here is where I got to say Whoa there girl... STOP IT! IN THE NAME OF JESUS! I went back and read everything you said about yourself...there was not one thing positive you spoke over your life.
Remember this scripture and keep it daily in your thoughts.
Proverbs 18:21 Death and Life are in the POWER OF THE TONGUE and they who love it will eat the fruit thereof.
Here is another in picture Luke 6:15
So I will explain....your enemy Satan, comes to kill, steal and destroy and the quickest way he can start doing that is to fill your mind with negative thinking. Then what happens is those thoughts eventually get planted in your heart....it makes the heart heavy and weak. The mouth then gets engaged in speaking what the heart is feeling. Day after day after day your mind is poisoning your spirit and body. It will put you into the depth of despair and hopelessness if you keep doing this.

It is time to stop speaking negative (death) over yourself and start speaking positive (Life) over yourself.
You need to make a list of all your positives and start speaking them over yourself! and if you can't think of any ask friends and family what they see positive in you, then discover what God sees in you. AMEN!
Are you a born again believer? Have you asked Jesus into your heart? Jesus loves you Soooo much and wants to fill you with His Joy, Peace, and Happiness. You can't get that through worldly and fleshly desires...it takes a spiritual change.
You are the apple of His eye and He will turn your sorrow into joy if you will let Him.
Well, I don't mean to preach I am just very sensitive about the words people speak...your words have power and when you speak them out they manifest in your life...good or bad.
God Bless

Thank you. I understand. I'm just having a hard time. I just get overwhelmed by everything. I wanted to be completely honest about my feelings and struggles and get help instead of holding it in and putting on a face for so long.

 

[Lisa12383]

As a man who has struggled with homosexualkity all of his life, I feel exactly the way you do (Except for a woman).

What has taken me 40 agonizing years to discover, are these things...

1. God DOES care about your silliest desires. He either wants to change them into what is healthy (If they are not) or fulfill them in ways you could not even begin to understand how deeply you crave.

2. God DOES have someone for you and DOES NOT want you to give up! Some people are destined to face great difficulties, and those whom the Bible describes as able to function in the ministry without a mate generally have no desire for one! Because you have a desire, however, does not mean you are ready.

You must push passed the feelings of inferiority. And especially the fear of unfulfillment. You must say to God, "Even if I am to die alone, I still seek these things. I am humbling myself intentionally, please give me guidance!" And you will be granted guidance.

Don't worry about hope running out. Because it will.

My hope has been dashed to pieces. It feels like it continually is. And I am almost 40! Even today I have to struggle that God's will indeed, for me, is to suffer in loneliness until such time as I am ready to be worthy of a woman. To fulfill my role as her protector, her best friend, her lover, her protector. And to do these things in God's supernatural power. Until I am, we will forever be apart! And that is a hope- crushing thing, in every sense, except for some distant hope, that says, "Some day, between now and when you die, you will finally meet the woman I have for you!" This is so painful!

Never fall for the lie that having an active relationship with Christ is going to be pain free. It is some times the hardest thing we will ever do.

But the good news is that every desire your heart aches for, God is aching to satisfy. Yes, it is true, there are things in our lives that only another person can satisfy. In more ways than just sex. And this is the way that God has designed it. But waiting for God is the hardest and loneliest thing. I am sorry but it is true. I watch my worldly friends with mates, seemingly having a good time, while I wait, alone, in what feels like emotional desolation. But I know it will be worth it. And I know when God's timing is complete, God will direct you (Providing you are in His will! Ask Him to show you what His will is...) into a relationship with a man who will have gone through the refiner's fire, to give you more than what men are trained by society to give a woman.

A man who will love you as Christ loves you. A man who will love you as all women desire to be truly loved, deep down, in a way that only God can enable us to.

So please, wait, make yourself into a Godly woman. A Proverbs 31 woman, because it is difficult... You aren't going to want to be his love when he reacts harshly, or wrongs you (Or so you feel...) it is not all roses, being married. And so he must also endeavor to become a man of Godly character.

1031:10 Verses 10-31 comprise a Hebrew acrostic poem; each verse begins with a successive letter of the Hebrew alphabet.Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
She is more precious than rubies.
11Her husband can trust her,
and she will greatly enrich his life.
12She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

13She finds wool and flax
and busily spins it.
14She is like a merchant’s ship,
bringing her food from afar.
15She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household
and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.

16She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17She is energetic and strong,
a hard worker.
18She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
her lamp burns late into the night.

19Her hands are busy spinning thread,
her fingers twisting fiber.
20She extends a helping hand to the poor
and opens her arms to the needy.
21She has no fear of winter for her household,
for everyone has warm31:21 As in Greek and Latin versions; Hebrew reads scarlet. clothes.

22She makes her own bedspreads.
She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
23Her husband is well known at the city gates,
where he sits with the other civic leaders.
24She makes belted linen garments
and sashes to sell to the merchants.

25She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future.
26When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness.
27She carefully watches everything in her household
and suffers nothing from laziness.

28Her children stand and bless her.
Her husband praises her:
29“There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,
but you surpass them all!”

30Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
31Reward her for all she has done.
Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

Thank you for sharing. I've allowed myself to give up on preparing to be a wife, for I've never believed that marriage was ever promised to me, nor will ever be garunteed to me. I've lost faith and holding such an uncertain hope for a wonderful thing has been too painful.

But thank you. I won't give up on trying to grow as a kinder more giving and selfless person. There will always be little ones that will look up to me and people who need me to serve and encourage them. The Proverbs 31 me just looks like an impossible fantasy - impossible to reach. I'll try to keep going though.

 

[tundrawolf]

Thank you. I understand. I'm just having a hard time. I just get overwhelmed by everything. I wanted to be completely honest about my feelings and struggles and get help instead of holding it in and putting on a face for so long.

It doesn't pay to hold things in. And please, be honest. The church has an awful and well deserved reputation for repressing natural desires, or shunning those who express them. This was NEVER God's intention!

Please be aware that the road to true, lasting love, the love you are desperate for, can be a long one. And it can be very lonely, and very painful. I am not going to lie to you. Doing the right thing is harder than taking the easy way out.

Please, above all, guard your heart. Test every man's words. On top of guarding your heart you must also learn to ignore it! One day, after you have done your due diligence, you will lay eyes on a man, and he will lay eyes on you, and your heart will sing out, and your GUT INSTINCTS will be 100% perfectly aligned with your heart! You will know that you know that you know that THIS is the man God has been preparing for YOU. Through all of the years of loneliness, through all of the suffering, through all of the sorrow, he was being prepared for you, and in that instant, all your pain will be healed, and you will know, it will have been worth it.

DO NOT LISTEN to ANYONE (Christian or otherwise!) Who say that there is not someone out there for you. There IS someone out there for you. And he will be perfect, insomuch as you BOTH cling to Christ above all, Christ will give you the desires of your heart.

 

[Heart2Soul]

Thank you. I understand. I'm just having a hard time. I just get overwhelmed by everything. I wanted to be completely honest about my feelings and struggles and get help instead of holding it in and putting on a face for so long.

God Bless you honey, you are seeking truth and God loves those who are seeking and desiring to be more than what they have become. God will honor this, but please don't say all those awful things about yourself...those are lies of the devil himself and he planted those thoughts in your mind when you were weak and vulnerable and the sad part is you are in agreement with it. Well we all get in a rut now and then and it is the fervent prayer of a righteous man/woman that availeth much so we as stronger Christians are suppose to lift up our brothers and sisters in prayer. To intercede and stand in the gap believing for them to be victorious over their struggles in life.

You are worthy of every good and perfect gift from God and He wants to give you the desires of your heart. So For today, just the fact that you are here is good enough for God in showing that you are ready for change in your life.
The Bible says: King James Version
The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.
Meaning He is especially close to those who are heartbroken and spiritually empty. Contrite means:
con·trite
[kənˈtrīt, ˈkäntrīt]
ADJECTIVE

1. feeling or expressing remorse or penitence; affected by guilt:
   "a broken and a contrite heart"
   synonyms: remorseful · repentant · penitent · regretful · sorry · apologetic · rueful · sheepish · hangdog · ashamed · chastened · shamefaced · conscience-stricken · guilt-ridden

So though sorrow come in the evening, Joy cometh in the morning. Give it to Him....whatever you are feeling, give it to Him.
I will pray for you.
God Bless.

 

[tundrawolf]

Thank you for sharing. I've allowed myself to give up on preparing to be a wife, for I've never believed that marriage was ever promised to me, nor will ever be garunteed to me. I've lost faith and holding such an uncertain hope for a wonderful thing has been too painful.

But thank you. I won't give up on trying to grow as a kinder more giving and selfless person. There will always be little ones that will look up to me and people who need me to serve and encourage them. The Proverbs 31 me just looks like an impossible fantasy - impossible to reach. I'll try to keep going though.

I feel you. However. God is able to do things you never imagined. DO not find yourself staring into the eyes of the man God has prepared for you, only to still be immature and not ready yourself. Marriage is a huge labor. What if God gives you the man you desire tomorrow?

Work as if God has planned for a mate for you. Please. You owe it to yourself. You are a wonderful woman, and a man would be blessed to call you his own.

 

[Lisa12383]

It doesn't pay to hold things in. And please, be honest. The church has an awful and well deserved reputation for repressing natural desires, or shunning those who express them. This was NEVER God's intention!

Please be aware that the road to true, lasting love, the love you are desperate for, can be a long one. And it can be very lonely, and very painful. I am not going to lie to you. Doing the right thing is harder than taking the easy way out.

Please, above all, guard your heart. Test every man's words. On top of guarding your heart you must also learn to ignore it! One day, after you have done your due diligence, you will lay eyes on a man, and he will lay eyes on you, and your heart will sing out, and your GUT INSTINCTS will be 100% perfectly aligned with your heart! You will know that you know that you know that THIS is the man God has been preparing for YOU. Through all of the years of loneliness, through all of the suffering, through all of the sorrow, he was being prepared for you, and in that instant, all your pain will be healed, and you will know, it will have been worth it.

DO NOT LISTEN to ANYONE (Christian or otherwise!) Who say that there is not someone out there for you. There IS someone out there for you. And he will be perfect, insomuch as you BOTH cling to Christ above all, Christ will give you the desires of your heart.

Thank you for your kindness. I don't know how to believe there is someone perfect and special out there for me. But I believe that doing the right thing, though it's hard and lonely, like you said, is a very admirable, sad, and beautiful picture. I hope I can somehow be that person someday - who has hope, faith, and trust in God when life seems unbearable.