Homeschooled weirdo with no social skills seeks help

[pinkjess]

I am 24 years old and I feel I have no social skills and it is starting to cause problems in my everyday life now that I am grown. I may have some social skills but they are not enough to help me properly function as an adult. I was homeschooled my entire childhood and later unschooled once I became a pre-teen. My mother got ill with health issues and couldn't teach me anymore and I never finished my education. My parents asked me several times if I wanted to go to public school but I think we both knew I wasn't "caught up" with my grade level to enroll. So it was one of those things that went by unnoticed. When I was a teenager I spent all of my days cooped up in my bedroom on the computer making AMVs and watching Youtube videos. I slept all day long and stayed up all night. I was enrolled in dance lessons twice a week when I turned 14 but by that time it was too late, I didn't know how to make or keep friends. Heck, I didn't know how to talk to people. I also went to youth group once a week around that time but still I didn't know how to talk to people or make friends and I always sat by myself.

When I was 12 I was so lonely I would sit in a lawn chair in my front yard waiting for a kid to walk by so I could go introduce myself to them (I really did that). I would walk up to people asking them if they wanted to be my friend. That is how weird I was. Looking back I can't believe I had the moxie to do such an outrageous social stunt. I truly defied the rules of sociology and it makes me smile. But now I cringe because I can't do stuff like that anymore. I can't go to the park and sit on the bench waiting for someone to come by so I can ask them, "hey, wanna play in the sandbox with me?". It's like my brain never caught up with the rest of me. In many ways I still feel like a child. I think it is because I never had the social opportunities most people have when they go to public school and evolve with their peers. Instead I was bored at home all day with no friends to hang out with. I really believe homeschooling did me a disservice. Not to say that all homeschooling is bad, for some families I think it could work well if done properly and if the parents know what they are doing.

Now onto my problem. I am having a difficult time learning how to function in the real world and I don't know how I am to survive. I have a job (by some miracle) that I worked hard for by getting my GED and doing volunteer data entry work from home. The only part is, I have zero social or communication skills. It is hard for me to "mingle" with my co-workers (there's only two of them so that makes it worse) because I don't know what to say. I also stutter and so that makes me anxious to even say anything at all, so as a result I keep quiet. I do my work and go home. When I need to ask for help on something I panic because I don't want to sound like an idiot and don't know how to word it. I wait until the last minute before finally asking. When I answer the phones I stutter and accidentally interrupt people because I do not know when it is my turn to speak. It is so bad that I am heavily considering finding work as a housecleaning lady or janitor because then I wouldn't have to talk and look stupid. I honestly worry for my future because I can't communicate with others. I am too socially anxious and awkward to hold anyone attention. Sometimes I can say something and nobody hears me or they change the subject like what I had to say was unimportant. I don't think I am autistic because I still have tons of emotional empathy and I can read other people very well--I just can't be social. I can't talk. I can't be normal. I can't even dress normally. I dress in grandma dresses and tye-dye tunics with blue jeans and bandannas. I am the typical homeschool freakshow everyone likes to make jokes about. It hurts but I have come to accept that I am just different. I don't want to be this way, but I kind of enjoy my uniqueness. I just wish I wouldn't scare people off. I feel like I make people uncomfortable. I can't blame them because if I saw someone like me I would be like, "what the heck?"

 

[Another Lazarus]

Try to apply job which doesnt require formal education, such as a driver, cleaning dishes at restaurants, cleaning garden, security guard at the neighbourhood, courier service, etc.
Or take a course such as haircut, cooking, electronic repair, motorcycle repair, car service courses, etc.
Praying and fasting to God asking Him to show you the way.

Its OK to work as a housecleaning lady or janitor
or housemaiden, these are decent jobs too where you can feed yourself and stand on your own.

God Bless you, Jesus bless you !
Its good to hear from you !

 

[Oldmantook]

My children were home schooled and turned out okay but I know the transition into adulthood can be difficult. Do you attend a church where friends can be made? Maybe the best policy is just to be upfront and honest with people so people understand your history and why you are the way you are. People can be accommodating and adjust their expectations once they get to know you and vice-versa. Wish you well.

 

[Chesterton]

I don't know, but to me you sound like a wonderfully unique and fun person. Be yourself and don't compare yourself to other people.

It is so bad that I am heavily considering finding work as a housecleaning lady or janitor because then I wouldn't have to talk and look stupid.

Unless people you work with/for are telling you things are bad, then they're not. It may just seem bad in your head.

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

I am 24 years old and I feel I have no social skills and it is starting to cause problems in my everyday life now that I am grown. I may have some social skills but they are not enough to help me properly function as an adult. I was homeschooled my entire childhood and later unschooled once I became a pre-teen. My mother got ill with health issues and couldn't teach me anymore and I never finished my education. My parents asked me several times if I wanted to go to public school but I think we both knew I wasn't "caught up" with my grade level to enroll. So it was one of those things that went by unnoticed. When I was a teenager I spent all of my days cooped up in my bedroom on the computer making AMVs and watching Youtube videos. I slept all day long and stayed up all night. I was enrolled in dance lessons twice a week when I turned 14 but by that time it was too late, I didn't know how to make or keep friends. Heck, I didn't know how to talk to people. I also went to youth group once a week around that time but still I didn't know how to talk to people or make friends and I always sat by myself.

When I was 12 I was so lonely I would sit in a lawn chair in my front yard waiting for a kid to walk by so I could go introduce myself to them (I really did that). I would walk up to people asking them if they wanted to be my friend. That is how weird I was. Looking back I can't believe I had the moxie to do such an outrageous social stunt. I truly defied the rules of sociology and it makes me smile. But now I cringe because I can't do stuff like that anymore. I can't go to the park and sit on the bench waiting for someone to come by so I can ask them, "hey, wanna play in the sandbox with me?". It's like my brain never caught up with the rest of me. In many ways I still feel like a child. I think it is because I never had the social opportunities most people have when they go to public school and evolve with their peers. Instead I was bored at home all day with no friends to hang out with. I really believe homeschooling did me a disservice. Not to say that all homeschooling is bad, for some families I think it could work well if done properly and if the parents know what they are doing.

Now onto my problem. I am having a difficult time learning how to function in the real world and I don't know how I am to survive. I have a job (by some miracle) that I worked hard for by getting my GED and doing volunteer data entry work from home. The only part is, I have zero social or communication skills. It is hard for me to "mingle" with my co-workers (there's only two of them so that makes it worse) because I don't know what to say. I also stutter and so that makes me anxious to even say anything at all, so as a result I keep quiet. I do my work and go home. When I need to ask for help on something I panic because I don't want to sound like an idiot and don't know how to word it. I wait until the last minute before finally asking. When I answer the phones I stutter and accidentally interrupt people because I do not know when it is my turn to speak. It is so bad that I am heavily considering finding work as a housecleaning lady or janitor because then I wouldn't have to talk and look stupid. I honestly worry for my future because I can't communicate with others. I am too socially anxious and awkward to hold anyone attention. Sometimes I can say something and nobody hears me or they change the subject like what I had to say was unimportant. I don't think I am autistic because I still have tons of emotional empathy and I can read other people very well--I just can't be social. I can't talk. I can't be normal. I can't even dress normally. I dress in grandma dresses and tye-dye tunics with blue jeans and bandannas. I am the typical homeschool freakshow everyone likes to make jokes about. It hurts but I have come to accept that I am just different. I don't want to be this way, but I kind of enjoy my uniqueness. I just wish I wouldn't scare people off. I feel like I make people uncomfortable. I can't blame them because if I saw someone like me I would be like, "what the heck?"

As an outlet you may try volunteering on crises lines where social function is less a priority to the help that you can give to someone in a crises. If nothing it will help you to establish your own thoughts that may then be easier to project.

 

[God is good]

I am 24 years old and I feel I have no social skills and it is starting to cause problems in my everyday life now that I am grown. I may have some social skills but they are not enough to help me properly function as an adult. I was homeschooled my entire childhood and later unschooled once I became a pre-teen. My mother got ill with health issues and couldn't teach me anymore and I never finished my education. My parents asked me several times if I wanted to go to public school but I think we both knew I wasn't "caught up" with my grade level to enroll. So it was one of those things that went by unnoticed. When I was a teenager I spent all of my days cooped up in my bedroom on the computer making AMVs and watching Youtube videos. I slept all day long and stayed up all night. I was enrolled in dance lessons twice a week when I turned 14 but by that time it was too late, I didn't know how to make or keep friends. Heck, I didn't know how to talk to people. I also went to youth group once a week around that time but still I didn't know how to talk to people or make friends and I always sat by myself.

When I was 12 I was so lonely I would sit in a lawn chair in my front yard waiting for a kid to walk by so I could go introduce myself to them (I really did that). I would walk up to people asking them if they wanted to be my friend. That is how weird I was. Looking back I can't believe I had the moxie to do such an outrageous social stunt. I truly defied the rules of sociology and it makes me smile. But now I cringe because I can't do stuff like that anymore. I can't go to the park and sit on the bench waiting for someone to come by so I can ask them, "hey, wanna play in the sandbox with me?". It's like my brain never caught up with the rest of me. In many ways I still feel like a child. I think it is because I never had the social opportunities most people have when they go to public school and evolve with their peers. Instead I was bored at home all day with no friends to hang out with. I really believe homeschooling did me a disservice. Not to say that all homeschooling is bad, for some families I think it could work well if done properly and if the parents know what they are doing.

Now onto my problem. I am having a difficult time learning how to function in the real world and I don't know how I am to survive. I have a job (by some miracle) that I worked hard for by getting my GED and doing volunteer data entry work from home. The only part is, I have zero social or communication skills. It is hard for me to "mingle" with my co-workers (there's only two of them so that makes it worse) because I don't know what to say. I also stutter and so that makes me anxious to even say anything at all, so as a result I keep quiet. I do my work and go home. When I need to ask for help on something I panic because I don't want to sound like an idiot and don't know how to word it. I wait until the last minute before finally asking. When I answer the phones I stutter and accidentally interrupt people because I do not know when it is my turn to speak. It is so bad that I am heavily considering finding work as a housecleaning lady or janitor because then I wouldn't have to talk and look stupid. I honestly worry for my future because I can't communicate with others. I am too socially anxious and awkward to hold anyone attention. Sometimes I can say something and nobody hears me or they change the subject like what I had to say was unimportant. I don't think I am autistic because I still have tons of emotional empathy and I can read other people very well--I just can't be social. I can't talk. I can't be normal. I can't even dress normally. I dress in grandma dresses and tye-dye tunics with blue jeans and bandannas. I am the typical homeschool freakshow everyone likes to make jokes about. It hurts but I have come to accept that I am just different. I don't want to be this way, but I kind of enjoy my uniqueness. I just wish I wouldn't scare people off. I feel like I make people uncomfortable. I can't blame them because if I saw someone like me I would be like, "what the heck?"

God loves you and He has been your friend and always will be. You can message me anytime. God bless you and Jesus is Lord.

 

[Little Lantern]

I don't know, but to me you sound like a wonderfully unique and fun person.

I totally agree with @Chesterton. You communicated beautifully in your well-written post, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. You couldn't help it that your mother developed health issues during your homeschooling, and you did the right thing by getting your GED. Many successful people got their diploma through GED.

Don't discount yourself. Everyone is different, and we're all quirky in our own ways. People vary greatly in their social skills and prefer different styles of communication. Learning how to relate to others is something we all work on, and no one is an expert. The internet has many articles on social skills if you feel you need a boost, and you might even find some helpful information on how to overcome stuttering.

The most important thing to grasp is that you, pinkjess, are a precious creation of God Himself, and in Him are awesome gems of opportunity waiting for you to discover. I challenge you to dig into Scripture and find the treasure you are from His perspective.

 

[Halbhh]

I'm optimistic for you, in part because you have written as you have. You make a lot of sense in how you write. You can do fine. Overcome your fears by trying, knowing that it's normal to try and sometimes fail and eventually succeed. Did you know there is Someone who already loves you more perfectly than any mortal human can?

He told us this: "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another"

That's just as good and life improving as it sounds like. You can read more of what He said, and it makes life so much better for all who take in what He says. here's one link Matthew 1 NIV

 

[Cat Loaf You]

I am 24 years old and I feel I have no social skills and it is starting to cause problems in my everyday life now that I am grown. I may have some social skills but they are not enough to help me properly function as an adult. I was homeschooled my entire childhood and later unschooled once I became a pre-teen. My mother got ill with health issues and couldn't teach me anymore and I never finished my education. My parents asked me several times if I wanted to go to public school but I think we both knew I wasn't "caught up" with my grade level to enroll. So it was one of those things that went by unnoticed. When I was a teenager I spent all of my days cooped up in my bedroom on the computer making AMVs and watching Youtube videos. I slept all day long and stayed up all night. I was enrolled in dance lessons twice a week when I turned 14 but by that time it was too late, I didn't know how to make or keep friends. Heck, I didn't know how to talk to people. I also went to youth group once a week around that time but still I didn't know how to talk to people or make friends and I always sat by myself.

When I was 12 I was so lonely I would sit in a lawn chair in my front yard waiting for a kid to walk by so I could go introduce myself to them (I really did that). I would walk up to people asking them if they wanted to be my friend. That is how weird I was. Looking back I can't believe I had the moxie to do such an outrageous social stunt. I truly defied the rules of sociology and it makes me smile. But now I cringe because I can't do stuff like that anymore. I can't go to the park and sit on the bench waiting for someone to come by so I can ask them, "hey, wanna play in the sandbox with me?". It's like my brain never caught up with the rest of me. In many ways I still feel like a child. I think it is because I never had the social opportunities most people have when they go to public school and evolve with their peers. Instead I was bored at home all day with no friends to hang out with. I really believe homeschooling did me a disservice. Not to say that all homeschooling is bad, for some families I think it could work well if done properly and if the parents know what they are doing.

Now onto my problem. I am having a difficult time learning how to function in the real world and I don't know how I am to survive. I have a job (by some miracle) that I worked hard for by getting my GED and doing volunteer data entry work from home. The only part is, I have zero social or communication skills. It is hard for me to "mingle" with my co-workers (there's only two of them so that makes it worse) because I don't know what to say. I also stutter and so that makes me anxious to even say anything at all, so as a result I keep quiet. I do my work and go home. When I need to ask for help on something I panic because I don't want to sound like an idiot and don't know how to word it. I wait until the last minute before finally asking. When I answer the phones I stutter and accidentally interrupt people because I do not know when it is my turn to speak. It is so bad that I am heavily considering finding work as a housecleaning lady or janitor because then I wouldn't have to talk and look stupid. I honestly worry for my future because I can't communicate with others. I am too socially anxious and awkward to hold anyone attention. Sometimes I can say something and nobody hears me or they change the subject like what I had to say was unimportant. I don't think I am autistic because I still have tons of emotional empathy and I can read other people very well--I just can't be social. I can't talk. I can't be normal. I can't even dress normally. I dress in grandma dresses and tye-dye tunics with blue jeans and bandannas. I am the typical homeschool freakshow everyone likes to make jokes about. It hurts but I have come to accept that I am just different. I don't want to be this way, but I kind of enjoy my uniqueness. I just wish I wouldn't scare people off. I feel like I make people uncomfortable. I can't blame them because if I saw someone like me I would be like, "what the heck?"

Don't rely on friends from school . I had two really close friends and like 8 friends from school who i would talk on daily basics but after everybody aged to 18-20 half of them got girlfriends and have "no time ", few of them went to work and have " no time " and rest went to study and they have " no time " .

It will be good if from 10 friends you will be left with one or two , myself i don't have close friend anymore since my closest friend has just choosen a girl which he never met before (he meet her playing video games ) and since that he is not speaking to me because i told him that it's strange that it's his girlfriend for one year but they never meet they just play games together , she could have boyfriend and treat my ex-friend just as friend not as boyfriend .

He got upset after such stupid thing even tho we sat in same classroom and talked for 6 years .

When you grow up and get job your friends will most likelly be from work anyways because you will see them every day so don't worry about not having friends while being teen they would choose thier own paths anyways .

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Improving self and helping others to do the same:
The woman who lifted a village out of poverty

 

[yuppers]

By what you wrote it sounds like you are a kind person. In my opinion I think the best thing you can do is keep pushing yourself socially. Instead of letting your fears of stuttering or being socially awkward limit you keep interacting with people. It will be a process and take some time but I believe you can overcome this! The more interactions you have with people the more you can learn of things that are “socially acceptable”. You will probably make mistakes, you might embarrass yourself sometime but generally speaking most people are forgiving so they will see the effort you are making and be compassionate towards you. If you ever come in contact with someone who talks down to you or makes fun of you you might get upset but you have to learn to shrug people and comments like that off. For your work I think it might actually be a good place for you to start building your social skills. Slowly start talking with your coworkers a little more. Maybe on Monday ask how their weekend was and what they did. Or on Friday you could ask if they have anything interesting planned for the weekend. If they tell you something they are doing over the weekend you can remember that and ask on Monday how it was. Now for your clothes. If you are happy with what you wear keep wearing it no matter what people say. We live in a time where people are unique and individual clothes can be a way to show your uniqueness. If you aren’t happy with what you wear maybe every month take a bit of money from your paycheque and buy a new shirt or pants. Slowly overtime you will start to look and feel better about yourself . Hopefully this helps a little bit.

 

[turkle]

The only way to overcome social awkwardness is to push through it. I don't think it's a good idea to seek out isolating jobs. In fact, I think you should do the opposite. Put yourself out there. When you do, take your attention off of yourself and your feelings of inadequacy, and instead focus on the other person. Ask them questions about themselves. Show interest. People like people who give them an opportunity to talk about themselves.

I think it would be a good idea to ask the women's director in your church to introduce you to an older, mature woman who can mentor you. You need someone who can guide you socially, and that would be a good way to get that guidance.

The fact that you write well but say that you can't speak suggests that it is most likely because of your self focus. That's natural, but it's something to be aware of and work to overcome. The more you are focused upon yourself, the less you can relate to others. It is a skill that you can learn, though it will be challenging. If you really want to make a change, you will need to gather your courage and learn to focus on others. Pray for the strength and wisdom to make good choices and to find kind people that you can create relationships with. God will guide you if you rely on Him to do so.

I remember a woman that I've known from childhood who was missing a finger. She was extraordinarily shy in school and would always hide her hand beneath whatever she could. She was almost impossible to talk with because she was so conscious of that hand and wouldn't speak much. Years later I saw her again, and she was a new person. She said that she decided one day that she didn't care if people knew about her missing finger anymore. It liberated her. She was outgoing, gracious and a lot of fun. I was shocked by the change, and admired her so much for choosing to come out of her shell and live a full life. And she really does that! There's no question that you can too if you are willing to set aside self consciousness and put yourself out there in the world. My friend realized that when she did that nobody cared that she was missing her finger. I think that you will find the same kind of experience if you take your focus off of your perceived lack of social skills, and just do it. There will be bumps in the road along the way, but I think that you will find that it is well worth it. Prayerfully ask God to guide you in all of your interactions.

 

[Sketcher]

Well, as someone who himself has struggled from being socially awkward (and much of that came from how I was treated in public schools), I'm going to suggest a few things.

- You don't need to say things all the time. Saying something for the sake of saying something tends to result in saying things that are beneath the intelligent and good person you are (I'm assuming you have been born again). Proverbs 17:28 is gold.
- When something needs to be said, be courageous enough to say it, especially if it is an apology or will prevent trouble down the road. Proverbs 15:23 is also gold.
- Respect, prudence, tact. Daniel 2:14 and 1 Peter 3:15 are also good principles that should characterize how you treat people with your words.
- In sports, it's better to make a fundamentally sound play than it is to try and make the play as stylishly as you can. The times when the athletes try to be too stylish are the times they miss, which can have significant consequences on the game they are playing. Same concept here. You can joke, but it's better to stay silent than to tell an inappropriate joke, or to insist on telling unfunny jokes.
- Be less concerned with how entertaining you are than with how respectful and helpful to others you are.
- It's OK to ask for clarification, and not give an answer until you get that clarification. Be sure of that when you need to use this, it helps.
- Keep working, work keeps you around people.
- Take classes at a community college, there are speech classes that get into interpersonal dynamics, and psychology classes as well as student organizations around general interest. Plenty of opportunity to learn more that you can use in dealing with people.

 

[planet_joe]

Yeah some of your experiences are pretty similar to mine growing up. I had social anxiety disorder, and was very clingy and had terrible self-esteem, was very passive, etc.

What I'd recommend is a self-help course combined with a support group. I took a course years ago called Conversation Confidence which helped me immensely. There's a lot of good resources over on Amazon for this kind of thing. I had to learn how to socialise in a way similar to learning a new language. Learn a bit, practice a bit, repeat. It takes a while to overwrite all the garbage thought patterns in your brain, but you get there eventually.

As for support group, check out a site called Meetup. You should be able to find various support groups in your area hopefully, groups for people with anxiety issues seem to be pretty common.

Finally, don't underrate yourself. Don't beat yourself up. There are plenty of people out there who would appreciate your friendship. Character is what matters, and good friends will appreciate you for who you are.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Not that this helps at this point but this is why many states have rules about homeschooling because to many who homeschool don't have their kids join other homeschool groups so they can get social interaction. When they don't join, many kids end up not knowing how to socialize as adults. I'm just thankful my mom not only homeschooled me but was a speaker for homeschoolers raising kids with special needs. So I was always at events and with other kids.

Though the irony is despite learning social skills, I don't really care about having friends to much. I prefer being a lone wolf. Or just having one REALLY good friend.

 

[LoricaLady]

That's interesting. Studies show that home schooled children, generally, outscore public school children across the board academically and do fine socially. It seems your home schooling somehow didn't work for you, though.

I would look into getting a G.E.D. Also, in the area of social skills you can get online, You Tube etc., and get helpful info, I'm sure, on how to improve those. The library probably has such materials, too. Maybe try play acting with a mirror, even with a video on iPhone or whatever. Play both parts, you and the people you want to interact with, and keep improving your skills. It could be a lot of fun!

 

[LoricaLady]

P.S. On the stuttering I will give a couple of tips that might help, and I am a trained speech/language pathologist. First, if you are near a university which trains SLPs you might be able to get some therapy very cheaply or free, from practicum students.

2nd, too fast rate of speech seems to be the biggest factor in stuttering. It may not seem like you are talking too fast because the speech is broken up by the stuttering, but if you are trying to talk fast, that is a hindrance.You can break up your speech by taking little,tiny, breaths of air at every "comma" or "period" point there would be there if your words were in print. You can pause and sip air more often than that, looking thoughtful. In short: Slow and lots of little air sips, and LOTS and LOTS of practice on that. I had one kid who used to practice even in the tub and he did great.

 

[LoricaLady]

P.P.S And oh yeal this is another thing that can help on the stuttering. Where practical, say what you want to say in your head before you say it with your mouth. Do not change the words from head to mouth. For example if someone says "Wanna go the park?" in your head you say "Yeal, that sounds good" then say those exact words with your mouth.

 

[CosmicTraveller]

I am 24 years old and I feel I have no social skills and it is starting to cause problems in my everyday life now that I am grown. I may have some social skills but they are not enough to help me properly function as an adult. I was homeschooled my entire childhood and later unschooled once I became a pre-teen. My mother got ill with health issues and couldn't teach me anymore and I never finished my education. My parents asked me several times if I wanted to go to public school but I think we both knew I wasn't "caught up" with my grade level to enroll. So it was one of those things that went by unnoticed. When I was a teenager I spent all of my days cooped up in my bedroom on the computer making AMVs and watching Youtube videos. I slept all day long and stayed up all night. I was enrolled in dance lessons twice a week when I turned 14 but by that time it was too late, I didn't know how to make or keep friends. Heck, I didn't know how to talk to people. I also went to youth group once a week around that time but still I didn't know how to talk to people or make friends and I always sat by myself.

When I was 12 I was so lonely I would sit in a lawn chair in my front yard waiting for a kid to walk by so I could go introduce myself to them (I really did that). I would walk up to people asking them if they wanted to be my friend. That is how weird I was. Looking back I can't believe I had the moxie to do such an outrageous social stunt. I truly defied the rules of sociology and it makes me smile. But now I cringe because I can't do stuff like that anymore. I can't go to the park and sit on the bench waiting for someone to come by so I can ask them, "hey, wanna play in the sandbox with me?". It's like my brain never caught up with the rest of me. In many ways I still feel like a child. I think it is because I never had the social opportunities most people have when they go to public school and evolve with their peers. Instead I was bored at home all day with no friends to hang out with. I really believe homeschooling did me a disservice. Not to say that all homeschooling is bad, for some families I think it could work well if done properly and if the parents know what they are doing.

Now onto my problem. I am having a difficult time learning how to function in the real world and I don't know how I am to survive. I have a job (by some miracle) that I worked hard for by getting my GED and doing volunteer data entry work from home. The only part is, I have zero social or communication skills. It is hard for me to "mingle" with my co-workers (there's only two of them so that makes it worse) because I don't know what to say. I also stutter and so that makes me anxious to even say anything at all, so as a result I keep quiet. I do my work and go home. When I need to ask for help on something I panic because I don't want to sound like an idiot and don't know how to word it. I wait until the last minute before finally asking. When I answer the phones I stutter and accidentally interrupt people because I do not know when it is my turn to speak. It is so bad that I am heavily considering finding work as a housecleaning lady or janitor because then I wouldn't have to talk and look stupid. I honestly worry for my future because I can't communicate with others. I am too socially anxious and awkward to hold anyone attention. Sometimes I can say something and nobody hears me or they change the subject like what I had to say was unimportant. I don't think I am autistic because I still have tons of emotional empathy and I can read other people very well--I just can't be social. I can't talk. I can't be normal. I can't even dress normally. I dress in grandma dresses and tye-dye tunics with blue jeans and bandannas. I am the typical homeschool freakshow everyone likes to make jokes about. It hurts but I have come to accept that I am just different. I don't want to be this way, but I kind of enjoy my uniqueness. I just wish I wouldn't scare people off. I feel like I make people uncomfortable. I can't blame them because if I saw someone like me I would be like, "what the heck?"

My previous job brought me into frequent contact with homeschool students. Some were awkward. The best way I saw it handled was by making one friend, then expanding that social circle slowly. The first step might be to find a church with some folks your age, and start by attending some functions there.

You have a GED as well now, and many community colleges offer remedial classes to enhance your education, as well as business English and etiquette.

 

[Andrew77]

I am 24 years old and I feel I have no social skills and it is starting to cause problems in my everyday life now that I am grown. I may have some social skills but they are not enough to help me properly function as an adult. I was homeschooled my entire childhood and later unschooled once I became a pre-teen. My mother got ill with health issues and couldn't teach me anymore and I never finished my education. My parents asked me several times if I wanted to go to public school but I think we both knew I wasn't "caught up" with my grade level to enroll. So it was one of those things that went by unnoticed. When I was a teenager I spent all of my days cooped up in my bedroom on the computer making AMVs and watching Youtube videos. I slept all day long and stayed up all night. I was enrolled in dance lessons twice a week when I turned 14 but by that time it was too late, I didn't know how to make or keep friends. Heck, I didn't know how to talk to people. I also went to youth group once a week around that time but still I didn't know how to talk to people or make friends and I always sat by myself.

When I was 12 I was so lonely I would sit in a lawn chair in my front yard waiting for a kid to walk by so I could go introduce myself to them (I really did that). I would walk up to people asking them if they wanted to be my friend. That is how weird I was. Looking back I can't believe I had the moxie to do such an outrageous social stunt. I truly defied the rules of sociology and it makes me smile. But now I cringe because I can't do stuff like that anymore. I can't go to the park and sit on the bench waiting for someone to come by so I can ask them, "hey, wanna play in the sandbox with me?". It's like my brain never caught up with the rest of me. In many ways I still feel like a child. I think it is because I never had the social opportunities most people have when they go to public school and evolve with their peers. Instead I was bored at home all day with no friends to hang out with. I really believe homeschooling did me a disservice. Not to say that all homeschooling is bad, for some families I think it could work well if done properly and if the parents know what they are doing.

Now onto my problem. I am having a difficult time learning how to function in the real world and I don't know how I am to survive. I have a job (by some miracle) that I worked hard for by getting my GED and doing volunteer data entry work from home. The only part is, I have zero social or communication skills. It is hard for me to "mingle" with my co-workers (there's only two of them so that makes it worse) because I don't know what to say. I also stutter and so that makes me anxious to even say anything at all, so as a result I keep quiet. I do my work and go home. When I need to ask for help on something I panic because I don't want to sound like an idiot and don't know how to word it. I wait until the last minute before finally asking. When I answer the phones I stutter and accidentally interrupt people because I do not know when it is my turn to speak. It is so bad that I am heavily considering finding work as a housecleaning lady or janitor because then I wouldn't have to talk and look stupid. I honestly worry for my future because I can't communicate with others. I am too socially anxious and awkward to hold anyone attention. Sometimes I can say something and nobody hears me or they change the subject like what I had to say was unimportant. I don't think I am autistic because I still have tons of emotional empathy and I can read other people very well--I just can't be social. I can't talk. I can't be normal. I can't even dress normally. I dress in grandma dresses and tye-dye tunics with blue jeans and bandannas. I am the typical homeschool freakshow everyone likes to make jokes about. It hurts but I have come to accept that I am just different. I don't want to be this way, but I kind of enjoy my uniqueness. I just wish I wouldn't scare people off. I feel like I make people uncomfortable. I can't blame them because if I saw someone like me I would be like, "what the heck?"

I'd like to give you my story, and I hope that you will get something from it. The vibe I'm getting from your post, is that there was this crucial moment so long ago, and if only you had done things differently, then it all would have worked out.

I don't know that this is true. It might be. It might not. But don't assume that if you had only gone to public schools, that everything would be wonderful and peachy today.

Before I went to school, my parents dropped me off at a daycare. When they would pick me up, they would see all the kids running around playing together, and I would be by myself playing alone.

When they sent me to school, my mother says even to this day, that the last day I smiled, was my first day at school. Unfortunately they didn't do anything about it. Both of my parents were public school teachers, and believed unquestioningly in the school system.

I was an outcast from the very first year in school. I got into fights. Was ostracized and ignored. I was harassed and bullied. This was a continual experience of misery and hopelessness, for 12 years of my life.

My mother tried everything except pulling me out of public schools. In elementary school, she threw a birthday party for me, and invited all my friends. Problem was, I had no friends. So she invited everyone in my class. So I went to a birthday party at putt-putt golf, and ended up playing an entire round of putt-putt by myself, in the middle of a party. I then ate pizza by myself, and had cake by myself, all in the middle of a party full of people. Most of whom didn't like me. Some of whom I didn't even know their names.

Another attempt was in 6th grade, signing me up for Chess Club. I didn't particularly like chess, but I did like to play games in general. One groups of kids there claimed I cheated, and when I protested, they attacked me. Think about how hilarious that is.... in a group of chess nerds, with their 5 inch thick glasses, and polo shirts, suddenly engaging in a wrestling brawl in the middle of chess club! I looked around the room, and everyone was attacking me. Obviously I didn't find it funny at the time, and never went back to Chess club.

I remember we went to school camp, and we had something called the "Trust Fall" where you stood up on a log, and fell backwards, and everyone was supposed to catch you. Out of 20 people, they caught 19. One person was dropped on the ground. The camp counselor that was overseeing this, said she had never once in the past 10 years, with dozens of groups each year, seen anyone dropped. But they dropped me... just let me smash in into the ground.

My mother also tried to sign me up for a volunteer job, which I got fired from. She set me up with a 'friend' who beat the snot out of me, and left me face down in the back yard.

She sent me on a school trip to Washington DC. I spent all my time following a teacher around, instead of going with all the other students. On the last day of the trip they had a party and dance. I got a hand held video game, curled up on the floor outside the dance hall, and played games until the dance was over, and returned to my room.

But like you, at least at that time in my life, I was desperate for someone to be friends with. I had a few friends, that disappeared after a few times hanging out. But the worst of them, was the one that stayed. This guy stayed... in that if I called him, he was ok to have me hang out with him... but it was only ok as long as I was not in public with him. The moment we were seen, he would treat me like trash. In fact, he would treat me worse than some of my enemies.

The problem was, I was so desperate, that I overlooked this, because I had no one else. There was no one. Not one person. So no matter how terrible he treated me, I stuck it out.

Eventually though, I realized he was never a friend, and I haven't talked to him in likely 15 years. The irony is that I introduced him to his wife, and was best man at his wedding. He was always quick to call me up if he wanted something. But he couldn't be bothered to see my face otherwise.

All of this non-stop misery and pain for 12 years, left me more reclusive, and more anti-social, than how I was to start with. I have often wished my parents had pulled me out of that hellish experience, and Lord knows they did try and help, but didn't know what to do. Both my parents were extremely popular in school, and obviously both being public school teachers, they believed in the system. To them, when I told them what I was going through, they simply could not understand, or believe what I told them.

To this day, now at age 40 years old, I have no friends. No real friends. No one that I hang out with. No one that I would call if I needed help. It's also why I have never had a girlfriend. Not a real romantic girlfriend.

It's funny because just a few months ago, I had a woman ask me out on a date, and I agreed to go, but we sat there unsure of what to say to each other. Extremely awkward. She wasn't a Christian, and so there was no chance of anything deep. But the fact I had no idea what, or how, to even talk to the woman was embarrassing.

Would being home schooled, have made me less socially awkward, because I would not have been so damaged by all the abuse I grew up with? I don't know.

Would being publicly school, have made you less socially awkward, because you would not have been so isolated? I don't know.

It's easy to assume the road we didn't take, would be the better road. But it's possible the road not taken, would be far worse.

We don't know the counter-factual. We don't know how the other path would have played out.

I too feel like a child in many ways. And I know that what you said is right, that some home schooling does work, and very well. I know several families that home schooled their kids, and they are far more social, and well adjusted than I am.

So you listed a couple of things about you, that bother you.

First, your dress. There is nothing wrong with a good tye-dye tunic and jeans. Ditch the bandana. I've never seen a bandana pulled off well. If you need more up-to-date tye-dye tunic, so you don't look like grandma, then go for it. You can look fantastic in that. You can be a very attractive christian woman, in this dress.

Second, you mentioned stuttering. There are numerous programs to help people to quit stuttering. Try one, or try them all, but you fix this. Stuttering is a fixable problem. Most people if they are determined enough, can quit stuttering.

Thirdly, and this one this tough tough tough one. Being social. Learning ques.

1. You must go into this with the expectation "I'm going to feel stupid". You have to walk into this situation with that expectation. Because you are. I still do. There are many times where I have no idea what people are talking about. And I say something, because I think I know what the conversation is over, only to find out I was about a 10,000 miles away from their conversation.

But the only way you get better at this, is by being involved. And you are going to feel stupid when you are involved. But if you want to get better, you have to be involved.

See the problem? So the solution is, expect to feel stupid sometimes. Allow yourself this.

For me the solution was I finally got the point that I just laugh about it. When I say something dumb, I go wow that had nothing to do with anything anywhere! And I laugh. Try to allow yourself to not be perfect.

And I'll tell you what I've found out.... the more you allow yourself to not be perfect, the more others will allow you to not be perfect.

2. Do not fear to be the quiet girl. You can be the quiet one. You can be the silent and happy woman that everyone loves, who doesn't say much.

It's ok. You can be that girl. You can be that one that everyone likes, because she only speaks when she really has something to say, instead of blabbing nonstop.

I'm giving you a little secret. Hidden mystery of the universe. (everyone likes those girls, they do).

Now I get it, you want to join in the conversation, and at some point you will. But if right now you need to just be the nice friendly quiet girl, that laughs at jokes, and greets everyone warm and friendly, but otherwise not say much... then be that girl for now.

I'm somewhat like that. I far more comfortable on here, talking to you in this chat, than I would be in person. Because I can sit here, and think out what I want to say, and delete half of it, because what I typed was dumb, and start over.

3. Lastly, whatever you do, don't go back to isolation. You have already admitted this is a problem, and that you don't want to be like this. So yeah, going and getting a cleaning job would be fantastically easy. Easy... but not productive in moving you out of this situation.

Now obviously don't jump off into crazy, and join a public speaking tour. We get it that you are not there either. But don't step backwards, and end up staying in this situation that you have admitted you don't want.

I think that if you get some help with stuttering, that it will help you move forward socially. That's just a guess. Doesn't mean fixing one, will fix the other, but I think it could help.