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hi i'm a bully [moved]

Discussion in 'Depression Disorders' started by proverbs3, May 25, 2019.

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  1. proverbs3

    proverbs3 New Member

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    hi as usual i don't know where to put this since am also introducing myself and what am i

    hi again and i am an ex-bully i don't do it anymore but just now i bully another person again which is my cousin who is staying at our house for the time being because their house is still under construction and now they are gone

    just a while ago i was just listening to christian music and told myself that i would be gentler at the same time i think i am wearing a mask just like now i don't want to tell you my real name i don't even want to tell you my fake name i just don't want to lie but i also lie not knowing because i am wearing a mask i don't know how exactly i should take it off i just keep wearing it sometimes i really don't know who i really am what i want i also think that i have a mood disorder or is it because of this mask

    for the third time after i've done sinful things this is the third time that it felt like i don't feel anything i don't feel anger fear love nothing at all just numbness 3hrs ago while wearing a mask i ask actually it was a command i am commanding my cousin to do something but he refuse this mask tells me that i need to teach him a lesson teach him nothing has change you still have to submit to me and so i did it climb up on him punch him in the face and anywhere then suddenly it feels weird i don't feel wrath anymore my punches are also weak and it feels my hands are losing strength but still continued on wearing the mask since i felt that my punch are so weak i just grab his hair even though i'm not angry anymore put on a voice that looks angry was shouting telling my cousin submit to me and he did he said he will do it we had a history i bully him since we were child so they are afraid of me but stopped 2010 so thought he is gettin it in his head i don't touch him anymore this leads me on thinking it and doing it

    now this is karma my strength on my left arm left me
    my right arm is swullen not sure if it's broken but it hurts
    anyway i deserved this right? i don't plan to go to a hospital to take care of this the things that a believer do i did it.. i don't want to tell exactly what i did cause i don't want another karma

    but how to take off this mask? how to be me and not someone else?
     
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  2. Halbhh

    Halbhh The wonder and awe of "all things" Supporter

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    Confess sincerely to God in your heart that you are sinning, real confession, and that you need His help. You could pray "God, help me change." and pray it with faith, because you can believe God wants you to change. You could find a church and/or beginning reading in the gospels -- Matthew 3 NIV
     
  3. Robin Mauro

    Robin Mauro Active Member

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    "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
    Sounds like you need an anger management class or something.
    "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
    Do you want someone bigger or stronger than you, to beat you up just because they are angry with you? Is that love? Or course not.
    That's what doors were made for. Walk away.
     
  4. GodsGrace101

    GodsGrace101 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    This is how you do thnigs:
    You do them.

    Isn't that simple?
    Sure it is.

    If I want to eat I have to make dinner.
    If you want to stop being a bully,
    you have to stop acting like one.

    Next time you feel like doing something God wouldn't like...tell satan he's not having the victory.

    If you DO bully,,,then you're on satan's side.
     
  5. proverbs3

    proverbs3 New Member

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    i also don't have friends and i think no one in this world wants me or likes me except my family but i bet they also don't like me but i know they love me but i bet they dislike me i also dislike what i turned out to be

    actually i have a very stupid plan started from my teenage years i was actually friendly when i was still younger and a not so very talkative one but i got bullied and so i started to be tough having brawl fights here and there but i am still friendly and still get friends and more enemies but because of this stupid thoughts i lead my life into nothingness i push all away those that are around me i was quiet when i was a teen and became even more quiet there you go that is just why no one likes me but when i talk my voice is very gentle they say it was like a child's voice so whenever i talk no one hears a thing that is also why people thought that i really don't talk just that they don't hear a thing but when i increase my volume they ask why are you shouting... tsk tsk so there's no one here to talk to it's making me insane

    age below 10 i was like thinking about what is the purpose of this world
    then comes teenage years i still ask those things why am i hear i also had a thought that i shouldn't really been born to begin with they shouldn't have made me i actually do not want to live and so i didn't thought about harmful things and just proceed to where i am going i almost hit by a very fast bus couple of times only inches away didn't die

    and there i thought about suicide but i am a coward so thought of a way i said i need a very painful experience that leads me to suicide all this time i don't know who is christ who is God but i've been to a christian school from where i get bullied

    and so i found a way that i would suicide when they're gone and so i lived a very stupid life push away all those that are around me so they do not get hurt when i'm gone and now you see i'm still alive and living a [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ty life not because i am a coward it was because i read the revelation and had a lot of nightmares of this and that

    and started going to a born again church but stopped attending because i do not want to be a third wheel over and over again another cousin just keeping me accompany with his gf well i never had a gf before but rejected 14 girls that's how they've even hated me and their friends told their other friends that i was... and so i've been hated the only kind of sex i am always with is with a male but i am not gay am actually addicted to straight porn can't stop rejected 14 because of my stupid plan and i can't go alone and go to that church afraid to go outside alone and afraid of many people

    right now this is my life because of my stupidity i never graduated from college no job never had a job not planning to go and work for someone for money and right now and before i'm always been a shy guy now i am even shy in front of a child or a baby i can't even talk to it what's more if it's an adult i can't even look straight for a long time i also had this temper so yeah no one in this world likes me my bro and sis probably told my niece to stay away from my bad side

    what a life a had didn't expect that it would turned out like this i was planning to suicide to end it all but i can't anymore suicide is not the end that is a fact a preacher say it is the end of your chance to live on the new earth once you're dead
     
  6. Robin Mauro

    Robin Mauro Active Member

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    And apologize to you cousin immediately. There are no masks with God. He sees exactly who you are and what you are doing. Humble yourself and he will lift you up. You do not want to wait until God has to really kick your but to make you cut it out; to learn some compassion for others.
    "Do not fear what man can do to you, fear God, who can throw your soul into hell."
    "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom."
     
  7. GodsGrace101

    GodsGrace101 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    You sound depressed. I hope you've been to a doctor....there's great medicine these days.

    As to your life...there's not too much you can change in this world...but you could change your life.

    It takes effort..it takes really wanting to do this.
    It's easier to just lie in bed all day and do nothing...
    but it makes for a very bad life.

    You don't have to be very social. Just be nice to everyone and think of how to make THEM happy.
    Think more of others.
    and less about yourself.

    Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace;
    Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
    Where there is injury, pardon;
    Where there is doubt, faith;
    Where there is despair, hope;
    Where there is darkness, light;
    And where there is sadness, joy.


    O Divine Master,
    Grant that I may not so much seek
    To be consoled as to console;
    To be understood, as to understand;
    To be loved, as to love;
    For it is in giving that we receive,
    It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
    And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
    Amen.
     
  8. Robin Mauro

    Robin Mauro Active Member

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    Get on your knees brother, daily. Find some Godly men to help guide you in the right way. Fill your mind with the Word of God. Listen to the preacher Tony Evans. He is pretty great.
    Would you love you if you were your own friends or family? Would you love someone who beat you up?
    But Jesus loves you. He died for your sins. He wants to help you to change, daily. Draw near to Him, and he will draw near to you.
    And porn is from the enemy. It objectifies women. It makes them into a thing, to satisfy your sinful desires, rather than a God created person, with feelings and needs of their own.
    God made marriage and sex to be Holy; an expression of God's love between a man and a woman. Do you want true love, or do you want to wallow in filth and hate yourself for it, and hate women?
    You are afraid because you cause fear in others. You reap what you sow, but God is ready to forgive. Get on your knees brother. Beg his forgiveness and beg him to help you to change, daily...even minute by minute.
    I will pray for you.
     
  9. Sam91

    Sam91 Child of the Living God Supporter

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    If your cousin knows you are a Christian what a bad witness those actions were. Repent and try to see your actions through his eyes.

    Your self-esteem is very low in many ways, is the trying to control, dominate, command respect coming from that?

    Your name is Proverbs 3. Do you love proverbs 3:5-6 too? I think you need to repent and throw yourself on God's mercy. Then meekly trust in Him (He loved and called you while you were a sinner). Give up on your own understanding, how you see the world etc. Throw it out the window- it can only cause trouble and strife, it just did to your cousin. Read your Bible lots while in a prayerful attitude and remain submitted to Him. Fill your mind with His word instead of the worlds way's. The Lord will guide you and make your paths straight.

    Let Him change and mold you. Weed the sin out your life by just giving it up and let the Lord free you from it all. Praise and Thank Him as you grow in Him. I hope you can find a good church, you need the fellowship of others. God bless you brother.
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2019
  10. Unofficial Reverand Alex

    Unofficial Reverand Alex Look up Jason Evert on YouTube; he changed my life Supporter

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    Talk to a priest, faith counselor, psychologist, all three if you can manage it. This sounds like something best figured out by conversations, although writing it like this does tend to help.

    Sounds like the Diary of St. Faustina may help, though. It's an amazing book I reference a lot on these forums, with the writings of a Polish nun, including her conversations with Jesus Himself.

    Full text: https://liturgicalyear.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/divine-mercy-in-my-soul.pdf

    It's one of those great books where you can just open it to a random page, and still get some beautiful things to ponder. Just pray, scroll down to a random page, and let God speak to you.

    May God bless us all!
     
  11. Anthony2019

    Anthony2019 "Only Me!" Supporter

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    A couple of years ago, I received a friend request on social media from someone who was part of a group who relentlessly bullied me during my teens.

    I accepted the friend request and since that time we have had many friendly chats and exchanges. The person apologised for the way I was treated which I accepted. I learned that bullies are often people who themselves are very insecure and some of them put on masks to hide their own weaknesses. I also discovered how change is possible and that many people who have hurt us can amend their ways and become better people.

    It is always wrong to bully others. But also you need to stop trying to prove yourself to others, and see yourself as God sees you, someone of immense value. Put away that mask, and learn to love yourself.
     
  12. proverbs3

    proverbs3 New Member

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    Yeah turned out to be just a hypocrite i was not really angry with him at that time it was all just a plan if he refuse i would put on an act and now here it is right arm hurts too much it is an unbearable pain karma

    Name is proverbs3 i like this name when i made it but turns out to be just a hypocrite or is it because of the mask when you mix truth with lies it is a perfect mask i'm not really sure what was real and what was not
     
  13. proverbs3

    proverbs3 New Member

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    What was it exactly up above says i should stop loving myself and love the others more

    That bully who bullied you probably already changed but not me i'm still living in the past you can't really blame me for it all my life i planned to end my life and just die but suddenly one day someone told me things told me the whole truth and so started regretting a lot of things if only i could turn back time that is why i like reading reincarnation novels even for just a moment i could run away from reality
     
  14. proverbs3

    proverbs3 New Member

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    I've been to a doctor countless times when i was still a child after that i never go to a healer for treatment or consultation even now with broken arms

    And yeah i'm always depressed should be obvious right from the way i live with my life it is a very depressing life everyday there's no moments i am not depress
     
  15. GodsGrace101

    GodsGrace101 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Go to a psychiatrist.
    You'd be surprised what he could do for you.
    Remember the Two Great Commandments Jesus left us with:

    LOVE GOD
    LOVE your neighbor, AS YOURSELF.

    Learn to like yourself or you won't be able to like anyone else. There's good in all of us. Find it.
     
  16. proverbs3

    proverbs3 New Member

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    Guess you're right but i don't think i can do that i think just like that someone who pulled me near to christ they also(those that are around me) might also think that what i'm having through is nothing just like how he told me before what i am experiencing now is nothing compared to others that is also why i started to dislike him then hated him because when i tried to open up all of these things he said simplified told myself well you won't be able to understand... Even told him he would report me when i tell him that i planned before to suicide he then replied no he won't but he will since he told me he care for me of course if you really care for someone even if that someone hated you.. You wouldn't care as long as you help him/her

    Anyway that's that there's currently a bigger problem than my problem so yeah as usual i am alone with God though i don't even know if he'll listen since i am so wicked but remembered that even those that tomorrow will be cast to the eternal fire he still helped those people so long as i ask he will give so long as i knock it will be opened

    Deleted all those christian songs that only makes me righteous in my own eyes and just listening to classical instrumental that makes me calm

    Guess i really don't need christian songs as long as i have the bible it will guide me
     
  17. GodsGrace101

    GodsGrace101 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Yes. Keep reading the bible.
    But I think you also need a nice, friendly church to go to that could guide you. Not in a personal way, but just in how the pastor preaches and teaches.
     
  18. proverbs3

    proverbs3 New Member

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    That other cousin who seem abandoned me because he kept asking me to go with him every sat and sun to go bible study and church i keep avoiding the question or kept saying no thanks stopped after we somewhat fought and i walk out away from him then he became cold very cold towards me that's how i realized i've been abandoned qwq

    There's this other church but just like what i said before that even if i attend i won't be able to see the preacher in person cause it was always televised live

    His preachings are all in the bible except i remembered he told the audience that he never sin since he was a kid... So if this church is true then there is nothing on this earth no one on this earth that can really save a person no church can still can't believe he really said he never made a sin after he said that no one reacted... o_O but compare to other churches out there this The Old Path church is more authentic as the house of the almighty God
     
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