What's at the bottom of scrupulosity? You. You are at the bottom of your scrupulosity. Being hyper-scrupulous is an attempt, born of fear, to protect yourself from a perceived threat. Scrupulosity attempts to exert control over an area, or areas, where you think you have dangerously little control. But this kind of fear-based thinking and behavior doesn't please God because it is so self-centered. When your eyes are fixed on Him, when you know Him as your infinitely-loving Heavenly Father, fear just dissolves. God is good, patient, merciful, gracious and holy. He can be trusted. He's not out to get you. Why, then, fear?
I'm not sure what you mean by "sin against your conscience." All sin is ultimately sin against God which is what makes it sin.
See? Fear never leads us anywhere good. When we follow our own thinking, and especially our fears, we are led often into extremes. God gives to us balance, stability, and wisdom. And peace. Give God control of you; submit yourself to Him. As you do, over time, God will lead you into a life of rest and meaning, free of constant worry and the stressful scrupulosity under which you are presently laboring.
Matthew 11:28-30
28 "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
29 "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
30 "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
And if you commit a sin, then what? What is it you fear in committing a sin? That God will get you? That He will hurt you?
Jelena, God tells us not to sin for our sakes, not for His. God warns us not to do wicked things because we are harmed in some way when we do. If no one ever obeyed God again, He would still be perfect, not lessened in the slightest. So, God doesn't need us to obey Him; it is entirely for our sake that God says, "Do this," and "Don't do that." When we obey God, we are protected from the harm that sin produces and are living in a way that allows us to fully enjoy God. If anything, God feels sadness when we sin because He knows we will suffer in some way as a consequence of our sin. And because God is so incredibly loving, He has done amazing things to make a way for us to escape sin and walk with Him in joy and peace. He loves you, Jelena, and desires the best for you. God is not out to beat you down if you step wrong.
1 John 4:9-10
9 By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him.
10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Romans 5:6-8
6 For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.
7 For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—
8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Colossians 1:21-22
21 And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds,
22 he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him,
God has moved toward us in love when we were still awful, sinful people. He didn't wait for us to be clean, holy, God-loving people, but sent His Son to die for us when we were His enemies, living deep in rebellion toward Him. This is the kind of love God has for us. It chases us down when we run away; it seeks us out when we stray deep into darkness; it pursues us when we have wandered off into sin. The Good Shepherd goes out looking for his lost sheep, carrying it back to his sheepfold when he finds it; he doesn't curse his lost sheep for getting lost, refusing to look for it. In fact, the Bible says the Good Shepherd, Jesus Christ, has given his life for you, paying for the penalty of your sin with his blood and life on a cross 2000 years ago. This is how much he loves you.
Why, then, are you fearful, worrying at every turn about doing everything just right? God cannot accept you on the basis of your righteousness. He requires perfect righteousness which you can never reach by yourself. No matter how scrupulous you are, you will never be righteous enough for God. But you can find the righteousness that God requires in Jesus. In him, by trusting in him as your Saviour and Lord, you are "clothed" in Jesus, in his perfect righteousness, and so made acceptable to God. And because Jesus's righteousness is always, forever perfect, those in his righteousness by faith, are always accepted by God. Why then should you be afraid?
Romans 13:11-14
14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ...
Philippians 3:8-9
8 Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ
9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—
Romans 10:9-13
9 ...if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
10 For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.
11 For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.”
12 For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing his riches on all who call on him.
13 For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
Revelation 3:20
20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.
Titus 3:3-7
3 For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another.
4 But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared,
5 he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit,
6 whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior,
7 so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.
thanks
