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porterross

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Who'd of thunk at 42, after being catiously single for 8 years and almost giving up hope, that I'd have men competing for my affection?

I am comfortably moving forward with the most wonderful man who, I feel, God has brought to me for a variety of reasons, and I am joyfully content at the prospects of our future together. I have prayed about this relationship every step of the way and God has led our way in the most amazing fashion. In short, it's what I've been waiting for and better than imagined.

HOWEVER, I have a long time male friend who will not stop pursuing me. I felt the need to inform him of my relationship and that I hoped it became more serious and lasting and this seems to have made him even more determined to get my interest. Oy!

Keep in ind that I have known my male friend for 25 years and he has had several occasions to pursue me yet chose to marry others (yes, 3) and I have no romantic interest in him whatsoever. Our kids enjoy playing together and I do care for him as a friend and enjoy his company, but now I am no longer comfortable around him for fear of hurting him because I finally found a man I care about who is worthy of committing to.

Are we more attractive when someone else is interested in us? Any suggestions on how to handle this without hurting someone? It all gives me a headache.
 

BeautyForAshes

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porterross said:
Are we more attractive when someone else is interested in us? Any suggestions on how to handle this without hurting someone? It all gives me a headache.

YES! I know what you mean. When you are single and searching, you not a soul is interested in you, but as soon as you become involved in someone, then potential suitors come out of the woodwork! ^_^

Regarding your longtime friend, maybe he has finally seen "the light" (concerning what a WONDERFUL gf/spouse you would be) but unfortunately its too late. Sometimes we don't recognize a good thing right under our nose because we are so caught up into what we think the "right person for us" is. Sometimes we get lucky when we realize this, and sometimes (as is the case of your friend) we're not.

I would sit him down and have a frank discussion with him. Let him know clearly (because I know sometimes we water things down because we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings) that you and your guy intend to pursue a relationship together.

Tell him that although you are flattered by the attention, there could not ever be anything more between you too. And although you cherish the friendship that you two have, his current actions are making it difficult to maintanin that friendship because the last thing you want to do is lead him on or hurt his feelings.

Be clear about things and hopefully he should get the hint.

Congrats on the new relationship btw!
 
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porterross

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Thank you, BFA.
You may be right in stating that I watered down letting my friend know of my new relationship. I also think part of the issue may be that I have been single and reliably available for soooo long that it was taken for granted.

I had to stop myself from being a little irritated with my friend that NOW, after 2 failed marriages, he sees the value in me as a woman. Had he pursued me a few years ago, things might have been different, but now that God has shown me what wonderful men are free and appreciative of women who love Him, it just isn't possible.

My sweetie is proof that God answers prayers, but in His own time and as it meets His purpose. You have no idea how I have prayed every step of the way for His guidance in this chance meeting turned romance. It is His will and I have very much let the Holy Spirit guide me. It is different form anything I've ever known and so amazingly wonderful.

God is the ultimate match-maker.
 
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J

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porterross said:
Are we more attractive when someone else is interested in us?

Yes, we are more attractive to others. Part of it is because we are feeling loved, and that has got to show. :)

I agree with BFA. Just sit the guy friend down and thank him for his attention, while clearly spelling out that there is no opportunity for him with you, since you and the other fella are making long term plans.

P.S. As an aside, I find myself looking a second time at men friends when they've finally found someone. Especially if the guy had expressed interest and I had turned him down. I think it's natural to ask oneself, "Was there something I missed?" Or "Was the problem I saw in him really as big as I thought?" Recently, I "re-looked" at a guy who just got engaged, but I was quite satisfied that I'd made the right decision. I've actually never felt I've made a wrong decision in that area.
 
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Craft

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As a guy I would rather have some one tell me right off the bat that a girl I am interested in has found her Mr Right. It saves both from embarassing and awkward situations. So just calmly introduce into a conversation about your new relationship to your friend and try not to make a big issue of it, he should pick up on it rather quickly... (we guys do listen sometimes, lol)
 
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porterross

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I did that Craft, but it seems to have only increased his determination. :sigh:

You know, it may be a military man competition thing, too, as my bloke is a retired British officer and my friend is soon to retire from the Air Force.

Who knows? I've seen him marry twice in the last 5 years and not felt anything but happy that he might finally be happy.

I was laughing last night thinking about that movie, My Best Friends Wedding....perhaps I should consider a destination wedding out of the states if we get to that point. ^_^
 
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OhhJim

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porterross said:
Who'd of thunk at 42, after being catiously single for 8 years and almost giving up hope, that I'd have men competing for my affection?

Actually, a lot of women have men competing for their attention, however, they deny it, or ignore it. It's a very common thing, for men to compete that way. It's what we do.

porterross said:
Are we more attractive when someone else is interested in us?

Oh, yeah. One of the best things a man can do to generate female attention, for instance, is to be seen with an attractive woman. Someday, I'm going to start a thread about this in the main singles forum.
 
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Craft

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porterross said:
I did that Craft, but it seems to have only increased his determination. :sigh:

You know, it may be a military man competition thing, too, as my bloke is a retired British officer and my friend is soon to retire from the Air Force.

Who knows? I've seen him marry twice in the last 5 years and not felt anything but happy that he might finally be happy.

I was laughing last night thinking about that movie, My Best Friends Wedding....perhaps I should consider a destination wedding out of the states if we get to that point. ^_^

Could be, lol, that as an Air Force Officer he might have had a slow leek of air in his mask, lol. But he should get the message if you stick to your guns. How is your British Officer taking it, he is not British exS.A.S. by chance, lol, that would be a sticky wickit as he would say, lol. I just hope he has a sense of humor and treats you they way you deserve :) good luck :) I hope everything works out :) p.s. I am also ex Military, but of the enlisted varity lol Canadian at that lol
 
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