Help! Reaping what I sew :.(

[capcurious]

Intro: There is no doubt the Love of my life is the Lord...
I don't preach at anyone as I have learned to let Gods Love, acceptance and forgiveness flowing through me says more about Salvation and my faith than my mouth ever could. However when asked, it is my utter joy to explain Salvation.

Situation: Six months after getting married my husband began showing signs of a mental disorder. For 15 years, together, we sought out every possible avenue of Spiritual and Mental Health help...No one could make a diagnosis. Most often it ended up I was accused for anything they could dream up from the details I gave. However there is NO WAY I could have caused my husband to behave so oddly. From the horrible things happening at home to the blame I received trying to get him help, I suffered miserably. I knew he was sick and my vow on our wedding day included "in sickness and in health". Spiritual and Mental Health Professionals normally suggested divorce. Instead, the worse it got the closer my dependance on the Lord became and my faith and knowledge of God grew.

There is no other reason but by God, my love and COMPASSION for my husbands was miraculously refreshed daily, no matter what I experienced the day before. Through it all He came to know the Lord and we devotedly trained our children in the faith. It was the coolest life except for what went on behind the scenes. I did what ever I had to, out side of commiting sin, to ensure the kids respect and honor for their Dad remained solid. I never spoke a word about it to friends or family. If the professionals didn't know, how could I expect my friends and family to? I also didn't want anyone to look down on him. As it turned out, all the guys he worked around were active alcoholics so if he was behaving strange at work...it was not that out of place...except on a few occations. Being brillant in his field they tolerated an occational episode.

Finally, when one of our kids started acting bizaar, the "child's psych" doctor readily was able to make a diagnosis. And, within a few days he diagnosed my husband. After six months... this Doctor had diagnosed him with Multilple Personality Disorder, Bi-Polar and Borderline Personality Disorder!!!

For my husband, it was too late he had gone over the edge and was living in a closet hidden away at his job. He divorced me after 21 years. It was more than heartbreaking to see the man I had loved for so long lost forever to mental illness.

The first year he was gone the kids started bringing home runaways, kids who were kicked out of their homes or abandoned, and x heroin users suffering from Hep C. Gladly we took them in and treated them like family. All of my counseling training came into play as I became mediator between parents and kids. Quickly they were back with their parents, relationships restored. A few older ones stayed long enough to go to vocational school so they could get on their feet financially and move out on their own. Also following family rules and doing chores. I loved them like my own including training life skills.

With that, as the attitude of my life...

Almost from the day of the divorce being final, December 98, I have had intense tradgies one after another... the likes of which most would have died from the abuse and rejection.

To mention one so far this year...to give an example... and it requires the least typing...
One of my twin sons got married in MARCH "03... he hired a police to prevent me from coming... WHY, in GODS NAME would he do that to me? Granted he may have inherited the Bi-polar disorder, still the rejection is INDESCRIBABLE. He won't talk to me to tell me WHY. Lord have mercy on my soul...this quality of rejection has been common place since the divorce. UNHEARD of rejections in so many areas it is too much to describe.

I had been so loved before.

Since 99 I have sustained the loss of everything but my life, and that I have prayed would be taken, so I wouldn't have to FEEL anymore.

My Question is IF I AM REAPING WHAT I HAVE SEWN... MY life has been a disgrace to the Lord. Because of all that's happened I am not the person I was. I am "already" being treated for depression and beginning the upward trail. Still, I am spiritually confused. No matter what I do the saying
"NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED" is an accurate description of what goes on.

The cause is for example "a computer error" "really bad actions" of someone else, things that were done to me, outside of "my realm of control."
PLEASE I am so confused... could someone give me some kind of explaination?

 

[Vollkommen Warrior]

You are most likely a good person whom God loves, regardless of what happens to you in this life. I used to think that having faith and loving God was total "protection" from the harms of the world. Not so. We are just as suseptible to mis-fortune, cancer, deaths, dis-orders and more. Sometimes prayer keeps these things away but it is no guarantee. Is it still important to pray YES!!

I don't have the answers as to why, that's just the way it is. However, I try not to concentrate on this. The positive I see is that you have faith in God and may not have without some of these troubles in your life. Considering this: life is a grain of sand in time as compared to the afterlife, a BEACH of sand, lol, you have nothing to worry about. Still pray to God for peace in your life and don't lose faith. He will grant peace to you, this I know!

Stepping back away from the nose to the tree, for example. When I look at your life or parts you describe at a forest level view: You married a someone who was barely functional at the core of his person(not that it was your fault as you mentioned). You had children with him, some of whom may be equal of disorder. It is only logical that if he has hurt you, they will too, maybe more. In addition, this will have financial ramifications. These two factors alone are enough to cause a tidal wave of tragedy rippling for years. Perhaps it is time to get away from this sinking ship and save yourself.

I have a family member whom I have to completely separate myself from to protect ME. Although I care, the person most definitely has Borderline personality issues. This alone is dangerous for caring loved ones let alone the other disorders you mention. You may in faCt have to separate yourself from these people for your own safety. You have to preserve yourself in order to be able to help others. I believe this may be your flaw. That is, caring for others to a point of running down your reserves to near impairment. Sometimes, you must think about re-charging your batteries and realize you have done all you can for these folks and move on from some of them IF Not permanently. Perhaps you are missing out on your other destinies God has in store. God bless and I will pray for you as well.

 

[Achichem]

PLEASE I am so confused... could someone give me some kind of explanation?

My offering of help:
One Book: Job

How did Job, react?

Self-reflection and Correction is the cure. Even when it only a speck on your boot.

Do you know Gods plan entails for your destiny?
PM, If your answers no.

God Bless,
Datsar

 

[SavedByGrace3]

In no way shape or manner could you be responsible for these unfortunate issues that arise in your life!
You are not a "job", nor are you being punished for some sin.

"God is good and His mercy endures forever."

There is not room there for an single second of bad!

 

[Achichem]

You are not a "job", nor are you being punished for some sin.

Who said she was?
and who said she being punished for a sin?

What I said was the best thing to do was to
Do Self-reflection and Correction

That would be how Job reacted to the bad things that keep happening to him, dispite the fact that it was not his acts which caused such.

He is a strength and an example for the suffering children.

I do not get why you, would take his beautiful example away from people.

 

[SavedByGrace3]

Who said she was?
and who said she being punished for a sin?

What I said was the best thing to do was to
Do Self-reflection and Correction

That would be how Job reacted to the bad things that keep happening to him, dispite the fact that it was not his acts which caused such.

He is a strength and an example for the suffering children.

I do not get why you, would take his beautiful example away from people.

Hi...
Was not really talking about your post. In fact I did not even read it.

 

[capcurious]

Sp0ck

You are most likely a good person whom God loves, regardless of what happens to you in this life. I used to think that having faith and loving God was total "protection" from the harms of the world. Not so. We are just as suseptible to mis-fortune, cancer, deaths, dis-orders and more. Sometimes prayer keeps these things away but it is no guarantee. Is it still important to pray YES!!

ME: I wonder where that total protection idea comes from. I thought so too...

The positive I see is that you have faith in God and may not have without some of these troubles in your life. Considering this: life is a grain of sand in time as compared to the afterlife, a BEACH of sand, lol, you have nothing to worry about. Still pray to God for peace in your life and don't lose faith. He will grant peace to you, this I know!

ME: Your grain of sand on a beach analogy brought back the one I had with the childrens Dad... Mine went like this... You know that verse about how God catches every tear we cry in a vial... Well, He had to move mine to a larger container...

In heaven my PLACE wll be the one with the

OLYMPIC SIZE POOL! LOL .....

It is only logical that if he has hurt you, they will too, maybe more. In addition, this will have financial ramifications. These two factors alone are enough to cause a tidal wave of tragedy rippling for years.

Wow...I never thought about it BEING LOGICAL... You're right!
Boy is this a new Spin!

I have a family member whom I have to completely separate myself from to protect ME. Although I care, the person most definitely has Borderline personality issues. This alone is dangerous for caring loved ones let alone the other disorders you mention. You may in faCt have to separate yourself from these people for your own safety. You have to preserve yourself in order to be able to help others. I believe this may be your flaw. That is, caring for others to a point of running down your reserves to near impairment. Sometimes, you must think about re-charging your batteries and realize you have done all you can for these folks and move on from some of them IF Not permanently. Perhaps you are missing out on your other destinies God has in store. God bless and I will pray for you as well.

So many separations have taken place. It's been 5 years for my newly married son. There's no sense in going into situations where I am not appreciated. When there is no threat of abuse and they're are reasoning people I do attempt making peace with them.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write me you sound like a wonderful
person. And I appreciate you taking the time to pray for me.
BTW if you notice an olympic size pool in Heaven...Stop in for a Swim

 

[capcurious]

My offering of help: One Book: Job

How did Job, react? Self-reflection and Correction is the cure. Even when it only a speck on your boot.

Do you know Gods plan entails for your destiny?
PM, If your answers no.

God Bless,
Datsar

Admittedly....I am pocka dot...
By now I'm a PRO @ self-reflection and correction, with a Ph.d
(professional hair dresser I'll be doing some reading along with the booklet you emailed about.
Thank you

 

[capcurious]

In no way shape or manner could you be responsible for these unfortunate issues that arise in your life!
You are not a "job", nor are you being punished for some sin.

"God is good and His mercy endures forever."

There is not room there for an single second of bad!

Oh wow...This is Music to my Ears and Sauve for my Soul...

I so believed in His mercy and that He took all the punishment for our sins... It's gone on so long those systems have failed.

What About 'you will Reap what you sew?' how do you blend this verse with your wonderful words of life?

 

[SavedByGrace3]

Oh wow...This is Music to my Ears and Sauve for my Soul...

I so believed in His mercy and that He took all the punishment for our sins... It's gone on so long those systems have failed.

What About 'you will Reap what you sew?' how do you blend this verse with your wonderful words of life?

Three things.
1. Sometimes stuff just happens. No divine plan. The devil did not do it. It was just an avalanche, or a storm, or the flu.
2. The devil is there. He attempts to step in an wreak havoc in your life. You can stamp your foot and chase him away in the name of Jesus!
3. And yes... people do reap what they so. This is a 1 for 1 deal. Eye for and eye... tooth for a tooth. Not live for an eye or child for a tooth.
This is based on:


Gal 6:
7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.


Note the corruption sown in the flesh causes corruption of the flesh. And the corruption of the flesh will be equal to the corruption sown. Any more would be unjust. You do not plant a cabbage seed and get a giant sequoia. I ask people what sin do they imagine that they commited that would have resulted in their reaping the death of their child or the cancer that is killing them. Surely they must have killed someone or they are some great blasphemer of God. Most of the time they either cannot think of any unrepented sin that equaled these things.

Even here, you can be forgiven and saved from any sin you might have commited.


Jam 5:
14 Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:
15 And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.
16 Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

 

[Peter]

"Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on this your suffering servant."

 

[capcurious]

Gal 6:
7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.

All I've been quoting is the verse 7! I realized I was doing the same thing with the Beatitudes. Forgetting to quote all, and missing the Blessing. I see how I've been short changing myself. It's time I crack The Books again.

Blessed are ye when men will ​

Revile you​

and Persecute you, ​

and SAY All Manner of Evil Against You Falsely, For My Name Sake. REJOICE! ​

and be Exceedingly GLAD, ​

for GREAT is your Reward In HEAVEN. ​

(not necessarily here)​

Note the corruption sown in the flesh causes corruption of the flesh. And the corruption of the flesh will be equal to the corruption sown. Any more would be unjust. You do not plant a cabbage seed and get a giant sequoia. I ask people what sin do they imagine that they committed that would have resulted in their reaping the death of their child or the cancer that is killing them. Surely they must have killed someone or they are some great blasphemer of God. Most of the time they either cannot think of any unrepented sin that equaled these things.

I appreciate all you've said and taking the time for me. The following questions are not to disagree with you But to help straighten out my thinking.
You say "any more would be unjust". My situation has caused me to look back at the children of Israel having to wander for 40 years, for "complaining." Moses, didn't get to go in at all, for hitting the rock in anger with the rod. God did these things so I don't consider them unjust. By today's standards it is.
Not trusting God, was the reason for with holding the promised land, right? Couldn't it still bring on similar consequences today?

Either way, I have settled into being "resigned" to living roller coaster style. I don't like it, but I think I'm suppose to "just get used to it", as NORMAL for MY life. Even though they are THE weirdest things I've ever heard of.

In regards to what sin could have brought about these traumas? I'd like to explain. My X put me in the hospital. While there they started me on a new anti-depressant, should be harmless enough. After 6 weeks on them I lost my personal convictions. They were no longer there to guide me. Without a clue, I was doped up and I decided sex was just as natural as breathing.
While waiting for the divorce to be final I committed those sins.
It's a very big deal to me, I'd pledged with all my heart to do everything possible to Gain God's Blessing on a second marriage. I'd stuck it out in my first one until he divorced me. It was vital to me. My commitment had been a rock solid.
I asked my Christian Psyche Doctor if that drug had the ability to take away my Judgement, IT was true. He said "Just like alcohol!"
That warning should have been given right on the bottle, like the warnings not to drive until you know how it's effecting you. I know of another it happened to. When they woke up after stopping they were mortified with a life trauma with no understanding of HOW THEY COULD HAVE DONE THOSE THINGS. I've considered those sins could be the reason for these extra hard years and kept from an abundant life in the Lord… God's judgement on Jacob's sin with Bathsheba?
Regardless of how it happened...I broke His Law.

 

[Achichem]

Capcurious,

I did mistake your post.
I thought you were talking about a confusion that was a lifetime, but your just
talking about a short-term whirl, coming from the misunderstanding of a
scripture passage.

So I think I can clear up the problem with the "You will reap what you sow"
well I will try.

In short: You will reap what you sow is directed to the sower of bad seed not the sowers of good seed.

You see as the "sun shines on the righteous and the un-righteous"
So to does "darkness (bad things) descend on the righteous and the
un-righteous."

I will demonstrate this in some stretches (side meaning) of a few of Jesus's
parables

Matthew 13:4-9, NKJV:
And as he sowed, some seed fell by the wayside; and the birds came and devoured them. Some fell on stony places, where they did not have much earth; and they immediately sprang up because they had no depth of earth. But when the sun was up they were scorched, and because they had no root they withered away. And some fell among thorns, and the thorns sprang up and choked them. But others fell on good ground and yielded a crop: some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. He who has ears to hear, let him hear!"

As God sows good seed and some fructify and other do not, same with your seed, some flower and give fruits in the harvest others do not. Keep in mind if you cast bad seed you would get no good crop no matter how much cames back to you, only when you cast good seed does it come back for good, but most of the time not all the seed you planted will be in your harvest. (of course we get to share its Gods harvest so it all really quite meaningless in the bigger picture anyways)
Lets say all your seed fell on to the rock and none returned, are you not still
reaping what you have sowed? And if it was good seed and only one plant come up truly the harvest would be small but beneficial. If you cast bad seed and one came up would it not be worse then if none had come up at all?

Matthew 13:24-30, NKJV:
Another parable He put forth to them, saying: "The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field; but while men slept, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat and went his way. But when the grain had sprouted and produced a crop, then the tares also appeared. So the servants of the owner came and said to him, "Sir, did you not sow good seed in your field? How then does it have tares?' He said to them, "An enemy has done this.' The servants said to him, "Do you want us then to go and gather them up?' But he said, "No,
lest while you gather up the tares you also uproot the wheat with them. Let both grow together until the harvest, and at the time of harvest I will say to the reapers, "First gather together the tares and bind them in bundles to burn them, but gather the wheat into my barn.""'

As with this parable, you have many enemies as a follower. And they will throw bad seed with your seed, in your field (life), but at harvest time, the things which your enemy has thrown in will be burned up.

John 4:36-38, NKJV:
And he who reaps receives wages, and gathers fruit for eternal life, that both he who sows and he who reaps may rejoice together. For in this the saying is true: "One sows and another reaps.' I sent you to reap that for which you have not labored; others have labored, and you have entered into their labors."

Your field is not your own, and many will take of your harvest and they shall
get what was not theirs.

Need more?

Still praying for you,
God bless,
Datsar