help please with addiction and girlfriend

[Seeker2]

Hello,
I am a recovering pot smoker and its taken me about a year to finally quit, and I've been clean for about 5 months now, but last week I picked it up again. This time its different, I can actually feel the sin burning inside me and it all accumulated and fell down on top of me last night.. My girlfriend and I had a small fight and I went home to smoke, but she called and said she wanted to come and stay the night, but I told her that I was in no condition to have company because of being high. She was astounded and let me off the phone..

So then later that night she emails me with the following words:
"you f***ing ba***rd, you are f***ing weak"

Now, mind you she is a non-believer and I myself am a struggling Christian. I believe in the lord as my saviour and Christ, but I have many struggles to overcome. However, hearing this from her is not very helpfull and makes me feel worse about giving in to my temptation..

In her mind, she is very stubborn and proud because of her own beliefs. She is an 'existenstialist', and takes people's action's very seriously and accountable. Plus, she doesn't believe in forgiveness, so this makes things very hard on my when I sin. I know that I am not perfect and have work to do in Christ, but she is not very supportive and almost makes me feel worse about myself..

Help please, what should I do? or say to her? I don't know I am really confused and sad right now. Please pray for me and for my girlfriend. She makes life for me very difficult and contradicting to the Christian beliefs that I was raised with. But I love her so much...

 

[Seeker2]

Wow, so I just got back from my girlfriend's work because I wanted to pay her a visit. she's still in really bad shape, I can tell that I hurt her a lot. She reafirmed that she thinks I'm one of the weakest persons she's ever met, and now she feels like she doesn't know what to believe about me. I feel like this is a very difficult situation becaues I can't explain to her that I am a sinner and that I need to work on becoming a better Christian - those things to her are nonsense. She believes that once you say you are going to do something, you never do it again based upon personal willpower. She sees me as weak. This CANT be a very good thing in a relationship, right?

 

[BlackRain]

seeing as you and your gf believe totally different things, i think it would be easier on you to let her go. i know you love her, but she's putting so much pressure on you and making you feel worse about what you've done. you need to be around people who will lift you up and and encourage you in your walk with Christ. you don't need a gf now, you need to work on where you are with the Lord. there is so much forgiveness in Christ!!! there's so much love that comes from him. and because your gf doesn't believe that, does it makes it hard for you to accept it?

 

[JesusFreak2133]

i know this isn't what u want to hear, but i agree. loose the girl man, all she's gonna do is drag u down. i know u feel like if u loose her love u'll have nothing supporting u, trust me, i've been there. i was dating a non-christian, and we actually broke up on valentines day this year. it hurts, but it leaves u entirely open to God, and if u let Him speak to u, He'll take away the pain and aid u with the addiction. i know u love ur gf, and u want to save her(eventually), but first u have to work on saving urslef. i'll be praying for u. God bless.

 

[Seeker2]

I hear you both and thank you for your thoughts and kind words.... But your not the first people to tell me to leave her, and I don't know if that's something I am prepared to do. I love her dearly, and I believed at a time that we were meant to be together (our first meeting almost didn't happen, but things sort of fell into place for us)..

I know that I need to work on my relationship with Christ, but why can't I do that while I'm with her, that way I can be a better witness and example to her? I don't know if I will see her saved in my lifetime, or ever, but my mom who is very spiritual said God directed her to a verse in the bible that read 'salvation is at hand'.. I just have a hard time thinking about giving up on her. I'm so lost!

I know that it may be the right thing to do, but it would just hurt too bad, and I would probalby just fall back into my addictions like I was before I met her. She's helped change me so much, even if the way she has come about it is abrasive or mean.

thank you all for reading my problems. God bless.

 

[madison1101]

As a recovering alcoholic in AA, and a social work major working in a rehab, I strongly encourage you to get into a recovery program so that you can learn coping skills and have people who are clean and sober to hang around.

As a sister in the Lord, I urge you to learn what scriptures say about relationships, and dating and marrying believers only.

God bless.

 

[prospereau]

"He who is without sin casteth the first stone."

It's easy to judge people and say they're weak because they fail. It's far harder to love someone unconditionally regardless of their state or failings.

I've been very ill for about 4 months now and my wife, despite being heavily pregnant has been supportive throughout.

Jesus loves us whether we fail or whether we're strong. Although he calls us to be strong he accepts us, walks with us and aids us when we falter.

P.

 

[Wakeup2god]

Hey Seeker,

here's an analogy for you. As a believer imagine yourself stood on a chair. Now your girl isn't a believer so shes stood down on the floor. So you want to pull her up onto the chair and she wants to pull you down to the floor, who's gonna win? Unless you're absoluptly confident in who you are both in yourself and in Christ then she's gonna pull you down every time. Her belief of no forgiveness goes against the heart of God himself.

Now I know you care for her so let's look at it from that angle. Do you care enough to not put her through your trials and temptations or do you need to drag her through them with you as a comfort (although she doesn't sound much of a comfort to me). You're never gonna live up to her standards cos you're human. Sounds like you can do without the abuse and put downs she gives you anyway. She must be a very insecure individual to have to put folk down so.

JesusFreak and BlackRain speak a lot of sense. Do her and more importantly yourself a favour and let her go. Get yourself surrounded by good Christlike people who although they won't condone any sin they will love you and help you through. Come away from your old life and start a new life in Jesus. Bless those who curse you. Folk will see a change, she may even change herself one day. If it's God's will for you two to be together He'll bring it about when you're both ready.

God bless you bro

 

[AngylBelle]

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who can't forgive?...at all? That seems a bit extreme to me. Forgiveness is an important part of any relationship because EVERYONE screws up. Christian or not, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a person like that. Love is a powerful thing, but it's not that important if it hinders your relationship with Christ. HE will always forgive you, remember that. Whose love/forgiveness is more important, His or hers? It seems like she is not willing to accept you if Jesus is apart of the relationship as well. I pray for you my friend. This is not an easy situation.

 

[JoeRe4mer]

Bro I have been there and am tryint to come out a similer relationship with an unbeliving girl. I know its hard but just stay strong and try to avoid seeing or talking to her as much as you can. Thats all Ive found that works

 

[419gam]

This may sound harsh, but I think it sounds like youu are trying to use the fact that we are all sinners as an excuse for your specific sin of smoking pot. I agree with your girlfriend that you were weak. No wonder she is mad you had a fight and then she wanted to come over and reconcile, but she couldn't because you were high. Instead of asking forgiveness show here that you are not a weak person, if you have any more pot in your home flush it, and don't use again.

Unlike most people on this board I don't think its wrong to date a girl who's not religous, I wouldn't worry about that as long as it doesn't effect your own life.

 

[Wakeup2god]

With all due respect 419gam I thik you're talking nonsense. Have you ever had an addiction or habit or even a comfort of any kind that you've struggled to lay down? I wouldn't dare call another human weak because of something like that. We may lack self control or discipline at times but weak no. For some folk these things are the only comfort they've ever found in this world. Thankfuly we have had revealed to us the answer, the key to the chains, the ultimate comforter and we are called to go tell others about Him.

As for our brother using the the fact (if he even did) that we are all sinners as an excuse for his specific sin of smoking pot. Well what's your sin and your excuse? There's such a thing as constructive criticism it's called LOVE.

 

[madison1101]

This may sound harsh, but I think it sounds like youu are trying to use the fact that we are all sinners as an excuse for your specific sin of smoking pot. I agree with your girlfriend that you were weak. No wonder she is mad you had a fight and then she wanted to come over and reconcile, but she couldn't because you were high. Instead of asking forgiveness show here that you are not a weak person, if you have any more pot in your home flush it, and don't use again.

Unlike most people on this board I don't think its wrong to date a girl who's not religous, I wouldn't worry about that as long as it doesn't effect your own life.

Being addicted to a substance and falling back into using it is not weakness, it is called falling. We all fall. You do too.


Additionally, he is not dating someone who is not religious. He is dating someone who is not a believer in Jesus Christ as Saviour. Scripture is very clear about how we are to relate in intimate relationships that could lead to marriage.

Your feedback on this situation is not at all based on the Bible, but on your opinions.

As I said earlier, Seeker needs to get into a support program for addictions, and read scriptures about relationships.

 

[CynthiaSpeaks]

Please don't confuse what you feel for love. If you haven't been sober very much, your feelings are not true and real. How do you know you aren't addicted to her like you are pot? There is a difference.

Love does not call someone a f***g b****d like she did to you. So why love someone who doesn't care for you in a Godly way?

You need to separate yourself from her once and for all. Then work on your sobriety. Get yourself into AA, NA or some sort of Christian support group like Celebrate Recovery. If your girlfriend is the woman God has chosen for you, she will be there when you are healthy.

But right now you need to work on staying sober, delve into the word of God and live as God wants you to do.

 

[419gam]

Wakeup2God, wow you preface your post with the words all due respect, and then call what I've written nosense how hypocritcal. Also I never said he was a weak person I said he was week for going back to pot. After being clean for five months the only reason for using again is out of weakness. Pot is not physically addictive, some people become emotionally, dependant on it, but after five months there is no reason for that dependancy not to have been broken. Seeker was in the clear but he wants his girlfriend to acept his backsliding based on a worldview she doesn't share. That isn't going to happen, instead he needs to prove that she was wrong about him being weak by overcoming his reliance on
pot.

Seeker I have been through something similar you can PM me if you want to talk there is a reason for the bluntness of the posts do not go to AA or NA they will not be effective, MA might help, and I am unsure about Celebrate Recovery.

 

[joerose]

I hear you both and thank you for your thoughts and kind words.... But your not the first people to tell me to leave her, and I don't know if that's something I am prepared to do. I love her dearly, and I believed at a time that we were meant to be together (our first meeting almost didn't happen, but things sort of fell into place for us)..

I know that I need to work on my relationship with Christ, but why can't I do that while I'm with her, that way I can be a better witness and example to her? I don't know if I will see her saved in my lifetime, or ever, but my mom who is very spiritual said God directed her to a verse in the bible that read 'salvation is at hand'.. I just have a hard time thinking about giving up on her. I'm so lost!

I know that it may be the right thing to do, but it would just hurt too bad, and I would probalby just fall back into my addictions like I was before I met her. She's helped change me so much, even if the way she has come about it is abrasive or mean.

thank you all for reading my problems. God bless.

Hi! Don't be so hard on yourself. When people have a bad habit they are trying to break they often "fall off the wagon" do it again. What you do is stop again. You may fall off again and then you stop again. Each time you stop again the time period that you dont smoke pot will become longer if you are really serious about this and pray about it. Eventually it will be gone from your life. Dont give up and dont condemn yourself for smoking again. Just dont do it any more. If you accidentally slip up dont beat yourself up over it, just stop again. I know you want to do this and you can. Tell God how helpless you feel and ask him to take this away from you. Trust him, pray to him daily. Keep your eyes on him. Dont worry about what other people think. Things may work out with your girlfriend, but make sure that the one you try to please is God. Not her. Good Luck!! Just because you made a mistake, let it go and press forward!!!!

 

[Wakeup2god]

Wakeup2God, wow you preface your post with the words all due respect, and then call what I've written nosense how hypocritcal. Also I never said he was a weak person I said he was week for going back to pot. After being clean for five months the only reason for using again is out of weakness. Pot is not physically addictive, some people become emotionally, dependant on it, but after five months there is no reason for that dependancy not to have been broken. Seeker was in the clear but he wants his girlfriend to acept his backsliding based on a worldview she doesn't share. That isn't going to happen, instead he needs to prove that she was wrong about him being weak by overcoming his reliance on pot.

With all due respect to you and your point of view I personaly don't agree (hows that)

I never said he was a weak person I said he was weak for going back to pot.

Now that's contradiction! but let's not squabble about things that don't add positively to this thread.

Pot is not physically addictive

Oh really. Neither is smoking, or drinking I suppose! In my experiance people who show addictive tendancies to any substance or behaviour never get over it or lose the desire, they simply learn to manage those desires and steer clear of the temptations that lead there.

Seeker was in the clear but he wants his girlfriend to acept his backsliding based on a worldview she doesn't share.

It seems that she wants Seeker to accept a view hel by her alone. One of judgemental ignorance which is completely lacking in love.

In our weakness He is strong. It must be a hard lonely road that you and Seekers friend walk if you have to remain so strong and without fault as not to fall into one of the many temptations that befall man.

 

[419gam]

Strong people can have moments of weakness, to clarify what he did showed that he had a moment of weakness, but that does not necasrily brand him as a weak person. However I feel like he should take steps to prove this to his girlfriend if he is still interested in the relationship with her.

Pot is once again not physically addicting. Drinking and smoking are. In fact nicotine is one of the most addictive substances in existence. Pot is different, pot use leads to physcological dependance which should be broken after an extended period of abstaining. Pot is different then drugs where you have to live one day at a time in order to resist using it.

Anyway this thread should be about Seeker and helping him not about our differences so I'm going to leave now.

Peace and God Bless
(Backs Slowly TowardThe Door)

 

[madison1101]

Seeker I have been through something similar you can PM me if you want to talk there is a reason for the bluntness of the posts do not go to AA or NA they will not be effective, MA might help, and I am unsure about Celebrate Recovery.

419gam, have you been to AA or NA? Have you studied the research I have studied on the effectiveness of 12 Step programs? Have you worked with numerous drug addicts and done therapy with them? I have.

The 12 Step programs offer a spiritually based program of recovery using social support, cognitive restructuring and behavioral changes in an accepting atmosphere.

Seeker, if you want to make changes in your life, the choice is yours. You can justify using marijuana again, or get help to change your life.

 

[419gam]

419gam, have you been to AA or NA? Have you studied the research I have studied on the effectiveness of 12 Step programs? Have you worked with numerous drug addicts and done therapy with them? I have.

The 12 Step programs offer a spiritually based program of recovery using social support, cognitive restructuring and behavioral changes in an accepting atmosphere.

Seeker, if you want to make changes in your life, the choice is yours. You can justify using marijuana again, or get help to change your life.

I was not knocking the 12 step program but there is not much in AA or NA for a pot smoker, marijuana is a vastly different drug, if you read my post carefully I reccomend MA which is Marijuana Anonymous, which is the organiztion he should be looking for if he wants a 12 step program. The level of support at NA, or AA will lack because pot is tottally different then both booze and hard drugs. I don't want to get sucked back into an arguement in this thread but if you where really knowledgable about 12 step programs why wouldn't you reccomend the most apropriate one, and why wouldn't you recognize MA, it follows right after AA and NA in my post.