Help! Need support.

[Elliemare]

Since I revealed my past to my husband about my experience in the sex industry, and let him know how his pressure for me to contribute more to our income/finances/etc catapult me back into thoughts of returning to sex work. You know, just for a brief time to make all the money problems go away...

Since letting him in on that side of myself, things have been going well, and I've been freed from that temptation and have thought no more of sex work. I've leaned on God for support and he always provides. My husband has been good about not pressuring me about money as well....

Until recently. My husband made a snide comment about money, and told me to "get another job"... jokingly (not really, it was passive-aggressive. Not a joke at all. At least not to me.)

I feel like I'm under enemy attack. I'm looking at craigslist for sex work opportunities. Anything for quick money. I'm so depressed and having a hard time fighting these feelings. I can't believe I'm being lured back into this trap of negative thinking and hopelessness.

I've talked to my husband again. He's no help. Of course he doesn't want me to do anything illicit, and feels that my thoughts of sex work are ridiculous and I need to knock it off. But that is as "supportive" as he gets. He doesn't seem to understand the self-worth/value aspect of this type of thinking. (He's not at all in touch with "feelings" of any kind, his own or anyone else's. He's a terrible communicator, and no, he doesn't go to church with me.)

I have a real job opportunity in my future (the job isn't available for another month or more) and my husband doesn't "have time" to even hear the details of the situation! He's no help at all in my decision making process.

All he has to say is that he needs a new clutch for his truck and he's going to have to put it on a credit card!!! That was his response to my "I'm being tempted by the sex industry" conversation!!! It makes me feel like he really does only care about money. Not about me at all...

 

[Elliemare]

I have been reading through my old thread http://www.christianforums.com/t7656451/
and its been encouraging. One thing I forgot to add is that the wonderful part-time job that did turn out to be a great opportunity... ended. The place went out of business. Financial issues in this economy. So I've been seeing clients at home and trusting God to provide.

Business at home has just been way too slow. I even got to the point where I offer my services at a "pay what you can afford" basis. Donations only, no attachment to the money, just be thankful for whatever anyone feels compelled to give. I've had no takers. Can you believe that? Maybe people feel like they would be taking advantage of me? Or maybe the offer confuses them? IDK, but I'm on another job search because this home based thing just isn't working... which is really disappointing because I put so much faith in God, and I'm left disappointed and feeling abandoned.

I did a lot of volunteering this summer in my free time. I was hoping that by giving back, I would be blessed. Perhaps my thinking is wrong? Maybe I should be giving back because I AM richly blessed, not so that I will BE richly blessed???

 

[LJCTAM]

Wow Ellie,

So many of us are under attack and being tempted as well. Some may not know the level of intensity pertaining to temptation but it is real and is increasing in my opinion. Believers especially are (going through a lot right now and) being tempted at an insane level!

My prayers are with you and your family; especially that the Lord is making sense of personal things and comforting you.