When I was in bed trying to sleep i forgot to pray so I decided to pray in my thoughts while i was lying in bed. But I was already tired and I fell asleep. Before I fell asleep I think I've made a promise to God, but I'm not sure.
In the past I had extreme ''promises to God with terrible consequences if I did not keep them"
But for years my ''promise ocd'' stopped and I had other types of ocd like washing hands and checking things. Now recently, the ''promise ocd'' is sometimes coming back again.
The thing is, I have no idea whether this promise was ocd related or a real promise with a clear mind. I know God knows I suffer from ocd and that He knows I cannot help it to make this silly promises, but occasionally I make a promise without my ocd that sounds more valid.
So now I'm scared I've made a real promise to God in my bed during my prayer and I have attached a terrible consequence to it if i break it.
The thing is, I've already broke it, because I fell asleep and the next day I haven't tried fullfilling the promise, now, it seems like the consequence is happening in my life and I'm scared.
I also put a vague thought in my head about a rule that I cannot buy anything like clothes and makeup (food I can buy though), until I have fullfulled my promise to God. But for some reason I ignored my promise and bought clothes and makeup anyway.
Now I have this feeling I have to throw away or return everything that I have bought and fullfill my promise to God so that the consequence won't happen anymore.
Even though I've already broke my promise to God, for some reason I feel more relieved if I ''go back in time'' and pretend I've never bought the clothes and makeup and fullfill the promise.
The promise to God was actually just a prayer. But I had troubles concentrating because I was already tired so I might have said ''I will pray later, and if I don't something bad will happen, and also I cannot buy anything like clothes and makeup before I have finished my prayer''
I have done this promise 2 times that day and fullfilled that promise. I guess because it already happenend 2 times, I automatically make that promise that night in bed. It became a habit to make that promise with consequence.
I know you might be thinking, why would you pray if you're tired and almost falling asleep. But I also have this guilty thing that I have to pray before I sleep, even though I'm tired.
And because I couldn't concentrate on my prayer in bed I thought maybe I should give it a rest for 5 minutes and then try praying again. But then I ended falling asleep. The next day I had a difficult time thinking what I have done before I went asleep. So everything is vague. And I tried multiple times recalling what I have done, but I decided the safest bet is to fullfill my promise and return/throw everything away that I have bought after my broken vow.
I go to a psychologist, but we've dealt with other disorders I also have and I never mentioned this one because I thought it was already gone in my life, but now it's coming back.
She also said the therapy is over this year, so next year I wont have a psychologist anymore.
In the meantime, I dont know what to do, I was thinking throwing away my new bought clothes and fullfill my promise for the safest bet, but it sounds stupid and very ocd.
What am I supposed to do?
In the past I had extreme ''promises to God with terrible consequences if I did not keep them"
But for years my ''promise ocd'' stopped and I had other types of ocd like washing hands and checking things. Now recently, the ''promise ocd'' is sometimes coming back again.
The thing is, I have no idea whether this promise was ocd related or a real promise with a clear mind. I know God knows I suffer from ocd and that He knows I cannot help it to make this silly promises, but occasionally I make a promise without my ocd that sounds more valid.
So now I'm scared I've made a real promise to God in my bed during my prayer and I have attached a terrible consequence to it if i break it.
The thing is, I've already broke it, because I fell asleep and the next day I haven't tried fullfilling the promise, now, it seems like the consequence is happening in my life and I'm scared.
I also put a vague thought in my head about a rule that I cannot buy anything like clothes and makeup (food I can buy though), until I have fullfulled my promise to God. But for some reason I ignored my promise and bought clothes and makeup anyway.
Now I have this feeling I have to throw away or return everything that I have bought and fullfill my promise to God so that the consequence won't happen anymore.
Even though I've already broke my promise to God, for some reason I feel more relieved if I ''go back in time'' and pretend I've never bought the clothes and makeup and fullfill the promise.
The promise to God was actually just a prayer. But I had troubles concentrating because I was already tired so I might have said ''I will pray later, and if I don't something bad will happen, and also I cannot buy anything like clothes and makeup before I have finished my prayer''
I have done this promise 2 times that day and fullfilled that promise. I guess because it already happenend 2 times, I automatically make that promise that night in bed. It became a habit to make that promise with consequence.
I know you might be thinking, why would you pray if you're tired and almost falling asleep. But I also have this guilty thing that I have to pray before I sleep, even though I'm tired.
And because I couldn't concentrate on my prayer in bed I thought maybe I should give it a rest for 5 minutes and then try praying again. But then I ended falling asleep. The next day I had a difficult time thinking what I have done before I went asleep. So everything is vague. And I tried multiple times recalling what I have done, but I decided the safest bet is to fullfill my promise and return/throw everything away that I have bought after my broken vow.
I go to a psychologist, but we've dealt with other disorders I also have and I never mentioned this one because I thought it was already gone in my life, but now it's coming back.
She also said the therapy is over this year, so next year I wont have a psychologist anymore.
In the meantime, I dont know what to do, I was thinking throwing away my new bought clothes and fullfill my promise for the safest bet, but it sounds stupid and very ocd.
What am I supposed to do?
