Help me! A church elder did this to me when I was a kid....

[RedeemedtoManhood]

Ok. So brothers and sisters, you already know my story.

One thing more was revealed to me though, after countless times of prayer.

A memory came flashing back. Sometime I decided to forget for so many years.

When I was a child, I used to visit the parsonage and would sometimes find kids there, or the pastor's children. Sometimes I just wanted to sneek in for curiosity's sake.

One time, I did go inside the parsonage. No one else was there. Not even the pastor. This was one Sunday afternoon. No one was there, EXCEPT for one of the elders of the church.

He motioned for me to approach him. I really didn't know why, but as a child, I just obeyed what he said. And he pulled me to him and he began kissing me in the lips, passionately. I was so shocked that I was motionless; he pulled my body to him.

Then, HE realized what he was doing, and he let go of me. And he left.

I was so shocked and so confused.

But after that, I decided to forget it. I chose to think that it was nothing. Really. It was just a kiss in the lips.

So my question is: Did this in any way affect why I struggled with homosexual desires? What the elder did to me - did this constitute child molestation?

When this was revealed to me recently, I decided to forgive the man, even if I don't know the effects of what he did to me honestly.

Please help me and tell me your take on this. Thank you.

 

[Joe 73]

I think it would be molestation, though it sounds like it was not entirely intentional. Maybe he decided giving you an affectionate kiss was appropriate, but then got too excited about it accidentally, and then panicked and stopped. The kissing itself could be more innocent, someone could give an affection kiss, but the fact that he kissed you passionately, and pulled your body toward him suggests a problematic desire. Either way, He obviously realized he overdid it.

What was your reaction afterword?
Did you wonder if it was you that caused his actions?

Do you want reassurance from other men that theres no way you will ever attract them sexually?
This is reassurance that you are not to blame for the incident. you are manly enough to be sexually repulsive to a man.

Is it a turn on in your fantasies if you are not kissing and embracing, but with a man all the same?

If so, I might be on to something.

At the least it may have made you curious about masculine affection, but confused, because of the passionate kissing.

 

[Joe 73]

My previous guess sounds unlikely. Here is a shorter more reasonable one.

this is one incident that helped you to be scared of same sex affection. but you also desire same sex affection at the same time.
You try to resolve this conflict of desire and fear of male affection, by visualizing it to fufill the desire, but with a comfort object(sexual pleasure) to conquer the fear.