Help! I Am Not Attracted To And Do Not Really Love My Wife

[Life2Christ]

He has prayed about it and thought it through. We should also wish him well in his path and not try to scare him into staying in a bad situation.

Remember, his prayers have another woman in the background of this crisis, lurking in the shadows. He is not praying in humility but is praying because he is now tempted. He is at "defcon 5" at this point. He is on the brink.

As for "scaring" him, we as Christians need to constantly remind each other what our life means. It is to love humans and serve God. Our identity is not to be found in another person but only in God.

I will stand by my original thought and say he is granted free will to move on this issue. But God is not at the center of this probelm right now. Another woman is.

 

[susanpath32]

Remember, his prayers have another woman in the background of this crisis, lurking in the shadows. He is not praying in humility but is praying because he is now tempted. He is at "defcon 5" at this point. He is on the brink.

As for "scaring" him, we as Christians need to constantly remind each other what our life means. It is to love humans and serve God. Our identity is not to be found in another person but only in God.

I will stand by my original thought and say he is granted free will to move on this issue. But God is not at the center of this probelm right now. Another woman is.

There is no other woman in the background. He stated before he met his wife he dated someone who he felt true love for, so he knows the difference between true love and forced love. He has been faithful to his wife and is not thinking of any woman now. I agree he has free will. maybe he should clarify this part of his story.

 

[Life2Christ]

Ok my apologies...I thought there was someone else on his mind. Maybe he can clarify.

 

[tturt]

If you posted to get others to agree that you just made a mistake and go ahead and do what you think is best, you will get that type of support.

But you can't deliver a relationship with your wife because you have this fantasy with another woman going on in your head. You need to pray and ask Yahweh to break the soul ties that you have for the other woman. The prayer would need to be sincere. While you're praying, ask Him to break any other ungodly soul ties you have.

Then ask Him to fill you with love for your wife. I believe if you are willing, He will answer these prayers. Then if the thoughts come again about the other woman - say, no I love my wife!

Matt 19

 

[spotlight41]

You need to pray and ask Yahweh to break the soul ties that you have for the other woman. You probably have entertained the idea of being with her in some way. So the prayer would need to be sincere. While you're praying, ask Him to break ungodly soul ties with anyone else.

Then ask Him to fill you with love for your wife. I believe if you are willing, He will answer this prayer.

Matt 19

There is no other woman. This is not about any other woman. I was just using an illustration that I know the difference between real love and forced love. I am not thinking of any other woman. It seems that many cannot entertain the idea that one made a mistake. Many people do. I have prayed so much about this. I am in dire despair. Thanks for your response.

 

[tturt]

You changed the OP. Interesting. Well, if it's not true then what would it hurt to follow my advice?

 

[Life2Christ]

Don't be in despair. There are many of us on this board that are in similar circumstance as you are in. For example, there are many divorced people on this board that are heeding the bible's advice to not remarry. We are suffering, believe me. It does feel like a prison. The only thing I can say is you are not alone. Your reward cannot be found in another person.

Whatever you decide to do, walk in fear of the Lord. Don't do as the world does. I honestly wish you the best and hope you find peace in your decision.

 

[spotlight41]

You changed the OP. Interesting. Well, if it's not true then what would it hurt to follow my advice?

Yes, I changed it because it was being mis-interpreted. My only reason for referencing someone else was to state that I know the difference between real love and forced love. But it was not coming across that way and instead made it seem like I am longing for another woman. I am not. I have tried what you said. But, I will continue to do so. Thanks again.

 

[spotlight41]

Don't be in despair. There are many of us on this board that are in similar circumstance as you are in. For example, there are many divorced people on this board that are heeding the bible's advice to not remarry. We are suffering, believe me. It does feel like a prison. The only thing I can say is you are not alone. Your reward cannot be found in another person.

Whatever you decide to do, walk in fear of the Lord. Don't do as the world does. I honestly wish you the best and hope you find peace in your decision.

Thank you so much. I appreciate that. Wow, so is that it? To just live and suffer. I cannot imagine that this is what an all loving God would want us to do. Thank you again for all of your responses. It is good to know I am not alone.

 

[Life2Christ]

Thank you so much. I appreciate that. Wow, so is that it? To just live and suffer. I cannot imagine that this is what an all loving God would want us to do.

What God wants is for us to find fulfillment in him and him alone. If suffering comes along with it, then so be it. I have lived many years without God in my life and it has led to hell on earth. With God at the center, I find a peace that is unsurpassed.

 

[visionary]

Life and love are not all romantic.. every married person goes through times when the 'click" isn't there.. The Lord gave me His heart for my spouse.. and I can love my spouse with His heart... Count your blessings...keep counting.. you seem to be focusing on the worldly romantic 'love' feeling.. which is not godly..although I myself enjoy the moments when they come into play in our relationship... so I do understanding you wanting some of that.

 

[Life2Christ]

Life and love are not all romantic.. .

...to add to that thought: marriage is not for the weak. It is a test of strength and spiritual fortitude. The "limerance" (butterflies in the stomache) of those first encounters of love do fade over time and when there is nothing left, you will still be married and still be accountable to God for your relationship. (in addition to the children the marriage produced)

 

[emilyloohoo]

I married my ex-husband for all the wrong reasons. I needed someone to take care of me emotionally (not financially). I was 21 at the time and when I decided to leave, I was 26. I knew in my heart that that marriage was not right and was not destined by God. I didn't want my daughter to grow up in a household where her parents are more like friends than husband and wife. Him and I are much happier now. Listen to your heart and pray about it. Also, it is very hard to be married to someone your not attracted to physically, as I was.

 

[FriendlyJosh]

To the OP I hope you don't take this as offensive, but you said you weren't attracted to your wife at all? does that mean shes overweight? because if so you could encourage her to lose weight, maybe even workout with her. If that's not the only issue, or she doesn't listen, try marriage counseling.

 

[lutherangerman]

You must talk about this with your wife. Only then can you have a real relationship anyway. You should have talked to her much much much earlier. As it is, she never had a chance to prove her love for you, and thereby probably ignite your love. You just sat there praying, never giving her a real chance. Relationships often fail when there is no good communication, where people just don't know each other. The bible uses the term "knowing your partner" to describe sex in marriage. In a marriage you must be able and willing to talk about almost everything. Have some courage. If you say to your wife, look, I am not sure if we have started our relationship right, do we really love each other, I am feeling so dry about it all .... then you are a real man about it all. You give her a chance. Yes, she will probably weep and feel hurt. But that's vastly different then telling her plainly I don't want you, let's get divorced.

 

[Teemu]

Before 19th century, majority of Christian marriages were arranged marriages. Were they all unhappy? No. They were probably more happy in their marriages than people are in modern day in their marriages. There was no Hollywood and other neo-romantic crap feeding this myth that love is a feeling of "being in love", so people didn't start to wallow in their emotions over it. Love is a decision, not a feeling.

Also science has shown that in the brain the effect of phenylethylamine, a cousin of amphetamine responsible for the butterflies, always goes down when the relationship advances. That crush that supposedly showed you true love, if you find it with another woman, it will be gone in few years.

 

[Maremma]

Love is a choice we make.
Tell me WHY did you "love" the girl you were with before you married your wife? Why is it you are not married to her?

 

[spotlight41]

Love is a choice we make.
Tell me WHY did you "love" the girl you were with before you married your wife? Why is it you are not married to her?

Again, it is not really about the other person, I should not have mentioned that, people seem to be stuck on it. I am not married to that person because I was much younger then and she moved away for work reasons. I married my wife because I felt compelled to do so by what I was reading in the bible. She was a woman in my bible study.

 

[Maremma]

No I am not stuck on the "other woman" I am focusing on you saying you have been in love before and know the difference. I am trying to understand what YOUR understanding of either IS.

So when she moved away did you stop loving her? If so, how long after she went away? What happened that made you stop loving her?

 

[thesunisout]

Again, it is not really about the other person, I should not have mentioned that, people seem to be stuck on it. I am not married to that person because I was much younger then and she moved away for work reasons. I married my wife because I felt compelled to do so by what I was reading in the bible. She was a woman in my bible study.

Why are you ignoring my post? I'll tell you why, because it points out your sin.

I'll reiterate:

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

That means, love her enough that you would be willing to die for her. Is this clear enough for you?

I think this is a reason why Paul told us not to get married, because some people are too selfish and all they do is think about themselves. Woe is you? WOE IS YOUR WIFE WHO HAS A HUSBAND WHO DOESNT LOVE HER!!!!!!!

Matthew 5:32

But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

Does this bother you at all? Do you know she won't be able to remarry unless you die?

You keep saying the word mistake. Are you saying God makes mistakes?

Mark 10:9

"What therefore God has joined together, let no one put asunder."

This means you. Not only did God NOT make a mistake in bringing you together, but He is also allowing the devil to test you to see if you're going to sin and divorce her.

Why don't you love your wife? Did you forget that she is the image of your Creator? Do you know if you don't love your wife then you can't love God either? You need to get your head straight.

You need to turn your entire attitude around. Get this idea of divorce out of your head. Get this idea of mistake out of your mind. The devil is whispering that word in your ear. I suggest you figure out how to obey your Lord, and soon. I can tell you this isn't looking good and I am pretty sure God is pretty angry at you over it. I will pray for you. God bless.